Day 588 - January 24 - Encouragement from afar

OK, it's not "afar", but this week I received a note from the brother of Jacob Kirkendall over on the coast. For those who might have missed it, Jacob was struck down by a power line last year near the beach, and his father and brother are telling his story in a fashion similar to the way Connor's is being told here. I often find insight and encouragement in this journey of ours by following Jacob's, as these two men have hearts after God and are walking the same kind of road I'm walking. You can see Jacob's story by clicking here...

Anyway, Jacob's brother Robbie dropped me an email the other day - he had tried to respond to an earlier post of mine but without success, so he wrote me directly to share his thoughts. I think they have so much value that I want you to be able to read them too, so (with Robbie's permission) I'm reprinting them here (the link in the paragraph was inserted by me) -

Eric:

I really appreciate this post by you. Whenever I have expressed these feelings, I always receive feedback by people that are astounded that I would feel that way; after all, my brother Jacob is alive, God spared his life... don't I have a lot to be grateful for? Shouldn't I stop questioning, doubting, mourning, and find joy and peace and worship God? I have come to find that joy is much much different than happiness, worship is so much more than singing happy songs, and that it all comes down to making a choice. What people do not seem to get is that the burden and grief is no longer from the potential loss of my brother, but from the continuing present hardship. This hardship takes the form of watching Jacob struggle internally, watching myself struggle internally, and not feeling God anywhere. A big question for me is: "OK, what's next?" Am I really going to live with more crap like this happening all around me, every day? That is depressing. That is aching. People talk a lot about trusting in God when life is tough. It seems easy enough, because it is usually defined by just changing your attitude. I agree with you, that this does not seem to be the extent of it. Faith is not just a mental decision; it is somehow acted out every moment of every day, in the little ways and the big ways that you act. But, people don't often talk about how you trust God when you don't trust him. How do I hold on when I have no faith? How is God there for me when I am spiritually destitute? When I feel emptied of any Spirit? People tend to define “The Holy Spirit" in terms of how they think God makes them feel. Again, I think it is so much more than that.

I was so pleased and encouraged to find such a kindred spirit along the same path that I immediately wrote back asking if I could post it here (which also explains why it's been four days since the last post on the blog...)! What I didn't do, however, is answer back to him with my thoughts about what he said. I saved that for here. Hopefully, he'll read this along with y'all...

My thoughts about what Robbie wrote center on the questions he asks at the end - the "how to" questions about trusting God when you don't trust Him. You see, I went (or am going) through this same process, and some very close friends and the people in the CW Community taught me the answer to these questions, and so I want to share them, not only with Robbie, but with each of you as well.

I'll refer you to a passage of Scripture (no surprise, there) in Exodus 17. In verses 8-13, the Israelites are fighting the Amalekites, and while Joshua is down in the valley waging war, Moses is up on the hillside. His job is to hold up the Staff of God - as long as he holds up his hands, the Israelites win, but as soon as he lowers them, BLAMMO! - the Amalekites start kicking some Israeli butt. Moses' brother and a friend figure this out and get him a rock to sit on so they can hold up Moses' arms when he's too tired to do it himself, and the victory is won.

There are so many parallels in this story - to comment on all of them is the work of weeks. The one point I wish to make for Robbie, and for me, and for each of you, is that the answer to Robbie's questions lies in community. When I despaired of my son's life, my friends lifted my arms for me. When I was within a breath of rebuking the Holy Spirit and rejecting my God, my friends lifted my arms. When I can find no faith to believe, my friends believe for me until I can get my footing back under me and continue this tortuous walk we walk. It's how God designed us to walk and live and breathe.

I suspect Robbie knows this. I suspect you do, too. But it doesn't hurt to be reminded of it once in a while.

And I suspect Jacob's family, like mine, never conceived that this act of having our arms of faith held aloft by a community of believers would, or even could, last for months and years. It seems so like a one time thing, and yet, for Aaron and Hur, that afternoon holding Moses' arms up stretched out indefinitely. So it is with this journey - our brothers and sisters literally take the weight of the load that this task places on us, and we take another step.

And we praise the Lord for those willing to help bear the burden. Amen and amen.

E.

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