Day 408 - July 28 - Doctor time
We're off to the doctor this morning - just a consultation, but Connor will get to endure the "doctor glare" for a while - yippee. Once that's over, I guess we'll come home and watch a movie or something.
It's overwhelming how much of life has been devestated by this injury. Connor simply grieves over things as seemingly easy as going to the beach with his friends - even if you could figure out a way to roll the chair over the sand, it would destroy his chair and ventilator, not to mention what would happen if it got into the vent and broke it. And so he doesn't go, but stays home instead.
On top of that, his involvement in activities with his friends is limited by the number of people who can help him while he's out. We're planning a sort of barbecue/training session for some of his friends who've expressed a desire to learn the basics of helping the boy, so hopefully there will soon be others who will be able to share some of the responsibility for helping him when he's out.
I think the fact that it's summer is driving home this sense of disconnectedness even more. You know that Connor has always been an outdoorsman - hunting, fishing, fourwheeling, and other activities like that were always his favorites. Last summer, of course, was taken from us - we didn't have one - and this summer is full of reminders that Connor isn't taking part in all the fun. Even things as seemingly innocuous as friends' Facebook updates - "Hey, we're at the lake" or "Spent the day waterskiing - boy am I tired" are brutal reminders that he's sitting at home in front of a computer. Winter is a bit different - everybody else is hunkering down inside as well - but summer is full of reminders that he's not taking part. We see it in the late hours of the night, when he comments to his Facebook friends or changes his status report - "I wish I was normal" was a recent one.
The kid puts such a strong face on it - everybody who sees him thinks "He's handling this so well" or "he's got such a great attitude", and he is and does. But he's also not putting his feelings on his sleeve for all to see. In that way he and I are different - I can put my inner emotions out for others to see, but Connor doesn't do that. But we see it around the edges, as it were, and he agonizes and grieves. And we can't make it better.
So my request for you is that you lift him up in prayer - not only for his healing, which we continue to trust God for - but that he would find purpose; that he would be given signs of hope in his body; that he would grow spiritually during this time; and that he would be able to remain connected, in person (not just electronically), with his friends.
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posted by Eric Williamson @ 7:57 AM
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6 Comments:
My heart goes out to you, Connor, and Cherie. There simply is no easy answer or solution for the situation you face on a daily basis and no easy way to take away the sadness as all of you struggle with the many ways your lives have changed by this unimaginable event. I honestly can't imagine how difficult it must be for Connor to see/hear what his friends are doing. I'm sure on the one hand he is happy; but on the other hand, it has to hurt as well. I hope that you are always able to find more and more things that Connor can do and more friends that can help when he's away from you so he can spend more time with friends and out of the house. While there will always be things he cannot do (until a full recovery of course :-)), maybe the list of things he can do - different than what he did before - will fill in the void, also allowing you and Cherie some time to rebuild your lives as well. I wish I had a magic wand - I'd make this all go away for all of you. But alas I don't. All I have is (measly) words to offer my friendship, support, and constant positive thoughts. I know that's not much, but it's all I have right now. If a purpose ever shows itself to me, I'll be calling! You are ALWAYS on my mind. Lisa S.
I prayed for all the things you listed at the end of your blog. The Lord is FAITHFUL!! He will give Connor a sense of purpose as he seeks His face. God loves each of us SO much!! I look back at the difficulties I have faces in the last few years. I have dealt with things that I never thought I would have to deal with. The Lord has been faithful to me, and He has given me hope when I was down.
I pray BLESSINGS for the whole Williamson family. I pray healing--spirit, soul, and body for all of you, and especially for Connor.
REJOICE in JESUS!!
Jody :>}
My heart breaks for Connor! I know that I am not a young, nineteen year old boy, but I do understand not being able to go to the beach because of a motor scooter. My friend is taking my son with her to the beach today with her boys and it makes me a little sad that I cannot go with him. Of course, I can walk a little, but walking in the sand is really difficult for me and usually you have to walk a long way to get to your spot on the beach.
I know it's not the same because I was never an outdoors person or very active anyway. So, I really am not trying to compare that. Hopefully, one day, they will find a way to "handicap accessible" part of the beach.
I will be praying extra hard that God will be with Connor and that he will send more of his friends who will learn how to take him out, so he will have more opportunities!
Your post brought tears to my eyes as I am able to identify with ALL of it. My 19 year old daughter is 3 years post injury (c6/c7) and while most things associated with this misery have now become routine the thing that bothers me most - obviously other than her physical health - is her loss of 'everyday experiences'. I too almost can't bear it to see young adults just enjoying life and the summer is so much harder especially since I remember how much I enjoyed the summer I turned 22. Like Connor, she doesn't show her emotions outwardly (she never did) and you hit the nail on the head with the facebook thing. It really is such a double edge sword. While they can so much more readily stay in touch with friends electronically. They are really hit in the face with what they are missing each and every day, a spontaneous trip to the beach, mall or movie. Everything our kids do has to be planned to the nth degree and is such a production for them. I pray for your family and mine that God sees fit to restore them both in body and mind.
dear friends in Christ--I think this post hit me harder than any have for a long time b/c we all take so for granted what we have--whether it's the ability to go to the beach, sing, play music, just go out for the day--as well as having gainful employment. Just a moment or two can change all those things and, while we know God is in control, it's hard to fathom what the purpose is. I couldn't agree more w/ those who talked about facebook and that it can actually be a double-edged sword. I pray that more and more things will come up that Connor can do with his friends--how exciting for the opportunity for more of them to learn what they can do. What a wonderful group of young people he must know! Praise God for that wonderful blessing even when all else seems at a standstill at times for you.
I pray for God's very special blessings on all of you. We need to get caught up on how Joelle is doing, too--if you or Cherie gets a chance to do that :)
My heart weighs heavy when I am reminded so vividly what challenges you all face. I just finished reading Bruce Wilkinson's "Secrets of The Vine" again. I hadn't read it for years. Its a little book that he wrote after his little book called "The Prayer of Jabez". He reminds us of Jesus' last teaching to his disciples between the Last Supper and Gethsemane. He stopped off in a vineyard to teach about Him being the vine and we are the branches. Our Father is the vinedresser. After coming to a better understanding of the purposes of pruning the branches (us) I realized that I still grieve and am angry over lost years in my past. Things (not material) that I believed I was entitled to. Disappointments and hurts that have driven me closer to God, but apparently I am allowing to still grip part of me. With God's grace I will be able to let go of my grief, unforgiveness and anger so I can allow more of the Life Blood of the Vine to flow through me and produce more fruit. My branch can be free to wiggle deeper in abiding in the Vine.
I hope you are lifted up and encouraged and recognize how very, very much our Father loves you.
Expecting Great Things!
Renée
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