Day 248 - February 17 - A 6-year-old in a 46-year-old body
I just climbed the stairs after apologizing to my wife and son, telling them I'd see them tomorrow. Lord, I suck at following You...
As we moved Connor into his bed tonight, I accidentally hurt him. His shoulder joints are becoming looser and looser the longer his muscles remain lax, and since they were injured in his accident they are none too strong to begin with. As I moved him tonight, I did it wrong and his shoulder slipped out of joint momentarily, causing Cherié to holler in panic and Connor to react to her alarm. Once the initial jump was over, they both reacted to it well, but I didn't. Not at all. In embarrassment that I was so inept that I would hurt my own son, I allowed my frustration to turn to anger and basically threw a tantrum. Not the most impressive display of Christlikeness I've seen recently, that's for sure.
I tell you this for one reason only - because I am desperate to become more like Christ in the way I deal with and respond to my family. I know I am a wretched man who is trapped between his sin nature and his new nature - like Paul says in Romans 7, "I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate". But this, of course, only puts me squarely in the company of every other follower of Christ on the planet, so nothing special there. I'm just so frustrated with failing over and over and over again to actually see effective change in me in those areas that need Christ's light shining on them the most. Particularly the ways I injure, offend, and otherwise insult my own family.
And I'm also sick and tired of apologizing over and over for the same faults. I desperately need to see victory over my anger, and my temper, and my self-loathing and poor self-image, and only Christ working in me can do that. So I'm telling you this because A) I need all the help I can get to give this part of "me" over to Christ, and B) because I need to know that other men and women are watching to see if I'll be obedient to it.
I just figure that after nearly 24 years of marriage, Cherié has got to be getting fairly tired of her husband acting like a six-year-old. I know I am, and Connor has already told me he is too. Joélle hasn't chimed in yet, but I'm sure she would agree with Brother and her mom...
Connor had a good afternoon today with his buddies, playing video games while it poured cats and dogs outside. We did have one prayer request answered today - the hospital finally got us scheduled for Connor's visit next week, so we're pleased to have that arranged. Thanks to all of you for your prayers. Please don't stop!!!!
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posted by Eric Williamson @ 9:31 PM
12 Comments
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12 Comments:
Eric,
No one in their right mind should even begin to judge you right now. You have displayed so much faith throughout the months during this trial that it puts me to shame. We dwell on your good days and pray for the difficult ones.
I am positive that you would never hurt Connor on purpose. We know how much you love "the boy" and your family. I cannot begin to imagine the stress you have to go through daily. I wish so much that you did not have to either.
I do not even know if this comment is making sense right now. Basically, all I wanted to say is that Brendan and I will be praying for you tonight. We always do, but we will specifically pray for this.
May God bless you and give you peace that passes all understanding!
Eric, don't beat yourself up!! It was an accident with your son, certainly not intentional. And you know what, I act like a 6 year old on a fairly regular basis, and I don't have near the hardships you have in your life. I think we're a lot alike, I struggle in so many of the same areas as you.
You're definitely not alone, when it comes to being impatient, or loosing your cool, getting frustrated or angry. I want so bad just like you, to be more like Christ. I know that's the main thing, that our desire is to be more like Christ, and less of us.
When we're under a lot of stress, or tired and worn out, that's when it's so easy to "loose it," and let Satan take control.
Just know I am praying for you in this area, as I can so relate.
In my thoughts and prayers!
Kim
You know what I prayed for for you tonight? I prayed for some relief. I think you need some relief and I just am imploring the Lord to bring it to you and to your wife and to Connor as well. Thank you for your honesty to all of us readers. My heart truly breaks at "only" being able to pray and do nothing else, as if that isn't something in itself. But I surely hope the Lord is listening. God Bless you Williamsons.
With love in Christ,
Claudia Rizzi in
Norco
You are an amazing family, so strong and faithful. I think that sometimes its hard to see haw well we are doing, everyon is their own worst critic. Eric, you have been such a wonderful example of Christ's love, of couse you fall at times, but I think that may be how we grow stronger in our relationship with Christ.
Your family keeps me in check with myself and my faith.
God Bless,
Carolyn Brogan
I've just recently heard about this blog even though I've know about Connor's situation since September. I find your openness and transparency is extremely encouraging. I know what it’s like to be frustrated when you feel like you’re not being who you ought to be. A verse that has been extremely encouraging is Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” God will continue to work with us, in us, and through us until we reach completion. He will never give up on us even if we aren’t acting the way we think we should. I will be praying for you, your family, and this situation. God Bless!
Eric...
We all should be working towards the goal of being more Christlike...but remember you are only human. Don't be too hard on yourself! We all fall short....which is once we acknowledge that (being more than half the battle) is when God can come in and do His good work in us!
We are one of many praying for you and your family!
-The Sherman Family
I hope you are going to counseling. It is not a sign of weakness or unfaithfulness to seek outside help.
We are praying! We will also be at the hospital next week. Maybe we'll run into you guys.
HAVE A GREAT EVENING AND THINGS WILL GET BETTER! We know the GREAT Physican!
Eric, Only Jesus is perfect but He also knew our temptations and He works in us to bring us to perfection. But that isn't going to happen while we are in this earthly body and He understands that and wants to make us stronger each day. You are not alone in this. We share your struggles.I am praying for all of you,so when these times come, take a deep breath and thank God for all your other blessings. Love Mary
Eric,
I know the shame and self-disgust that comes from losing my temper. You took a big step forward in confessing your tantrum. God keeps His promise to heal our sins when we confess them. I want to share what God used to help me.
I happened to know a counselor who put this program together called "Taming the Volcano, a recovery program for control freaks." Google Taming the Volcano. Order it from Dr. Scott Christie. Work this program like an addict works the 12 steps. Over time you will learn how to stop the embarrassing cycle of blowups and apologies. It worked for me.
God bless. I hope you get all the help you need for yourself as well as for your family. ~
We love you all and continue to pray right along with you. Know that we care and are here...
Kristie for the Robinsons
Fresno
Dear 6 yr old in 46 yr old body:
This is the 9 yr old in a 39 yr old body:
I have spent the entire day yesterday in bed with this nasty stomach virus, and have barely held my head up all day. I finally dragged up last night and walked in the living room, and behold...the living room was a wreck and the kitchen looked as though aliens had invaded. I instantly went bonkers and started fussing and ranting like the idiot I'm sure I looked like and everyone looked at me like I had gone crazy. Of course, remorse quickly followed as I profusely apologized to my family. I could blame it on not feeling good, but truth is...I was plain ole ugly. When I finally checked my email, this is the devotional that I read, just thought I'd share it with you...
Construction Zone
I thought it good to declare the signs and wonders that the Most High God has worked for me.
Daniel 4:2
Recommended Reading
Daniel 4:34-37
A sign outside a church said, “Construction Zone: Jesus at Work.” We could all wear T-shirts with that slogan, couldn’t we? Several years ago, there was a fad of wearing a little button with the letters: PBPGINFWMY. It stood for: “Please Be Patient. God Is Not Finished With Me Yet.”
When we begin reading Daniel 4, we see a self-important tyrant named Nebuchadnezzar who, by the end of the chapter, is a humbler, wiser man. The chapter itself is the king’s written testimony. Many years transpired between the beginning and ending of the chapter; and many events came to pass, including Nebuchadnezzar’s bout of insanity. But with the passing of years and by using divine tools at His disposal, God reshaped the wicked old king from where he was to where the Lord wanted him to be.
He does the same with us. The psalmist said, “The Lord will perfect that which concerns me (Psalm 138:8), and Paul reminded us, “He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6).
So, remember, PBPGINFWMY!
End of construction. Thank you for your patience.
Inscription on Ruth Bell Graham’s gravestone
So remember....PBPGINFWMY! Praise God that He is still working on us.
Love ya,
Martha in Fl.
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