Day 200 - December 31 - Our letter to you

For those who asked - to mark the end of 2008, here's the text of our Christmas letter. It was enclosed with an 8x10 print of the above image...

Christmas 2008

Another year. Another Christmas. Another Christmas letter! This one will be a bit different than previous years because events have so intertwined our individual lives that it’s difficult to separate them all. So, here goes…

2008 is proving to be a difficult year to sum up. As most of you are aware, our family has been significantly shaken this year, to the point that I feel like I need to name it something significant – “The Year of Suffering”, perhaps, or “The Year of Pain”. I have even gone so far as to refer to it as the PG&E year, and I don’t mean “Pacific Gas & Electric”, but rather “Pain, Growth, and Exhaustion”. But I can’t do it. I despise “poor me” Christmas letters, and I don’t honestly think that our pain is all that significant in the big scheme of things, anyway.

Let me fill you in. Two big things happened in the life of the California Williamsons during 2008 that will forever alter who we are. The first happened on June 16th, when our 18-year-old son Connor ran into a lake in the Sierras to go swimming and came out a drowning victim with a broken neck. He remains largely paralyzed and unfeeling below his neck, and is dependent on a ventilator for his breathing. The good news is that after four months of ICU and rehab, he is back home and remains the indomitable, good-natured young man he always was. You can imagine the impact this has had on every aspect of our lives, but God has proven Himself gracious, faithful and merciful, and Connor is hopeful and courageous as he struggles to adjust to this (what we believe is temporary) situation. I don’t think I’ve ever been as proud of him as I am seeing him wrestle with this unthinkable change in his life. He handles himself with much more maturity than I can ever imagine myself doing.

My magnificent and gorgeous wife Cherié bears the brunt of this situation. Where once her days were filled with music and band rehearsals and gigs, she now devotes 24 hours a day caring for the boy. But she will be the first to tell you that she has grown closer to the Lord through this, and that she now has a greater appreciation for God than ever before. And that’s appropriate, because I see Him manifesting His love, patience, and grace through her every day. I cannot conceive how our family would remain intact if it weren’t for her steadfast love for each of us in the midst of trial and exhaustion, and I thank Him daily for such an amazing helpmate.

Now for the other significant event this year. Our daughter Joélle, now 20, took a semester off from Moody Bible Institute in Chicago this Fall in order to stay close to her Brother. This much-appreciated sacrifice not only pushed her graduation back six months, but also took her away from her long-time boyfriend, Alan. We are, however, pleased to announce that this October he surprised her with a ring, and we are looking forward to their wedding in June 2009! Alan is a good man, Connor loves him like a brother, and he makes a welcome addition to our family.

So, in the midst of suffering, hope. And that’s what I think 2008 needs to represent for our family, and for you as well. Christmas, despite all the “Peace on Earth” proclamations, is not only about Peace – it’s also about Hope. Hope that redemption has come. Hope that despite pain, hurt, and anguish, there is better ahead. I’ve learned more about faith and hope in the last six months than I ever knew, and I am confident in the future. In the words of the Psalmist, I believe that I shall see the goodness of God in the land of the living, and so we stand firm in that hope; our hearts take courage, and we wait on the Lord.

In this season, in whatever situation you find yourself, take hope. Trust in Jesus Christ - for your health, for your family, for your salvation. God is indescribably good. He loves you without question, and He will provide for you in every single situation you can imagine. So rejoice with us in this, The Year of Hope.

May God bless you as He does us,

The Williamsons
Eric, Cherié, Joélle & Connor

Thank you all for your words, your prayers, and your help. We love you all. May the Lord be gracious to you in the new year.

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Day 198 - December 29 - Fear

We met a man yesterday. A man in a wheelchair. He's been in one for 31 years. I was 15 when he broke his neck.

He can move his arms and use his hands.

I'm jealous. I know I'm not supposed to be, but I am. I toss a short prayer skyward as we pull out of the parking lot, but it deflects off the gathering clouds of impending depression and leaves me empty. It matches my mood.

This morning I head off to work, fully intending to plaster my fake "everything's great, because I trust God" smile on my face and get through another eight hours. It's 0500, so I call my Mom in Michigan. No answer. That's right, she's driving back to Virginia today. I think about calling her cellfone, but decide against it. I sit behind the wheel feeling alone, so I pray. No response.

I finally get hold of my little brother for a few minutes. He's got his own troubles, bigger than mine. Mine only affect my family; his affect all the people who work for him. I've got nothing to offer him except the usual platitudes, the ones that seem so empty when you're stuck in it with nowhere else to turn.

I get off the phone feeling vaguely hopeless. I'm afraid - afraid that I'm smack in the middle of my fate for the rest of my life. Afraid that my son will never get better. Afraid that I'll give in to my fear and be satisfied if he could only have his arms back. Afraid that God isn't even real and I'm just deluding myself.

Yeah, I know I haven't been given a spirit of fear. But I don't feel very powerful, and my mind isn't all that sound anymore. What's a guy to do?

I get to work and crack the Bible before I start. Yeah, it's become a habit - I've been doing it every morning long enough to think of it even when my mind is muddled with fear. So I open the Bible to the next chapter - Psalm 40. Here's what I read -

1 I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry.
2 He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.
3 He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD.
4 Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust, who does not turn to the proud, to those who go astray after a lie!
5 You have multiplied, O LORD my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told.

And then in verse 11 -

11 As for you, O LORD, you will not restrain your mercy from me; your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me!
12 For evils have encompassed me beyond number; my iniquities have overtaken me, and I cannot see; they are more than the hairs of my head; my heart fails me.
13 Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me! O LORD, make haste to help me!
14 Let those be put to shame and disappointed altogether who seek to snatch away my life; let those be turned back and brought to dishonor who delight in my hurt!
15 Let those be appalled because of their shame who say to me, "Aha, Aha!"
16 But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation say continually, "Great is the LORD!"
17 As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!

It's good, isn't it? But I feel like a meth addict must feel - I got a taste of what I need, but it's not enough. I feel like it can never be enough. I feel like God is doling out just enough biblical crank to keep me hooked, but not enough to satisfy me.

Yeah, I know God isn't like that. But it's so real. I fight it off, pray for a minute, and hit the grindstone for the day.

Eight hours later, I'm on my way home. I want to hear my wife's voice, so I call her. We talk for a second, but she's in the middle of something so I let her go. I drive homeward, feeling alone. I stop on the side of the road for a few minutes, get out of the car, sit on the guardrail and hold my head in my hands.

I park the car in front of the house, knowing that my family needs me to be upbeat and hopeful, so I pray for the strength to be that for them as I walk up to the door. This time it works.

Tonight, we get my son into bed, and as I walk back into the room, my wife is working with him to identify the places where he can and can't feel anything. It's still numb on the back of his head, and stops at his neck. And suddenly it's just too much, and as they talk, I get on my knees, put my face on the floor and pray. I beg God for mercy. I beg Him for my son's life. I am sobbing, my throat stretching into a silent scream of desperation as I plead for my son - I'm too weak to be bold, so I beg instead.

A few minutes later, and my wife is playing with Connor - they laugh together as she slaps his bare stomach, and he suddenly stops the action -

- "Do that again."

- "Do what?"

- "Slap my stomach."

Slap.

- "I can feel the sting!"

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Day 197 - December 28 - Finally, new pictures!

Just some new photos from this weekend. I thought you would like to see how the addition is coming along, as well as one priceless photo of my daughter -

First, a view of the front door and bathroom from inside the addition, standing about where Connor's bed will be. The interior paint is just about done, after which comes flooring and installation of all the electrical fixtures and panels and stuff -



Then, a view toward the back of the house from inside the bathroom. The black french doors on the right will open into our den/sitting room/kitchen...



A view into the bathroom, which is almost ready for fixtures to be installed -



Outside looking up toward what will be the entryway. Still awaiting stucco, shingles, and some paint and cement work -



And finally, the picture you've all been waiting for - Joélle celebrating the orange bouncy ball she got for Christmas (although it might also possibly be an alien parasite attached to her head...) -



When I look at the photos of the addition, I see all the gracious donations, all the hard-working volunteers, and all the prayer and other support that is making this such a blessing to us. Thank you from the depths of our hearts.

Eric

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Day 196 - December 27 - The Latest

Again, not much to write home about. We have spent the last few days pretty much just hanging out at home with the boy, although we did get out yesterday to catch a movie. For those of you who may have wondered, yes, that was the van at the movie theater while we watched "Bolt". We all had a good time with the movie, with Connor, Joélle and Josh hanging out together and Mom and I a row back. That was our first outing to the theater, and it went well enough.

Really, there's not much to report - just a few quiet days at home together with the family.

I finally mailed out our Christmas letters today. To give you an idea how far behind that puts me, I usually have them in the mail the first week of December. At least I got them sent during 2008...

I'm going to give them a few days to get where they're going, then I'll post up the text of the letter for those who have asked to see it. So that will probably be my next post, sometime before the New Year.

Until then, thank you for your prayers. This holiday season has its tough moments...

Eric

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Day 194 - December 25 - Christmas

Merry Christmas! I was going to take the day off and forego blogging anything today, but I thought I'd take a second to get y'all caught up since it's been a few days. We all had a very enjoyable celebration together as a family, although the bittersweet flavor of the last Christmas before Joelle gets married made the day a bit more introspective, at least for me.

I pray that each of you had an excellent and happy Christmas with as many family and friends as you could cram around the tree, and that you found yourselves richly blessed as you celebrated today.

God did not see fit to grant my request today. Connor remains in the same state, and I got to thinking about the difference between "gifts" and "gifts". What do I mean? Well, at one time or another, everybody gets asked what they want for Christmas. We often end up asking each other for lists to help us with our shopping, and pretty soon the only thing anyone gets for us are things off of our list. I received some wonderful things from my family and friends today, but there was one gift I received that wasn't on any list. In fact, I had never heard of the book, but my daughter bought me a book on understanding God's grace, and the thought that she knew me well enough to see inside of me and then find a gift which touched a chord in my heart brought me to tears. The gift I received from her wasn't on my list - it was thoughtful and insightful and connected to both her and me, and it was much more powerful because of it.

I don't mean to say that gifts from the list are somehow inferior or anything like that, just that those gifts where you really think through the concept are somehow more significant.

I don't know what God's got planned for the boy and our family, but I do know that I'll keep asking. He knows the desire of my heart.

Goodnight.

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Day 191 - December 22 - Blood

The weekend went fairly smoothly, with Connor (and thus the rest of us) enjoying a couple of nights of predominantly uninterrupted rest. We needed it! I owe an especial thanks to those who were praying for us specifically Saturday night. For the last many weeks, our Saturday nights have been continuously busy and frantic, resulting in Connor and the rest of us being exhausted and worn out on Sunday morning, with the result that we were finding it difficult to make the effort to get to church. Because of your diligent prayers, Saturday night was peaceful this week, and we were able to enjoy our whole family in church together, which we valued greatly. So thank you, those who were praying.

The rest of the weekend was spent at home, either with friends or just the family, and we were each also able to take some time for the obligatory Christmas shopping and other errands.

I apologize for not getting some photos of the state of construction up for y'all to see. The addition is pretty much the same from the outside - we're waiting for the right combination of weather and schedules to get the stucco on and the roof completed. The interior is nearing habitability, with the drywall and tile in place. Paint is to appear sometime in the next couple of weeks, followed closely by flooring and the finish work for electric, plumbing, etc.. I'll try to get some images up soon to show all of you who have so graciously been helping us with this.

One item for prayer today - Connor has been bringing up blood from his lungs. We don't really know where it's coming from - his nose bleeding, or from his trach (either externally or internally); or whether it might be something more serious down inside his lungs. I would appreciate your prayers in this regard, that it might be nothing serious and clear up quickly.

OK, two items for prayer. The other is for the spiritual development of each of us in the Williamson family. It amazes me how easy it is to fall back onto "business as usual" when it comes to spiritual things, and I don't want that to happen - not for me, nor for Cherie and the kids. Please be praying that we would desire to grow closer to God through His word.

Thank you, each of y'all, for your faithful consistent support of our family. I know I've said it before, but I can't express how much we need it.

Eric

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Day 189 - December 20 - Whee?

When Connor was just a wee tot, I used to play with him by tossing him up in the air and catching him as he came back down. (Now, in case you didn't catch it, one of two reactions just went through your brain. If you are a woman, your reaction was most likely some variation of "Oh my goodness, how could someone be so callous as to toss a baby up in the air? I'm traumatized, and I think I'm getting the vapors..." And, if you're a guy, you probably thought "Oh, yeah, I remember tossing my kids up in the air too. That was a lot of fun!!!" So don't be too quick to judge - you're either guilty of it your ownself, or your husband tossed your kids up in the air, too.) Either way, that's not important. What I was getting at before I drifted off into Inconsequentialville was that I always loved playing with my kids that way. I was thinking about it today, though, and an application came to mind that I thought I would share with you.

I got to thinking about what must have been going through Connor's mind as I tossed him up and down. What did he think? Was he thinking "Woohoo!!! Dad is the greatest!!! What a blast, getting tossed five feet into the air!!! Woohoo!!!" or was he thinking "Aaaarrrrrggggghhhh! Put me down, put me down, put me down!!!!" Since he laughed a lot, I figure it was mostly the first, but the reason it was the first was that the boy trusted me not to drop him. Interestingly, I don't think he ever asked "Why are you throwing up me up in the air, Pops?" - he just assumed I knew what I was doing and enjoyed the ride. There was something in him that was completely confident in his father's intentions, skill, and execution, and so he laughed and giggled and grinned his way up and down.

I think there's a reason Jesus said that the kingdom of God belongs to children and those like them - He wants us to trust Him like little children trust their Papas - implicitly and instinctively. And that's something at which I am very, very bad. My level of faith and trust in my Father ebbs and flows more violently than the stock market. I can't go a week - nay, I can't go a day without throwing away my confidence in God. Hey, wait a minute! Didn't I blog about that a long time ago? Yep, Hebrews 10:35. See what I mean? I can't be consistent at all, and it is extremely frustrating.

Fortunately for us, God is faithful even when we aren't. Despite our failings, God looks at us and sees Christ's sacrifice on the cross; and Psalm 103 says that He removes our transgressions from us "as far as the east is from the west" (which is pretty far, if you ask me). And so He is faithful to catch us, whether we have fallen on our own, or He has tossed us up in the air.

But trusting Him to catch us is still pretty scary.

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Day 187 - December 18 - Treading water

There's not much change lately. I've been told that y'all want to hear what's going on, even though it seems to me that it's just the same thing day after day. So here we go -

We had to take the boy up to the hospital to have his trach changed today, which is an interesting exercise. We started getting him ready at 12 noon, and we got back home at 4:30. For ten minutes with a doctor, we had to do four hours of work and drivingkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

***BEGINNING OF NEW POST***

I'm starting fresh this morning, but I thought it was funny - the above paragraph represents 45 minutes of effort last night before I gave up trying to type and gave in to "trying" to sleep. I left the "k"s where they were after the last time I dozed off! I think I fell asleep eight or nine times during that effort before I threw in the towel and collapsed on the couch.

So I apologize for not getting this out last night. Now, where was I...

Oh yes - we got the boy's appointment behind us and stopped by the rehab ward of the hospital to say "hi" to anyone who we knew from our stay there. There was a lot of ruckus when the nurses, OTs and PTs all saw Connor come around the corner - I don't think they get to see their former patients very often! When the therapists saw us, they asked if Connor would be willing to come talk to a vent-dependent patient and his family who were at the three-month point after his injury, so we all went to this gentleman's room and spoke with him and his family for about 20 minutes. I would like to think we were able to help them in some way, and Connor conducted himself famously - he spoke, and laughed, and encouraged them without reservation. I was very proud of him!

Are y'all ready for Christmas? I still haven't started, and my Christmas letters still need to be finished up and sent out, so I am going to stop this for now. Thanks for staying with us through this; we appreciate it more than we can ever express.

Eric

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Day 185 - December 16 - Server Outage

December 16th has been a rough day for the site. Intermittent problems plagued us all day which might explain why you were having trouble accessing the site. Finally, we took the server off-line completely, as a result, the site was down for an hour or so.

As of 2150 EST it was back up. Everything seems to be back in order now so you shouldn't have any problems. If you do, please report them to the Site Administrator at admin (at) connorwatch.org.

Brad

Michigan

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Day 185 - December 16 - Six months today

Today marks six months since that day. Half a year. It almost doesn't seem possible. On one hand, it seems like it was yesterday, like if I could only just wake up from this nightmare I'd find out it was June 17th and it was all a really, really bad dream. On the other hand, I'm pretty sure it's actually really been six thousand, four hundred seventy one Earth Years since the boy ran into the water. I just can't fathom how so much chaos can fit into only six months.

Did you ever make a Christmas list for your folks when you were a kid? Every December we'd get these great big catalogs called Wish Books from stores like Sears, and J.C. Penney's, and it was a mandatory exercise in our house for the kids to sprawl out on the living room floor with a big stack of catalogs and a pad of paper. Each of us would make this long, long list enumerating every single thing we could find that we thought we would want for Christmas, realistic or not (what kid knows "realistic", anyway?) and present them to our parents. Of course, being the greedy little reprobates we were, there was everything from Stretch Armstrong to a 5HP mini-bike, with the occasional riding mower thrown in for good measure.

I think I asked for a mini-bike for three or four years in a row before my Dad, finally acknowledging my maturity level (or maybe he just got tired of hearing me whine - you'll have to ask him), gave me a shiny gold Honda CT70 motorbike. I still remember that Christmas as my favorite ever!

My point? My father correctly determined that it was good for me to have such a thing, and, delighting to do good things for his children, gave me such a fantastic gift. And to this day, I and my family revel in being on the back of a motorcycle, and Dad gets the credit for starting me on such a delightful path.

I don't have a really long list out of the Wish Book this year - I only have one thing I want. I really don't want to ask for it for three or four years, but I will if I have to. I want my boy to walk again.

And my Father delights in doing good things for His children!

Christmas is coming!

I can't wait.

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Day 183 - December 14 - Random photos from this week

Just thought I'd show y'all some of the random photographs we've taken this weekend. I have been remiss in taking pictures to show you, but I grabbed the camera the other day to document some of the moments of our lives (sounds like the name of a soap opera)...

These are Connor and Josh goofing off while we were shopping for Joélle's Christmas present...


Then a couple of shots, one of Joélle and the boy hamming it up when the three of us were shopping for Cherié's gift today, and the other of all of us when we went to the Christmas tree lot (the one referenced above with the coupons) the other day...

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Day 181 - December 12 - He's obviously doing better

I'm typing this on my phone as I sit in the living room, because Connor and his friend Josh have been goofing off and hogging the computer all evening! We made it through the night two days ago by giving the boy oxygen all night, and by the morning his saturation levels were back where they should be. Last night he slept without trouble, and today he even went for a bit of Christmas shopping this afternoon, so I wanted to thank all of you for your prayers and support.

I have a word of encouragement for those of you that may be feeling heavily impacted by Connor's story and situation. I have heard it said, in connection with our story, that some folks feel they have no heart for Christmas this year. I understand that, because I feel that way myself sometime. But my response to that sort of thinking, as gently and as full of love as I can manage, is to rebuke that thought. And here's why - Christmas is a celebration of more than just Christ's birth - it's a chance to celebrate the hope His birth represents - hope for redemption, hope that it will get better, hope that God actually does care dearly about every individual on the planet.

Now, if I sit and focus on our situation, it takes me about 30 seconds to sink into despondency and despair, which is only a hop, skip and a jump over to "not having the heart" to celebrate God caring so much about me that He set the salvation plan in motion in a small barn in Bethlehem. But if I keep my eyes on the Author and the Finisher of my faith, things look a bit different.

Don't get me wrong - I'm the first to focus on the hurdles that face me - but it seems to me that that's all the more reason to demonstrate that I believe, during the one time of the year when everybody will think about Christ (at least in passing), that He is active and powerful and personally involved in our lives. What better way to boldly show our faith out loud than to celebrate His worth in the middle of the storm.

(Plus, if it's incumbent upon me to keep the faith during this time in our lives, then I think it should be incumbent on you, too!)

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Day 179 - December 10 - I wish I was dead

That sentence summed up the day today, and was uttered by Connor this evening as we scrambled to keep him healthy. Because his cold has moved down into his chest, we are having difficulty keeping his O2 saturation up where it should be. He can't cough very well, and so it's a never-ending struggle to keep him breathing well, with the added incentive that if we fail in this, the boy ends up back in the hospital. Tonight, we wound up resorting (for the first time since we came home) to bottled oxygen to keep him saturated. The stress of the situation, along with our poor communication, drove all of us past the edge and we ended up angry and frustrated and snapping at each other. Connor feels this is his fault, even though it isn't, and our actions finally drove him to tears. He wept and gave vent to his despair, and (once again) we tried with little success to lift him and reassure him, and to remind him of God's faithfulness when it's impossible to find.

Please - continue your prayers for us, I beg you. We are in desperate need of it, and the need persists and increases each day.

I also need to thank you all for that support and prayer. If the previous sentence didn't convince you of it, we are reliant on it.

God bless,

Eric

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Day 177 - December 8 - More tiny steps

Since as far back as I can recall, Connor has had more signs of progress on his left side than on his right. He first sweated below his level of injury on his left side, followed later by his right. Goosebumps first started appearing on his left side, then slowly progressed down his right. And his left thumb started having some function first, while his right hand has been slower to respond.

Today, Joelle told me on the phone that she had been working with the boy on his hand movements, and all of his fingers and thumb on his right hand were clearly moving under Connor's direction. Additionally, he has told us of other sensations that are much, much lower on his spinal column than his injury level.

This encourages us. It's frustrating that things are happening so slowly, and one of the things I really don't want to have to learn from this is patience! So I'm trying as hard as I can not to be impatient!

So if you see me wandering down the aisle at the local supermarket chanting "Macaroni annd Cheese, Macaroni and Cheese", please don't direct me to Aisle 7B - I'm just reminding myself of Day 53 and My Microwave Christianity!

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Day 176 - December 7 - A day that will live in infa...no wait, that's already been used...

Just a quick post at the end of a long day -

Do you ever get those random confirmations? What happens most often (to me, anyway) is that I'll be reading the Bible and a verse or two will nail my soul right between the eyes, and I'll just know that at that time, and at that place, those words were meant for me to hear. And then shortly thereafter, somebody will randomly speak or email or text me the same verse, out of the blue as it were, and it acts as sort of a confirmation that you were listening correctly. Well, a few days ago I was reading Psalm 27 and a couple of verses reached out and grabbed aholt of me. They were verses 13-14, which read

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living!
Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!

When I read these words, it was in the midst of a period of anguished prayer during my morning Bible time, and I was so impacted by the words that I jumped up and wrote them on a yellow sticky note and stuck them on the fridge so that they would be an encouragement to Cherié as well. That was Friday morning. Today, without me mentioning any of this to her, a dear friend cited the same verse to me through the blog - and I read it at precisely the moment when I was despondent and frustrated (again) about all of this. It was almost like God was saying "Hey, doofus. Didn't I tell you that a couple of days ago? When are you going to start paying attention?"

Fortunately for me, He cares enough about us that He patiently reminds me (again) (when I need it) that He remains faithful, and He offers hope even in the midst of this trial.

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Day 175 - December 6 - Forgetting to remember

What a weird life we lead. I spend most of each day hanging out with the boy in one form or another - sometimes it's completely engaged with him, reading or watching TV or goofing off on the computer. Other times it's more peripheral, being the emergency responder in case something goes south while he hangs with his friends. And often it's a full-court press doing the actual work that caring for the boy often entails. Overall, we don't do much physical activity - it's a much more sedentary life than we've been used to - but we've never been so tired. It's just odd that we can have so little of a physical nature to absorb our time, and yet be so utterly tired at the end of the day. I can't begin to tell you how much we covet your prayers for strength to make it through our day.

Nearly every day, at some time or another, I watch Connor closely to see what he can do today. I pray all the time that the Lord would give him a new thing - a new feeling, or a new movement, or a new control - and the other day God answered that prayer again. I got a call from my excited wife to tell me that Connor has begun to be able to initiate breaths on command! He still doesn't have much power in those breaths, and remains reliant on the ventilator, but to see him control the breath rate with his own lungs is fantastic.

There's another new thing I just noticed the other day, as well. I realized that it has been weeks since Connor has had an extreme of temperature - either hot or cold. His temp was often dropping down to 93 degrees Fahrenheit, or spiking up to 101 or above. But he hasn't done this in at least a couple of weeks. It seems that his body is regaining the ability to self-regulate his own temperature! To my way of thinking, that's huge - I know that much of the literature tells me that SCI victims have difficulty regulating their temperature, to the point where they are often limited in what temperatures they can venture out into. So I am pleased to see that Connor's autonomous system seems to be responding appropriately in that area.

I was surprised however, at how easy it is to not notice something so significant, even when we've been so concerned when his temperature fluctuated so greatly. Basically, we went directly back to taking his health for granted, even with such a great reminder to not do that right in front of us. And that brings me to my biggest struggle these days - remembering God's blessing for more than a minute or two, even when it is sitting right in front of my eyes. I am astonished at how easy it is for me to focus my eyes on these circumstances and forget about the massive blessings God has poured out on us.

I don't want that to happen. I want to remember these things when I am tempted to despair by some situation through the day. I want to give glory to the God who provides even in the midst of trial. I want to praise the One who walks with us through the valley of the shadow of death. I don't want to take His goodness for granted, and I really don't want to overlook it.

So please continue to pray for us. We really rely on it, every day. We trust the Lord for His provision, but we also draw comfort from the support of His people.

God bless you.

Eric

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Day 173 - December 4 - Life Verse

I was reading my Bible this morning, and I huffed a big sigh as I read 2 Corinthians 12, where Paul is writing about a man he knows. This man, he said, was caught up into heaven and there he "heard things that cannot be told, which man may not utter" (2 Cor. 12:4). The first thing I thought was "Man, it must be really terrible! To be given a glimpse of heaven firsthand, but then when somebody asks you about it you have to say 'Sorry, but I can't talk about it because the things I heard cannot be told'". What a bummer that must have been! But the reason I huffed out a big sigh was that, when I read that, I thought to myself "Oh, what I would give for such a vision. To be allowed to interact with God at that level - what a magnificent thing! Oh Lord, let me see the things of You like that someday." And the thought came back to me that I see the things of God right in front of my face every day, but I can't recognize them for what they are. That right there was when the sigh showed up, because He's right (like usual). The last week or so, I've been really struggling with the status quo (Alright already, so I've been struggling with the status quo since June 16 - bear with me!). Connor's progress and our life and home situation isn't at all what I want it to be, and I often get frustrated by what appears to be glacially slow progress, and I get downer and downer (my English-teacher-grandmother, hanging out with Jesus in heaven right this minute, is probably groaning in frustration at that grammar!)

Now, each day that goes by without the boy leaping out of bed sometimes gets hard to take, if you know what I mean. When that happens, I end up posting less and less because I don't have anything to tell y'all, and so my blogs get more and more infrequent. So I pray a lot that the Lord would show me what to post up, and as I read this morning I got the sense that I was supposed to post about this. So here I am.

Once I was done reading in 2 Corinthians, I popped over to Psalms for my daily dose of my favorite book. I read Psalm 26, and it really struck a chord with me today. I long to see God glorified, and my faith vindicated, by God stretching out his hand and setting Connor upright again. When I started reading Psalm 26, it was if I was suddenly in a peaceful bubble - all the turmoil, all the exhaustion, all the hard-won hope inside me; it all just quieted down and got still. It was 'way cool! And I thought to myself, "Self, this you can blog!". And then I got to the last two verses...

11But as for me, I shall walk in my integrity;
redeem me, and be gracious to me.
12My foot stands on level ground;
in the great assembly I will bless the LORD.

...and my soul went "plunk", and for few seconds, I was right smack in the midst of "everything is alright".

And I decided that regardless of storms, and crashing waves, and screaming winds, I will remember that my feet stand on Solid Ground, and I WILL testify to the goodness of God.

It's good to remember sometimes.

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Day 173 - December 4 - Happy Birthday, Mom!

It's ten of five in the morning and I'm on my way out the door to work. I wanted to post up last night, but events got the better of me and at 11 o'clock last night I realized it wasn't going to get done. Even this is going to be short, since my boss tends to want me to actually get to work on time! So I'm scurrying off, but I wanted to post quickly before I went.

Today is Joelle's and Connor's grandma's birthday. The woman who is responsible for the upbringing of the Williamson boys (and our sister, of course, but she's really the only one who turned out normal) is celebrating that special day each year when you get to ask yourself "wait a minute - when did I turn into my Mom/Dad?" I won't tell you her age, since that wouldn't be polite. Plus, I don't think they had actually started numbering years when she was born. I suspect chipping dates into those stone tablets was fairly painstaking... 8-)

Happy Birthday, Mom! You know we love you! Thanks so much for all you've done and meant to me, this year and every year.

Eric

THE ABOVE MESSAGE HAS BEEN RE-POSTED IN ITS ENTIRETY AFTER BEING REMOVED BY BRAD BECAUSE IT WAS POSTED A DAY EARLY. THE FOLLOWING IS EDITORIAL COMMENT ADDED AT A LATER TIME.

Well, there's one good thing about posting this yesterday - for the first time in I don't know how long, I actually remembered my Mom's birthday AHEAD of time!

And I have proof. Heh, heh, heh.

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Day 172 - December 3 - An Extra Day of Living

What is an extra day of life worth to you? You give up smoking, you get a bunch back. You give up eating junk food, probably a few days there, too. Give up driving in California traffic might add years, apart from the stress relief. What would you do if you knew it would add an extra day to your life?

Well, Eric, it's a good thing I was working on ConnorWatch at 0430 California time. I saw your post dated December 4th, and thought I'd intervene and gently remind you with all the public subtlety of an internationally read blog, that in much of the world it is still December 3rd, and will be all day. Not to ruin the surprise for all of you on the cutting edge of the international date line, but the news of December 4th will have to wait until, well, December 4th. At least here.

Then I realized that Eric's clock is out of whack by a full day, so that by the time he reads this and realizes that it is still only December 3rd, he will have gained a full day of his life back.

That should be a pleasant surprise. As for his December 4th post - it should kick in automatically tomorrow morning. You'll just have to wait.

In the meantime, Eric, Merry Christmas!

Brad

Michigan

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Day 170 - December 1 - Greased Pigs

December. Can you believe that? We're rapidly approaching the six-month mark on this journey, and trying to fit the Christmas spirit into it is proving a bit daunting. For one thing, our home is in a state of upheaval what with all the construction, and Connor living in the dining room, and everything that goes with it. And to be honest, it's pretty difficult sometimes to feel like there's any spirit left to celebrate with. Not to mention the fact that every inch of floorspace downstairs has a prior claim on it - where would we actually put a tree?

Have y'all checked out the map lately? There's someone in Mexico watching the boy's story! Hi, people from Mexico! And I get pretty excited to see the goings-ons in all the different locations on that map. Without discounting the many, many people all over the USA who are watching and praying along with us, I have been thrilled to see the story spreading to Australia, and China, and Singapore, and other such locations on the other side of the world from us. But now, people in such exotic locations as Okinawa, the Ivory Coast, and the Canary Islands are joining us! It never ceases to amaze me how God is bringing such a diverse group of people, from such wonderful places, together for His purposes through Connor's journey. I know it's all for His glory, but I sure wish I had the specifics about what He's up to!

Oh, I left out a couple of places that intrigue me. First, Ireland. What's up in Ireland? God is doing something there, and ConnorWatch has a number of people following along with us from there - the island has sprouted red balls all over it in the last couple of months. Boy, I wish I could see and hear how God is using this story there! And the one red ball on the map that maybe intrigues me the most - the one up on Hudson Bay in Canada. I've got this mental image of a snowed-in cabin along an icy, landlocked cove, with the sun barely peeking over the ridge for a few minutes each day. And there's somebody in a parka huddled over a computer, reading the blog and shivering from the cold (and laughing right now at how badly mistaken my mental images are, most likely! Too many movies; not enough reality!). Still, I think it's cool that God is bringing so many along from so many places. It humbles us a bit and we pray that somehow God will use this tiny offering to bless, challenge, and encourage each of you somehow.

So, what's this got to do with greased pigs, anyhow? Well, I have to admit that I have been struggling (again) with depression and hopelessness this weekend. Joélle and Cherié and Connor have all been sick with the flu or some other bug the last couple of days; and, like every single one of the last 170 days, there hasn't been as much progress as I would like to have seen. Like most humans, this gets me down sometimes, when I take my eyes off of Jesus and His provision, and focus on the circumstances. So this morning, I was reading in 2 Corinthians and was caught by a phrase in verse 5. The context here is about the weapons of our warfare not being of flesh, but the line that caught my attention was "we take every thought captive to obey Christ". And I thought, "Yeah, well, that's like trying to catch a greased pig".

When I was growing up back in Texas, one of the things we used to do to entertain ourselves was to have rodeos. And one of the things that was often done to give the kids a laugh was to let the kids come into the arena to try and catch a piglet. The men would have a small pen with a piglet in it, and they'd get a bunch of the young'uns gathered around and let the pig out of the pen, and the kids had to catch it again. There'd be a bunch of kids trying to catch this medium-sized pig, and it'd be running all over the place trying to not get caught. If you've never seen it, you cannot possibly imagine how good a piglet is at not getting caught! These kids would be scrambling all over the arena, and there'd be 20 or 30 of 'em, and only one pig, but the pig won nearly every time. Even when you thought "OK, they've got it surrounded - it'll never get away" - sure enough, the little piglet would somehow come slipping out between somebody's legs and off they'd go again.

And they didn't even grease the pig! That was just using a standard, ungreased pig! So imagine what it would have been like if the pig was also covered with petroleum jelly, like we used to do with watermelons at pool parties back then. That'd be nearly impossible to capture, right?

I guess that's my point - here I am, dealing with keeping my mind where I need it to be - on Christ, instead of on the (completely unknown) future, or on (what I often see as) the glacial progress so far, or whatever it is that gets my thoughts going at this moment - and what I'm supposed to be doing is taking every thought captive in obedience to Christ.

How do I go about that? Every time I get aholt of a thought (there's my Texas upbringing coming out again), it squirms and wriggles it's way out of my grasp and I'm off chasing it again. I'm not very good at rounding them up and keeping 'em captured.

Maybe if I quit letting 'em out of the pen in the first place...

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