Day 256 - February 25 - Seven

That's the duration of time, in minutes, that Connor was off of the vent tonight and breathing on his own. Woohoo! Pretty cool, huh?

We're very excited about this, particularly the exponential acceleration he's experienced over the last five days. For those who might have missed it, a month ago (the previous time we tried taking the boy off of the vent momentarily) Connor was unable to draw a breath - his chest was completely motionless. On Saturday last (February 21st), when we tried that again, we were all surprised to see him draw a breath at all, much less continue for a whole minute. We didn't attempt it on Sunday, but on Monday evening he went for two minutes, and last night he made the three-minute mark. Tonight, he decided to double his best time, then went on to push all the way to seven minutes! So we are very thankful for this progress - even these small steps seem huge from our perspective.

The best part? He never got lightheaded or oxygen-deprived or dizzy - he just kept breathing like a La Maze coach the whole time!

Most certainly I would like you to thank God for this progress. I also covet your continued prayers that Connor be set free from this machine once and for all. In order to give you the knowledge to pray effectively, please bear with me and allow me to tell you two things that this progress isn't...

It isn't involuntary - meaning he has to think about breathing because it isn't automatic breathing like you and I do all the time; and,
It isn't diaphragmatic - meaning that it's primarily the supplemental breathing muscles in his chest and sides.

The good news is that yesterday, I saw the muscles as low as his armpits moving as he tried to breathe, and tonight I saw his whole ribcage moving. His breaths are coming more deeply than they were, so we are very hopeful as we continue to pray.

Now, don't ask me why the muscles in his chest, the nerves for which come from C4-C6, are working while the diaphragm, controlled through C1-C2, is not (yet). I'm not a doctor. I don't even play one on TV, so I won't venture any medical guesses. The best answer I can give for the seeming paradox is that this is the way God wants it.

So continue to lift up the boy and his family - we really need all the help we can get. Pray that this progress continues in the exponential fashion. Pray that God will free Connor from the ventilator soon. Pray that Connor's feeling will return along with his motion and control. And pray that Cherié in particular, and I, will be able to get the rest we need while also drawing close to each other and to God.

Good night.

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Day 254 - February 23 - At least God's bus is wheelchair accessible

Before I get started, Connor spent almost two minutes this evening without the vent. It's hard work - the muscles haven't moved on their own in over eight months, and most of the movement right now seems to be from the supplemental breathing muscles in his chest as opposed to the diaphragm. So the muscles are doing things they're very unused to doing. Please continue to pray for movement in his diaphragm to take this load back to where it belongs.

By the way, the title was Connor's comment after the discussion we had with the following anecdote...

There's a lot of really bad things going on these days -

- Many folks are either out of work, or facing the prospect of losing their job.
- Home foreclosures are on the rise.
- Debt, both personal and national, keeps piling up.
- The cost of just about everything is higher than it was just a few months ago.
- So many people I know are struggling with the loss of loved ones or through monstrous health issues.
- The government's role in all of this is of grave concern to many in the country.
- Some folks even have to deal with injured family members and the resultant changes in their future plans.

OK, I just threw that last one in there to see if you're paying attention! Seriously, many people are facing stressors in their life that they've never had to face before; or even dreamed of having to face before. That has the added effect of putting more strain on relationships all over the place, and it wouldn't be a surprise if there's an uptick in divorce rates that matches all the recent crises.

I've been talking about this with a number of people recently, including Cherié and Connor, and it's pretty clear that nearly everybody has some pretty serious worries about all the things going on around us. I figured y'all are no different, so I wanted to share something I was telling my mom on the way to work the other day.

She was expressing her concern over something - I think it was the latest proposal in D.C. from one of our illustrious leaders, and she was getting a bit worked up over it (that's where I get it, by the way!). So I told her what her situation was like -

Our situation is like when you're sitting at the bus stop, waiting for the bus to come along. While you're sitting there, a number of men saunter up and take up station a few yards away, talking to each other. They have dark clothes and sunglasses on, even though it's almost dark, and their hair is stringy and they have (gasp!) tattoos. They're amongst the most unsavory characters you've ever laid eyes on, and they keep glancing over at you. Feeling helpless and defenseless yet?

You take a peek up the street, but there's no sign of the bus. You glance back at the hoodlums, and they've edged a bit closer without seeming to. Are they going to beat you up? Maybe they're going to mug you and take your wallet. Or maybe they're even not afraid to kill you. You wonder when the bus is coming, but you can't see it up the street at all.

When I got to this point in the story, I paused. There was a painful silence on the phone, so I said "that's where you are right this minute, Mom!" Not to put too fine a point on it, but Mom basically said "Huh? What are you talking about?" (although she was much more polite about it than I would have been). So I said "Let me 'splain, Lucy". That's my best Ricky Ricardo imitation, by the way...

I explained to her that she (and you, and I) are sitting on the bus stop, and the unsavory things in life are edging closer and closer, and we have no idea what intentions they might have for us. For all we know, those guys could sidle up to us and stick a knife in our ribs, or hold us up, or pound us into little pieces; or they could come close and say "Pardon us, but can we tell you about the four spiritual laws?" for all I know - and we have no real control over any of it. But one thing we know for sure is this - the bus is coming. We may not be able to see it from here, and the more worried we get about the situation, the more late the bus seems to be; but it's coming. That's the one thing you can count on in this place - one of these days, the bus is gonna roll up to the curb, and the Driver is going to get out and help us on board, and pluck us right out of the midst of these dark and dreary circumstances we're in, and put us on the bus and take us where we want to go. He may come just in the nick of time, and save the day just before the bad guys leap; He may show up after the fists start flying and rescue us from taking a lot of punishment; or He might show up after the wallet is gone and the blood is seeping onto the sidewalk, and gently pick us up and get us on the bus; but the bus is coming.

So quit focusing on the gang on the corner. Turn your eyes up the street and keep a lookout for the bus, because it's coming.

The bus is coming.

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Day 252 - February 21 - Something Good

Today, Connor called me into his room where he was working on his computer. He said "Dad, come read something for me", so I came in and leaned over him and his computer, where he had the words of a poem or song up on the screen. I started to read and Connor said "No, read it out loud". So I did. I would suggest that you do the same as you read the words - it's pretty powerful that way -

"Wait" by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? You say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know Me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

That was sent to the boy by a friend of his today, and he was visibly moved by it. I thought it was significant enough to share with y'all.

So tonight, as we were getting Connor ready for bed, Cherié and he decided to practice trying to breathe without his vent. We do this every once in a while without a lot of success, and the ventilator looks more and more like an anchor every day. So tonight Cherié disconnected the ventilator from Connor's trach tube, and covered the trach with her thumb so Connor would only be able to breathe through his mouth and nose.

And I watched Connor's chest rise a little. And fall a little. Cherié was encouraging Connor to breathe, and I watched his chest rise and fall again. Cherié asked him if he was OK, and Connor said "Yep". Then his eyes got really big and he said "I'm talking!" And his chest rose and fell.

Not a lot, but he was drawing his own breath! He breathed on his own like that for over a minute, grinning like the Cheshire cat and saying "I gotta call Joélle, I gotta call Joélle"!

He's not free of the vent yet - he desaturated fairly quickly, but this is a start. We immediately went into prayer together in thanks to God for this step, and Cherié was jumping and skipping like a schoolgirl as she called her parents to tell them the news (Mom and Dad W., it happened after midnight your time - I'll call tomorrow!).

From the things I've heard and read over the last few days, many of you were moved by the previous post and went to your knees on behalf of the boy over this specific thing, and God sees fit to hear and move. So first, please remember to go back and praise Him for His goodness and thank Him for this. And second, please continue to pray, and to notch up your prayer that Connor would be freed from the vent and be able to sing again.

Y'all are such a help and a blessing to us. Thank You, Lord, for surrounding us with this great cloud of witnesses.

Eric

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Day 250 - February 19 - Anguish

Last night Cherié was in the room next to Connor's and heard him playing the same song over and over again on his computer. Intrigued, she peeked in so as not to disturb him, and found the boy lying on his side in bed, mouthing the words to the song while sobbing uncontrollably, his face contorted in anguish. On June 9th of last year, Connor, Joélle and Alan had performed that song for the youth group at church - the last time Connor sang and played the drums in the worship band before his accident on June 16. Yesterday, Connor's status update on Facebook read "Connor wants to go back in time to June 9th, 2008".

For those who don't know our family well, we fairly percolate music. I've played brass since I was ten, and while I'm no vocal star, I am able to carry a tune in a bucket. Cherié is a vocal phenomenon, and would probably be singing professionally if I hadn't been such an selfish dolt back in the 1980s. We actually met while we were both in bands touring for the Continental Singers. Both of our children have inherited the musical gift by the wheelbarrow-load, and Connor has music flowing through his veins. He sings. He plays the drums because he loves rhythm so much. He taught himself to play guitar, and performed on stage less than three weeks after he first touched the thing. He is a consummate musician.

And every single shred of his capability to get the music out has been torn from him. He longs to pick up a pair of drumsticks and let the beat pour out of him again. He has his guitars hanging on the wall in his room where he can see them. And he longs from the bottom of his soul to open his mouth and pour out songs to God.

But he can't. And it's killing him, at least figuratively. He can't even sing, because to do that you have to control your breathing, and of course the ventilator is doing that. And so he is found crying inconsolably for the missing part of him.

I don't know why God would gift Connor with such talent only to take it away. I don't have those answers, and what few words I can muster don't assuage the agony he feels.

So I'm bringing it to you for prayer - prayer that God would see fit to restore Connor's diaphragm and breathing to normal so he can sing again; prayer that God would restore Connor's body so he can play the instruments again; and prayer that in the meantime, God would meet him at his point of loss, sorrow, and need.P>

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Day 248 - February 17 - A 6-year-old in a 46-year-old body

I just climbed the stairs after apologizing to my wife and son, telling them I'd see them tomorrow. Lord, I suck at following You...

As we moved Connor into his bed tonight, I accidentally hurt him. His shoulder joints are becoming looser and looser the longer his muscles remain lax, and since they were injured in his accident they are none too strong to begin with. As I moved him tonight, I did it wrong and his shoulder slipped out of joint momentarily, causing Cherié to holler in panic and Connor to react to her alarm. Once the initial jump was over, they both reacted to it well, but I didn't. Not at all. In embarrassment that I was so inept that I would hurt my own son, I allowed my frustration to turn to anger and basically threw a tantrum. Not the most impressive display of Christlikeness I've seen recently, that's for sure.

I tell you this for one reason only - because I am desperate to become more like Christ in the way I deal with and respond to my family. I know I am a wretched man who is trapped between his sin nature and his new nature - like Paul says in Romans 7, "I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate". But this, of course, only puts me squarely in the company of every other follower of Christ on the planet, so nothing special there. I'm just so frustrated with failing over and over and over again to actually see effective change in me in those areas that need Christ's light shining on them the most. Particularly the ways I injure, offend, and otherwise insult my own family.

And I'm also sick and tired of apologizing over and over for the same faults. I desperately need to see victory over my anger, and my temper, and my self-loathing and poor self-image, and only Christ working in me can do that. So I'm telling you this because A) I need all the help I can get to give this part of "me" over to Christ, and B) because I need to know that other men and women are watching to see if I'll be obedient to it.

I just figure that after nearly 24 years of marriage, Cherié has got to be getting fairly tired of her husband acting like a six-year-old. I know I am, and Connor has already told me he is too. Joélle hasn't chimed in yet, but I'm sure she would agree with Brother and her mom...

Connor had a good afternoon today with his buddies, playing video games while it poured cats and dogs outside. We did have one prayer request answered today - the hospital finally got us scheduled for Connor's visit next week, so we're pleased to have that arranged. Thanks to all of you for your prayers. Please don't stop!!!!

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Day 246 - February 15 - A Better Weekend

Well, Sunday has come and gone, and although we didn't make it out of the house to church today, it was a good weekend all in all.

When we tried to get ready for church this morning, it was storming something fierce at our place - high winds, heavy rain, and chilly to boot. Our first thought was to tough it out and go for it, but Connor has been having episodes of hypothermia all week, with temperatures as low as 94 F. Because it takes us 3-5 minutes to get Connor up the lift and into the van, he would have been exposed to the elements for that whole time, without the ability to warm himself back up. So, we opted for an indoor family day instead.

I mentioned that Connor has been getting cold a lot this week, but conversely his lungs have been working well and he's had little trouble in that area, which is a huge blessing.

Yesterday, Cherié and I were able to take a few minutes together in the living room before Connor awoke, and shared a Valentine's Day breakfast during which we were both able to eat at the same time. We haven't been able to do that in months, and it was enjoyable to have 30 minutes to remember that we're married.

Many of you have been praying specifically for us this week, and it has worked wonders. I'm not really able to put into words the differences this weekend displayed compared to previous ones, but they were tangible. The biggest answered prayer for Cherié and I, I think, was tonight when we were getting Connor into bed. We were joking about something, and Connor said "I prayed this morning that we would all be in a good mood at bedtime tonight, and we are". For the record, bedtime is not our strong suit, and is often filled with frustration and miscommunication because we're all tired and there's still so much work to be done. So to hear that A) Connor was praying for us, and B) that God was clearly answering it was a blessing.

Please continue to pray for us this week in that regard, and also for a couple of other things. First, we are having some difficulty getting the payroll specifics taken care of with the county, so prayer for smooth communication and effective resolution of those problems would be appreciated. I'm sure our caregivers would like to actually get paid, so it's necessary to get these things straightened out. Also, Connor's supposed to have an appointment this week at the doctors, but they still haven't contacted us with the schedule despite repeated calls on our part. Your prayers that Connor would be able to get in and get these things taken care of would be greatly appreciated.

Finally, I started reading "The Pursuit of God" by A. W. Tozer today. I'm only a couple of chapters into it, but if you haven't read it, do so. I'm amazed at how many chords it rings in me, and if you have a heart to follow after Christ, it will in you as well.

Blessings on you and yours this week.

Eric

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Day 244 - February 13 - 911

OK, I fooled you. Maybe I should have saved this post for April 1, but I was reading this morning in Psalm 91. The first verse in that chapter says "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty". I thought to myself, "Self, now there's the place to be when the troubles come". And then I thought "I wonder if God is showing His sense of humor by making that verse's address 9-1-1?"

So then my curiousity got the better of me and I thought, "Wonder what Psalm 9:11 says..."

..."Sing praises to the LORD, who sits enthroned in Zion! Tell among the peoples his deeds!"

So OK, I get it. When I am in dire straits, call 911. It's in The Book...

Eric

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Day 243 - February 12 - Migraine...

No, no one had a migraine! It's just the image that comes to my mind as I try to think of how to describe our situation...

Have you ever had a really bad headache? One of those that makes you feel like there are tiny miners hammering away with pickaxes at the back of your eyeballs? Every once in a while I get headaches like that, although (thank the Lord) I haven't had a really bad one since before Connor's accident. This coincidence thing is pretty amazing, isn't it? 8-)

Anyway, when I get these sorts of headaches, there's a period of time both before and after it when my head feels like a drum; like the tiniest move or noise would cause my head to implode; where all my nerves are stretched tight and everything feels hyper-sensitive. And I never know, when I feel like that, whether the headache will develop or subside. All I can do is wait it out to see how's it's going to end - good or bad, I have no control over it.

Sometimes when I feel that way, I lie down and after a while the feeling goes away and a headache doesn't develop. Other times, I do the same thing but the headache crushes my skull. You never know. And that's a really good description of "now" for us. We're hyper-sensitized to everything, we have a sense that nothing is normal; and there's not much we can do about whether it turns into the nastiest nightmare of pain or fades into memory and we get to move on. I feel like I have an emotional fever, and I'm tired of being sickly. I want to feel emotionally healthy again.

Connor had a good day today, watching TV and goofing off on the computer with Josh. He is staying healthy, and had a visit this afternoon from a representative of the camp where the boy was last summer when he had his accident. The gentleman stopped by to bring a Hume Lake sweatshirt and a DVD of the camp activities, but it was the prayer and words of encouragement he brought which meant so much to me.

I know I've mentioned it before, but please be praying for Cherie, Connor and I this weekend - Saturday and Sunday have been wreaking havoc on our relationships, with stress levels going through the roof and patience and understanding often falling by the wayside. We so greatly appreciate your prayers for us each day.

Eric

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Day 241 - February 10 - Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast

Yesterday seems to have been the day for music to take its place again - a number of you either quoted lyrics to me yesterday, or even just snippets of the words of a song. I even heard someone whistling a tune that brought the words back to me yesterday! I also came back again, as I drove home from work yesterday, to a song that we've been singing and whistling and humming since June in Fresno. It's a song that's done by a group called Take No Glory called "I run to You", which Cherié and I have been doing continuously since June, so this song has a special significance to us -

Right now I need You more than I ever have before
Only You see who I really am, so I run to You
There are no words I can find, to describe this hurt inside
Only You can give me strength, so I run to You

On You my rock I’ll stand, when I feel like I’m crumbling
You promise You have a plan, so use this for Your glory

Please rescue me
I am drowning, do You even see?
Oh Lord, please comfort me
Where are You? Have You abandoned me?

It’s hard to answer why, You’ve allowed this in my life
Only You know what is best, so I run to You
And I don’t know where I’ll go
But I know You’ll be there with me
And no matter what may come, I can run to You

Your mercy endures, my sorrow will fade away
Though I walk in the midst of trouble
I know You, You will revive me
You will revive me…

Right now I need You more than I ever have before
Only You see who I really am, so I run to You

Interestingly, the vocalist is the daughter of some friends of ours from church. Even more interesting is what I'm about to do , which is to put in a plug for another website - something I (for the most part) refuse to do. But, because of the nature of the group, I am led to do so. If you go to their website, which is www.takenoglory.com, you can download their album for free. Donations are of course accepted, but they encourage you to come download and share their music, and if you're half as blessed by their songs as I have been, you will be pleased that you did so.

Cherié is out having dinner with a girlfriend tonight, so Connor and I are batchin' it for a few hours. Unfortunately, we're both wrapped up in separate computer tasks, so I'm going to wrap this up to spend some time alone with him before we hit the sheets. He had a good day today - he seems to have recovered from whatever the issue was over the weekend. I would continue to ask your prayer support for us in this regard, however - it seems that these difficult nights, struggle-filled days, and the like seem to multiply on the weekend, making it harder and harder to get to church. So there's yet another in my long litany of prayer requests, that we could have a blessedly easy weekend so we can manage to get out of the house for a change.

God bless you as you bless us,

Eric

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Day 239 - February 8 - Another update

Well, we spent most of Saturday night either fighting low saturation or nausea - Connor began getting very sick to his stomach about 4 AM, and we spent the rest of the night either helping with that or dozing on the floor. We finally got him to sleep about 0700 and when he awoke about 1100 he was feeling a little better. Today he felt really poorly, and we were never able to get out of the house and away from the equipment we need to keep his lungs clear.

Needless to say, this day wore down us all, and we're a bit dispirited tonight. Weeping seemed to be the order of the evening, at least for me.

Nothing else to report, so I'll call it quits.

God, help us. Please.

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Day 238 - February 7 - O2 sats

Many of you have commented to me that you're praying for us, and I covet it, so thank you. Quickly I want to just say a word about that, and I'll quote Kathy's comment from the last thread to help me. I hope you don't mind, Kathy!

She said "even though I am not close enough to actually help...I can pray". Now, I know what she means - she means she's not near enough to our house in MoHill to come over and do something physical in nature to assist us, so she's praying. But what I want you to know (and Kathy too, BTW) is that if nobody showed up at our house to help build an addition or bring us meals, we'd make due and carry on. If different churches hadn't gifted us with such generous assistance, we'd still get by. But I can't think of any more "actual" help than you lifting my son, my family and myself up to the Throne of Grace and petitioning the Living God on our behalf - now THAT'S help!

So thank you, Kathy, and all the rest of you who so faithfully lift us up - I cannot explain how desperate we are for it.

Speaking of prayer and requests, Connor is having difficulty remaining saturated with oxygen tonight. For some reason his lungs don't seem to want to keep him where he needs to be, oxygen-wise, and so we're having to supplement his breathing tonight with bottled oxygen. First, we want him to be comfortable on room air, and not require any intervention to keep him healthy, and second, we only have a limited supply of O2. Please be praying tonight for Connor - that his blood oxygen would remain at a healthy level, and that the supplemental oxygen would not be necessary but that we would be able to get him off of it quickly. Also, that we all would get the rest we need tonight, as we are trying to get to church tomorrow and lack of sleep the night before is a good way to make that not happen. So if I can continue to bother you with more prayer needs, please remember us this night.

Thank you, and good night.

Eric

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Day 237 - February 6 - Your responses and what they mean

Wow. Ya'll have sure been keeping me busy trying to assimilate all the things you've written on the last two posts. First, let me tell you how much your words mean - it blesses my socks off (figuratively, not literally!) to catch a small glimpse at how the Spirit of God is working in people through our situation. It's an honor to be thus used, a fact I can recognize even though my viewpoint is somewhat myopic right now. God is working in people through Connor's situation, and that's a blessing. I remember early on thinking that if God had a good reason (that's rich, isn't it? 8-) ) for Connor's accident, then at least it was bearable. Knowing that there is good coming from this nightmare does indeed help me to deal with it. So thank you for sharing all you shared.

As for what these comments mean, I'm not sure I know yet. I see a couple of trends in them so far. First, I see that many of the comments fall into two main categories, observational and communal. Many of you are being blessed by God by seeing my family through this ordeal, by "watching God at work", if you will. And many are also moved by the sense of community here, and have commented that there's something here at ConnorWatch that meets a significant communal need in them, something they often don't find in "church". The only reason I can offer for that is that God is moving in this, to what end He hasn't seen fit to share with me yet. But I do know that I remain convinced that this is much bigger than just watching a family through a trial, and I am determined to carry that as far as God wants me to. So we are spending quite a bit of time lately trying to look forward to what God has for all of us - you, me, my family - in and through ConnorWatch.

One thing that sticks out in my thinking is that I don't want this thing to be an instance of "we do, you watch". I don't know if that makes sense, so here's what I mean. Over the last few months I've gotten a number of emails, phone calls, and the like to the tune of "Hey, I heard about (or know, or met, or...) someone who broke their neck - you need to go talk to them and help." Now, it's true that I and my family now have a connecting point there that few people have, and that has value. But I can't help thinking that God called us, collectively, to more than just advising someone of someone elses' need. Imagine, if you will, an observer on the road to Jericho who watched the traveler get beat up by the robbers, and watched the Levite and the Priest walk by on the other side. Can you imagine anyone thinking "Man, that guy just got the $#%& beat out of him! I've never gotten the $#%& beat out of me, but I know someone who has. I'll just whip out my cellphone and give them a call so they can go help this poor guy who got the $#%& beat out of him"? Of course not! Even if we've never gotten the $#%& beat out of us, we still know it's a bad thing and that the victim needs our help, and so we (should) offer it to them. But too often in the body of Christ, that's what we do - we call the pastor, or the elders, or somebody else to do the ministering.

No wonder the church in America is so often dysfunctional (NOT ALWAYS!!! I know - I'm the recipient of "not always" right this minute!)! Too often we are content to let the few do the work, and that translates into a body of Christ that's effectively paralyzed. I wonder if God ever feels like Connor does right now - He's sending the signals, but are they being received by the members of the body as He intends?

We here at ConnorWatch have a bit of culpability here as well - we did call it "ConnorWatch", after all! But one of the things I see as we move forward is a stronger emphasis on action - on actually being the body of Christ instead of watching it. And yes, I do include you readers when I say "we".

So consider this fair warning - our desire is to see the body of Christ functioning - emphasis on "functioning" - through ConnorWatch as He intends. Reaching out, ministering, pushing out of our comfort zones to touch the lives of people around us. That includes each of us - Connor, me, my family - and you. So start praying and thinking about how you get to reach out!

Today, interestingly, Connor suddenly began complaining that all of his right side was suddenly "sparking" like when you hit your funny bone. It didn't take but just a few seconds of that and he was squirming in discomfort. He's more comfortable now after some medicine for pain, but (once again) I am reminded of how badly we desire his feeling to return. We're encouraged by this small thing, and continue to pound on that door like the persistent widows we are (see Luke 18 for clarification if needed)!

So on that note, I'll wrap up for the day. Thank you so much for sticking with us through this - I know God doesn't need a large number of people to work His will, but it sure makes me feel better! Thanks Lord, for working that for our good.

God bless you tonight with your families,

Eric

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Day 235 - February 4 - Keep 'em coming!

A quick post, as I have to get up at 0300 for work and it's already nearly 9:30 PM. First, words don't express how much I appreciate your comments on the Input thread - these are not only invaluable as we look forward, but also they lift and encourage us. Many of those posts made my eyes well up, and I hope to touch on some of them over the next few posts. I would encourage those of you who might not have posted up yet to offer your input into what ConnorWatch means and has become to you.

Connor spent a quiet day at home without much to offer in the way of news. He seemed a bit down when I got home from work this evening, so (again) your prayers for him are so much appreciated.

God bless you, and have a good night.

Eric

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Day 233 - February 2 - Input?

I've been thinking (and yes, I realize how improbable that sounds!). I've been thinking that if someone asked me what the ConnorWatch site means to me, I'd have a difficult time answering. I mean, in those frantic days immediately after his accident last summer, the blog was (and to a large extent remains) a place for family and friends to keep track of Connor's situation. I use the blog as a sort of catharsis, but that's not all it is for me, and it certainly isn't all that it is for you. And the blog is only a part of the whole of the ConnorWatch site; and the site itself doesn't define the community of people who have grown up around the boy over the last 233 days.

So, I got to wondering - what is ConnorWatch to the folks who read it each day? What does it mean to them? How does it help them - what do they gain from being a part of this community? And as I pondered it, I realized I really wanted to know!

Having thought of that, I decided that it was time to ask, so here I am. If you think ConnorWatch is significant to you, I want to give you an opportunity to tell us about it. Likewise if you think things should be different here. What does this "place", this community, mean to you? Is there something going on here that's important in your life, and if so, what and why?

Here is the opportunity to share a small part of your own story with us. So if you would like to offer your perspective on ConnorWatch and what it means to you, please comment to this post. We would love to hear from all y'all!

Eric

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Day 233 - February 2 - Super Bowl

I'm sure many of you watched the game yesterday, and some of you probably feel like me - it would have been nice if both teams had come to the whole game, instead of just the fourth quarter. Oh, well...

We took the opportunity to have a few friends over to watch the game and share the afternoon. Connor had a good time visiting with the folks that were there, but I can say that nobody ate enough food. We've got enough leftovers to feed the 101st Airborne Division, seems like! We seem to be really good at overestimating the amount of provender it takes to sustain our guests.

I guess that makes sense - I'm pretty good at overestimating how much of God's provision I need, too. I spend a lot of my time praying for God to provide - healing, health, finances, marital assistance, understanding, patience, endurance, and the like - and I always feel like there's not enough. It seems that there's absolutely no way we can possibly make it through another day - and yet at the end of the day God has provided for every one of our needs.

And it still doesn't feel like enough. I guess I'm greedier than I thought I was.

I've got a specific prayer request for y'all this morning. Today, if I understand the schedule correctly (and it's entirely possible that I'm completely clueless here, so take me with a grain of salt), Connor's trainer is supposed to come by to work with him. While we think there's much to be gained from this therapy, any activity like this is hard work, which a) isn't nearly as fun as doing something else, and b) takes up a lot of time. We want to stay motivated and pursue these work-outs as diligently as we can, but there's always something else vying for the time and attention. For Connor, it's tiring and so it's easy to put off. For Cherié and I, it takes time that we often feel we don't have, plus it's physically demanding for us as well, so we too find it easy to postpone. I don't want us to do that, so my request is that you would be praying for the right motivators for all of us so that we stay on track and pursue the gains that can be had from this course of therapy.

Please be praying for all of us this week. We've got some decisions to be made on top of our usual routines. We really need some wisdom around here as we decide the direction we need to go, so your prayers are very much appreciated.

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