Day 388 - July 8 - Praying for Purpose
Here's one I didn't foresee (which shouldn't really surprise me, given my track record on predicting the future) -
We've got another prayer request for you - we need a sense of purpose. Cherié said to me yesterday that there's no reason to get up every day, and I understand her completely. Our life is for the most part now completely focused inside these four walls. And while we hope and pray that this won't last indefinitely, it looks, tastes, and smells like it's gonna last indefinitely. I mean, we really do believe that this is a temporary thing for Connor and for us, but if we're honest there's a lurking fear in the back of our minds that "temporary" could mean "until he dies and goes to heaven" - which is still temporary, but not the kind of temporary we want. And the old "God is a grumpy old man that sits far away and messes with our lives" part of my makeup says that's just the kind of thing He'd do. Now I know God's not like that, but don't you have that kind of image of God sometime, leftover from Sunday School or something? Yeah, me too.
So we get up every morning and face another day that is exactly like the one before it. Sorta like the movie "Groundhog Day" without all the excitement. At least I get to go push airplanes around - Cherié and Connor just face it day after day after day.
Now, before you say "You guys need to get away", that's not what I mean. I'm not talking about physical tiredness, although that plays a part. I'm talking about soul tiredness, and the sense that if this is the sum total of our existence now, we want it to stop. Soon. And trying to exist with that view pressing in on us all the time is gonna do us in, and I'm not completely sure I don't mean that literally.
So we need a purpose beyond "live day to day and make sure Connor is taken care of". Seriously. That's my prayer, and my request for you today. That God would show us, and that we would find, recognize, and embrace, a legitimate, real reason to keep on keeping on. Something that will stir us and motivate us. Something that will draw us a few more steps through this valley.
Man, I sound like I'm "feeling sorry for myself", but that's not it. I mean, I do feel sorry for us, but this is still legitimate in that there's got to be a reason outside of us for God to be taking us here to a place where physical interaction and effort are all but impossible - we just can't see it.
So I'd appreciate your prayers - I know I say that all the time, but I'm learning not to be surprised that there are still folks who pray for us. Thank you thank you thank you.
E.
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posted by Eric Williamson @ 6:43 AM
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14 Comments:
This post breaks my heart. Sometimes, mental and emotional "tiredness" is is worse because at least there is something you can do when you are tired physically.
I heard a message that was preached at the "Resolved" conference this year. I was not able to go, but I downloaded from the website. It is called, "The Troubled Soul" by C.J. Mahaney. I know it was an encouragement to me and it might be a blessing to you.
I will be praying for you today. I do always, but this is one request I will mention to God.
I'm so sorry. I wish that I had words to help. I will be praying that you will find purpose in this situation. I can understand how that would be so difficult. I know that God has one, but oh the work of finding out what it it.
This week on Family Life today the guest speaker was Gerald (Jerry) Sittser. Anyway he lost 3 family members in a car accident. He wrote a book titled, A Grace Disguised. He talks in there about different kinds of losses. I'm thinking it would probably be a very good book. I know that you get all kinds of advice about things to listen to or read, so take it for what it's worth.
Praying for you.
Praying with you still.
The old term for this is acedia. It can be translated as sloth, but not in the sense of laziness. It's a sense that life goes on and on without change, without hope, and that you just can't endure the mundane, soul destroying sameness. I think it often comes after great tension, stress, excitement and effort, where you have a hyper-elevated sense of purpose for a period of time. The truth is, people in all different circumstances experience this, but it's surprising when you've been living in a crisis situation and suddenly lose the edge. This is a spiritual battle and external circumstances don't really change it much. I will pray for you.
Hi Eric,I keep Connor, you and Cherie in my prayers daily. I understand what your feeling. This same feeling creeps into my head on occasion, I have a tendency to bury it deep inside because it's to scary to face. I respect that you are able to vocalize, question and search for answers. I have to take each day as it comes and not think about tomorrow, it's to overwhelming. I also am caring for my son Jerry who as you know is a quad. I believe God can heal our kids, I have to hold on to that with every fiber of my being. That's what helps me get through each day. I'm so sorry your family is going through this. Lord give this family strength to get through each day. Father God give Cherie, Eric and Conner peace and knowing what their purpose is. Lord above all heal Connor's damaged spinal cord, restore him to health, in Jesus name, Amen.
Katie
I will commit this to prayer. My very first thought, however, after reading your post, is that your purpose is not different than my purpose for being here...just the circumstances are different. I used to ask myself that question before I was saved, and after I was saved, I knew the answer to be....to win souls for Christ. I don't think I've done a very good job, myself...and I keep asking the Lord for me NOT to miss opportunities He places in my path.
Thinking about and praying HARD for you all.
With love in Christ,
Claudia in Norco
Hi Eric,
Thanks for sharing. When it comes to dealing with a physically challenged family member, I can't say, "I know how you feel." BUT, when it comes to dealing with the struggle to do the same things every day, over and over without a strong sense of purpose, I DEFINITELY know how you feel!! In the last three years, our family has gone through some major changes. I won't go into the details, but I'll just say that there were some VERY hard times for me!! I struggled with the motivation to keep on going. Our family situation hasn't changed much, but one thing HAS changed: I now have great peace and joy in Jesus. Now, I can face each day knowing that the Lord has a purpose for each and every moment. I can feel his love and his care. I am still praying for my family and for the changes I want to see, but the difference now is the great peace that I feel.
There is one thing that really helps me. I'm sharing it as an example of how the Lord works and not as a "Why don't you try this?". I'm real "go-getter" type of person, yet for most of my life, I've felt like there has never really been anything for me to "go get". This changed about 12 years ago when I began to read literature about the persecuted church around the world. The Lord has bound my heart together with people all over the world. So, here I am, just an everyday, average person, with an international ministry. I know someday in heaven I will meet many people I've prayed for and we'll be able to give each other a big hug and celebrate together. I could write on and on about this, but just let me say that the Lord has shown me the BIGNESS of how He works through me to bless people all over the world--and they bless me right back!! The Lord has that sort of life for all of us, no matter what kind of circumstances we are facing.
I will continue to keep all of you in prayer.
Be BLESSED in JESUS!!
Jody McRoberts :>}
Hey, in the comment I just made, I forgot to clarify something. When I said I have an "international ministry", I forgot to point out that I'm not involved in some organized ministry, but it's just something the Lord works through me as I pray for people all over the world. "All" I do is pray and support financially. The Lord has shown me that it's not WHAT I do but WHO I AM that is makes my "international ministry" so big! It's all about the heart. So, it's really cool--I can minister to people all over the world and never leave my home!!
I don't mean to go on and on--I just wanted to make that clear.
Blessings,
Jody :>}
Hi Williamson's..
Our hearts are so heavy with compassion.. Been reading so much on different bible stories of how much God's people suffered..The stories of having to trust God because they had no other "hope"..But in God and in His deliverance..This walk of Faith..is the most difficult..beyond human understanding.. Was reading today about Paul in Acts 27..when he was in prison for over 2 years and then has to go on a ship as a prisoner and then faces a huge storm that is life-threatning..and all involved are in the "storm" but God gives Paul a "word" to tell him that he isn't going to die..and promises that no one with him will die in this storm.. I cannot imagine how Paul felt..after being imprisoned and then faces a life threatning storm and not losing faith at times.." How God do we trust you when everything around us tells us that were going down???" I find myself often asking God how to trust Him when everything around us..is crushing us against what the "truth" is..
We are holding you up in this..huge..beyond human comprehension..storm that your all in!!!".
Was comforted today by these verses for you..
"For your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom. You rule throughout all generationns. The Lord always keeps his promises; he is gracious in all he does. THE LORD HELPS THE FALLEN AND LIFTS THOSE BENT BENEATH THEIR LOADS. THE EYES OF ALL LOOK TO YOU IN HOPE; YOU GIVE THEM THEIR FOOD AS THEY NEED IT. When you open your hand, you satisfy the hunger and thirst of every living thing. The Lord is righteous in everything he does he is filled with kindness. The Lord is close to all who call on him; yes, to all who call on him in truth. He grants the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cries for help and rescues them. Ps. l45: l3-l9..
We love you and are praying for you..
Love The MacPhail'sbstram
Eric and Cherie-
I know that "tiredness" and I understand what you mean when you desire God to show you real purpose. I am praying with you with confidence that God will show you clearly a purpose far greater than just doing this another day.
Love you, Lissa
Lissa .... I love you!! Thanks for the talk we had in the garage when you were down for Joelle's wedding... it meant a lot to me. I wish we lived closer...I miss family more and more these days. I am thankful that you are my sister-in-law... I have been truly blessed. Hugs to you...
Eric,
I read a couple of posts ago about you wanting to see God explode onto the scene, and I agree that we all want to see that. However, I want to encourage you with three phrases that I know are all biblical, though I don’t have all the references in front of me.
1. God is still in the business of performing “slow miracles”.
2. Anything worth having is worth waiting for.
3. God never gives a believer any more then he/she can handle.
I just returned from a few days at Hume Lake and I can assure you that it’s as busy and hectic as ever, with kids from 4th grade on up through high school and beyond, scurrying all over the place. In this post you talk of lacking purpose. I am a firm believer that in order to live a fulfilled life everyone needs to have: structure, purpose, and a sense of community. I’m confident that the structure of each day (and night) along with the Connor Watch community provide adequately for those two, so that purpose remains the only thing missing.
I don’t pretend to know what your emotions are with regards to Hume and the response and handling of the accident, but I can tell you that in light of Connor’s recent incident along with other tragic accidents that have occurred there in the past, I was amazed at how the kids far outnumber those supervising them and that they are left to their own best judgment with regards to all their “outdoor” activities. An idea for purpose might be to have Connor some day give a videotaped testimony of his walk with Christ (before and after the accident) as well as remind the kids up there to watch out for each other. It’s something that all the kids up there could watch on one of their first nights, and ultimately it would touch thousands of lives. They would listen because it would be coming from one of their peers. I know that for me, giving back to others always gives me a good sense of purpose. It’s just an idea and of course there are many different iterations of this. In Christ.
Fred
Fresno
Hi there,
Thanks for sharing from the heart. I will definitely be praying that you find the purpose you speak of. I too wrestle with finding that complete sense of purpose I have had at times in my life - times I've known I am doing exactly what God created me to do. Now it's work, work, work and it's draining and at times empty... we were created for so much more.
I will ask God to reveal that path for you all.
Sandi
Dear Williamsons,
I read your post with such an ache in my heart. Your journey has, indeed, been one laborious step followed by another.
I started thinking about the sense of purpose you're seeking and the reason to get up every day. To be busy with things, to have something greater than ourselves to attend to, to make a difference, to be involved in something that has real meaning--those are some of the things we usually attribute to it. Yet, to Connor, you're doing that and more-for him! You have completely poured yourselves out to care for this precious one, working to sustain body and soul. Perhaps the time has come to help Connor begin to find his purpose as well?
I know that, in the past, when this has come up, you have said that you wouldn't make requests of Connor--that the ball would be in his court, so to speak, when he decides to reach out. Connor needs more than custodial care the same way you need more than providing it. It might be time to help HIM explore what HE can do to give his life direction and purpose now, while he waits upon our God. Most young people his age are busy trying to get a handle on their futures--schools, careers, meaningful work. Connor may have some different conditions to work around, but his need is the same as theirs. He has something important to do. Sometimes our kids see just the obstacles and they need to be nudged and encouraged by us to move forward.
I realize that my words here will likely be met with disapproving comments and replies from some in this community of beleivers, but that's a risk I am ready to expose myself to. You have done everything possible to love and care for this young man, and you have done it very, very well! Waiting, without work for HIM to do right now, must feel endless for him. Being with friends, going to movies, using Facebook~ they're all fine for relaxing or entertainment. But purposeful, meaningful work that brings glory to God is a reason to get up every day--it motivates us and drives us and brings us joy.
I pray that my thoughts here will be considered in the spirit they're offered because they are offered in love.
Carolyn A.
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