Day 508 - November 5 - Wishing I Felt Like It

"In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us."

That's Romans 8:37. I've always loved that imagery - MORE than conquerors. As if somehow, strutting through the streets of the vanquished enemy's capitol with your sword over your shoulder and looking forward to reaping the benefits of your victory just isn't quite good enough. No, being a conqueror doesn't quite cut it - we're more than conquerors through Christ. What a great word picture!

But - despite the fact that the language is in the present tense, and despite the fact that I know the statement to be true on a spiritual level, I would hesitate to use the words to describe me, in this situation. I'm not some valiant man who is confidently striding off the field of battle with a swagger in his step as he surveys the wreckage of his enemies - instead I'm being beaten and harassed around the field, struggling to even stay in the fight while surrounded by a nightmare of foes, while the adversary whispers that if I'll just quit fighting and put up my sword, it will all be over.

Which is also undoubtedly true - the fight would be over if I would just quit - but it would not only be a loss, but also a dismal betrayal of the Master I serve and those who have fought alongside me. I guess that's what keeps a soldier fighting against overwhelming odds, even though all his squad has been overrun and destroyed and he's all alone. That must be the thing that drives a man to refuse to surrender in the face of an implacable enemy - the knowledge that he can't let his leader and his fellow soldiers down, and the will to choose to not do so.

And that is what is helping me keep my focus here - I don't feel like a conqueror because I'm in the middle of the fight. You never feel like you've won while you're battling - even when the fight is obviously going your way, you still know you have to finish the struggle before you can stop and enjoy the win. The Yankees couldn't be reveling in their victory today if they'd stopped playing the game in the sixth inning, you know? So is it any wonder we don't feel like we've vanquished this foe?

And I guess that's my point today - each of us is facing something that overwhelms us, that throws us into deep water. Some are facing things that can, and often do, bring to a close this earthly chapter of existence. But it's not really a question of whether we survive intact to climb out into the sunshine, blinking, and realize that the battle is won. No, it's really a question of how we choose to fight, and how long we choose to fight. I'd like to be seen as a man who didn't shirk from the hard things in his life, who stood firm for his Master. Even in the face of this.

I hope y'all saw Cherié's post on the previous thread - Connor and she are both doing much better since the other day, and we truly appreciate your prayers. They've been having tough nights lately, and Cherié in particular is really, really tired. Please be lifting her up for rest. I try to spell her for a few hours before I go to work, but it's not enough, and she's exhausted. And it gets worse for her when Connor's having difficulties all night and she's up and down trying to help, so please keep them both in your prayers for rest, and refreshment, and encouragement.

We love y'all.

E.

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