Day 265 - March 6 - Yet another prayer request

I just got notified that our insurance company has refused to pay for Connor's second ventilator "because it's not medically necessary". For those who might not know, we have two ventilators - one next to the boy's bed, and one installed on his wheelchair. Apparently we're expected to dismantle the vent while he's reliant on it and move it across the room to the wheelchair and install it there each time he transfers into and out of bed. Hmmm.

Apart from what I see as the amazing shortsightedness of this position, I can only wonder what we would be supposed to do in the event that his sole ventilator failed for whatever reason. While I can understand the insurance company's concern (each of the devices costs approximately $40,000), I cannot imagine that the expectation would be that he remain in bed all the time or that we put his life at risk in such a way.

So, this is a callout for prayer support in this particular matter - that the insurance company would not only see the necessity of redundancy in this instance, but also be willing to allow the medicos to direct Connor's care instead of an accountant somewhere. They did leave one loophole, in that they let slip that they wouldn't pay for the second vent "without a prescription". Guess what's next on our agenda!

Thank you for going to your knees for us on this - in addition to the health aspects, the second vent also helps this existence be bearable for us by easing the requirements just a bit. We appreciate your help.

Eric

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Day 36 - July 21 - Another Prayer Need

This morning, Granny P. awoke with really sore ears and throat. We don't really know if it might be allergies, or if it's a cold or something, but the effect is the same - Granny won't be in to see the boy for a while in order to protect him.

That in itself isn't a crisis - she actually had made that decision before she even mentioned it to us. The problem is two-fold - first, we NEED her! She helps take such a load off of us and we've really come to rely on her, so doing without, even for a bit, seems more difficult than it probably really is. Second, she is staying in the RV with us, and we have concerns about contracting something ourselves.

Fortunately, we have two things going for us already - Gramma W. is here, so she's going to get the opportunity to help more! Woohoo! Also, we are already in MGTC (that's "massive germ transmission control", for you acronym-challenged folks!) mode already, in order to prevent us from accidentally making Connor's recovery more difficult, so we're a step ahead of that game.

Please pray that this isn't something transmissible, and that it will pass quickly. Also, please pray for all of our continued health, particularly for the boy. He's having a hard enough time fighting off pneumonia - he certainly doesn't need one of us to drop something else on him. Finally, please pray that Granny would know how much we love and need her, and that she would recover quickly so she can get back in to see Connor as soon as possible.

Day 35 - July 20 - Good mood

After my post this morning, we loaded up the car and headed off to church. We were lifted and blessed there, then came back to the hospital to see the boy and relieve Granny from her self-imposed vigil in Connor's room. When we got there, our nurse stopped us on the way in to tell us what a great mood Connor had been in all morning. We watched her interact with the boy, lifting his spirits and encouraging him. She had even chosen and worn brightly colored clothes to cheer the boy and lift his spirits. It was fantastic to see such a professional fill her job with such genuine compassion. She was great with him! Thanks, Lord, for giving the boy such great caregivers. That is certainly an answer to prayer.

Connor had a great night, with no incidents with his heart whatsoever. His lungs seem to be responding to the bed, and the RT has seen steady improvement in the state of his lungs and blood gases. He rested well and awoke cheery and in a good mood. His numbers remain good, and the therapists are slowly lowering the O2 percentage as his lungs improve. He's currently at 60%.

He has developed one minor complication that the nurses are addressing. Because of the movement of the beds over the last few weeks, his trach has developed a tear caused by the trach tube rubbing against one side of the trach. They are taking care of it now, but it's still a complication as well as a point of introduction for infection. Please add that to my (seemingly never-ending) list of prayer requests to lift up!

Finally, an interesting blessing. I was speaking with Connor about the bed, and I told him I was sorry he had to be back on the rotisserie. His response? "This bed is more comfortable than the regular bed".

Say what? Turns out he likes being flat on his back, even on the Tilt-o-Bed, more than he likes being propped up in the regular bed.

He'd better not get used to it!

Day 35 - July 20 - Rain?

Rain? In Fresno in July?

As I sit under the awning this morning, rain is falling. Not a lot, but still, it's weird. While the Gramma's cover the hospital detail to give us a few hours before church this morning, I thought I'd share the rest of my "OK, I get it, Lord!" morning.

Remember how I've been discussing thinking about other people instead of my own troubles? Well, I got up this morning and opened the Word to 2 Corinthians 1. Go check out verses 3-11.

Then I opened a devotional book we've been reading. July 2oth's entry? "Sharing the Manna".

I shared with Cherié and Granny my perception that, in moving downstairs to the First floor waiting room, we had isolated ourselves and were only focusing on our own troubles, which in turn was bringing us down. We aren't called to despair over our problems, but to reach out to others in the midst of theirs. I've been failing to do this, averting my eyes to avoid eye contact "because I'm too tired/frustrated/exhausted/whatever to deal with his/her/their issues". What a cop-out.

Pray for the boy today, for his healing and for his continued health. And pray for us, that we would be the hands and feet of Christ to the people around us.

We love y'all. More later.

Day 34 - July 19 - What a day

Well, it's been a full day. First, Connor is back in the roto-rest bed, which is the one that rocks back and forth, but not upside down. He's a bit disheartened to be there again. I told him this isn't a step backward, but rather the next hurdle in the race. Many of the hurdles will look the same - but we'd rather not have to jump over them at all.

Second, the boy crashed twice today, both time with his heart beat dropping to zero. He recovered on his own immediately without drugs or other intervention, but again, this is something we'd rather not do at all. It seems to be the same issue he had before, with his congested lungs causing the nerve that drives the heart to become irritated.

Please continue to pray for Connor - for healing from the pneumonia; for clear lungs; for a steady heart; and, as I recognized today, a working diaphragm. I realized that I had been praying for his lungs to work, but what I was meaning was that he would have control and function in his diaphragm in order to pump his lungs. I know the Holy Spirit interprets for me, but still...

A strange thing happened to me today as well. I was talking to Brad yesterday about trying to get less focused on me and my problems, and more on the people around me. I had told Joélle that I thought I performed better when I was helping other people instead of thinking about myself, and she gave me that "Well, duh!" look, so I'd been giving that some thought. Well, tonight, I was in Connor's room alone, while Cherié ran over to the hotel room to grab a shower. Connor was asleep, and I was trying to be still and know that He is God. I even went so far as to pray that the boy would stay sleeping so that I could focus on being still and not be distracted by anything. I found I couldn't sit still, but that walking slowly back and forth in the room helped me quiet my soul to listen. What I found wasn't anything earth-shattering, but rather a sense that I should prostrate myself before the Lord. I thought "well, I can't do that, people will see me". Then I thought "Would you do it if it meant Connor would walk again?"

"Of course", thinks I, "but it doesn't mean that."

"How do you know?", I shot back smartly.

"Oh, come on - but I'll do it." Then craftily I add, "I'll just draw this curtain here so people can't see in..."

I'm too smart for that one - "Nuh uh uh! That's not what you're supposed to do."

"Well OK, I'll at least kneel." There. That's a pretty good compromise.

So I knelt by the boy's bed, in full view of anybody that wanted to look into the room. And I prayed. Emptily, as it turns out.

Now keep in mind that this is all pretty much just a conversation in my head. But finally I can't take it, and I say "Alright, I will." And I lie down on my belly, face to the floor, arms spread out wide, completely visible from the nurse's station if anybody cares to look.

I say "Here I am, Lord. What do you want from me?"

And the thought enters my head - "Obedience".

Shortly thereafter, Cherié shows up and tells me that the Gramma's are going to revolt unless I go to the hotel and take my own shower (which I guess shows how intelligent Grammas can be...). So as I ride down the elevator, I'm prompted to pray with the three weeping people in the elevator with me. I ask them if it would be OK, and they say yes - so we pray together for comfort and hope after the passing of their mother/grandmother. Then I go take my shower.

Now I come back to the hospital, and oddly enough, I have a new perspective on things. I am suddenly confident in the Lord's provision; I know that He is providing for us regardless of outcome; and I am able to encourage my wife, testify in word and carriage to the staff, and pray with and lift up some of the others in the waiting room on our way back to the tenement on wheels.

Without any doubt whatsoever, I am absolutely and categorically unable to create the mental change necessary to do those things on my own. Has someone around here been praying for a miracle? If you guys can pray an attitudinal change like that into me, would you please aim at my son's healing next?

8-)

Day 33 - July 18 - Pneumoni-again

We've just gotten back to the tenement after getting the boy to sleep. His white count is about three times what it should be, although he doesn't have a fever. The RTs are working to keep his lungs clear, but his most recent chest X-rays show that Connor's lungs are blooming again. I heard one RT say that they will have to decide within about 24 hours whether to put him back on the roto-rest bed.

We really don't want that to happen to the boy again. Would you please pray diligently that he be spared another round on the Tilt-o-Beds and that the pneumonia would be gotten under control without those measures?

I also wanted to quickly mention the wonderful RT we had tonight, and the encouragement she brought to us with her compassion and prayers. God blessed us with her great smile, her willing prayers, and her desire to find out more about Connor's story. Thank you, Lord.

Exhaustion sets in. Please lift up the boy for us. We love you.

Goodnight.

Day 33 - July 18 - More needs

Connor appears to be in the throes of pneumonia again. His white count has skyrocketed, they have started him on antibiotics again, and they've placed his respirator back on the old settings at 100% O2 in order to try to catch it before they have to put him on the beds again.

Connor is dispirited by the prospect of getting back on the beds. Please pray for his deliverance from them.

Day 32 - July 17 - Resting?

Connor had a bundle of visitors yesterday, along with at least three procedures as they removed two arterial lines and changed him to a smaller trach. He is exhausted by all the activity and has been sleeping steadily since last night, and we're letting him rest. The speech pathologist hopes to work on installing a voice valve in his trach pretty soon - maybe even tomorrow. It will be great for the boy to be able to communicate with us completely. Of course, that news is tempered by the nurse explaining (again) how Connor's lungs aren't doing anything but what the respirator does, and (again) expressing her conviction that he will never do anything else because of the level of his injury.

Additionally, since he's been running a fever, they ran some cultures, and his white blood count has doubled. They've started antibiotics again, and it appears he's got pneumonia again. Please pray for him, that he can defeat this pneumonia before he has to return to the beds.

I've heard an earful this month about how great it is to "rest in the arms of Jesus", or some variation of it. Usually, it's well-meaning people trying to encourage us, but I've read of the concept in the words of notable authors like Samuel Rutherford as well. Well, all I can say about the notion is that they are either lying, or I must be doing it wrong. After a month of this torture, I have no conception of rest - I feel like I have spent every waking moment since June 16 in a perpetual struggle to maintain my sanity and the cohesiveness of my family, without respite, without relaxation, without hope.

This morning I awoke in the RV in a state of lockdown after a night of benadryl-induced half-sleep. I lay in the fetal position, unable to do anything except cry out "God help us, God help us" through my tears. After a bit, my sensible wife (along with some mental gymnastics) got me moving, and we got our day started. I limped through my morning until my daughter asked me to walk her to McDonald's to get some sweet tea. I'm astonished at how dense I am, that I don't see through her little schemes!

Now, remember when I told you how much more mature my kids are than I am? Well, we got our tea and she said we should sit and talk for a bit before we went back to the hospital. Then she asked me how I was doing, and we talked for a bit about my fears and concerns. Finally, she told me she needed to tell me something, and said "This isn't about you. It's not about Connor, it's not about us - it's about something much bigger. Connor knows about one person - one person! - who's life has been changed by what he's going through, and he says it's worth it. He doesn't even know all the impacts God is making in so many lives, but he has decided that this price is worth the gain. So try looking at something other than how all this impacts you, and try to look at what God is doing through it instead."

Well, I thought about it. I thought about how my fears and concerns really revolve around how all this impacts me, not Connor. I thought about how the things that upset me most were things that changed all the plans I had laid out for my future. And I realized that what Joélle was saying was true - I was looking at all this from the perspective of how it impacted me personally. I was really being selfish in this. What makes it even worse is how Connor is taking this - with a gracious confidence that God is using him to accomplish great things, and being able to sincerely feel that the price paid is worth the gain accomplished. It humbles me to be this boy's father, and I daily thank God for the man He has raised Connor up to be in spite of me.

So now I'm working on repenting from my selfish attitude, and trying to get on board this new train God has fired up for my family. Like my daughter (the wise one) said, God chose exactly the right person - Connor - for his role. A strong young man with confidence in his God, the will to succeed or die trying, and the endurance to run the race set before him. God has also set aside my family to achieve a specific reason, and although I don't feel up to the task, Joélle reminds me that His timing is perfect - and that it's pretty obvious that God thinks we're ready to face this challenge.

I don't know what the future holds - and that scares the tarnation out of me. I don't know what God has planned for Connor, for my family, or for me. The only true thing I know is that it will work out for good (Romans 8:28), that He is faithful (Lamentations 3:22-23), and He is faithful to complete the work He's begun (Philippians 1:4-6). Everything else is up in the air. I don't like falling. Pray for us.

Day 32 - July 17 - Fever This Morning!

This is Cherié.... This morning we arrived to find Connor on a cooling blanket, he had spiked a fever early this morning of 103*. He had a very hard, but good day yesterday....

Yesterday Connor had all of the arterial lines taken out, a new smaller trach. tube put in, (to, in time, be used for speaking) and they took him off all meds. They are now giving him Vicadin, and something for anxiety through his stomach tube. So many things were done yesterday and so many wonderful friends showed up to visit... it was a great day, but Connor is wiped out this morning. The fever and all the procedures yesterday took a lot from him. But it was a good day.

Today they said that his x-rays show some fuzziness on them... so they are checking for pneumonia again. I about fell over with fear that they would be putting him back into the torture beds again after only two days on a real bed. Please pray that he would not need to go back onto those beds...

Last night God gave me another wonderful morsel of hope....Connor complained that his legs needed to be moved to a better position. The nurse and I asked him how he knew his legs needed to be moved, to which he replied that his heels were hurting!! I wanted to jump up and down with JOY!!! Though he cannot feel me touching his heels, or any other part of his body, he can feel pain, and he can feel it being relieved by me rubbing the foot, or moving the position. I don't understand it, but I will take anything I can get!! The nurses can look cross eyed at me if they want to. I just smile, as I find these things as a sign that God hasn't forgotten us, and will allow my son to walk again, I will hold fast to HOPE!

One day at a time...

As a good friend of mine said.... "Restoration happens a little at a time." I have to remember that, and hold fast to the promise that God will never leave us or forsake us.

I want to share with you a list that I have made to remember the "little by littles". I hold on to these, and hope for the future. God, please restore my son.

In the last four days....
*Off the beds
*Off the meds.
*No pace maker needed still
*Gag reflex happening again
*Pain in his back
*Shoulder and neck movement, though slight
*Cold sensations on his legs, back, and buttocks
*Nausea
*A pinching feeling in his arm that was relieved when moved to a new position
*Pain in his heels

I can never repay or express the blessing you are to Connor, to us as a family, and to me. I know that only in Heaven will I be able to fully express the thanks, love, and debt, I have for all of you. I love you, and I need you. Please do not stop praying, for I know God hears you.

Day 31 - July 16 - Meeting Results

Again, the meeting went just as I expected (Joélle is right - I do sound like Eeyore). The doctor and case worker have told us we need to be prepared to answer the question about whether we are going to try to provide 24 hour awake care at our house, or whether we are going to put Connor in long-term care somewhere.

How do you make that choice? It seems impossible that we could either provide or afford 24 hour care, and it seems equally impossible to even consider locking the boy into a room somewhere forever. They offer no option for rehab, because they believe it to be pointless. The best place they can offer is Valley, and all Valley will provide is training for us to care for Connor, not rehabilitation. So what decision do I make?

Cherié is wrestling with anger that his neck wasn't set immediately. Joélle is frustrated with me because she thinks I'm giving up, and to be honest, I feel like it sometimes. I can't seem to help either of them without upsetting them. The gramma's are trying to help in whatever way they can. And I'm trying to figure out how God can bring glory to Himself by locking my son inside his own head with no way out for the rest of his life.

And all the while, Connor is better than he was - but he still doesn't breathe on his own, and the doctors all say that if he had the capability, it would show up on the monitors. It isn't. It seems like he's just getting well enough to be locked inside his head for the rest of his life.

Our dilemma is that we don't want, or even know how, to plan for such things and also hold onto our hope for something else. Cherié says that it's like planning to turn right even though the warning sign says "left turn ahead". We need some help pretty quick in this department.

Day 31 - July 16 - A lot going on...

Wow, much is happening around here! We got the call from Brad while we were watching the 15th inning of the All-Stars game with Connor - as we waited for the staff to move Connor to his new bed!!! We found out last evening that they were moving him off of the rotating bed, and I haven't seen a grin that big on the boy's face in the month we've been here. Even missing the final play at the plate because of the move wasn't enough to dim that smile! What a blessing to finally get back into a normal bed (it's funny what I consider a "blessing" now, isn't it?). The three of us prayed for the Michigan boys, and every other person we considered at risk, until the staff arrived to switch to the new bed.

So Connor is firmly ensconced in a regular hospital bed, and I'm sure as soon as he wakes up he'll be propped up in it watching TV (for more than every other five minutes, too!), but what a great answer to prayer. We are now praying that God would continue to improve and sustain the boy's lung function effectively to the degree necessary to keep him safely out of any more rotating beds, ever.

Y'all saw Cherié's post with all that was going on yesterday - pretty cool, eh? I wanted to make sure everybody understands where we are so our prayers stay effective, so please forgive me while I reiterate the current condition. Connor remains paralyzed below the neck - he is beginning to feel some bodily sensations, some of which are unpleasant, but has not yet begun to move again or regain high degrees of sensation. One nurse thought she felt his leg move yesterday afternoon, and Connor told us he felt his right hand twitch as well. Additionally, he does not yet have autonomic control of his lungs. During a brief period of time yesterday without the respirator, he was able to make some significant lung action, although I can't tell you how effective or ineffective it was, as I didn't see it. But he did have some response to it, which I take as a good sign.
All in all, much to pray for, although we're hopeful and patiently (OK, maybe not so patiently) waiting for God's timing and healing. The nurse last night warned us that they would now begin lowering the boy's sedation meds with the goal of getting him off the respirator and out of ICU, which will be a difficult and frustrating process for Connor, so please continue to lift him up.

On the home front, I managed to get the RV to Fresno, and I am even now sitting in my new office (out under the awning because I can't get the wireless network inside the tenement). a HUGE "thank you" to my friends David J. and his family for the radiator and for getting the rig up to Campbell, and to Jeff S. and the crew at Tires Unlimited for the installation labor - and particularly to "the makers of WD-40 and one old Okie mechanic who doesn't know when to stop" (Jeff's words) who patiently worked on the frozen thermostat housing until he successfully removed it. The new thermostat and radiator meant that on my drive to Fresno, during the heat of the day, the RV's temperature never went above "M" in "NORMAL" during the entire trip - up the grade, and down the valley with the AC running full blast. I cannot begin to thank you guys enough.

Finally, just because I mention those two guys specifically does not mean we do not appreciate every single one of you for your contributions, your prayers, and your words of encouragement. We simply would never have the time to acknowledge the enormous outpouring of generosity toward us which the Lord is providing through you all. Yesterday afternoon, Cherié and I sat weeping and pouring out our thanks to the Lord for His daily provision to us through this all, and He is using your hands and hearts to show us that. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Today marks one month in the ICU. May God quickly grant us release from it.

Day 30 - July 15 - Spiritual Attack

I'm sitting at my desk at one o'clock in the morning, trying to catch up on ConnorWatch email and site tweaking, and my phone rings. Of course I assume it is Eric, but it is not. It is my 16 year old son Beck, calling from Summer Music Camp, at Western Michigan University in Kalamazoo, where he is studying percussion for the next two weeks.

Over the next few minutes, I realize that he is very scared as he asks for my help. Seems he and his roommate Keith got into a conversation lying in bed after lights out at 10:00, and started talking about life, and the way things are, and over the course of the next couple of hours, the conversation circled around to Beck's relationship with God, and his understanding of what the Bible says, and what that means to Beck. Now Beck is a believer on this journey with us, and Keith is not, still trying to figure things out after a pretty rocky start in life.

Now here is where it gets interesting. Around 1:00, they both get this weird feeling, and sense a malevolent presence in the room, and are suddenly startled by a loud growl. Scared to death, Beck prays out loud with Kieth, and then calls me.

For those of you that share an understanding of the spiritual battle that surrounds us, it is obvious what is going on. Beck and Kieth are under attack, which tactically makes good sense, from an evil point of view. Kieth is not claimed at this point, and is worth fighting for, and attacking Beck distracts the Williamsons from the work that is being done through Connor and ConnorWatch.

I pray with Beck on the phone, claiming deliverance for Beck and Kieth, and pray that God would provide spiritual and physical protection, as well as grant them peace to sleep this night through. I promise to get our prayer warriors into the fray on his behalf. We hang up with the assurance that he can call me anytime during the night.

I called Eric, and he and his crew are on it. Now I'm blogging out the call to those on ConnorWatch, and it is like typing in molasses. I feel active opposition to each of these keystrokes and my hands are cramping after this short post. Which means the attack is more widespread than I thought.

Lift us up in prayer, each of us that are at risk tonight. Thank you on behalf of my son and family. I'll let you know how it goes in the morning.

Brad
Michigan

Day 29 - July 14 - A quick last update

Well, it's 11:15 PM and I'm still not in bed, and have to get up at 0500 to drive to MoHill to get the RV. So just a very brief update -

We just left Connor sleeping tonight, after having visited with some of our motorcycle buddies for dinner. They had all ridden at least 300 miles to get here today. Three of my closest motorcycling friends, plus one brand new friend, rode in to take us to dinner. Stewart rode in from near Santa Rosa CA, while my buddy Pinkie came all the way from Eureka CA. My new friend Brett rode from San Diego, and he was joined by Ed - who flew to Houston TX to buy a new bike, and was on his way home to NorCal but came by to see us. It was a great blessing and a few hours of near-normalcy for Cherié and I - although I'm not too sure how the gramma's handled being out to dinner with a bunch of motorcyclists!

Connor had two different times today where he complained of sensations, either in his trunk or his hands. He also has frequently been telling us he is cold, and being placed under warming blankets. He has not yet regained any movement or feeling we can pinpoint. The RT continues to struggle with his lungs, as well. His numbers remain fairly constant, but without dramatic improvement. Please continue to lift up these important issues.

I will be gone until mid-afternoon tomorrow to bring the RV back. Maybe Cherié, Brad or Kent will post up while I'm gone...(hint, hint).

Thanks again for keeping us so lifted up - your support and prayer continues to overwhelm us.

Day 27 - July 12 - More Prayer Needed

Cherié just came out of Connor's room after talking to the Respiratory Therapist. It seems that while Connor's lungs sound clear and don't seem to be getting worse, apparently they aren't getting better, either. The X-rays don't show any improvement over the last few days, so the RT is changing things up a bit. They've been using the "standard" techniques that work for most folks, but don't seem to be working for Connor. Since there are other things where Connor hasn't fit - needing six or more times the Versed as most people, and responding quickly to the Roto-Prone - we're praying that this is another of those situations. Anyway, the RT wants to try some other things to see if he responds better to them than he is to the current techniques.

They also said they don't want to put him back on the Roto-Prone (neither do any of us!), but that he's not progressing sufficiently to get off the Roto-Rest (what a misnomer...). We want him off both of these mechanical-bull-beds as quickly as possible.

So, another prayer request which dovetails with the previous post. Please be praying that the Lord would clear out Connor's lungs out, removing the last of the fluid and restoring his lung function. Also, that Connor would not need to return to the upside-down bed, but would quickly move back to a regular bed instead.

We really need this. Thank you - we love you all, and covet your prayers.

Day 27 - July 12 - Specific Prayer

This morning we went up to the boy's room to find him on the thumper - a machine that pulses air into his lungs to break up congestion. If I've told that to you before, please forgive me for repeating myself. I've got a brain like a strainer lately - I pour things in, but most of it drains out the bottom before I can use it.

Anyway, we sat with him for a while, talking quietly, trying to prompt a smile or laugh. it is apparent today that Connor is combating despair. I think that when he is less sedated, the enormity of his situation overwhelms him. He handles it better than I could, but you can see it in his eyes. I don't know - maybe I project some of my own emotion into what I see, but I see a look peeking out of his eyes that I often see in the mirror.

So today, I ask that you would be praying specifically that the Lord would strengthen and encourage Connor for the road he is on. Additionally, I am asking you to battle with us for Connor's lung function and capacity. In order to wean the boy off of the ventilator, he has to have the capability to draw 500ml of air on his own. His current level of function is on the order of 50ml. We are in need of miraculous intervention of an order of magnitude in order to get him off the respirator.

The doctors are skeptical that this can occur. My God is bigger than they are.

Day 24 - July 9 - Struggling through the Slough of Despond

Slough: A swamp, or a situation characterized by the lack of progress or activity

Despond: Become dejected and lose confidence

John Bunyan, in "The Pilgrim's Progress", relates the despair of young Christian, left to struggle in the Slough of Despond, where he was abandoned by his fellow traveler, Pliable.

"Here, therefore, they wallowed for a time, being grievously bedaubed with the dirt; and Christian, because of the burden that was on his back, began to sink in the mire."

Eric, Cherié, and Joélle are wrestling, like Christian, in their own personal swamp of despair. They have just come from a meeting with the doctors, case worker, staff, and a representative from Valley Medical who assessed Connor's situation, and while it is possible the news could have been more discouraging, I'm not certain what that might include.

It is certainly the most negative, hopeless assessment that Eric has ever communicated to me and it is having a devastating effect on the family. Eric is crushed. Connor has not yet been told, and Eric is uncertain what and how they should communicate to him. They are taking a few minutes as a family to regroup and decide what to do next.

"...still he endeavoured to struggle to that side of the slough...next to the wicket gate...which he did, but could not get out because of the burden that was upon his back."

At the very least, Connor will not be moved from CRMC in the near future. The other details we will spare you for now, until Eric and Cherié have had some time to digest and assimilate.

In the interim, lift up Eric and the family in prayer, as they seek the faith to endure what they were not expecting.

"...a man came to him whose name was Help...said he, Give me thine hand: so he gave him his hand, and he drew him out, and set him upon sound ground, and bid him go on his way."

Eric, Cherié, and Joélle are suffering in despair. Lift them up in prayer, and be confident in a gracious God who rescues us from despair, and sets us upon sound ground, and bids us go on our way.

Brad
Michigan

Day 15 - June 30 - Joélle at Moody

If all the rest of this wasn't enough, today is the deadline for Joélle to register at Moody Bible Institute in Chicago for distance learning for the next semester. She attended at the Chicago campus the last two years, but now has decided to stay in Morgan Hill for the next one.

Having a deadline in the midst of the Connor crisis is creating stress that Eric and Cherié are having to wrestle with in addition to everything else. We are hoping to get some assistance with communicating with Moody in a way that Joélle can commit but get some kind of extension or variance on the actual registration.

My wife, Margaret, is attempting to track down the people at Moody who can make those decisions. Pray that Moody would be flexible enough to accommodate the situation, and that Margaret could find the right folks at the right time.

If you know anybody there or can offer some help, please contact Margaret through the Contact page.

Brad
Michigan

Day 15 - June 30 - Morning Report

Eric just called with a status report.

Connor's condition has worsened to some degree over the night. His oxygen saturation continues to drop as the condition in his lungs deteriorates. While this may just be one of the many dips on the roller-coaster, the medical staff is concerned enough that they have transferred him to a different kind of bed, one that rotates him completely, as opposed to the one that was just rocking him. So now he gets completely rolled over, which sounds like fun if you are 14 and healthy, but not so much for Connor.

As you can imagine, for Eric and Cherié it brings discouragement and despair. God did grant a bit of relief during the night, however, after the staff called Eric at the house at 1:30 a.m., they were spared the sense of urgency to return to the hospital and they were able to pray and doze for the rest of the night. They are preparing to head in as I write.

Pray for Connor's ability to get the oxygen that he needs, and for Eric and Cherié to get the rest and encouragement that they need.

Brad
Michigan

Day 13/14 - June 28/29 - Sitrep

Sitrep. Back when I was driving submarines for the North Pacific Yacht Club, we reported our status by situation reports...sitreps. Everything was abbreviated or acronym-ed, I think it was actually a law in the Navy. So when the phone rang at 'oh-dark-thirty', as we used to say, I dumped about two quarts of adrenaline trying to figure out who I was, where I was, what I was doing there, and how to stop that infernal ringing. Since that core experience was central to my years in the Nav', I seem to fall back on the old, ingrained habits.

Sitrep. It was Eric. Connor has hit another bump in the road. Whenever he gets moved or adjusted, his oxygen saturation drops, and that's not good. It means there is/are problems in his lungs. Complications from the lake water, pneumonia, collapsed lung or lobes, at this point the staff isn't sure, but they are taking x-rays, etc., to find out.

It also means that Connor is being transferred to a rotating (?) bed of some sort that will allow him to be turned, rotated, folded, bent, spindled, and whatever as necessary to improve the situation with his lungs. Though we don't know the specifics, you can bet that it isn't going to be any joy ride, but it does seem necessary.

Don't know much more, other than Eric and Cherié have to struggle with this news, and Connor has to adapt while his lungs are worked on.

Pray for Connor - improved oxygen uptake, clear lungs, no collapsed lobes or lungs, comfort and rest, no depression, and courage to face the next hurdle.

Pray for the family - peace that surpasses all understanding, confidence in God and the actions of the staff, courage to stand beside Connor regardless of what comes next.

Brad
Michigan

Day 12 - June 27 - On His Way to Surgery

Just got off the phone - Connor is on his way to surgery, for the tracheotomy and feeding tube that was planned over the last couple of days.

Eric reported Connor in good spirits, and that the fever of yesterday was not present, both answers to prayer. Doctors have told Connor that they would expect him out of the collar in a few days, and able to be moved to a chair to sit up for a while, which having been on his back staring at the ceiling for the last week and a half, would be a huge blessing.

Pray for success in surgery, pain management for Connor, and continued moments of encouragement.

Like sunbeams through the leaves in a dark forest, each moment of encouragement is savored and enjoyed by the family.

Brad
Michigan

Day 10 - June 25 - Angiogram Prayer Request

It's 11:40 in Fresno, and Eric just told me that Connor is going in for his angiogram, and the doctors have informed him that there is a risk of stroke if a clot is dislodged.

Please pray for success in the angiogram, wisdom and prudence and skill on the doctor's part, and that Connor would return from this surgery with no additional ill consequences.

Brad
Michigan

Day 7 - June 22 - Ready, OK!

I had a pretty good visual image this morning that fits into what I want to say, so here goes...

Have you ever seen one of those cheerleading competitions? One where these teams of perky people stack themselves up to the sky into all sorts of formations? I'm pretty convinced that if I tried this with my friends and family, we'd pull a big "humpty-dumpty" and all come tumbling down. It takes these folks a lot of work, skill and a good coach to put together these things so that they work right.

Now here's the image - there's this big pyramid of people. At the bottom is this great big layer of strong, sturdy folks, interlacing their arms so they can stand the strain of all that's placed upon their shoulders. Standing on their shoulders is a smaller group of folks, again bracing against each other to spread the load downward in an even and balanced way. On those folks' shoulders, there are two or three people - once again leaning into each other in order to support the weight that the coach has decided will be carried by them. Finally, at the pinnacle of the pyramid, there's one tiny soul, perched dangerously high above the ground. As long as every member of the squad does exactly what the coach has dictated as their role, the person at the top is secure, and the crowd roars, the judges smile, and the trophies are handed out.

What I'm trying to say is that Connor is the tiny, pig-tailed cheerleader at the top. He is being directly supported by his family, Cherié, Joélle and I. We, in turn, are depending on both each other and our next layer of support, our family and friends - Brad and Kent with the blog; the friends who flock to our side to feed us, clothe us, and house us; and all our friends and family who are praying unceasingly for Connor and for us. Finally, this group is completely being held up and supported by the steady, faithful, unceasing prayer being offered up on our behalf by a very, very large group of individuals; most of whom do not know us, have not met us, and only help because of one thing - the direction of our Coach, the One who designed this pyramid, who brought the participants together, who developed the skills in each of us to fulfill our role, and who orchestrates the whole, seemingly precarious balance.

I cannot do justice to the list of people I owe for their great, great service to me and mine. I am astonished at how God has brought people together from every part of the world, from every walk of life, from both well-known and unknown walks, to gather together in prayer for my son and for what God is doing through his ordeal. I could never begin to thank you for what you are doing for us, so I must be satisfied that one day in eternity, I'll shake your individual hands and give you a big hug in gratitude for your service to God, and through Him, to my boy, my family, and to me.

Thank you, friends. Thank you for your faithfulness. Thank you for your selflessness. Thank you for your endurance, your perseverance, and your obedience. Thank you for your gifts, your thoughts, your comfort, and most importantly, your prayers. We continue to covet them, and we thank and praise the Lord for His provision through your hearts and hands.

Day 7 - June 22 - A Growing Faith

Eric's faith (along with many of ours) is deeper than it was a week ago. We talked today about how most of the time God uses a tiny chisel on each of us to shape us into the people we need to become, to shape us to be more like Christ. Or perhaps He buffs us so we can shine. It's often fairly painless and we tend to become immune to the work He's doing on us.

And then once in a while (normally when we least expect it), He pulls out his giant, oversized chisel and His gargantuan hammer and guess what? He puts it to work on us. This is what Eric and Cherié and Joelle and Connor and many of us journeying with them are experiencing right now (and some us thought He was finished with us! Ha!).

The big chisel hurts, no doubt. But it's part of the refinement that shapes us, that builds us, that restores us, that polishes us, that ultimately will make us whom He needs us to be. So in that case... bring it on.

This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?" God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what's coming to us – an unbelievable inheritance! We go thorugh exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with him!

- Romans 8:15-17 (Message)

• Not much has changed with Connor overnight. Continue to pray for rest and healing.

• When Eric awoke this morning, he read some scripture, and went to check the blog. He noticed the list of prayers that Jenann's had posted in her recent comment. Eric just went down the list and saw how many of them had been answered. For rest, provision, etc. Eric could just say, "Thank you, Lord, for this new day!" No alarms had gone off overnight.  There was much to be thankful for.

• Concerns for Cherié -  she awoke from a nap yesterday and had a very hard time seeing clearly. She is also lacking energy. She has a lot on her mind right now and is under enormous stress, so please pray for her. Pray that she'll sustain her health.

• Pray also that Cherié will be able to stop serving others and allow others to serve her. For those of you who know Cherié this is like asking a fish not to swim. She is so gifted in the area of service to others. She is a fabulous hostess, and right now she desires to continue in that role, but now is obviously not the time. Pray that she'll be able to set it aside and allow others to serve her.

It's Sunday. Tomorrow will be one week since this whole ordeal has begun. Thanks for your prayers and comments. God is good.

Day 6 - June 21 - Last update before bed

We've gotten a bit more clarification about what's going on, and I wanted to pass it on to everyone before I headed off to bed - err, "floor". We're trying to make it an early night and get some desperately needed rest.

The spinal manipulation is slowly moving things in the right direction. Emphasis on the word "slowly". I think the bloodletters are a bit amazed that this process hasn't only taken an hour. Connor is heavily sedated still, so after I prayed and sang with him I took the opportunity to speak at length with the nurse. While she's not the doctor, she was able to give me some general information which sheds some light.

First, the pacemaker only fires off when Connor's heartrate drops below 45. This has happened occasionally, but not often. I was under the impression that it was continuous, so the fact that it is only when necessary comforts me. The nurse tells me that the reason for the erratic heart and lung function is most likely due to swelling at the injury sight, and should clear up as that goes down. Good news.

Second, the motivation for aligning the spine is not to align the spinal cord, as I had supposed. Instead, it is to align the vascular system in that area. They know there is vascular damage - the pinched vertebral artery, the blood clot - plus the potential for the veins and arteries to have stretched during the injury, with a possible weakening of the vessel walls. This means that they need to evaluate the damage and repair it as necessary - to them, the spinal stuff is of secondary importance.

Cherié, Joélle and I, as well as the many people here with us, have been given great opportunity to minister to the families of many of the other ICU patients. It is exciting to see how people become much more open to hearing the grace of God when they come face to face with such devastation in their lives. Pray for us to be effective ministers of His grace to these families who must share this journey.

God bless you for your prayers.

Day 6 - June 21 - Saturday Night Prayer Requests

I just got off the phone with Eric... we had a two minute conversation. He and Cherié were in the middle of some time with the family of one of the boys in the unit next to Connor.

• Pray for that boy and his family. They had a very rough day. Pray that Eric & Cherié can be just what Christ needs them to be for this other family.

• The Doctors are still attempting to use the traction to manipulate Connor's spine. Pray that it works. Ask God specifically for it to work so they won't have to attempt it manually.

• Eric mentioned concern over Connor's vascular system. Pray over this for Connor.

• Eric mentioned the possible need for stents. I would assume that this would be for the damaged artery in Connor's neck, but I'm uncertain. Pray for the Doctors that they will be wise as they make these decisions.

• Continue to pray that the blood clot would no longer be an issue.

• Eric did say that Conner is resting... as much as someone can rest with their head three inches off the pillow due to traction. Pray for rest for all of them.

Goodnight from Virginia,

Kent

Day 6 - June 21 - Pacing

Connor has been connected to a pacemaker.  His heart has been erratically beating for over a day, now.  The doctors had given him an injection of some wonder-cocktail of medicines that were supposed to help stabilize his heartrate, but that has apparently not worked.  As a result, the decision was made to connect him to the pacemaker in order to regulate his blood pressure, which I understand was the primary concern.  I've been pretty concerned when Connor's heartrate dropped to 20 per minute, but the doctors are actually more concerned with continuing a steady blood pressure to support his other organs.

As a result, Connor's heart is now stabilized mechanically, like his lungs before it.  As I understand it, this is not "life support" - the machines aren't "keeping him alive", they're helping regulate his body's functions while it attempts to heal.  Cherie, Joelle and I have an additional view -

In I Kings 18, Elijah is in a monster face-off with 450 prophets of Baal.  The challenge is to decide, once and for all, who is the real God.  Elijah is the last of God's prophets, and the test is to build two altars and set up two sacrifices, and then let the real God provide the fire.  It's sort of like an Old Testament Smackdown.  What happens is that the 450 Baal dudes build their altar, then spend all morning wailing and praying and jumping around, trying to get Baal to pay attention and light the altar's fire.  I find it interesting that Elijah spends most of the time taunting them, a practice that, while not encouraged, certainly has it's appeal now and then.  Anyway, they finally give up in frustration, altar not lit, sacrifice unconsumed.  Then it's Elijah's turn.  In true Old Testament fashion, Elijah isn't content to let well enough alone - he enlists the Baal dudes to carry water up, soaking the sacrifice, wood, and altar with water. Then he decides that isn't enough, so he soaks it down again, and again, until the water runs down the altar and fills the trench around the altar.  Finally, he asks this - to let it be known that God is God and that he is God's prophet, so that the people would return to God.

Guess what - fire springs down from heaven.  Not a measly little lightning strike, either, but a massive column of the fire of God swept down.  When the dust cleared, the sacrifice, the wood, the water in the ditch, the stones of the altar, and even the dirt were gone.  And everybody blinked, looked at each other, and pretty much got the message.

We believe that respirators and pacemakers are given to stabilize our son during this difficult time for him.  But we also believe that they are the water over the sacrifice; running down the stones, filling the ditch; so that there can be no possible doubt Who has done what when my boy walks again.

That will be an excellent birthday present.

Day 5 - June 20 - Hopeful Day

I just hung up with Eric... he summarized by saying it was a hopeful day.

Connor's spine is slowly moving back in the direction the doctors want it to be. Which means that the paralytic drugs are doing their magic. They've taken a couple more X-rays, but Eric hadn't seen them yet.

Eric did say that after the nurses left he talked to Connor (in his drug-induced, paralized, near comatose state). Eric said "if you hear me, move your eyebrows." Connor moved his eyebrows. So Eric continued to talk and sing to him.

A couple of people visiting told Eric that when they held Connor's hand his hand twitched in theirs.

Then Joelle and a friend were sitting in Connor's room and Joelle was rubbing his feet (which sounds like the job every big sister wants!). She said to Connor, "if you can feel this, raise your eyebrows." And guess what... he raised his eyebrows.

The wrestling match between Hope & False Hope continues for certain, but overall Eric said it was a hopeful day. Pray for more days like this!

Kent

back home in Virginia

Day 5 - June 20 - Admin Prayer Request

I'm posting this because Brad can't. It seems that there's been some sort of technical problem, and the guy who is administering this entire blog (my big brother, Brad) can no longer access the blog admin functions. He and the server administrators have been unable to locate the problem. He asked me to pray about it in order to keep the blog functioning correctly, and I could think of no better way to do so than to enlist the aid of the very folks who are relying on the blog for updates and encouragement.

Please pray specifically that Brad would regain the administrative access necessary to effectively run the blog, in order for it to be as effective as the Holy Spirit wants it to be.

Day 4 - June 19 - Please Pray...now!

Doctors just informed Eric that they intend to examine the status of blood clots in Connor's neck shortly, using a CT scan or similar. If the precarious situation has improved, meaning the clots are no longer a threat, then the staff can work to stabilize and alleviate the conditions in his spine. This is significant as Connor is still considered as "not stabilized" following his injuries.

Pray that conditions have improved to the point that stabilizing work can begin, and pray for strength and courage for Eric, Cherié, and Joelle, and the support network at the hospital to respond appropriately to the developments. Most of all, pray that His will be at the center of our thinking.

The scan could start in the next few minutes, so if you can find a minute of quiet space, lift up our brothers and sisters in prayer.

Brad
Michigan

Day 4 - June 19 - Laptop on the way!

Rejoicing over small victories may become our stock-in-trade over the next few months, so I'm practicing being excited over the little things.

Danny just called - the laptop is on the way in an hour and will be there tonight, thanks to Melanie and Kim.

It is one of many short-term solutions that we say thanks for. Thanks for the people that make it happen, thanks for God for making it possible. Just another small way we can support the Williamson's in Fresno right now.

By the way, I find that I'm not fast enough to keep up with the pace of things in this internet age. I've had to rewrite this entry three times based on changes happening as I type.

Thank God that it's possible.

Brad
Michigan