Day 217 - January 17 - 7m + 1d = 2Long
Yesterday marked the seven month mark. 217 days of misery. 217 days of trying to muster the strength to carry on another day. 217 days of trying to hold my family together in the face of disaster. 217 days where the question "Why don't You move, God?" is never far from my thoughts and my lips. 217 mornings waking up thinking "Maybe today's the day", and 217 evenings going to bed thinking "Well maybe tomorrow". 217 nights fearing the alarms, 217 days wishing I'd gotten more sleep. 217 days trying to remember that God actually does care about Connor and the family.
It's midnight, and I find the situation we're in to be extremely depressing. I'm also so tired I've (once again) fallen asleep about five times since I started, so I'm off to bed. I'll try to write something worthwhile tomorrow when my brain s functioning like it's supposed to...
Eric
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posted by Eric Williamson @ 11:22 PM
19 Comments
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19 Comments:
In the morning I remember some I overlooked last night - 217 days:
- that we HAVE been carried through.
- in which God's people have rallied around us like never before.
- where God's severe and furious love for us has shown itself in strange and unforeseen ways.
And most important, 217 days WITH my boy instead of without him.
Remember, God is good - even when you don't think He is.
Praise the Lord for how much clearer we can think after we've had some rest. I know I've said it before, but Satan attacks when we're exhausted. If it is at all possible really try to get more rest.
I also know that you really have had 217 days of misery, but God has been there even when it doesn't seem like it. I wish I had the answer for why but I don't understand anymore than you do. All I know is that this life is just a stepping stone for a much greater, pain free one to come.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...
Could we PLEASE know how OTHERS in your family are doing? How is Connor???????????? How is Cherie?
217 days of this friend holding you, Cherie, Connor, and Joelle close in her heart every moment and wishing there was something more I could do other than just tell you I'm thinking of you. I stand behind you, offering my little share of "propping you up" as much as possible, as you move forward through day 218, 219 an on. I'm always thinking of you!
Eric you need to look on the positive side. Being negative is not helpful. Stop and think. How do you think Connor feels? We never here about his feelings only yours Eric. Stop and think.
I know it would be good to hear more about Connor and the rest of the family, but I do kinda feel that this is more of a "journal" so to speak, for Eric to write out his thoughts, concerns, prayer needs, etc. I feel it's a good thing, something Eric, you need to do so others know what's going on and to know how to pray for you and others in the family.
So don't take personally what others have said about you just focusing on yourself. It's helpful for you to just "pour it all out!" So don't stop. We would love to hear also how the rest are doing to, but I know you have done that.
You are struggling and we need to know how to pray, so thanks for opening up your heart to all of us.
You and your family are loved and cared for very much!
Love you all!
Kim & Ken
Eric,
I do hope that the anonymous commenter on this blog will 'stop and think' before leaving more comments. This blog is so very helpful in many ways, especially for you. Your helpless feelings of desperation at times, are just SOME of what you are going through- and WE know that you are allowed to have feelings that run from one end of the spectrum to another. You cannot 'fix' this situation and that's a hard thing to live through- especially for a man! We understand! We know that you are, as the father and husband, in a position where you can't really do much more than what you are doing right now. I can't even begin to imagine how we would react in your position. We also appreciate knowing how to pray for you and the family- which comes from your hearts cry, as well as your praising and informative posts. Thank you for sharing and for keeping us updated when you can. You are always in our prayers and in our hearts. We love you all.
Again, I say AMEN when its raining. I don't know the music artist who sings that song....but even in the rain we praise Him.
In all things we are to find JOY....IN all things. not after, not before, IN. During the trials we are to praise Him with joyful noise.
I must agree with anonymous...this may be your journal Eric, but it is also your ministry, your witness to a world that is watching. Do not fear and worry as yet to cause another to stumble.
I too would like to hear from Connor and have him journal his time. This is his ministry RIGHT NOW. Can he use what God has allowed to happen to glorify God and to assist others?
I too am a sinner who is in need of a savior...I walk beside your family and use the words of our Lord to encourage you in love. As iron sharpens iron, so we must support and sharpen each other in times of distress.
Dear Jesus, please support my brother Eric today, tomorrow and always. Give him a reason to count this a joy.
To the Williamsons:
There has never been a time since Connor’s accident, when I have heard Casting Crowns' song "Praise You in This Storm", that I have not thought about you guys. The first line is "I was sure by now, God, that You would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day.” I just heard that song, and again, you immediately came to my mind. Having just read Eric’s post about “217 days of . . .”, my heart was aching for you guys. For the first time, I decided to add a comment. When I went to the comment section for Eric’s post, I saw that he had added to his own post—more of “217 days of . . .” Eric, you get it—you get that there have been 217 days of God’s blessings in the midst of this storm! It's just like the song says.
Here are the words to “Praise You in This Storm”:
Praise You in This Storm
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms
I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.
Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away
Chorus
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.
(Btw, I think that this is the song that the above comment was talking about!)
Kathy, Morgan Hill
I understand that in the middle of a difficult situation, positives are hard to come by... that is why it is called a 'difficult' situation. I also agree that we do not always think straight when we are in those places and exhausted. However, the true mettle of who we are does come through at those points, when we no longer have the presence of mind to keep up the pretenses we hide behind.
It seems that the truth of who Eric is that he is more negative in his disposition than he is positive. On this website, it appears that Eric does focus more on the impact of this difficult situation on himself than on the impact felt by others, namely Conner. From my perspective it looks like Eric is closed to any options from God, but one. That is Eric's choice, he free in that with no condemnation! However, today is ALWAYS the day! Rare are the moments (not days) when we can say... "Ahhh... this is EXACTLY what I thought life would be... " at least in my experience. Rather, it can be said that life is normally not what WE thought it would be. Truthfully, how can we really know what life SHOULD be, we have no experience in living one moment longer than we already have.
If this is a therapeutic place/activity for Eric, then so be it. The truth of who Eric is, or any of us actually, really should have no judgement attached to it at all. The truth is meant to set us free...
Rather than offer complaints, I offer a solution... Can each family member be given a "journal" page to write as they see fit? Readers can then choose whose perspectives they want to read at any given moment. This would give Eric a place to be himself, as well as provide a place for updates on Conner, Cherie and Joelle.
Life is tough, period. Let's try to f ind ways to get through it together!
"From my perspective it looks like Eric is closed to any options from God, but one." Quote
I disagree.... My husband, myself, my daughter and Connor believe that if we ask, believing we have received it, it will be given to us. That is Gods own words.... He says, you do not have, because you do not ask. We have yet to hear God say "No, my grace is sufficient for you." So we continue to pray for healing. I still believe that Connor will one day be playing his guitar and singing again. This is one of his greatest desires. When and if God says "No"... we will press on and accept Gods grace. I believe the prayer of a righteous man, availeth much! (James 5:16) Which happens to be about healing.... So I shall not be moved! I stand on Christ's own words...
My perspective is not a criticism. It is what I see... and of course you certainly have a different one , but it remains my perspective.
In 2 Cor.12:9, Paul asked God to do something specific and God doesn't say no... He tells Paul to trust that Grace is all Paul needs. God seems to be telling Paul to let God do what He does best (and truthfully, I am sure I have yet to see His best!). I do not see accepting His sufficient Grace as accepting a no answer, rather accepting His leadership, timetable, etc.
We have already been given healing at the Cross, and asking for a complete restoration is certainly not out of line in any way shape or form, on the contrary! I guess I would ask, how do we know what complete restoration looks like? Is it a one-time Zap of Divine Power or is it a journey with many many smaller Zaps of the Divine? This I cannot answer... Only God can. I would surmise it could be one or the other or a combination, after all, He is God!
Maybe God was telling Paul to look each day for new mercies in His Grace as God worked on the bigger picture...
Dear Eric and Cherie:
I hope and pray this is always a place where you can come and comfortably share exactly where you are on this lonely journey...without painting on a happy face if it's just not there. I have witnessed you all praising God countless times when I wonder how you do, but yet I know it's genuine and I praise Him with you.
Anonymous (from 1/18 @ 11:17 and 11:54), it's hard to know where your heart is, because text doesn't tell much of that. But, your messages seem to be mean-spirited. One thing that is safe to assume is that when there is news on Connor, we will be among the first to hear about it.
Eric and Cherie, please use this blog just as you have, to share honestly, praise Him, question Him, plead for prayer and update when necessary. God bless you.
Lynne Piper
Houston, Texas
Dear Eric..Cherie'..Connor and Joelle..
My heart is so achy to have read the comments on today's blog..It hurts and is achy... I cannot imagine...anyone... a believer of Christ or a seeker of Christ..to write such mean-spirited comments to you .....Not one of us are walking in the shoes that you are in right now..Yes..we all have different trials and tribulations..My heart has often..been so overwhelmed with the expression..the sincerety..the honesty that Eric you share about how overwhelmed you have been..I cannot imagine..the fear..the desperation..the panic..the exhaustion..the why's?? that have wrung in your hearts and mind..over and over and over..You do express for connor..You do express for Cherie and Joelle... I'm sure every emotion that you feel..they feel exactly the same..You have been a tool of God to express to us so honestly and so humbly and so exposed and yet "You make me want to know God deeper and you are a tool that reminds us that ..Your hope is in your God...NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!!! The one's that have made these horrible..comments to you are truly cowardly..and flat out MEAN..I remember when my husband battled a serious life threatning cancer which literally almost took his life..several times.. But the grace of God and the prayers of Faith ..saved his life..But there were people throughout our long journey who came along and spoke such horrible words and comments that wounded us deeply like cancer..I pray that God will heal these wounds that can cause such pain in you..We must build each other up and not share such unkind words..
You are incredible people of faith..of love..of compassion and not many people could ever stand in your shoes...truly ever..
Those who wrote such horrible hurtful comments to you..I know have never been tested in their faith because they would have never made those comments.. People who go through severe suffering..are very limited to words..They just pray and lift the hands of the hurting up..
SHAME ON YOU WHO WROTE THESE WORDS AND PLEASE DONT LEAVE ANYMORE MEAN SPIRITED COMMENTS..
We love you Eric..Cherie', Connor and Joelle..
the true warriors of faith!!!
Love,
Kathy MacPhail and family..
Come on folks - life is too short to be going down this road in this fashion.
One person is critical, another is encouraging. That is part of the rich fabric of life that God has put before us.
If you want to encourage the Williamsons, by all means do so. If you want to be critical of the Williamsons, well, that's OK too.
It is from both these perspectives that we grow, because both are a part of the challenge of life, and we trust God will provide a measure of grace for dealing with either, on all our parts, and not just the Williamsons.
None of us know the motivation of others who post here, none of us know their experiences, and certainly none of us can tell their intent. But that cannot be allowed to silence that which is on our hearts.
Encouraging we desire, critical we necessarily accept, but attacking each other for the speaking our hearts should be beneath us.
Encouragement and criticism, these are the things before us. Let us bind ourselves to debate with respect, to question what we do not understand, to seek that which is "true, lovely, honorable, worthy of good report" and lift up our fellow travelers as we go.
Let us remember that we are on this journey through life together, regardless of what we think, feel, or believe, and that each of us is at a different place in the journey, and each of us has a different understanding of what the Williamsons are experiencing.
We still journey together. For that I am grateful.
I just praise God for each and every one of you--I am glad that, as Christians, we can be honest with one another and God. I have walked in Eric & Cherie's shoes before and it's a very tough road in which to walk--although, after awhile, I felt like I was barely crawling.
I am so thankful that you share what is on your heart, Eric, because it's easy to feel like you have exhausted every bit of energy you have. That's why you wrote one thing last night and added the addendum this morning.
I hold hope for Connor that one day he will play his guitar again--it's just hard when you realize 217 days of that hope have already gone by. Every little bit of progress--nerves that seem to be reginerating, muscles that start to move even just a bit, God gives those as encouragement.
Lots of love and prayers for you all and I hope that you are able to soon have a bit more respite care to give you a chance to breath, eat, and sleep more peacefully. God bless you.
Thanks, Brad!
This post by Eric and the comments which have ensued made me think of the following passage, at least some of which has been quoted here before:
1 I am the man who has seen affliction by the rod of His wrath.
2 He has led me and made me walk
In darkness and not in light.
3 Surely He has turned His hand against me
Time and time again throughout the day.
4 He has aged my flesh and my skin,
And broken my bones.
5 He has besieged me
And surrounded me with bitterness and woe.
6 He has set me in dark places
Like the dead of long ago.
7 He has hedged me in so that I cannot get out;
He has made my chain heavy.
8 Even when I cry and shout,
He shuts out my prayer.
9 He has blocked my ways with hewn stone;
He has made my paths crooked.
10 He has been to me a bear lying in wait,
Like a lion in ambush.
11 He has turned aside my ways and torn me in pieces;
He has made me desolate.
12 He has bent His bow
And set me up as a target for the arrow.
13 He has caused the arrows of His quiver
To pierce my loins.
14 I have become the ridicule of all my people—
Their taunting song all the day.
15 He has filled me with bitterness,
He has made me drink wormwood.
16 He has also broken my teeth with gravel,
And covered me with ashes.
17 You have moved my soul far from peace;
I have forgotten prosperity.
18 And I said, “My strength and my hope
Have perished from the LORD.”
19 Remember my affliction and roaming,
The wormwood and the gall.
20 My soul still remembers
And sinks within me.
21 This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.
22 Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
23 They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
24 “ The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
“ Therefore I hope in Him!”
25 The LORD is good to those who wait for Him,
To the soul who seeks Him.
26 It is good that one should hope and wait quietly
For the salvation of the LORD.
Lamentations 3:1-26 (NKJV)
Much is made of verses 22 and following - and rightly so. But verse 21 is beautiful to me - Jeremiah is preaching to himself in that verse. He is renewing his mind in the midst of a terrible trial by recalling and meditating on the truths he knows about his God...
Keep on posting, Eric, and bearing your heart. That is how we best know how to pray for you. I wish that I had had more courage to share my despair and open up my heart to those around me instead of putting on a front.
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