Day 260 - March 1 - Scale of Faith
One of Connor's favorite television shows is called "Man vs. Wild". If you've never seen it, the host gets dropped off in the wilderness somewhere on Earth with nothing but his survival skills, and he has to survive on his wits while trying to reach civilization. It purports to help you know how to survive if you ever find yourself lost in the middle of the Amazon jungle or the Siberian plains or the Serengeti - the chances of which, at least in my case, are pretty slim. But as entertainment it's pretty fun fare, and Connor and I watch it together when we get the chance.
We watched an episode the other day where the host, suffering from dehydration after nearly a week in the Turkish desert, was out in the middle of a salt flat when it finally began to rain. He showed us how to get fresh water even though he was standing in the middle of miles and miles of salt, and managed to get himself a few swallows of drinkable water. Slightly refreshed, he stood up and looked at the camera and said "But I've got to get off this salt flat if I'm going to survive and find more water and food".
Dang, it's depressing when you can draw parallels between your life and the guy dying in the desert for the entertainment of the American TV consumer! But that story right there describes perfectly our existence. So I haven't posted for the last few days because you can only say "here we are still out in the desert" so many times before y'all go change the channel.
If I look back over my part of this journey over the last 8.5 months, I can see that on the Williamson Scale of Faith, I've moved off of "Screaming Desperation" past "Hopelessness", and am now hovering somewhere between "Quiet Despair" and "Passive Acceptance", with occasional spikes into "Hopeful Belief". So despite the fact that I am quietly flip-flopping back and forth between hope and depression; between belief and fear; between confidence and despair, I want to continue progressing up the scale - away from "Passive Acceptance" and through "Hopeful Belief", into the realm of "Confident Expectation" and all the way up to the pinnacle of my scale, "Mustard Seed".
Because I don't think I've even scratched the surface of what it means to believe. I don't think I have anything like a workable understanding of faith and how it's supposed to interact between me and my God. So far all I've managed is to take a few sips of murky water, but I'm still in the desert.
Which way to the streams of water?
----------------------------------------
Print This Page
posted by Eric Williamson @ 1:32 PM
28 Comments
Links to this post
28 Comments:
Eric, can I ask a few gentle questions? At least my intent is to be gentle.
Is your faith dependent on the expectation of Connor's full physical restoration? If so, it seems this might be misplaced and backwards. Have you yet been able to "lay your son on the altar", raise the knife" and trust that what God provides will be righteous and good regardless of when or what that is? I do not ask the question casually because it is one of life's most difficult things to do.
Also Eric, can you share where Connor is on your Williamson scale of faith? (I can understand why he may not be ready to post yet. After all, it can't be easy having his body completely removed from his control, being 100% reliant on his parents and his life scrutinized by the world.) But since how he's doing has great impact on how you're doing, is it OK with him for you to share more specifically about what his spiritual journey has been and where he's at now?
Also, one last soul-searching question. IF Connor were to ever come to a different conclusion than you (e.g. wants to move forward into a ministry God might have for him that would preclude healing in this life), have you provided an atmosphere where he could feel free to say so. I'm not saying God can't or won't heal Connor or when or if He should because I believe He can. I'm just saying that as Connor's father, I hope your faith struggles aren't limiting Connor's growth in this journey and his ability to share something like that with you.
I'm praying that Connor continues to grow spiritually as God walks with him through this time fraught with so much difficulty and uncertainty. And yes, though on the surface it might seem like an oxymoron in light of my previous questions, I continue to pray for complete restoration for Connor.
I do not think that you're any different than most Chrisitians even if they are not going through nearly as difficult a trial as you. I see your dependence on God and even through that, times can get tiring. You're growing in your faith, although you do not see it, others do.
You are always in our prayers.
It is quite interesting to me how often my father gets torn apart on this blog for striving to be Christ-like in his struggles by sharing them with other believers.
To Anonymous, let me answer your questions.
1. The "faith" my father speaks of, and longs for, is not a faith that is based solely on Brother's healing, but a faith that is rooted in finding the goodness of our Lord in the midst of such a painful trial. If you have ever had to lay your son on the altar and prepare to kill him, then you would know that having faith in something completely unseen, when everything tangible is screaming contrary, is not a switch you can turn on or off. Assuming, as I am, that you have read the account of Abraham and Isaac in Genesis you will recall that Abraham's faith was not that God would provide for them "regardless of when or what that is," but that God would save his son. Believing this, Abraham lived his life expecting to have his son with him; alive and healthy. Is this not what my father is striving to do?
2. Seeing how dad is torn apart for sharing his heart, is it any wonder why Brother has opted out of revealing his walk with God, struggles, faith and hope with a community that often does not allow man to hurt?
3.I sincerely hope that you never ask another person this question, or any variation of such, again. I am deeply offended by your implication that as a family, we do not provide an environment in which my Brother can feel comfortable to express his emotions, desires and longings. Also, if you truly believe that watching your father sincerely thirst after God is a damaging environment to grow up in, I hurt for your family. If anything, living in an environment where it is okay and encouraged to wrestle with God can only do a service to that family.
Don't be frustrated with the fact that you so obviously missed the mark when trying to understand MY family. You're not the first, and I know you won't be the last.
maybe somethings are better left between yourself and God...and NOT sent out over the internet. This in my view is the problem here. God can handle our ups and down...people cannot.
And if we are willing to post our deepest emotions...then we best be prepared to recieve others deepest responses!
No one is trying to hurt anyone...these are deep felt expressions from human perspectives.
The question is can anyone besides God handle our questions and where is the grace for each other to try and answer those questions? consider John Pipers response in "Future Grace"...and encourage one another to have only one expectation from God regarding faith..."faith in future grace"
Dear Anonymous,
I choose to remain "Anonymous" myself, as I do not want my name out there, and to be criticized. I must say, I feel you have absolutely zero compassion for people in VERY tough circumstances. You haven't been there, or you may feel differently, and may be struggling yourself.
I do not blame Joelle for being offended for her dad being criticized. I would feel the same.
If you are truly a Christian, wouldn't you want to come along side your brother or sister, and carry their burdens with them? Wouldn't you want to show compassion when they are truly suffering and struggling?
It's very easy for some of us Christians, to throw out scripture on people and compare them to people like Abraham in the Bible who was willing to sacrifice his son because God told him too.
It's a horrible thing to be "self righteous" and throw out scripture on people, and if they don't measure up, we criticize and act like we're better than them. That's plain pride, and I think one's like that, have things in their own life to work on just like they're criticizing other people for not being or acting the way you think they should.
If you're going to use scripture on people, then you need to be reminded of scripture yourself, which is, to carry others burdens, to come along side them, to encourage them, to show love, kindness, and compassion for them, humble yourself, and show you understand, and try to hold others up, not tear them down.
I will be praying for you, and also will be praying with all my heart for the Williamson family.
Anonymous #2
Hi Williamson Family,
I have been following your journey since this blog started... I live here in the Santa Cruz area and last night I read an article about another local young man named Jerry MacCallister who sustained a similar injury as Connor due to a dirtbike accident in early January. Their family is going through many of the same trials as yours and I thought maybe your two families could share & learn from each other... Therefore, here is a link to their blog!
http://followingjerry.blogspot.com/2009/02/day-of-answered-prayer-saturday-feb-28.html
Thank you for sharing your families story with all of us - you are touching more lives than you will ever know.
Cynthia Mazzei
Allow me to step in briefly. First, I CHOOSE to put my struggles and victories up in public because I believe I personally am called to do so. So a certain expectation of criticism goes along with that. I make no claim to infallibility and am often in need of encouragement and correction, and although it isn't always pleasant it is often necessary. So it's OK.
Second, I could not be more pleased with my daughter, because she accurately portrayed our family, which makes me even more proud of her.
Third, everyone is welcome here at CW, even when they disagree with me. I received A1's comments in the manner they were intended, and I also appreciate all the other comments as well.
I intend to address some of these things in my next post, so in the meantime I only ask that we all act as Christ would act toward one another - with love.
Until my next post,
Eric
I wish I knew where to start. Should I tell everybody to take a deep breath? Or should direct the boxers back to their respective corners for taping up the wounds?
Metaphors fail here somehow, but as Eric's brother and the uncle of Connor and Joélle, I can't just sit by and watch this. I've only read the words of four of you, but I speak to everyone who reads this.
First, we know that this is a difficult situation for Connor and his family, that emotions run close to the surface, and that extreme care is necessary to prevent even inadvertently causing grief and misunderstanding.
Second, we know, and more exactly, I know, from raw and brutal experience here in the ConnorWatch community, that there is nothing that can be said that can't be misunderstood or misinterpreted, and when it is, it will be so in the worst possible way.
Third, this is the ConnorWatch community, and we have made it known from the beginning that questions are welcome here, even when we don't have the answers, or the answers are unpopular or painful.
So everybody stand down, and look at yourselves. For those of us that claim a relationship with the Lord of the universe, ask yourself what He expects of you in a situation like this. Be gracious enough to recognize that the feelings these comments might provoke may not be the writer's intent.
For those of you that don't claim such a relationship, ask yourself if you can stretch yourself to acknowledge what you do not understand, and to be sensitive of those on a different path, especially when they wrestle with those foundational, soul-searching questions.
Regardless of your orientation, if you are like me, when you stare into the mirror of critical self examination, you will find yourself wanting more, that what you see in your reflection is inadequate.
So how do we grow? On this journey, and here the metaphor holds up well, as we pick our way through torturous paths strewn with rubble, in this community of fellow travelers we call ConnorWatch, we grow together.
We pick each other up when we stumble, we encourage each other when we can, and we seek to learn by observing and asking questions.
Eric and I have discussed this at length, and we have committed to not being critical of questions and questioners. Questions are welcome, because they are the steel that puts the edge on our faith.
The questions posed are good questions, legitimate questions, and it is in working through the answers to those questions that our faith is refined, and that we continue to grow together. But right now they are questions that only Eric can answer.
So Joélle, Chelle Y., Anonymous #1, and Anonymous #2, we are on this journey together, each of us learning something new, and possibly unique to each of us. I am grateful that we are able to travel together, and ask that each of you persevere in this struggle, and commit to staying with us on this journey.
My prayer is that we are able to explore these questions together, and emerge stronger for having done so.
Thank you for traveling with us.
Brad
Sawyer, MI
Brad,
Have I told you lately how much I love you?
This much - ASW (Arms Spread Wide).
Eric
This is in response to anonymous...all of them.
Though I don't agree with what you (#1) said in your post, I believe this forum lends itself to contrary opinions. If you believed what you said enough to post your name it might have had some validity. As it is you appear to be a self- righteous and cowardly.
That may not sound loving but it is. If you had the courage of conviction to identify yourself with your comments, somebody might have listened; and then felt free to either agree or disagree. As it is, you simply look like a gutless contrarian; any point you may have made is lost in your cowardly unwillingness to truly confront what you see as an issue.
I encourage each and every anonymous commenter to identify himself or herself. Only then will what you say be heard.
Ouch! Perhaps I missed something and should have spoken more strongly.
Our anonymous poster literally asks permission to pose a question, declares their intention to be gentle, expresses their concern regarding a truly difficult question to answer, and then proceeds to ask a series of fundamentally difficult questions, questions difficult to ask, let alone answer, and he/she is taken to task for attacking Eric and his family, accused of non-Christian/non-spiritual behavior, and charged with being self-righteous and cowardly.
This is not right. This is not a behavior that represents Christ working in us, and it is a terrible burden that we must carry in addition to the the struggle we share with the Williamsons. We cannot endure this.
I may not agree with a writer's decision to remain anonymous, but I can understand their desire to do so, especially with this kind of response from the ConnorWatch community.
I might choose not to ask hard questions to allow the questionee room or time to develop, but we each choose the questions to ask, and when to ask them.
I might not agree with how someone interprets a particular posting, but I grant them latitude to interpret the post based on their situation.
But I cannot sit silently when someone is attacked. This is not representative of the Christ we are called to serve.
Our anonymous poster brought no such attack. He/she is asking hard questions. He/she may have first posted these questions, but that does not mean that others have not thought them. And from that perspective I realize how difficult they were to ask.
But they are nothing more than hard questions, hard questions that deserve an answer. Eric has indicated that he will respond to them.
Pray for him as he prepares to give a defense of his faith.
Pray for us as we seek to reflect Christ in our relationships and our responses.
Be reminded that it is necessary to ask hard questions when one seeks the truth, and be prepared to respond in a way that honors the God that you serve.
Brad
Sawyer, MI
Jeff, you certainly come across as very Christ-like. Thanks for setting the bar so high. May I remind you (and Joelle) that not everyone here is a believer. The only one who seems to get it is Brad. I believe it’s fair to say that 95% or greater of all posts by other readers have been positive and encouraging throughout. Certainly the post by Anonymous #1 was not in any way “tearing apart” Eric as was insinuated. If this is how people get treated and attacked just by speaking up, then maybe it is time “to change the channel” as some are clearly not welcome here.
Bob
Actually, I think we were defending Eric, as some of us felt he was being attacked, and as Brad said: "But I cannot sit silently when someone is attacked. This is not representative of the Christ we are called to serve."
I for one, felt like Brad, but not about what Jeff was saying, but how I felt Anonymous #1 was talking about Eric. That's why I posted what I did above.
Unless any of us are in this families shoes, I just don't think we should ask these kind of questions. We need to do it in a more gentle way, or the best thing, is just to be there for them, to love them, encourage them, etc. and the main thing, PRAY for them, that they would feel God's love, that He would comfort them, and do any work in them that needs to be done. I feel we only discourage them when we confront them like this. Pray for them.
I continue to love and pray for this family.
Anonymous #1
Sorry, the post above is from Anonymous #2, not #1.
Sorry I can't use my name, I just don't feel comfortable, but I truly needed to respond.
OK, it's time for me to leap back into this melée -
I truly appreciate everyone's intention to come to my defense - I think your hearts are in the right place when you are aggrieved for someone in our shoes. I also will say "thank you" to A1 for being bold enough to ask those questions - I can understand the concern behind them. I admit to feeling some of what Jeff expressed about the veil of anonymity - I too feel that it can be used to say things one would never say otherwise. But the fact remains that A1, and others like them, represent one more person who is caring and praying for me and my family, and I will not jeopardize that over hurt feelings. I will not.
And I won't sit by and let others do it in my name. So I am asking this entire community, believers or not, to please stop this. It does not glorify Christ to fight like dogs over something I have already said is OK with me.
I give you my word - I will address these things in my next post, either tonight (after my 11-hour shift), or tomorrow. Until then, please take a deep breath before you respond with righteous indignation. Even though I don't consider the original questions to be slaps in the face, I can still turn the other cheek. I ask that you do likewise.
Eric
I'm with you anonymous #2. I'm not sure disclosing ones name is such a good idea and can understand anyone who would choose to protect themselves from misunderstanding.
To Anonymous #1, let me be the first to apologize to you for all the comments that were tearing you up one side and down the other. I'm not sure if your a believer or not but I sure hope so! Because if you are a believer than you will forgive and bless you for that. I personally did not take your questions as "attacking" the Williamson's. You stated that from the very beginning and have posed some difficult questions to Eric. Good for you. Too many people are afraid to pose such questions. I understand staying anonymous now more than ever.
Brad, your an awesome brother! You are generous in spirit and forgiving.
Eric, you also are forgiving and acting very much like a gentleman. Thank you.
To all the others that felt led to be rude, shame on you!!! None of you have set yourselves apart from non believers. If Anonymous #1 was a non believer or was sitting on the fence, you certainly did not show the love of Christ in your responses. If that was me, I would want nothing to do with your God as you are no different than non believers. Word of advice, pull the plank out of you own eye.
Goodnight,
I will remain anonymous, cowardly? Guess so, but my choice.
I was confused after awhile as to what was written by whom but I do appreciate that the Williamson family has a place to share with all of us. We want to walk along side of you and hold you up--realizing that even with God's help, we are all going to have "good" days and "bad" days. I want you to know that, as always, you have our love and support. It's good that you have brothers & a daughter -- as well as fellow Christians -- that care about you. We love you all--God bless you with a good night's sleep. It does wonders (as I realize when I DON"T get one...)
p.s. I am ready for the words of a good song, an inspiring poem or God's words from scripture! What about you?
We're praying for you and your family! You have a special daughter to say all the wonderful things she said about her dad and family.
We'll continue to hold you all up.
In Christ!
Kim
Okay.
I confess that my anger at feeling that my friend was being attacked caused me to overreact. Somebody was simply offering their opinion. Name-calling was wrong. I should have waited, counted to ten, and then responded.
I was wrong to lash out.
No excuse is offered.
Please do not allow my foolish emotional posting to dampen the tone of this blog.
Hopefully I can say this without anger. Please try to see the point. (This is not intended to defend my previous response; I offer no defense; again I apologize.)
With that said:
Anonymous postings do lack credibility.
Surely all readers understand that the comments by "Anonymous @1" were well-intentioned. If the post had been made with a name attached, my disagreement would not have resulted in any response from me at all.
Regardless, my attack was wrong.
I was inappropriate, and I apologize. No excuses.
With that said, I would encourage those who feel the need to remain anonymous to reconsider. Whatever you have to say (even criticism) would be better received with the openness of including your name.
Bob,
You are right. My response was not Christ-like. It was intended to be, but that was lost as I started acting like the sinner that I am. It is good for all of us to hear opinions that differ from ours. That is far from a bad thing.
As far as "changing the channel" please don't. There is much to be learned here; both from those who act in a Christ-like fashion as well as those of us who continue to deal with our own wretched flesh.
Please pray for the Williamson family. They need our prayers and not our petty reactions. Here, I speak to myself.
Forgive me please.
Jeff,
Apology accepted, though I ‘m not the one you were insulting and therefore I hope Anonymous #1 reads your post and hasn’t left for good. I was just trying to keep things in perspective. It was very big of you to come back and clear the air - so thank you for that. Rest assured that the Williamsons will always stay in our prayers.
Bob
Has anyone thought that possibly Anonymous # 1 asked the questions not as any type of an attack, but because he or she has had occasion to struggle with such questions at one time in his or her own life? Or that this blog has stated over and over again that it is a place where the hard questions can be asked? Or that the Williamson family has proven to be intelligent as well as faithful in their commitment to Jesus Christ in spite of their trials and Eric's answers would be respected? And that the answers given could very well help others also?
By the way, I am the first anonymous poster # 1. My intention was in no way a personal attack (I'm sorry that I did not make that clearer), but to ask honest, difficult questions that people in such difficult circumstances struggle with. Oh, and none of the other followup anonymous posts afer the original one were from me.
I was originally anonymous because it's easier to post that way than sign up for an account; I have never met any of the Williamson family nor any of their friends, so no one knows me and I didn't see how adding a name could add much to the conversation anyway. (Except now to maybe help clarify which anonymous poster I was.) But now I see another reason to post anonymously is to not provide a name as a target for vehement responses.
I'll think carefully before I ever ask honest hard questions again on this blog, but I do anticipate Eric's response and I will continue to pray for Connor and the family as I have since I first read this blog shortly after Connor's accident.
Wow....after reading all this, I just want to cry.
Still praying for Connor and family...and the body of Christ.
I would like to suggest that you guys turn on comment moderation and appoint someone who can remain somewhat objective and who will only post those items that do not offend the blog owner or writer. I think you assume your audience thinks like you do, but not everyone does and I have noticed if someone disagrees—they should head for the proverbial hills. The comment moderation feature would eliminate the irritation of hearing a comment you don’t like. Another “fix” could be to force people to sign up and register each time they submit a comment to be posted—if they are not registered under a name, no comments could be submitted.
I have been reading now for a few months after a friend told me about your blog as she thought I would be interested. I am more than just an interested bystander--I live your life every day as my son has a similar injury sustained 6 years ago. I KNOW your despair! I have LIVED your despair. But the thing that stands out most to me about some of the postings on this blog is how they must make your son feel to hear you say some of the things I’ve read. If you feel despair, I can’t imagine what he must feel reading about your desperation. Are you placing an additional burden of guilt on him? After all he is the one the accident happened to. Yes, it affected you and your whole family exactly as it did mine, but your son is the one who has the injury. Your life is not ruined—it is different, but not over. I hope that you can soon get to a place of acceptance about what has happened--that does not mean you have to accept it as final because there is always hope, but you do need to get to a better place psychologically. I posted a couple of weeks back that I hoped you had sought counseling and if you have not, please consider it. There are many professional Christian counselors who have much to offer. I can tell you for sure that when you are 6 years out from the injury as we are, things will be better.
And a little side note to those of you who *think* you are anonymous—you are NOT. Each time you log on to anything out there in cyberspace you are leaving your IP address along with the city where you live and probably other means of identification that I don’t even know about. Unless you are totally unknown to the family, they probably know who you are from the information they can track. But that being said, I certainly do NOT think that the anonymous posters are cowards—since your forum is open they are simply expressing their opinions which obviously they fear doing under their real names because they will be chastised in a subsequent posting. So . . . that brings me back to comment moderation which would solve all the problems with people posting things you would rather not hear.
I went to bed with these postings on my mind and woke up to them again. My heart goes out to annonymous #1. I too have posted on here in what I felt was love and concern stemming from difficult things that I had to deal with when we lost our son only to feel totally misunderstood.
I had tears and dispair feeling like my words though meant in love must have sounded harsh. (Your posting didn't sound harsh to me) I worried that I had caused the Williamsons more pain. Beleive me even though the Williamsons don't know me I wished that I had posted as anonymous. I must say that both Brad and Eric were very gracious as they have been with this blog. In all truthfullness I never wanted to post on this site again. I forced myself to do it, though, because not to for those reasons, to me would have been true cowardice.
One thing that I learned years ago and I think would be good for all Christians to understand is this: We are not to take up an offense for another person. God gives the offended person the grace to deal with the situation, not the bystanders. Does that mean we are never to defend people? Of course not. But we are to do it without anger and offense. Eric's responses on here are proof that God is giving him the grace to deal with it, and he is doing a fantastic job.
Blessings to you all.
This is a bit of a stream-of-consciousness. My intent is to present loving, thoughtful, gentle, and non-hurtful food for thought. Please accept my comments as I intend to offer them.
I guessed I missed something. I read Anon #1's post to be truly from the heart, gentle, thoughtful, and posing legitimate questions.
I am distantly connected to Clan Williamson (old frind of Brad's from 25 years ago when he was in the Navy (before marriage), and then Margaret shortly after their marriage; they attended my church at the time. Let's just describe it as six degrees of separation.
I am not a believer. I think that Christians, as a group, have a pretty miserable rep in some repsects: judgmental, holier than tho, right when everyone else is wrong, and intolerant, to state a few choice descriptions that one frequently sees in the mainstream media. In other words, not exactly Christ-like. The concept of not perfect, just forgiven is not widely understood outside of Christian circles.
That said, I believe strongly that when you have a close friend who is a Christian, you're not likely to attribute to that person the sterotypical rep that you might to an anonymous group of folks you don't know. I mean, think about it. Muslims are bad, but not your buddy Mohamed, right? Jews are bad, but not your good friend, Moshe. That's the error of sterotypes, and also of abdicating the voice of your faith to some mouthpiece who may not reflect your real beliefs. If Mohamed or Moshe are cool, they why would you believe that Muslims or Jews, as a group, are bad? It makes no sense at all.
Digressing a little, an interesting "coincidence" happened last June. After 25 years, Brad and I found each other on-line. His first message was that Connor had just been injured (I think two days earlier) and that was his focus at that time, but he'd get back to me later. And oh, by the way, we're setting up a website to keep folks up to date, as it would be easier than fielding individual calls and emails from concerned friends and family.
I've been following ConnorWatch ever since. I post occasionally, and also communicate from time to time with members of the CW community by email and on Facebook.
One of the many, many things I've taken away from this group is a better understanding of Christians, their faith, their sincerity of belief, and their struggles to live Christ's example. I also see a sincere humility, understanding that they are not perfect.
To believers who wonder if Eric expressing his thoughts along this journey may somehow burden Connor, I ask you this:
Do you think your God is not saddened, even tormented, by your own heartbreak? Does He not wring his hands over your pain? Does it "box you in" or create unreasonable expections to know that He hurts when you hurt? How is that different from Connor knowing Eric's pain? Would Connor (or any of us) be better off thinking our Father is aloof to our suffering? Or would we think our Father doesn't understand what we're going thru?
This remarkable community, the CW community, is achieving profound things on many levels. Folks dealing with spinal cord injuries hear on some level the personal struggles of a Christian family.
They may now think of Eric as the Christian Mohamed or Moshe that shows them that negative stereotypes are invalid.
Folks of all faiths around the world are learning from Clan Williamson's experience. I have a sister in Dubai and a friend in India who are following and praying for this family.
What could be a more perfect opportunity to hold your candle overhead, not under a barrel, than here?
Donna Hamilton
Tumwater WA
I have followed this blog for some time now. I cannot imagine the hurt ad pain that your family goes through on a daily bases. Being a Mom myself, it pains me to think of that happening to my son. I want to personally thank you for your honesty on your blog. I think it is only natural the way you feel at times. We are all struggling with our humanity and we all question God. You just happen to be going through more than the average Joe. As a single Mother, just recently becoming a Christian, I want to thank you. The biggest problem that I have with church is that some try to hard to look like a "good Christian." People's lives can be in ruins, but they will go to church and when asked how they are doing, they go "Praise Jesus, God is good." And God is good, but that is not their reality. Mourning, sadness, and even weeping are a part of life. Look up those words in the Bible and you will find tons of scriptures about them. I think trying to keep up with the persona of being a "good Christian" is a lot of work and is not what God expects of us. It also sends a really mixed message to the rest of the world out there. Just because you are a Christian, does not mean that your life is always good. God desires an honest relationship with us and that means also admitting our questions, concerns, when we are angry, sad, etc. He does not expect us to belittle our feelings; he wants us to cry out to him. I also, do not want to belittle God. I think that he is all powerful and can restore Connor's body, and will if it is in his will. And I hope that it is. I just don't think that I would read your blog if all it was were sunshine and daises. If all it was was "Praise God, our son can't walk and we can't pay the medical bills, but God is good."
I think you have such courage to bleed to the world on your blog. You are a strong man with a much deeper faith in Jesus Christ than I think you sometimes know. Connor is so lucky to have a family and a father like you. God understands what you are going through. I pray for you and your family that you will find peace in the mist of this storm. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." - Matthew 11:28-30
God bless you and your family. Your blog has made such an impact on my life.
I am reminded by the last part of the first comment in this thread of something I experienced as a cancer patient (surgery, 6 weeks of daily radiation and 15 months of chemotherapy infusions)and have seen occur in other situations where serious physical illness or injury has occurred. Apparently it's not unusual for a patient (even a younger child), who out of concern that a loved one is struggling with their situation, to become the emotional caregiver for that person.
Can this limit completely open conversation? Each situation and the people involved are obviously different, but it's a dynamic that some families experience to one degree or another.
Eric, it sounds like your family is very blessed with open lines of communication. Continue to nurture that!
Thank you for sharing your journey so honestly.
We continue to pray for you all.
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home