Day 77 - August 31 - My Atrophied Faith - Part 2

This is Part 2 in an unnumbered series of thoughts about what it means to exercise faith in this day and age. If you missed Part 1, or need to refresh yourself on it, click here to read it.

Question #1 - Does "having great faith" mean "Not my will, but Thine"?

Question #2 - Does "having great faith" mean "I never ask God for anything I want"?

Question #3 - Does "having great faith" mean "never asking to have a bad situation end"?

I contend that the answer to every one of those questions is a resounding "No".

Let's start off with an anecdote. One of the tendencies many people have here in the U.S. of Consumerism is Packratting. For those of you who didn't have the benefit of growing up in the desert, packrats are these cute little bushy-tailed critters who hoard food and other objects, cramming their nests full of the stuff they collect. Many folks are the same, collecting things until they have multiple storage units full of stuff they haven't seen in years. If you took a look in my garage, you'd see that I suffer from a mild form of this disease, but there are some who have made keeping things into an art form. They've got rooms and garages and storage units and shipping containers full of stuff they neither use nor need, and I have to ask the question - why do you have it if you don't use it?

Now let's talk a bit about the topic of this post - our unused faith. It seems that question applies to my faith, as well. If I don't use it, why have it in the first place? Of course, you knew I was going to drag this conversation back to faith one way or another; but am I really suggesting that we aren't using our faith the way it is intended?

Well, yes, I am. Allow me to explain - but in order to do so, I first need to talk about praying "not my will, but Thine".

I'm going to drop a bombshell on you with this one, but I really believe I'm supposed to do so. You ready?

I don't find any support in scripture for the idea that we're supposed to pray "not my will but Thine" when we ask for what we want.

There are numerous references in the New Testament to living your life according to God's will - but I can find only one reference to someone actually praying those words in the New Testament, and that person is Jesus - God Himself - praying in the garden of Gethsemane. Now, the question isn't really why God the Son, anguishing over His future (one He KNOWS must happen), prays for it to be changed. I'm pretty sure all of us humans get the idea that his immediate future wasn't all that attractive. No, the question I want answered is what He meant when He prayed "Not my will, but Thine be done". I respectfully submit that Christ, having the foreknowledge of God, and (already) knowing the answer to His anguished prayer, and also (already) knowing that the path laid before Him was the one and only way God the Father had ordained for God the Son to walk, spoke that phrase to signal utter submission to His Father's will. Now, one could argue that this is an example for all of us, and I suppose that verbalizing your inner spirit like that isn't a bad thing per se. I just don't think this passage was written to be used as a model of Christian prayer.

I suspect that turning the phrase into a mantra does something entirely different than what Christ intended. Christ, in extreme distress, uttered that phrase as a sign of submission. When we say it, however, aren't we really uttering it as justification for not believing God will do what we ask? I mean, it sure sounds holy and Christlike, but what am I saying when I say it? Think about it - if I pray that my son gets up and walks, and then stick "not my will but Yours, Lord" on the end as I finish, aren't I really leaving myself a loophole so that if it doesn't happen I can say "Well, the Lord didn't will it"? Actually, as I read back over that last sentence, even writing that down demonstrates that my faith isn't where I want it yet - faith that moves mountains doesn't concern itself with "if it doesn't happen". So if I pray "not my will but Thine", Isn't it possible that what I'm really saying is "OK, I don't believe You're actually gonna give me what I want, so You go ahead and do whatever You think You need to do"? At which point I am not really praying, but expressing my unbelief instead. In that case, my muttering of the phrase allows me to give up anytime I want and say "Well, I guess the Lord doesn't will it", whereas NOT praying it means I have to keep praying until I am answered, or give up and call it what it is - throwing away my confidence. Muttering that rote phrase then becomes a cop-out, because it negates the whole meaning and purpose of my prayer, which is to lift my need to the throne. Oh, yeah - and (ironically) there's no support for it in scripture anyway!

You might now be asking "What do you mean, there's no support for it"? Well, let's look at the scriptures and see how Jesus tells us to pray for things -

(Disclaimer - I am only quoting the pertinent verses. DO NOT take my word for this - check the context!)

Matthew 7:7-11 (see Luke 11:9-13 as well) - "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!"

Matthew 21:22 - "And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith."

Mark 11:24 -"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

John 14:10-14 - "Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on my own authority, but the Father who dwells in me does his works. Believe me that I am in the Father and the Father is in me, or else believe on account of the works themselves. Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father. Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it."

OK, so we get the idea of how Jesus says to pray for things - ASK! And it seems to me that the sum of these teachings and examples tells us to ask, believing, and it will be done, because God delights in doing good things for His children.

Let's set aside (for now) the question of "why doesn't everybody get everything they want, then?" and keep the train of thought going - what about Christ's followers? How did they pray? Let's look at one of them, a fellow named Paul. You may have heard of him... 8-)

2 Corinthians 12:8-10 - "Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

What I'm seeing here is "A persistent trial was given to me, so I prayed to have it removed. And God told me "No, for My grace is sufficient for you". So now, since God told me "no", I am content where I am because when I'm weak, I'm strong because He's strong". (That's the Eric Williamson paraphrase, BTW!) What that means is that Paul asked right up until God said "no" - then he stopped. He didn't try to defy God's will by trying to "force" God to do something - once God said "no" Paul accepted that and moved on. But what I think is significant is that Paul didn't give up asking - he asked until he got a clear "yes or no" answer, then he stopped.

I respectfully suggest that this fits the model of prayer that Jesus laid out for his followers much more closely than "Thy will be done" does. Praying "Thy will be done" sounds holy, which is why we like it so much - but it's not in accordance with the scriptures.

Now, before anyone gets all irate that I would suggest such a thing, go check the Bible your ownself. I'm not making this stuff up - it's right there in black and white (or red and white, as the case may be). I contend that our penchant (and I really do mean "our" - I'm trying to unlearn this as we speak) for praying "Thy will be done" allows us to avoid having to flex our faith. As anyone who goes to the gym knows, there's a reason it's called "working out" - NOT working out is a whole lot easier than working out - but it doesn't accomplish much of anything, either.

I believe that the western church, by and large, has gotten lazy in their faith. If you find yourself hot under the collar from that statement, please realize that I include myself in that statement - I can't throw any stones, here. But if that's true (and I believe it is), what does it mean?

Well, I think it means it's time for me (and you, by extension) to actually open the Bible, find out what's true, unlearn and toss out the false stuff we've learned over the years, and start living/praying/trusting the way God intended us to.

Hmmm, maybe living a life of faith in Christ isn't the cakewalk so much of the church advertises - "Just come to Jesus and all your problems will be solved!", right? Trust me, grasping your faith and trying to learn to use it is not easy at all. In fact, it's a lot closer to torture than anything else. And I can't even honestly say it will be worth it - I haven't been able to unlearn enough to actually apply it yet. So right now you're reading the words of someone who hasn't effectively put this into practice. But because I sense the urgency of learning the truth about my faith, I pass it along to you in the hope that someone else will join me on this journey as well.

Chew on this stuff for a while - don't fire from the hip in your responses, if any. Pray. Research. Find the truth, and we'll talk. And I will throw you another tough challenge as well - give your reasoning the dignity of your identity. If your response doesn't generate enough belief inside yourself to post your own screen name, is it worth posting? I don't mean to offend, but everybody here knows my real name is Eric Williamson, and I am laying my faith and my beliefs out in the open and allowing the whole world to examine them and pick them apart. If you don't believe your own positions enough to publicly declare them, are they worth sharing? Many here have spoken before about becoming bolder in our faith - where better to practice than in the family? Who knows - it might just help us sharpen our own faith, and maybe even learn how to handle opposition better!

I don't really know where Part 3 is going to take us - it's going to have something to do with using our faith the way we're supposed to, but I don't really know the direction that will take. I've got some ideas, but no clear direction yet. Stay tuned. One of these days I want to understand what it means to live a life of practical faith - primarily because I'm not very good at it yet...

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Day 76 - August 30 - Our Hope

Allow me to recap part of the story of Abraham, for those who may not be familiar with it. The story is found in Genesis 17, 21, and 22, but in short, God promises that Abraham will be the father of a great nation, even though he's 99 years old and has no children except one, who, according to the promise, will not be the heir. The heir is yet to be born, even though Abraham's wife is 89 years old. The promise includes the statement that the son's name will be Isaac. Sure enough, a year or so later they have a baby boy, and name him Isaac. Then, sometime later, when Isaac is old enough to work and talk, God tests Abraham by telling him to go to a far place and sacrifice his son. Yipes! This is the kid that the promise was given about and through - how could he sacrifice his son? But Abraham packs up everything he needs, goes to the far place, loads the boy up with wood for the fire, takes the fire and the knife, and climbs a mountain. Isaac says "Uh, Dad? We've got wood and fire, but where's the lamb for the sacrifice?" Abraham's answer is "The Lord will provide the lamb". So they get to the top of the mountain, Abraham hunts up some rocks and builds an altar, puts the wood on top of it, and then throws his son up there and prepares to sacrifice him according to the Lord's direction, at which point the Angel of the Lord stops Abraham and proceeds to bless him for his obedience.

This doesn't have very much to do with my situation - I haven't been called to sacrifice my son, or anything like that. But I think it's significant that, having received the promise about Isaac, Abraham has enough faith to trust that God will provide - even if Abraham has to carry through with what he's been commanded to do. The book of Hebrews says that Abraham had so much faith that he was confident that God would raise Isaac from the dead if necessary in order to fulfill His word - that's how much faith Abraham had.

He had so much faith that God would be faithful to His promise that Abraham loaded up the family donkey with wood, fire, a knife and his precious son and took a multi-day journey, in spite of the fact that God had told him the purpose of the trip was to kill his boy. He knew two things in his knower, as it were - that God had promised big things through his son, and that God is true to His nature (which this test ran counter to). So Abraham had enough faith to make the preparations even though he suspected they would either be unnecessary, or that God would fix it some other way - because God has to stay true to His nature.

Let me clearly state that I am not Abraham, nor do I have such faith. So what's his story got to do with me, then? Just this - we are making the preparations to deal with Connor's treatment and rehabilitation, but that is not where our confidence lies. We are not content to accept the tiny improvement Man can offer - we fully expect God to render this unnecessary, and we want you to, as well. Our prayer continues to be not that He would prepare the way to the next step in rehab, but that He would heal Connor and set him upright on his own two feet.

Our prayer for you is that you will believe with us, trusting God and praying for the boy's complete restoration, and keeping sight of that in the midst of this parade of baby steps.

Thank you all for your faith and hope.

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Day 76 - August 30 - Sickness...

Cherié awoke this morning nearly unable to stand up, she was so weak and wobbly. She thinks she may be getting a sinus infection, leaving her with a consistent headache and a lot of dizziness. She says she feels very unstable. It might also be that she's completely exhausted...

God is good in that He's bringing us back to our house, close to friends and resources who can help spell us if she gets sick. But we are asking for your prayers that God would sustain her through this weekend and see her back to Morgan Hill without any health issues. He has sustained us thus far; we trust He will continue to do so.

One of you reminded me that I hadn't given an update about how my mornings were going. Your prayers are being effective - I still wake up between 4 and 5 unable to go back to sleep, but I have not been waking in terror and despair. For that I thank you, and I thank God.

We're on our way over to the hospital shortly - please be praying that Connor will be encouraged today. We fear he may have a "downer" after being outside yesterday, so we are praying that we might have the right words to bring hope and encouragement to him as we work to keep him healthy for his move next week.

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Day 75 - August 29 - Praise and more praise

Three things today that bring joyous praise to my heart. First, Connor spent an hour and twenty minutes on the voice valve today. Wow! And he wasn't even tired at the end of that time - his speech therapist/friend finally made him stop. Pretty cool, eh?

Second, Cherié and I toured Valley today, speaking with one of the physiatrists and seeing firsthand what they can do for the boy. We came away with a completely different opinion than the one we got from the first time we dealt with their people - we were very pleased with both their philosophy of treatment and the program. On the way home, we got a call from our case worker at the hospital - Connor has been tentatively accepted at Valley, the insurance has approved the move, and we are scheduled to move Tuesday at 11 AM!

The "tentatively" part of that is that the physiatrist at Valley wants to see some numbers from some tests on Tuesday before he gives final approval - blood gases and such, as near as I can tell - so we will continue to pray that God will open this door fully to get Connor on to the next step of his recovery. Your continued prayers are very much appreciated!

Oh yeah - I said "three things", didn't I? I saved the best for last, of course. Today, the physical therapist (along with a coterie of cohorts) got Connor set up in a chair - and took him outside for the first time in 75 days! Check out the picture!!!



He was so jazzed, and so were Joélle, a friend that was along for the ride, the PT, the RT, the speech pathologist, and nearly everybody in the hospital, apparently. I wish I could have seen it, but I have to make do with the pictures just like y'all do! What a great treat for the boy. The cervical collar, by the way, was just to help him feel more comfortable in the chair - it wasn't a medical issue.

Now he's exhausted - but what a day. Our prayer remains that God will set the boy upright; we are also praying that if He does not answer that prayer before Monday, that He would provide for Connor's continued health as we wait for the transfer, and that God would open the door to see us safely established at Valley.

Praise the Lord - He is good, all the time!

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Day 74 - August 28 - High Point of the Night

Connor's day went pretty well. The downs weren't that down - he spent a couple of minutes in a chair but the cushioning was not right for him and so that got cut short - but it was cut short by technical issues, not medical ones, so we can deal with that. The good points of the day were pretty good, too - good friends came to visit, including a surprise visit from a family friend whom Connor adores; some more family friends brought us all dinner (with pie for dessert!); and Connor was in good spirits most of the day and was interacting with all of us, enjoying our time together. One of our friends brought numerous tales of how God is working in Morgan Hill, in many other seemingly unconnected places, and in her own life through Connor's ordeal, and she was a real blessing to us as she helped us see some of the ripples that are spreading as God uses Connor's story.

The highlight of the evening though, was when he got his shot of some long-named medicine that prevents blood clots from forming. The nurses give him this shot in his belly, and he said many weeks ago that he couldn't wait to feel it. Tonight, after she was done, he said "I think I felt that shot!" We asked him what he meant, and he said "It hurts near my belly button". That's where she gave the shot! Connor couldn't see the injection point because of his position in bed, and he got it right!

I don't think it was a specific "Ouch, that hurts!" kind of feeling yet, it was the pain afterward that he felt. The fact that he feels it is HUGE! We are praising God for this answer to prayer - the prayer we prayed last night and this morning that God would give the boy something new that he could feel or move today.

Please continue to lift him up, and us as well. Cherié and I are going to run up to San Jose tomorrow to talk to the people at Valley again, while Joélle and her friend stay with the boy. It will be a lightning-quick trip - we're trying to get there and back before the holiday weekend crowd becomes an issue. Please pray for our safety, and that the visit will be positive, productive, and give us a clear sense of God's direction.

Thank you all for your faithfulness.

Eric

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Day 74 - August 28 - More Prayer

The insurance company told us today that they won't pay for the hospital after tonight. They still want us to go to the LTAC. We had a physiatrist (a rehab doctor) evaluate the boy this morning, and his recommendation was "acute inpatient rehabilitation", get him weaned off the vent, and go from there. Hopefully this will help persuade Blue Cross that an LTAC is not the place for the boy.

We have asked Santa Clara Valley to re-evaluate the boy based on his current condition. University of Washington has agreed to take him based on bed availability (currently projected for September 8). UW doesn't do some of the things Valley does. Valley was pretty discouraging when they evaluated him earlier. Blue Cross hasn't agreed to pay for any of them. So there's many variables and directions pulling at us, and we don't really have a clear leading on any of them. Your prayer would be appreciated.

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Day 74 - August 28 - Science vs. Prayer

First, that's not really a good title for this post, because science and prayer are not mutually exclusive. For the purpose of this post, however, it will suffice. An anonymous comment on a recent thread brings that question to the forefront, though, accomplishing two things - raising the question, and also reminding me that numerous people follow this blog who are not followers of Christ, and they deserve an explanation for my (occasionally) seemingly erratic thought processes.

First, so we're all on the same page, here is what Science tells me about my son -

"Science has done everything it can do. We have nothing that can restore him - nothing. Any tiny improvement he might get back is because he will work really hard for it."

That's what Science tells me. Not much hope, is there? And I'll tell you, if that was my future I'd be very hard pressed not to go find the right equipment and end this agony called "our current life" right this minute.

Fortunately, we do have one option - we can choose to believe what God says in the Bible instead:

"For we know that all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose."

"For I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you;plans to give you a future and a hope."

And numerous others which promise that God loves us, brings hardship to us in order to mature us, and delights to do good things for His children.

Given my two choices so far, who WOULDN'T pick faith over science?

That doesn't really answer the original question, though - but it lays the foundation for a more indepth discussion about prayer, which (ironically) I almost have ready to go! Watch for it in a blog near you soon!

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Day 73 - August 27 - Ups and downs

Interesting day. Connor was absolutely exhausted from yesterday's exertions, and he was not in the best of moods as a result. Additionally, he continues to be depressed and listless about everything, which makes it difficult to encourage him. Cherié and I often feel completely unable to help him in any way. So this day was as difficult as they all seem to be, in that regard.

The only thing Connor worked on today was his ventilator weaning, which went really well. He spent more than 45 minutes on a different vent setting which required him to breathe on his own - it has an automatic minimum respirations/minute setting, which kicks in if Connor isn't breathing on his own. They set that on 5 per minute, and for most of the time he was pulling 8-10. This is fantastic! He wasn't striving on his own, his diaphragm was triggering by itself!

This is a first step - he's got much work to do before he gets off the machine - but the fact that his diaphragm works at all is a massive blessing, and I'm praising God for this success. Please keep the boy in your prayers over this, that he would continue to improve, that his diaphragm would work more and work better, and that he would be excited about these steps instead of being disappointed when he isn't yet back to where he used to be.

He spent the rest of the day in a state of despondency, although he perked up a bit this evening when we read together from scripture (Judges and 2 Timothy) and from the blog, then prayed before he went to sleep. I am praying that God brings him encouragement and hope every day - he needs it so badly.

No news on the facility search, except that after a very gracious ConnorFriend went and looked at Kindred Folsom for us, we won't be taking Connor there. Keep praying.

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Day 72 - August 26 - Guestbook

The more observant among you, those who routinely browse the website, will have noticed that there is a new menu item - Guestbook.

This is for you. It is in fact a guestbook, a place to record that you visited ConnorWatch. As a registered ConnorWatch user, you can make comments and link to images and websites of interest.

It is a place for you to leave words of encouragement. It is easier to use than commenting on the blog, and you can leave comments that aren't related to a specific blog entry. Find a website that you'd like to point out to others? You can link to it in your comment. Have a cute photo to share? It must be hosted on another site, (mobileme, Facebook, YouTube, Flicker, etc.) but you can link to it here.

Location, location, location. Don't forget to include your location - we continue to expand the geographic boundaries of ConnorWatch. You can also include IM contact points if you want to chat with folks regarding your comments.

All things said, this guestbook is for you to use to encourage Connor and the Williamsons as you would like. Keep it clean - we will continue to monitor comments and reserve the right to delete or edit as necessary, not that I have to tell you.

Thanks again for traveling with us.

Brad

Michigan

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Day 73 - August 27 - Calling Starbucks Employees

Here's a support request for you - if you work at Starbucks somewhere around Morgan Hill, Joélle is trying to get an early morning shift covered tomorrow morning. She has today off and Friday off, so if she can get out of her 0400-0830 shift on Thursday she can come back to Fresno for a few days and be with her brother.

She works at the Starbucks behind Walgreens on East Dunne. Her Thursday shift starts at 4 AM and goes until 8:30 AM. If you work at Starbucks and can cover that shift for her, please let me know. She would love to get down here to be back with the family.

Thanks for considering this!

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Day 73 - August 27 - (Old) News from the Front

Back on the 15th of August, (my bad - senior deja vú - having the feeling that you have forgotten this before) one of our volunteer staff members on ConnorWatch, part of our support team that handles all the requests and coordination, sent me this email and asked me to share it with the family. Now, she meant Eric and Cherié, but by this time all of you qualify as 'family' so I thought I would let Melanie explain it in her own words.

Ok so I wanted to share with you and the family the wonderful thing that happened yesterday. I am playing in a Softball tournament for the Make-a-Wish Foundation. There are lots of folks playing for the kids. Some of the kids even showed up yesterday. There ages range from 2 yrs to 12 yrs. Some of them have hair and some don't. Most just finished their treatments. What an experience in itself but this is where the story gets good.

As you know I have been selling the Connor bracelets to everyone and everywhere. So i thought i would take some with me to this tournament. I know playing for this charity event there may not be a time to bring up my cause but i thought better have some just in case. So on the first day after the game. I sold a few to some friends who i knew would not say no. Yesterday, i was playing again.

After our games all the teams went into the bar/restaurant they have at the field. I had one of his tee shirts on. Some folks were asking me about it, so I started telling them Connor's story. Most ears were perked up at this point and I had the floor. I told some of what the family is facing and how we could lift connor up by supporting him and praying for him. Everyone sitting around bought a bracelet. Even a mother who came up to me and said. "I have a make a wish kid" I know they need our prayers and just know we will be praying. As she bought a bracelet. Wow it was exciting.

I took a break from my speech and took a short walk. I was found by one young gentleman who played on the other team, he told me he attends New Hope Church in Gilroy. He has been praying for Connor every Sunday. This totally gives me some back ground to who I have been praying for and I thank you. Can we pray right now together? Of course I was shocked and surprised by this but took the opportunity to uplift Connor. He prayed so loud and with such conviction. We stood out there praying together. Afterwards we hugged and I thanked him. He looked at me and said, soon as I saw you today the Lord told me I need to speak with you. I was unsure why, but now I get it. Please let the family know I will be praying for them more than ever.

So overwhelmed by this I needed to use the ladies room to wipe my face. When I exited I was met by this very tall buff young man who asked for a moment of my time. He looked into my eyes and said, "I am a man of god. Here take this money. I wish it could be more but it's all the ATM would give me". Please know I will be praying for Connor and his family. Don't forget that miracles happen everyday. I feel that they are on the brink of a miracle. God is good. Praise God. He then walked away. I don't even know his name. What he handed me was $100.00 to add to the Connor bracelet fund.

I was overwhelmed by both of these encounters today. I wanted you to know. I want Cherie, Eric, Joelle and most of all Connor to know how he is touching people everywhere. And through people who least expect it.

I never thought i would be standing at a softball field praying out loud and having folks joining in. This was all for Connor. I hope in someway he felt us speaking to the Lord for him yesterday.

Please pass it along to the family. Thanks Brad.


Peace,

MELANIE

'nuf said. Before you inundate me with requests for the ConnorWatch bracelets, they are currently available through E-ternal Treasures in Morgan Hill. As their website is under construction, contact them by email at customerservice (at) e-ternaltreasures.com or by phone at 1-800-693-8443.

Brad
Michigan

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Day 72 - August 26 - End Of The Day

Well another day comes faithfully to an end. I can always count on the day ending, and that is something that I take rest in as the day presses on. I find myself longing for the day to end, and the sun to set so I can drag myself back to my little RV and collapse into my bed. I now know why Connor watches the clock longing for 9 pm, his cocktail of sleep meds arrive and the night nurse tucks him in for a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. 5 AM comes all too quickly for him... time for a bath, range of motion work, and more lung treatments. I know that sleep is precious, as I can't believe how fast my night of sleep goes by, 6 AM already?

Today was a very hard day for all of us. Connor started with lung treatments, which then led to the testing of his lungs and diaphragm work. He didn't do well at all. From the get go, he was freaked when the RT told him how hard it would be, and that he would feel as though someone was strangling him. I believe he was set up for failure from the get go! Yesterday a differant RT changed the settings and didn't make a big deal about it, Connor just rested through the whole thing while we watched on, as he just let his automatic system work. I know his diaphragm is working, we just have to get past the mental hurdle now. Next it was Physical Therapy (PT) time, where they put him into a sling and got Connor used to the feeling of being lifted into the air. Tomorrow they will actually place him into a wheelchair. This is all done with a lift which is awkward, uncomfortable, and very humbling. Following PT time, came our wonderful speech and swallow therapist. We do love her. Although with her beautiful face and smile comes hard work for Connor. He did 45 minutes today on the speech valve, and was able to call his brother-from-another-mother to wish him happy belated birthday. This pretty much wore him out. Yet it didn't end there. More lung therapy, and he was beat! In pain from the work out he asked for meds. and a few minutes of sleep.

The night ended after he ate his dinner. We all prayed together, and longed for sleep and peace. All of us seemed to watch that clock, "Is it time for bed yet?"

So here I sit, under my rented Mulberry tree, the warm breeze is blowing on me reminding me that I am still alive. I miss my daughter, and I miss my son, I miss what we used to have, but it is no more. My only hope is that one day we will get to look back and see why God allowed this journey to begin. I wish we could take the short road through the desert, I pray that He doesn't have us wander the desert for 40 years. " Please God help us to be obedient to you, and help us be able to face the Giants head on. I want to see the promised land, I don't want to die in the desert!"

Sleep calls. Thanks for the prayers.... we miss you all, and to those that I don't know except through this blog...God bless you!

Sweet Dreams,

Cherie'

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Day 72 - August 26 - More Prayer Needed

I often think that I don't effectively convey the thin edge of sanity we walk each day, but here's a new glimpse into my world. For the fourth or fifth day in a row, I have awoken between 5 and 6 AM in the midst of blackhearted despair. I woke up this morning with thoughts like these running amok in my brain -

"We're all alone and no one will help."
"Nobody can do anything to help him anyway."
"He's like this forever, and we have to take care of him until we all die."
"God doesn't care and isn't going to do anything about it even if He did."

Well, you get the picture. A disclaimer - none of these are true. I know they're not true. But when you come awake being swamped by these thoughts, it's as if you're drowning and can't get your face above water long enough to take a breath. In fact, I find myself hyperventilating within seconds of coming alert. I wake up in the middle of a battle to find sanity and truth in this overpowering rush of confusion and lies, and getting my bearings long enough to figure out where I am is difficult.

My usual method of "dealing" with this is to begin praying for Connor and for the Lord to pull us out of this pit, and I try to rebuke the enemy verbally while also not waking Cherié up, all the while also hoping and trying to go back to sleep for just a few more minutes. For the record, this doesn't work so well.

When that doesn't work, I end up tossing and turning for a while until I can't stand it anymore, then I wake Cherié up trying to snuggle close enough to her that I don't feel so abandoned and alone.

After a while, I climb out of bed and make some coffee, grab the Bible and eventually climb out of the pit enough to get the day going, but waking into the midst of such a mire of black despair is killing me.

This morning Cherié said "we need to put this on the blog so people can pray for you". Yes, she's getting tired of me waking her up at O-dark-thirty, but she also happens to be right, so here I am.

A while ago we asked for similar support for Cherié in the morning and me in the evening, and that prayer has been answered mightily. I would ask that if you feel led, some of you might also consider praying specifically for me in this regard in the mornings. Even more, however, I would ask that you would pray for God to show me effective prevention and preparation in this regard, so I can eventually deal with this in the heat of the moment. Sort of a "teach a man to fish" kind of thing - it's better for me to learn to deal with these situations effectively than to just dump the load onto someone else.

Finally, please pray for our physical health - Cherié and I are the ones that feed Connor, and make sure he is cared for properly; and we cannot afford to get sick, both to prevent him from getting anything as well as to ensure someone is there who will give him the care we want him to have. Cherié woke up this morning with a sore throat and stuffy head. Please pray for her health.

Thank you in advance for your help.

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Day 71 - August 25 - A breath of fresh air

Today marks 10 weeks in Fresno. Woohoo! We started the day praying that today, God would give Connor some improvement, some thing that the boy could do, that would be a big encouragement and sign of hope. Here's how the day has gone:

So far, the insurance battle hasn't materialized yet. Our case workers have taken the information we dug up and are running with it. So far there hasn't been an explosion at Blue Cross, so that's good too. I expect we have fun insurance times ahead, but for now they're still over the horizon.

We did rule Chicago out for now, as they don't wean patients from ventilators. They work with vent-dependent patients, but don't do weaning. Seattle may have a bed available in early September (is it almost September already? Yipes!), but hasn't yet agreed to take the boy, either. Rancho los Amigos in LA is interested, but is not in the insurance's Preferred Provider network. So the saga continues...

Connor had a busy day today - first, he had his CT scan this morning, with no results available yet. We're confident that all is good in that regard. Then, the boy worked with an occupational therapist on range-of-motion, and he is really flexible and limber - nothing is getting tight, which is a monstrous blessing. After that, the physical therapist stepped in on his own time and helped get Connor into a foot-down sitting position in his bed, to help him get used to the sitting position again. Connor sat that way for a couple of hours, even having his chinese food for lunch while sitting up. So that was really good.

After that, he had a visit from a wonderful new friend with whom God has blessed us. This fellow is a nurse and RT who worked with Connor a month or so ago, for one day, but who has become a friend, dropping in after work or on his day off to encourage the boy and pray with him. Today, he noticed that Connor was initiating breaths fairly regularly, and spoke with us about some tests that we could have the RT do. He really encouraged and lifted up the boy with his visit and his prayers.

After the visit, Connor had two more big events - first, his RT came by for the afternoon treatment, and then his speech therapist worked with him on the speaking valve. Connor completed about a half hour on the valve; he was exhausted by his day, and the speech therapist didn't want to wear him out too much, so they stopped at 30. The big news of the day, however, came out of the RT's time.

Connor's vent settings have remained steady on 24% O2 with a PEEP of 2, and programmed for 10 respirations a minute. We have been seeing the boy pull 11 to 13 breaths a minute on occasion, and so we spoke with the RT about the things we'd discussed earlier with our friend. She told us that the record showed they had tried to test Connor's ability to breath on his own early on, and had quit trying to wean him. When we asked her about the possibility of testing again, she decided to try a little test of her own. She switched the vent over to a pressure setting (instead of whatever setting he's currently on), and dialed the machine down to it's lowest setting, five breaths per minute. For the two minutes she left the machine that way, Connor drew 10 breaths a minute with no effort, even though the machine was set to a minimum of five. This means that the boy was initiating his own breathing, which means (if I understand it correctly) that at the very least, the signal to breathe is getting from his brain to his diaphragm! Oh yeah - this was all happening while Connor was almost asleep - he wasn't struggling to make it happen, it just was! Like it's supposed to! Praise the Lord.

He wasn't using his shoulders to breath. His breathing appeared normal from the outside, and when the RT saw this, she said "Oh yeah, we're doing the test tomorrow!" So Tuesday they're going to do a real, longer-duration test to see how much volume he can pull, and to see how long he can continue. I suppose they usually see this as a long road back to breathing completely. I'm praying he passes this test like he passed his swallow eval - with flying colors. We're also praying that this is THE sign that Connor is completely wean-able from the ventilator. Pray with us!

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Day 70 - August 24 - New concerns

We can use your prayers on Monday as we go to battle the insurance company. After a lot of research over the weekend, as well as finally finding a decent support group online, we are pretty sure that none of the alternatives presented to us so far have really been in Connor's best interests. While we really want to get closer to home, ensuring quality rehab for him is a higher priority, and so we are going to be pushing hard tomorrow for a facility with a proven record dealing with SCI patients as well as one which is currently accredited (interestingly enough, Valley used to be accredited but lost it). There's a pretty good one in LA, the second best in the nation is in Seattle, and the best in the nation is in Chicago. There are also good ones in Denver and Atlanta, and we feel we need to push to have Connor moved to one of these places. These rehab centers will push him to improve and will look at possibilities and options, rather than just "care" for him by putting him in a room and hopefully weaning him from his respirator. We're told that many of these will begin rehab while he's on a ventilator, which is different from the story the hospital and Valley were telling us. We'll see, but the more we look at the situation, the more we feel that the insurance company is trying to save money rather than get Connor the care he needs.

So I would appreciate your prayers - that we would reflect Christ as we deal with the people involved; that the folks who make the decisions would be moved to support our concerns; and that Connor's needs would be met. We know God has a plan for us - and since no door has opened thus far, we're going to knock on all the ones we think are the best. Hopefully He will open one!

Additionally, we realized this weekend that Connor's feeding tube is not being used for anything other than medications, which can now be taken orally. As such, we're approaching the doctors tomorrow morning to discuss having that tube removed and getting rid of that source of infection. Please pray that God would prepare a way for us.

Love to you all,

Eric

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Day 70 - August 24 - Today?

Today we spent the morning and early afternoon with Connor and Joélle before she headed back to Morgan Hill for work tonight. We had a good time laughing and sharing our time together, and speculating whether today would be the day. You know, one of these days is going to be the day, and it will feel a lot like every other one right up until the moment.

Connor is in a better mood today, although he is feeling a bit tired because of the weaning of the ventilator. Speaking of the weaning of the ventilator, he has been stable all day at 24% O2 and a PEEP of 2! That's very nearly room air, and we thank God for bringing Connor this far with healthy lungs. This afternoon, I observed a number of instances when the machine was set at 10 respirations per minute but he was drawing 11 or 12. Another praise! We wait upon the Lord for the boy's restoration...

The boy has another CT Scan tomorrow to verify his "hardware" isn't infected, since he complained of neck pain AND had a fever. We don't think they're related, but prayer for this would still be good.

Connor also wanted to tell you all "thanks" again for your faithful prayer support and words of encouragement. I asked him if he had any updated prayer requests for all y'all, and he asked you to pray for his physical comfort. He says that when he is comfortable he is able to rest easier, but when he is uncomfortable he gets anxious and jumpy, and then can't sleep well. So I know he will appreciate your prayers in that regard. I would add another comment - he and I were talking about his spiritual and prayer life this afternoon, and I asked him if he was praying. He said "a lot" (with a grin), but then got serious and told me a bit about the other people he has been praying for. I asked him if he would say he's got a good prayer life right now, and he very seriously nodded "yes". That pleases me. Cherié and I have purposed to be mining the scripture for him, searching for the words God wants Connor to hear, since he is unable to do so on his own right now. I would recruit y'all to help in this if you are so inclined. If God lays a particular scripture on your heart for Connor, post up so I can get it to him!

That brings me to my last point for this post. These are some of the lyrics from a Casting Crowns song called "What if His people prayed?" -

What if His people prayed
And those who bear His name
Would humbly seek His face yeah
And turn from their own way?

He said that He would hear
His promise has been made
He'll answer loud and clear, yeah
If only we would pray

For some reason I feel a burden to ask you - if God lays Connor on your heart, stop what you're doing and obediently pray and lift the boy up. I know sooooo many of you are faithfully doing this already, so please don't take offense at my request - I just feel I'm supposed to mention it here, so I am. I know many of you are old hands at feeling the leading of God to pray, but if you're like me, it's pretty easy to rationalize away that feeling of burden with "oh, that must have just been me making it up" or some other excuse. So if you're like that too, let me encourage you - if your God calls you to pray, pray - right then, right there, with power.

2 Timothy 1:7 - For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

God has given me a sound mind; I love my son; I will not fear but will pray with power, boldly approaching the Throne of Grace, asking in accordance with the direction of Jesus Himself the desire of my heart, that my son be restored physically, 100%, for the glory of God, and believing that I am receiving it.

To Him be the glory. Amen.

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Day 69 - August 23 - I lift you up

Connor spent the day in a blue funk, despite having sister and a friend with him most of the day. He ended up apologizing to Cherié for his attitude, and he expressed how shamed and frustrated he feels at his utter helplessness. I don't know how to help him with that, except to tell him I can identify a little bit - his description could also be applied to how I feel about the lack of control I have over the direction this whole thing is going.

The boy had an interesting situation happen today, when the whole of his back started tingling all over, then suddenly he got a shock feeling, like an electric shock, all over his back. It was very painful and lasted a few seconds, and Connor said it felt just like a bad electric shock. Joélle, who was in the room at the time, said that Connor's whole body was jittering and twitching for a few seconds, even his arms and legs. I don't know what it was, but it sure sounds to me like "getting the feeling back"! Bring it, Lord!

Cherié and I were discussing today what all this means, in the big scheme of things. We know it's bigger than us, we just don't know how big. We don't really know anything about what it's about, except bringing God glory. We are just eager to see God show off His glory and power to the world through this situation. It's kind of terrifying and sort of exciting at the same time.

We got a word of encouragement from an unexpected source today as well - one of the RTs told us that he "has never heard so much good stuff about a vent-dependent patient" as he has in the last two days about Connor. The RT was extremely pleased at Connor's condition and progress, and was very confident about Connor getting off the respirator. They have already reduced Connor's vent settings to 28% O2 and a PEEP of 4, and the orders were written to lower it further tonight. So, we'll see what happens in the morning.

Please continue to lift Connor up before the Lord. God is moving.

Isaiah 43:19 -

"Behold, I am doing a new thing;
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."

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Day 69 - August 23 - Still in Fresno

Well, we're still in Fresno. We have no idea what Monday will bring, but at least we're not moving precipitously this weekend. As far as I can tell, maybe Christ is returning on Sunday and I don't need to worry about all this at all. That's about where I'm at in the process, anyway - "Lord, come quickly". 8-)

Connor's foot was moving a bit yesterday under stimulation - when Cherié ran her finger down the arch of his foot, his toes would curl up like it tickled! He wasn't controlling it, but it responded to touch, and it happened while a doctor and a physical therapist were looking on. Also, Connor spent a solid hour on the voice valve, doubling his previous best! He was pretty worn out afterward, breaking out into a dripping sweat during the last half of the session. But he did very well, and that was while also on the near-normal O2 and pressure settings. His pressure has been lowered to 4 (2-5 is "normal")!! His diaphragm, however, still needs to work on its own for him to be able to be weaned from the ventilator.

We awoke this morning oppressed and despairing. Our prayer this morning was "Lord, we know you're in control, but we are in chaos. We know you love us, but we feel abandoned. We have no hope in doctors, or facilities, or procedures - You are our only hope. But we feel hopeless; we feel rejected; we feel thrown to the wolves and left to die. Your word says that Your mercies are new every morning. We need new mercies today."

It amazes me how pathetically weak I truly am. But hey, at least God's strength is perfected in weakness!

Please continue to pray for discernment regarding placement and facilities. Also, to help you all understand the process better, we're in step two of this process (I don't really know how many steps there are in this dance, but there are at least five!). The ICU was step one - stabilize him. Step two is the hospital, where we are now. Step three will be the place where Connor is weaned from the ventilator and brought to sufficient health that he can begin rehab. Step four will be the place where he actually receives rehabilitation services. Step five, of course, is home.

Valley is a "step four" place, which is why they rejected Connor earlier - he's not ready for step four. We're trying to find the right place for Connor to go for step three, all they while praying that God would make it all unnecessary. We have come to the conclusion this morning that, if we can't be at or near home, then there's no real difference in location, and so we will want the absolute best care we can arrange for the boy. This will mean taking him, and us, away from our friends and support system, and the further we go, the harder it will be. Does that mean packing up, selling our home, and moving the household away? We don't know. We also have a beautiful daughter who is being radically affected by this. She's been a rock, but we know the waves crash over her too. Please continue to lift us up before the throne - our family is drowning in the flood, crying out for help to the only One who can save us.

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Day 68 - August 22 - Prayer against principalities needed

Ephesians 6:12 -

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

Cherié and I have been discussing the ministry possibilities available to Connor and to us if he were placed in the Saratoga facility. The reasons we've been given about why we cannot go there have been disjointed and inconsistent at every turn - for example, one of the reasons we were given was that the facility was a sub-acute facility, but then we find that the facility they WILL pay for is also a sub-acute facility. There are more of these types of inconsistencies as well, and it strikes me that we're being prevented from going to this place.

I'm asking each of you to take a few moments when you read this to come forcefully in prayer against these things that are preventing our move to Saratoga. Please pray specifically that any of the enemy's forces arrayed against us would be bound and prevented from interfering in this move; that God would be opening the way for us to move to that facility; that He would move in the spirits and minds of the insurance people and their bosses to arrange for our provision there; and that the insurance people would continue to cover Connor's stay here at the hospital until we can move to Saratoga.

Thanks for the help! Guard yourselves - as you become spiritually active, you also can become targets. Read Ephesians 6:10-20. Be ready.

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Day 68 - August 22 - Another door closed

We just got the word that our insurance will not cover the facility in Saratoga. They are telling us he needs a facility called an LTAC, which stands for Long Term Acute Care. The facility in Sacramento (actually Fulsom), a place called Kindred Hospital, is the one that thinks they can wean Connor from the ventilator in 30 days and they had a bed as of three days ago. The insurance is also willing to cover an LTAC attached to a Kindred hospital in San Leandro, which is in the East SF Bay south of Oakland.

I don't know anything about either of these places, except what I can read on their own websites, which is a bit biased. I don't know if there are any places nearby to park RVs, I don't know anything, and yet I'm being forced to choose between them.

San Leandro Pros - Closer to home - 60 miles or so. Closer to work.

San Leandro Cons - Closer to Oakland. 99 bed hospital-y looking. East Bay means massive traffic issues most of the time, so 60 miles may be more like 1+20 driving from MoHill. Crowded area means less potential for RV parking?

Fulsom Pros - Nicer area. Only 39 bed facility - still hospital-y, though. Confident they can wean the boy from the vent in 30 days.

Fulsom Cons - 2+30 driving time (or more) from home - even further than Fresno.

Anybody out there know anything about these two facilities?

Please pray for us. We see an open door, and begin to walk through it, and it gets slammed in our faces. This is the second time in a week. The insurance wants to move him right this minute and doesn't want to pay for more hospital time, and since the Fulsom facility has said they're ready for him, insurance wants to move him ASAP. God has not given me any peace about any course of action in over 68 days, and I have none over this entire situation. I'm pretty much peace-less about everything, and yet everybody is standing around expecting us to make effective decisions. But as soon as we try to make a decision and act, that action gets slammed shut.

If anybody knows specifics about these two facilities, please contact me via the Contact Page on the website.

Who's in control again? It certainly isn't me...

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Day 67 - August 21 - Potential Move?

Please be in prayer about a potential move to a sub-acute facility near our home. We got notification this afternoon that the insurance wants to move Connor tomorrow because "he doesn't need the hospital anymore" and there's a facility (in Sacramento) that is willing to take him. Our case manager contacted a Children's sub-acute hospital in Saratoga, about 35 minutes from our home, and Joélle and I toured it this afternoon. The people are fantastic and we think the environment would be a good one for Connor. They are still evaluating his file and discussing things with my insurance company, but we may be moving away from Fresno tomorrow.

I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I just know that if God wants Connor in Saratoga, that's where he'll be. I'm not qualified to tell you how to pray here - my understanding of "good for Connor" and "bad for Connor" is significantly skewed. All I really know is that God has not yet seen fit to answer my heart's desire. I'm fuzzy on everything else.

I would appreciate your prayers, however, that wherever we end up will be the best place for Connor; that he will be blessed there; and that the facility will be the right place for Connor's full recovery.

I'll let you know more when I know more.

Eric

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Day 66 - August 20 - The son teaches the father

Boy, you could sure tell everyone was praying today!

Connor's fever came down quickly enough this morning, and he and Cherié had a great time ordering me around town via telephone to pick up all the different things he wanted for lunch. I ended up at two or three different places before I had obtained all the particular items he was wanting! Fortunately, they weren't far apart.

Cherié and I had a few minutes together when we got booted out of the boy's room this afternoon, and I am astounded at the different level of faith, hope and confidence in God we have today as compared to yesterday. We prayed, yes, but the nature and tone of our prayers were so different - the difference between a beggar supplicating for alms, and an heir approaching his royal father in boldness, I guess.

An interesting thing happened today - next to Connor's bed stands one of those rolling tables where we place his food and drinks. Today Cherié picked up a water glass that was about a third full to give to Connor, but when he took a sip, it was not water, but something incredibly bitter. Cherié reacted pretty strongly, fearing that she had placed something poisonous in Connor's mouth by accident, and she queried the nurse fairly harshly. When the nurse left the room afterward, Connor told his mom that she needed to make sure she apologized to the nurse before her shift ended. Of course Cherié did so, but I bring it up to show the character this young man continues to demonstrate in this situation. Of course he makes me proud, but it also humbles me that his character surpasses my own by so much. (BTW, it turned out to have been antibiotics that had been drained from an IV line to get the air bubble out).

Cherié left the room a bit early this evening so she could lie down and try to get rid of a severe headache, which gave me and the boy an hour or so together before bedtime. We had some guy time watching TV while we waited for his medications. After that, we talked and prayed for a while before I left, and I told Connor that I have never been as proud of him as I have been in the last two months. I told him that the last two months proved his character, his faith, and his love for God. I told him that he is teaching me how to endure suffering. And I told him that he has surpassed his old man - he used to be "Eric's son", but for the rest of my life I'll now be "Connor's dad". And nothing could make me prouder. I told him I believe God is going to do a mighty, mighty thing with Connor, and I told him I hope and pray that our lives lie closely together. He looked at me askew at that, so I told him I can't predict the directions God will direct our lives, but I want his and mine to be together. I asked him if he would walk arm in arm with me, glorifying God together. He got this great big, cheese-eating grin on his face and mouthed "The sooner the better"!

What a great kid. I am honored to be his dad. God has truly blessed us with our two wonderful children. It is so apparent to me that God has given Joélle the gift of wisdom, and Connor the gift of faith.

Speaking of Joélle, she just called from Morgan Hill to tell us about a message on our answering machine. I had changed our greeting many weeks ago to one explaining our current situation, that we would probably not be returning calls promptly, and pointing callers to the website for more information. Tonight there was a message from a telemarketer, who said that she had listened to Connor's situation and wanted us to know that she was going to be praying for us, and encouraged us with confident encouragement about the great God we serve. Wow! I can't wait to get home to hear it myself - that's one telemarketing phone call I'll be glad to listen to!

Our God is mighty and delights to do good things for His children.

Eric

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Day 66 - August 20 - Pneumonia

As my dear mother is fond of saying, "if it's not one thing, it's another".

We got to the hospital this morning and were able to get in quickly to see the boy, for which we are thankful. When we came in, he was flushed, was developing a hive-y rash, and running a slight fever, about 100 and change. The doctor has started him on massive doses of antibiotics to deal with the pseudamonas in his lungs. That had begun yesterday without ill effect, so they ruled out a reaction to the meds as a cause of the rash. After a small dose of benadryl, the rash disappeared.

Connor seems a bit lethargic today, and the doctor mentioned that she was concerned about the bacteria in his lungs turning into full-blown pneumonia. They tell me that pneumonia is common in these situations, but so far Connor has had to go into the Iron Maiden both times he has had it. So again, we go before the Lord to prevent pneumonia from developing, and to prevent Connor from having to return to the ICU and the rotating beds.

After he woke up this morning, he did eat a big breakfast, including French toast, sausage and Jamba Juice. At least his appetite is coming back!

You can hear our prayer requests. Please Lord, hear the cries of Your saints.

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Day 65 - August 19 - Step Down

Somehow we made it through the day. Y'all know what a day it's been. You know how it started, and how we've been declined from the facility near home. The follow-on discussion disclosed that there is nowhere nearby that believes that Connor can be weaned from the ventilator, with the possible exception of one facility in Sacramento somewhere. For those who aren't familiar with California geography, that's further away from our home than Fresno, albeit in a different direction. We are also expanding our search for someplace that can help Connor, even if it is further away from home. We want to go home, but so far God has not seen fit to allow it.

The day also involved both Cherié and I falling to pieces, fortunately at separate times; not being able to feed Connor dinner until two hours after we wanted to; being booted out into the waiting room during the shift change because of patient privacy concerns, even though we are in a single room with a closed door; and finding out that the lung treatments that in the ICU had been reduced to every six hours (and not at all during the night) have been stepped back up to every four hours around the clock, a surefire way of making sure Connor doesn't get to rest.

There have been a few silver linings, although it sure feels like I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel to find positives in this situation. The recurrence of pseudamonas, recently bemoaned by myself earlier this week, means that they had to put Connor in a private, enclosed room. We realized what a blessing this is when we saw some of the rooms in the step down unit, which are small cubicles divided from the nurse's main room by a curtain and without windows of any sort. The patient lies in a bed looking into the ward. Connor's room has a window with a view of downtown Fresno, and which never receives the baking blast of afternoon sun his old room got. So there's a blessing or two in there somewhere. We also were told by one of the nurses that, while the step down unit used to see a one- to two-day turnaround, they now have patients for much longer periods of time, such as a man who left step down yesterday who had been there since April. If we are here that long, they'll have to discharge me to an insane asylum.

God has a plan. I feel like adding "if He exists" to that sentence, but I know better. So I can only close this with my constant prayer, a few verses from my favorite Psalm, number 13:

1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Please pray for us. Also please lift up Joélle, as she has had to return to Morgan Hill by herself for work. Please pray that she would not feel guilty - she feels that she's betraying her brother by leaving. While I remember, I also want to say "thank you" to those of you who have reached out to my daughter while she's alone at home. Your compassion is such a blessing to her, and to us.

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Day 65 - August 19 - Rally the Prayer Warriors

Just heard from Eric - he's on the 10th floor at Community, which has not created a positive first impression, and he's reeling a bit from the challenges that this transition present. He hasn't yet been able to orient himself or his family to the new location, when he is pulled aside by Connor's case-worker, who drops this bombshell in their laps.

Care Meridian, the sub-acute care center in Gilroy, isn't going to take Connor at this time. Citing concerns over his respirator situation and their distance from the nearest ICU, the case worker reports they have declined to accept Connor.

The family was not prepared for this blow, and coming after this morning's experience with the 10th floor, has been hit pretty hard. Cherie´ was in tears, and Eric struggled to call for help.

Time to pray folks - the Williamsons are there for a reason, and they can't see it. Lift them up - pray for strength, courage, and perseverance, and that they would continually seek God in the midst of this.

Brad

Michigan

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Day 65 - August 19 - Spiritual Opposition

We arrived back at the hospital this morning at the beginning of our new room's visiting hours, 1000, ready to meet the new people and get Connor situated in this new place. The first thing I noticed is the physical difference - this wing of the hospital is much, much older, and consequently much more worn and dingy. The next thing I noticed was the spirit of oppression in the new waiting room. The third thing noticed was that we have been unable to get through the door into the unit to see the boy.

We sat outside the door for an hour and a half, during which time we were kept out of the unit four times, hung up on twice by the staff inside, and given no information about Connor except that "they were doing something". Finally, the speech therapist from ICU came out and took the girls through the back way so they could join the speech therapy, but so far we have been completely denied access to our son.

I'm sure the people inside are busy and are trying to professionally do their job. But I also remember that our battle is not against fleh and blood. I've been praying consistently for more than an hour that we would be salt and light here, and that God would prepare our way. I need some prayer support.

Please be praying that God would open these doors to us, and would be glorified in us. Pray that we would not portray frustration and anger, but joy and hope and faith instead. Pray for each of us, that God would renew and sustain our hope. Thanks.

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Day 65 - August 19 - Midnight

I just got to the hospital after receiving a call at the RV - they have decided it is time to move Connor. Yes, it's midnight, but apparently they need his bed and a step-down bed has become available, so here we go.

They're here. We're off to room 1001. Gotta go...

I don't know how long we'll be in this room - hopefully not long.

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Day 64 - August 18 - Stepping down!

The doctor poked her head in this afternoon to tell us that they no longer consider Connor an ICU patient! His status is now good enough to move him to the "step down unit", which is an intermediate step between ICU and "regular hospital" located up on the 10th floor. So the first step out of the hospital is upon us! Praise the Lord!

Ironically, and as I mentioned in an earlier post, this brings its own fear and trepidation - will the care be sufficient? Will the people be as good? We don't know anybody there! And so on... Connor and I immediately prayed about it, praying that God would gather the right people around us, that it would be a positive and good thing, and that we would find believers there who would help us through the transition.

Later this afternoon, we were talking about this with some folks who had come by to pray with Connor. This fellow had just come out of the step down unit a few weeks ago and had wanted to share his story with the boy. As we spoke about this, he and his wife commented that every one of their nurses in step down had been believers! So we were uplifted to already get to see God's hand of provision even before we get there!

They can't tell us when he will move, as it is dependent on the availability of a bed there. We will be sure to tell you when the time comes.

Connor continues to be in somewhat lower spirits. Please continue to pray for his emotional well being. Also, Cherié and Joélle haven't yet arrived in Fresno, although I expect them here fairly shortly. I appreciate your continued prayers for all this stuff.

God is good.

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Day 64 - August 18 - Nine Weeks

A brief update -

I got to the hospital this morning to find that Connor is now breathing with vent settings of 6 PEEP and 30% O2. This is the setting that the facility in Gilroy wants to see as a maximum for transfer, so that's good. He will need to stay stable on these settings for at least a few days. So far his numbers are remaining steady.

Of concern is that they have found the pseudamonas in his lungs. I don't know yet if they're going to treat it with antibiotics again or not, but my concern is him having more bacteria in his lungs putting him at risk of pneumonia again. Please be praying for his protection against any infection, especially in his lungs. Also, please be praying that CareMeridian in Gilroy will be able to employ a Respiratory Therapist in time to support Connor's move closer to home - we like the facility, and it's nearby, but our first concern has to be Connor's health. Please be praying for God's provision to get us closer to home.

Joélle and Cherié went back to Morgan Hill yesterday so Joélle could work this morning and Cherié could have a bit of time away. Please pray for their safe travel back here this afternoon.

Gotta get back into the boy's room now. More later...

Love y'all!

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Day 63 - August 17 - A Challenge

But first, an update. Connor rested fairly well through the night, and had no desatting episodes, which is another answer to prayer. He and Joélle are upstairs talking about the accident and our reactions to it, since Connor doesn't know our side of the story and is now interested in finding out. Joélle is the perfect sister for the boy, no question.

We found out this morning that Connor has gotten pseudomonas again. They're waiting to see more culture results before they take action, which will probably be antibiotics again. Praying against that infection would be appreciated!

Finally, I've gotten many requests over the last weeks and months, asking me to share more details about the folks with whom we minister so that everyone can pray for them. I've gotten this request enough that I think I'd better answer it, and the answer is "no, I won't share that information". Why? Well I don't know if you've noticed or not, but I don't mention anyone but family by name on the blog, for this reason - I have no desire to breach these folk's ideas of privacy, particularly in light of the fact that I am making this information available to anyone on the globe who wants to look at it. It's one thing to share my own situation, but another thing entirely to spread someone else's pain without them knowing about it.

My brother opted to use pseudonyms last month to tell the story of Shane and Hope, primarily because he's actually good at telling stories like those. I, on the other hand, can't even keep everone's real names straight, much less false names! So rather than confuse my mental state any further, I opt to avoid passing on many of the stories that come from our sojourn here, unless it highlights part of our own journey.

There is another reason I have avoided passing on such details, and here is where the challenge in the post title comes in -

Because of the wonder of the internet, It is super easy to feel connected to us and to feel that you're being used by God in prayer, all while sitting at your computer and praying for us. Please don't misunderstand me - every one of you that are watching this blog ARE valuable and being used by God! Trust me, I'm desperate for your continued prayer! So I'm not saying anything other than "it's easy to be connected in this way through the internet". But many of you have expressed a desire to know more about the folks we minister to so you "can pray for them, too". This is a noble and worthy thought, one which I believe originates with the Holy Spirit moving your conscience. But if the Holy Spirit is prompting you to expand your prayer support to more people than just Connor and us, I respectfully suggest that this might be the moment when you take a look at your local ICU or Emergency Room to see if there are hurting people there who need the hands and feet of Christ.

I don't mean to suggest that the people here are not worthy of your prayer support, or that they don't need it. I just feel strongly that God has placed our family here to minister to these people, and I also feel strongly that part of growing in Christ is to begin reaching out our ownself (to steal a Texas phrase). I had to be dragged into a Trauma unit to discover the need of the hurting people inside, but you have the opportunity to learn from my experience and go there willingly.

Go find a trauma unit or ICU. Go stand outside the elevator or door to the waiting room, and do this experiment - stand there and whenever a person comes out of the elevator or through the door, ask them if they'd like you to pray for them. No witnessing, no Bible-thumping, just prayer. In my experience, not a single person will turn you down. Then pray with them, lifting them and whatever their situation is boldly before the throne of grace. Share more with them if they're open to it - if not, don't push. Trust the Holy Spirit to guide your words. He will.

I think that is a great way to begin to stretch your own faith while also reaching out as Christ reached out. I have yet to meet a hurting and desperate person with a family member or friend in serious jeopardy who didn't think that prayer was a good idea. Admittedly, my experience is pretty limited, but so far that's proved true. And even if someone does say "no", you just thank them, wish them well and turn to the next person. It's 'way easier than you think.

So go for it. Move. Trust. Reach out. Be the hands and feet of Christ. Remember, faith without works is dead. I'm not the only one who gets to have their faith stretched! And I'll make you a guarantee - you will find yourself more blessed than you can believe, and as uplifted by your action as the folks you're praying with.

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Day 63 - August 17 - Praise Day

It's been two months (yesterday) since Connor ran into the lake at Hume. Two months of panic, and of provision; of fear, and of faithfulness; of horror, and of hope; of worry, watching, and waiting. Two months of faith. Two months of prayer, and prayer, and prayer, and prayer, and prayer.

Today is a day of praise.

I awoke this morning with my usual first prayers already running through my head - "Lord, heal my son", in all of its variations. But as I lay in bed, I began to praise God for the things He's already done. I praised Him for the things He's doing. And I praised Him for the things He is going to do. And I purposed that today, I would not run to Him with my same request over and over again - "Lord, heal my son. Lord, heal my son. Lord, heal my son. " - but that I would acknowledge His grace, His mercy, and His faithfulness through this situation.

* He arranged all things beforehand so that Connor was rescued from the water, cared for on the beach, and transported to the best Trauma unit in the valley.
* He protected Connor's mind from ill effects through, and after a stroke.
* He miraculously straightened the boy's vertebrae within 15 minutes after the doctors had given up because they could not do it, and had decided to straighten it surgically.
* He prepared conditions so that Connor's fusion surgery went better than the neurosurgeon "had ever seen".
* He miraculously healed arteries that a CT Scan clearly showed, and 6 neurologists and neurosurgeons positively thought were pinched, torn, clotted and perhaps even severed, so that within the span of just one night they went from damaged to perfect condition.
* He answered prayer and restored Connor's lung capacity to get him off the roto-beds and keep him off for over two weeks now.
* He answered prayer after the cardiologists had decided it was necessary to implant a pacemaker to ensure Connor's heart continued to work - He persuaded them to allow us to put an external pacemaker near the boy's room in case it was needed (it never was), and He has sustained and strengthened Connor's heart ever since, and he still doesn't have a pacemaker!
* He placed in the hearts of family members to give unflinchingly of their time and talents to set this blog up with the thought of keeping family and friends up to date.
* He then used this blog to build an unbelievable network of people around the globe into - dare I say it? - some sort of global church!
* He prompted friends, family, and strangers to pray - to give - to support - and to care for a redheaded young man, most of whom had never met him.
* He even now is weaning the boy's ventilator settings downward as He sustains Connor's functions.
* He even now gives Connor sensations in different parts of his body, and increasing reflex motions, and sweating below his level of injury.
* He even now is preparing the way home for us.
* He will continue to do these things until the day Connor gets back up and walks, and beyond.

Give Him praise today - He is worthy to be praised!

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Day 62 - August 16 - A good day

Evening approaches, and it's been a good day. Connor is still adjusting to the lower vent settings, and desatted a couple of times when he needed to have his trach suctioned, but the good news is that his heart has not reacted to that. His heartbeat has been remaining steady despite the desat, which is a big improvement over a week or so ago.

Connor laughed and joked all afternoon with his sister and and a very good friend, and he's had three other guys up in the room with him for the last three hours with a guitar and a songbook, so I'm guessing they're having a blast worshipping together as well. We also had a chance to visit with some friends while the kids goofed off with the boy, so we all benefitted from some uplifting fellowship.

It's such a blessing to be able to laugh for a few minutes. Thanks, Lord, for giving us such friends.

Granny's got to be at the airport at 0500, so I'm going to make this the last post of the night. Church in the morning, and we continue to pray. Tomorrow is a new day, with new mercies - maybe one of those will be the one!

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Day 62 - August 16 - A new morning

Another day. Joélle made the 2-hour drive from Morgan Hill yesterday in only six and a quarter hours(!!), thanks to a semi-truck on fire that blocked the only road between the South Bay and Fresno. She was stuck in traffic for over four hours! But she made it safely in the end, and gets to hang with her brother and us over the weekend.

Connor is even now enjoying another Jamba Juice with his sister. I guess that's a pretty good way to start the day! Last night his O2 saturation didn't stay quite as high as I would have liked it to - not low, just not as high as we'd prefer. I'm sure that this is just a product of the lower pressures, but he needs to be able to tolerate even lower pressures before he can move from here. Additionally, the lower pressures mean his lungs aren't being inflated as much, which can increase the chances of pneumonia again. Please pray against any new infections, and that he would remain sealed against that or any other lung issues.

On the way to the hospital this morning, I asked for Joélle's help, as the folks we've been ministering to have pretty much all come and gone from the Trauma unit. I haven't been as effective at reaching out to new folks as I'd like to be. We discussed that for a bit, then forgot about it as we picked up our juice and drove the rest of the way to see the boy. As we boarded the elevator, a couple joined us and pressed the button for the Trauma floor. Cue Joélle! She just said "hi!" in that bright, cheery, nine-year-old-Joélle manner she has, and asked how they were doing. That was all it took for us to get jump-started, and together she and I were able to pray with and minister to these hurting parents whose son lies in the ICU with significant head injuries.

That's really my prayer for today - that we would be effective here on this Saturday. If weekends in an empty hospital are difficult for me, with all of you backing us up, how much more difficult are they for someone with little or no support network at all? It's important to let people know that Someone cares for them, even if no one else does.

Pray for Granny as well - she departs for home tomorrow at some nightmarishly early hour. We're praying for a safe and expeditious flight back to Spokane and her hubby, and rejoicing that she gets to go home again. I'm sure she'll feel torn as she goes, so we pray that she is able to re-engage at home and rejuvenate there quickly.

Connor is expecting some more friends today, so we are praying that this will be an encouraging and refreshing time for him. Please continue to pray for the boy.

Eric

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Day 61 - August 15 - End of Day

Well, another day goes by. Not much to post tonight, since my earlier post wasn't until dinner time.

Connor was worshiping tonight and singing along with a song called "Run to You". He wanted me to hear the lyrics, particularly the chorus:

"Give us strength to follow when the road gets narrow, we will run, Lord, we will run.
Give us perseverance, let us not grow weary, we will run, Lord, we will run."

Sounds like a pretty good prayer to me. Good night.

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Day 61 - August 15 - Looking Good in Print

Some, several, a few, a bunch, more than you would think, have asked the question, "How do I print out a blog entry and all the comments? Whenever I try to print anything, I get the web page, and not all of the blog entry."

Well, friends, fret no more, because the miracle snake oil cure for printing problems is here. Yessir, all you have to do is look at the bottom of this here blog entry, and y'all will see a horizontal dashed line, followed by what looks like a link that says, "Print This Page". See what I mean?

OK, for you adventuresome few who have already clicked on the link, you see that it will open a dialog box that lets you print to your favorite printer, and it formats the blog page so it looks good while doing so.

(Note that this only applies for people viewing the blog on-line in a web browser. It does not matter to those getting Feedburner updates by email, because you can already print those, though without the comments.)

So it prints everything. Not a bad deal, if you want every blog entry on this page, and don't mind not getting the comments. If not, now what?

If you want the comments for a specific blog entry to print at the same time, you must first go to the sidebar, on the right, about half-way down, where it says "Previous Posts". Note that it lists all recent posts, including the current one. Click on the one you want, and it will open that blog entry and all the associated comments. If the post you want is not on the list, then you'll have to search through the archives just below.

Click on "Print This Page" and this time you'll get only the blog entry AND all its comments.

Isn't that extra special?

So there you are. One click away, and you're looking good in print.

Now if I can only get the blog authors to quit deleting the print commands, we'll be in good shape.

Brad

Michigan

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Day 61 - August 15 - Evaluation results

This has been a pretty good day, all in all. In addition to the evaluation this morning, the boy has had eight visitors this afternoon. Unfortunately, all of them were adults of one persuasion or another, but still, it was good. We had our pastor and his wife, then some of the elders of the church, and finally some family friends. He's resting now while we await delivery of yet another pizza.

OK, OK, you're all chomping at the bit to hear the evaluation results, so I'll quit teasing you...

This morning two ladies from CareMeridian came by to evaluate the boy. They looked through the paperwork, made a bunch of copies, spoke with us and Connor for a bit, and finally determined that with one exception, there wasn't any reason why he can't be transferred.

The exception is that he hasn't been weaned enough from the ventilator yet. So, in order to track his progress, here's where we are -

- a week ago, he was running at 40% O2 with a PEEP (the pressure they use to keep his lungs inflated) of 12. For reference purposes, normal O2 is 21% and a normal PEEP is 2 to 5).
- today, they had weaned him to 35% with a PEEP of 6, which is a significant difference.
- the CareMeridian people want to see him stable for a number of days at 30% or below.

So, there's another prayer request - that Connor will be able to maintain his O2 saturation with the lower levels and pressures.

Finally, the facility in Gilroy does not currently have a Respiratory Therapist on staff, something I think necessary in order for the boy to receive the care he needs. Please be praying that God will meet that need as well.

So we're still in Fresno, at least for the next little while. Yippee. But perhaps there's a bit of light at the end of this particular tunnel...

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Day 60 - August 14 - Evaluation tomorrow

Tomorrow we have someone coming here from CareMeridian in Gilroy, a few miles from our home, to evaluate Connor. She should be here between 10 and 11 AM.  Please pray that we ask the right questions of the evaluator.  I don't even know who will be taking over Connor's care. I really don't even know what questions I should be asking.  Please pray that God will provide the right personnel and a wonderful doctor. Please be in prayer today, tonight and tomorrow concerning CareMeridian. If God is preparing a place there for Connor, the doors will open for us.  As much as we want him close to home, friends and family, we really want to do what is best for Connor.  There are all sorts of concerns for this move.

We need Respiratory Therapists for Connor. Ones that will begin where we have left off here at Community. Ones that will continue to work with Connor and strive to get him off the respirator. Also we need them to continue the speaking valve therapy. When Connor works with the speaking valve, he is essentially working muscles he hasn't used in two months. As the settings change on his respirator, the therapy on the speaking valve gets harder. The only example I can give you to make it easier to understand is as follows: Like working on a set of weights, you may be able to do a certain amount of reps for 25 minutes in the beginning when the weights are light, but as you increase the weights, the reps and times become less. It becomes increasingly harder. So although Connor did 25 minutes with the speaking valve a week ago, the work load has become harder, and he has to work more to make it through each passing minute. It is doing so much for him, though - it is recruiting more aveoli (air sacs), and working muscles he hasn't used in months. This is better for his lungs, but it is hard work.

Please be in prayer about the evaluation tomorrow, that God would open doors that need opening and close doors that need closing.

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Day 60 - August 14 - ConnorNews

Connor is doing pretty good today. His numbers are looking good on the new, lower vent settings, although they haven't done any further weaning as of now. But he remains saturated with the new settings, so that's a plus. He spent 12 minutes on the speaking valve today before he was too tired to continue. I had no idea breathing and speaking were so difficult, but apparently that's another thing I've taken for granted all my life.

Right now, he's upstairs having steak for lunch. He's been craving steak for two months nearly non-stop (I'm pretty sure he's a carnivore!), so we surprised him by running over to a nearby steakhouse who set us up magnificently. Of course, Cherié's probably gonna throttle me when we get to go have our lunch in the cafeteria after she's finished with the boy, so if this is the last post I ever make, at least you'll know why. 8-D

I love the fact that there are so many people who are not only willing to listen to our situation, but who are encouraging, and eager to check out the website and blog, and join us on this odyssey. That's what happened this afternoon as we picked up the boy's lunch - when the lady who prepared his steak, and her daughters, expressed such encouragement and support for us, offering to pray for us and taking the web address with real pleasure. God blesses us with contact with so many great folks - thank you, Lord.

We wait excitedly for God to move in the boy - it's going to be amazing when His purpose and plan are fulfilled!

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Day 60 - August 14 - My Atrophied Faith - Part 1

Sixty days. It doesn't seem possible. It also isn't possible that this journey has been so long, so arduous, so painful and so eye-opening for no reason. And so this morning I'm taking a few minutes to explore the reason. Please excuse the interruption - I'll have more updates on the boy after I get to the hospital this morning.

The last 60 days of my life have been one continuous lesson in faith. Faith, most of us would say, is a very important part of who we are, what we believe, and what binds all of us strangers together, and we'd be right. But if we stop there, we are missing what seems to me to be the most important part of faith - actually using it.

What do I mean? Well, most of you would agree that I have been tossed into the crucible of faith these last weeks and months. It is readily apparent to me that I am not the same man I was the morning of June 16. If you would have asked me then, I would have said "of course I'm a man of faith", but the reality was that I was not. Instead, I was just a Christian in America. I claimed faith in Jesus, and hoped I would have faith to trust Him in times of need, but the extent of my "need" was when I overspent and had to not go out to dinner for a few nights until the next paycheck came in. I have a nice house, a couple of cars, some motorcycles, a tenement on wheels, a steady job, a good retirement plan, and enough groceries to last a couple of weeks - in short, I have everything I need and more, and the truth is that I was so comfortable I didn't really need God at all. So exercising my faith really meant "praying hard after I screwed up the finances until the next paycheck saves the day".

In addition, my church experience over 46 years has really downplayed most of what, for lack of a better term, I am calling "practical" applications of faith in the Bible. The arm of the church in which I grew up would sort of gloss over why, for example, there are numerous instances throughout the New Testament where Jesus' followers are healing the sick, casting out demons, and other demonstrable applications of faith. It was right there in the scripture, and yet we didn't do these things in my church or my experience. If the question was asked, we'd get lots of long-winded explanations about dispensationalism and which Church Age we lived in, until I as a youngster would glaze over and quit paying attention.

I've gone 46 years now, accepting those sorts of answers, and (quite honestly) I'm not satisfied with them anymore. If Jesus is truly "the same yesterday, today and forever" (Hebrews 13:8, John 8:58); if God is "not man that He should lie" (Numbers 23:9); if Jesus Himself told the parable of the persistent widow and asked whether He would find such faith when He returned (Luke 18:1-8); and if He Himself also said "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours"(Mark 11:24) - if all these things are true, then why is it that we do not see people doing such things as Christ's early followers did?

I can only see two answers to that question - either A), God has changed and is no longer the way He once said He was; or B), they don't happen because we (collectively and individually) don't believe they can. I take a look around at the state of the church these days - pastors who have their own business jets; deacons and elders wrapped up in all sorts of shenanigans; many people for whom the primary concern appears to be to further their own security and comfort; and most importantly, the pathetic state of my own relationship with Christ; and I wonder what the likely answer to that question really is.

I don't believe God changes. To believe that would be to throw away the foundation of my entire worldview, and everything I've ever built upon it. No, God's nature is the same right this minute as it was when He spoke to Moses out of the burning bush. And if that's true, then answer B is the true answer to my question. And if that is true, then my follow-on question is whether I am satisfied to leave it at that, or if I'm going to set out to find God's truth about such things as faith, healing, and the other gifts of the Spirit spelled out in 1 Corinthians 12 -

"For to one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another the ability to distinguish between spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. All these are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as he wills."

Now if I believe all this - and I mean REALLY BELIEVE it, and not just give some sort of lip service to it - then that paints a different sort of world than the one I've lived in all my life. It makes things possible that I have never given serious thought to. It shakes up some serious power foundations in established religion, and quite honestly, it scares me immensely. It scares me because it means I don't get to sit comfortably on the pew anymore. It scares me because I have to look in the mirror and see if it's MY faith that needs strengthening. It scares me because it means that the God of Scripture is really alive, and interested in my life, and doesn't fit into my comfortable, Sunday-go-to-meeting world. Talk about terrifying - the God that breathed the universe into existence, acting and living and moving in my life, interested in my choices, concerned about my needs. And He's alive and well and willing to use me any way He wants for His glory, if only I'll wake up and smell His coffee. That's not cool, or neat, or anything - except baldly fall-down-on-my-face-in-fear scary.

Now, assuming you have followed my line of reasoning, verified the scriptures, and think I'm making some sort of sense - assuming all that, why do you think all this is? I would suggest that it is because our culturized faith is, like my son's muscles, atrophied. We never use it. We never need to use it. And so it sits; unused, unchallenged, ungrowing. When you go to the gym and lift weights, your muscles scream in agony as they get broken down so they can grow (which is another blog all by itself). It's only when your muscles are being pushed that they grow - if they alone are sufficient for a given task, they don't grow at all. And our society has made us all so self-sufficient that we don't need God's grace to be sufficient for us, and consequently our faith never gets the chance to grow. We grow fat and lazy as we bask in our own self-sufficiency, all the while giving our lip's service to "doing God's work". To steal a line from Jim Carrey, "I hold myself in contempt".

Is it possible that our weak faith is the reason we see so little faith in action? Could it be that we see so little spiritual warfare and so little spiritual opposition here in America because we're so asleep in our faith that the enemy doesn't need to bother? Could it be that there is so little faith action in America because we're so self-reliant that there's no need to learn how? Can we learn how? Dare I ask - could it be that the material blessings this land enjoys are actually curses that keep us from a full knowledge of our God?

Is it possible that believers in many other countries - where the material blessings Americans enjoy aren't perhaps as prevalent - see many more manifestations of exercised faith (and spiritual warfare, for that matter) because they are more muscular, faith-wise, than we, and therefore more effective spiritually?

I don't have the answers to these questions - but I'm asking them. Look for part 2 sometime in the near future as I journey with my son on this exodus of pain.



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Day 59 - August 13 - A couple more things

Cherié reminded me of a couple things I forgot to mention in the last post. First, Connor started his day this morning with a visit from two lovely girls who drove down from Morgan Hill to bring some gifts and cards, but who really brought encouragement. It was a great start to the day for him.

Second, we just got a call from Joélle, who had attended the college group Bible study this evening. She couldn't wait to tell us about the evening, including the topic of discussion - "Patience and Bitterness toward God". Man, I wish I could have been there - that sounds like something I could use! They discussed finding yourself in an unexpected place at an unexpected time, and she was blessed and challenged by it. She also had the opportunity to update everyone about Connor's status, so she was well-pleased with her evening.

It's time for bed, so off we go. We thank you for your continued support! We are praying for each of you, that God would minister to you as you minister to us.

May God bless you and keep you. May He cause His face to shine upon you, and give you peace.

Good night.

Day 59 - August 13 - His prayer request

I asked the boy what we could pray for as we lift him up. He told me "general prayer". I asked him if he meant for his healing, attitude, hope and faith, and he gave a sort of "well, that too" answer. I took that to mean that he desires prayer in every aspect - so Connor fervently longs for your prayer support.

He had a really good day today; you could really tell that people were praying for him. He had a much calmer and peaceful demeanor, and he was trying to do things. No panic attacks, and he went to sleep tonight without medication. He also had a #2 from In and Out for lunch (with Dr Pepper, of course...) and Maui Zowie pizza for dinner. Who says hospital food is terrible? 8-)

Thank you so much for your continued prayers for him, in particularly against the despair he's battling. It works!

Love you all!

Eric

Day 59 - August 13 - The next step...

Connor has been doing better today. I didn't get back to Fresno last night until after he had gone to sleep, so we had a good reunion this morning. He is still down, but we're working through it together. The RTs are having some success weaning him from his ventilator, in that the pressures and such are getting more normal. He's still got a way to go, but it was good to see his improvement in this area, and that his lungs are staying healthy on the new, lower settings.

Yesterday, he got nauseous when they had him working with the speaking valve, and only lasted a couple of minutes with it. This morning he started getting sick after two minutes on the valve, but he took a few minutes' break from the valve and then pressed on to do nine minutes. It's very difficult for him, and so we continue to pray for him to breathe on his own so this will be unnecessary. I was extremely pleased, however, to see him press through the discomfort and work at it. Way to go, son!

There's an anecdotal story running around about a guy who decided to climb the stairs to the top of the Empire State Building, so off he went. After he was finished, a newspaper interviewed him and asked him which of the steps had been the hardest in his climb to the top - the very first one, or the very last one, or some other one? He answered "The hardest step I had to make during the whole climb was the next step".

Man, there's a lot of truth in that. Facing each day and each decision is the most daunting thing I've ever done. And the strangest thing is that in some warped and twisted way, we adapt to the bizarre life we lead until it is some sick sort of normal. Then, when we discuss changing the situation, on some level we find ourselves fearing the change - even though it's actually an improvement. We have begun hearing the word "discharge' in the conversations lately. The doctors seem pleased with how the boy is doing with the respirator weaning, and Joélle and I toured the sub-acute care facility near home yesterday to see what it was like. We continue to pray for God's guidance with our next step. Somehow we've gotten adapted to Fresno as our "normal", and now the prospect of getting used to a new facility and personnel, with the necessary change in doctors, nurses, and therapists, has become a bit frightening.

Please continue to pray for the boy and for us - we covet it greatly.

Day 58 - August 12 - Many Thanks

I just got of the phone with Cherie, and she tells me the boy is doing better today, in part because of all the mail he's getting! The volunteer lady comes by, sticks her head in and says "You've got mail!", and Connor's face lights up. Cherie has been reading your letters to him, and showing him the pictures that kids have drawn, and photos you've sent, and he just beams. He particularly liked one that someone's children drew of him as a red-headed giant holding their hands. I don't know who sent it, and don't need to know - but whoever it was should know what a blessing that was to the boy today. Thank you!

We stick the pictures and photos up on his wall where he can see them, and we are always pulling them down and holding them so he can look closer. We read and re-read your letters, and he never gets tired of it. It means so much to him.

He also really likes seeing photos of the people involved - even those he doesn't know. It helps him visualize who's writing, and remember those he hasn't seen in a while. Please keep them coming if you feel led to do so - they mean so much to him!

I can never thank you guys properly for caring enough to take a few minutes for him. It goes beyond "gratitude" and puts me in your debt.

That brings up another thing I need to tell you. Every morning, we open our eyes and have absolutely no idea how we'll make it through another day. At night, we come back to the RV, change, and collapse exhausted into bed - no books, no TV, no games, not much talking - we just pray, and read some from the Bible, and fall into bed. But, looking back over 58 days, I can honestly say that without fail, every single one of our needs - whether physical, mental, or emotional - has been completely and totally met. God's provision is seeing us through. Despite the fact that we often don't feel like it - it is. So we praise Him and thank Him for his provision in the desert.

No news on the physical side of things - I'll post up when I hear something.

Day 57 - August 11 - Monday News

See, now y'all know how I feel!

Just kidding!!! Seriously, I appreciate everyone's concern as posted in the comment under the "Oppression" post, and I truly want to keep everyone updated as much as possible. While I'm at work and in Morgan Hill, however, all the news has to go through an additional layer of people before it gets to you - Cherié has to get it to me, and then when I'm not working I can get it to you. So I apologize for the silence - believe me, I recognize how important it is to keep everyone in the loop! So that you know, my "default" setting is "Let everyone know" - you can rest assured that if there's anything we desperately need prayer for, I'll be squealing like a stuck pig!

Connor had a better day today. The docs quit feeding him through his stomach tube, which meant that he actually had a chance to get hungry! When I spoke with Cherié this afternoon, the boy had just finished off his lunch from Panda Express - all of it! So apparently the swallowing is going very well!

Our wonderful RT has been making some significant efforts to wean Connor from the ventilator, as well, and while he remains connected to that infernal contraption, he's doing better. He was able to use his speaking valve for 25 minutes today while he had some visitors, so they had a great time being able to hear his voice again too. I guess I'm just going to have to quit working so I can hear it myself again someday!

I wanted to take a second to also thank each of you for your wonderful posts and comments over the last couple of days - they have all really encouraged me and the family, and I can't express enough what support we get from it all. Thank you.

Another prayer request - the RT told Cherié yesterday that, from their perspective, and not knowing what the doctors are thinking, but the RTs feel he's getting close to being able to be moved! So please be in prayer about that, and that the Lord would be preparing the way to wherever the right place is. We have ideas, the insurance company has ideas, and I'm sure the hospital has an idea too - we'll be in need of a lot of wisdom for decisions pretty soon. Please pray for us.

Love you all!

Day 56 - August 10 - Oppression

It's 10 PM, and Joélle and I are in Morgan HIll. Cherié and Granny just got back to the RV after a pretty good day in many senses and not so good in others.

Connor is facing a huge battle right now - despair. He won't eat; he doesn't interact; and he isn't trying. It almost seems as if he's given up, which seems impossible for him, but this afternoon he scared me. Even though he involuntarily moved his torso while I was trying to scratch his back, he wouldn't try to do it again when I asked him to. I don't know how to help him through this - all the scripture, all the prayer, and all the effort and comfort and encouraging words we can muster seem to fall empty to the floor before they help him. The only thing that seemed to help him today was the time he got to spend with his friends. He first had one buddy come by and visit for a few minutes, and then later this afternoon three guys came by with a guitar right as Joélle and I were leaving. They must have sweet-talked the nurses, because they sat in Connor's room for three hours, playing the guitar and singing with Connor, worshiping the Lord together without pause. Cherié says this really lifted him, but then he slowly drifted downward after they left.

Please pray for his uplifted spirit, that God would grant him hope and strong faith, and that he would find comfort in God's presence and Word. Pray for us, that we would have the wisdom to know what to say and when to say it. Please pray that God would not tarry in His healing, but that He would see fit to move in Connor's body and restore it.

I titled this post "Oppression" because it's what I feel Connor is facing, Joélle and I faced it when we got home tonight, and it seems to be a persistent theme over the last few weeks. Please continue to pray for our spiritual protection, that all of us would be granted the "peace that passes understanding" as we strive to confidently rely on God's provision and timing.

Day 56 - August 10 - No network, short post

No network this morning, so just a brief update. Connor fell asleep early last evening without drugs, and was still sleeping soundly two and a half hours later when we left. We pray that the rest he got - not induced by medication - serves him well today. I truly appreciate all your comments yesterday - we eat up all your posts hungrily each day! Sometime I feel that I have nothing new to post, too. Y'all are quick to let me know you still want to hear the latest - the least I can do is return the favor!

We are pleased that the boy will see some of his friends today. Please pray that he has the strength for it, and that he is greatly encouraged from their visits. I made a comment to some visitors last night about which I've been corrected, so I need to set the record straight. I had said that we had a dry week, visitor-wise, when they asked me if we had lots of guests. Granny told me this morning that even though I had only seen one of them, we had actually had five folks come by this week. She's right, so please disregard my previous comment! For me, I wish that more of his friends could make it down during the week to see him, but I know how hard it is to juggle work and everything else. Unfortunately, that usually means that many people come to see him on Sunday afternoon, and he gets tired so quickly. Then he has no one except us during the week - he told us yesterday that going to the CT Scan "was fun". When we asked why, he said "because I see something besides these three walls." Please pray that God will help him, and us, find effective ways for him to deal with that.

Joelle and I go back to Morgan Hill this afternoon again - I'll be gone until Tuesday night, while The Bean works all the way until Friday. Pray for all of us in our various roles while we're apart. Also, Granny leaves us August 17 - she has been an invaluable help for the last two months - I'm not sure how we'll manage without her, so there's another thing to pray about.

"My God shall supply all my needs according to His riches in Glory in Christ Jesus", right?

Day 55 - August 9 - Saturday

The girls got back this morning without incident - thank you, Lord. They are upstairs now, visiting with the boy. Connor is in good spirits, and we're praying strongly that God will bring encouraging news to him today. He doesn't have a fever this morning, and so we are pleased with that and eager for God to be moving in him and us. Patience comes so hard!

Saturday always seems to be a hard day for me. On the weekends, I struggle with despair more than on weekdays. It's silly, but I take a cue off of the blog, and when there are few online, or there's no new comments, my heart sinks a bit. I know I should only be drawing strength from the Lord, but I've received so much blessing from the blog that, like Pavlov's dogs, I drool for the feeding every time I hear the bell; and like them, sometimes there's no feeding! And so I get disappointed, even though I should be drawing my faith and hope from a different dish anyway! Silly, silly man.

Connor rested fairly well through the night, which is a blessing. Please be in prayer for us today, that God would uplift and encourage the boy with signs of His working in him.

Day 54 - August 8 - Day's End

Connor and I had a great time together today - we had most of the day alone as Cherié and Joélle are back home, and we bonded together as we studied the Word and prayed (oh, and we watched Monster Trucks on TV, too).

Connor did really well all day, with no lung or heart issues. His condition is essentially unchanged. He wasn't particularly hungry at any meal, and so didn't eat much. We had some encouraging news from a number of sources today, including information about our insurance plan which was a major answer to prayer, and another visit from the same believing staff member as yesterday; he came in and prayed with us, again lifting Connor's spirits and encouraging him. Also, he and another staffer brought CDs for the boy to listen to today, and so the day went by - without much news but with some very enjoyable guy time together.

The girls are spending the night at home, and will be driving back here in the morning. Please pray for their safety on the way.

This might be a good weekend for some of his friends to come visit - there are a couple of guys coming down Sunday; if others are planning to come anytime this weekend, it should work. All I ask is that you please let us know ahead of time so we can coordinate visits.

Anybody try the Macaroni & Cheese? If so, let me know if it's as good as I remember it!

Goodnight, all.

Day 54 - August 8 - Answers to Prayer

Connor and I got to spend two hours together this morning in prayer and discussions about faith, and what it means in our circumstances. It was a fantastic time, and would still be going on if I hadn't gotten kicked out. Connor is getting another CT Scan right now so that the neurologists can confirm that his vertebrae are fusing correctly. They aren't looking for anything, just a follow-up (but I'm praying that the results will be even better than they think, and that they will also find encouraging signs they weren't expecting, and tell us about them).

Anyway, we started this morning praying Psalms 46, 20, 13, and 121 together, then we started talking about practical faith. We worked our way through portions of Luke 18, Matthew 8, and Hebrews 10 and 11. We had gotten to Hebrews 11:1 - "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." - and were beginning to discuss Mark 11:12-25 (with emphasis on verse 24) when I remembered that I needed to ask the nurse about the boy's white count, so we stopped and prayed. I made a conscious effort to "believe that I had already received it" while we prayed that the boy's white count would be lower than 12000, the level it had been yesterday. I have prayed in the same way before, trying to believe that I had already received it, but for the first time this morning it was different. I knew, as I prayed, without any doubt whatsoever, that this prayer had already been answered. I knew it. I didn't hope it had been answered, I knew it. Don't ask me how - it wasn't me - but I knew. No questions.

A few minutes later, the nurse came back in. As she was leaving, I asked "What was his white count this morning?"(and for the first time I wasn't hoping for the right answer inside my head, because I already knew the answer - not the exact number, but rather a certainty that the answer would mesh with what I had prayed for). She responded "I don't remember exactly, but it was lower - like 10-something". I looked at Connor. He looked at me. Both our eyebrows went up.

You might be inclined to say "coincidence" or "well, you had a 50/50 chance". I would respond "Not if you knew the way I knew". There is no question that God gave me that certainty about that little bit of information. Does that mean that I'm something special? No. It means that I'm trying to better understand my Lord and His scripture. We give thanks that He sees fit to give us these steps in His time.

Now the boy and I are discussing how God grows our faith from that tiny seed to the faith needed for someone to "take up his mat and walk". Right now, I feel that same questioning doubt when I pray for Connor's complete healing.

Lord, help my unbelief.

Day 54 - August 8 - Where in the World?

Time to check the Clustrmap again. We've upgraded our Clustrmap account, so now you can zoom in to see more detail.

Log in to ConnorWatch, click on the Clustrmap on any page, (the world map that says "Visitor Locations" and you will be rewarded with a full size map.

Click again in any part of the map, and that continent will be enlarged, making it easy to see where Connorwatch visitors are from. Still no country, state, or province names, but you already have them all memorized, right?

For a different perspective, click on  the navigation link: "Map with smaller clusters" which will help reveal all the little locations under those big spots.

Have fun, learn geography, and appreciate how really huge the body of Christ is in the context of ConnorWatch.

Oh, by the way, why no visitors from 'south of the border' or South America? 

En ConnorWatch, nuestra casa es tu casa, y usted es siempre bienvenido!

Brad

Michigan

Day 54 - August 8 - Mac & Cheese Frenzy is Finally Addressed

OK, OK already! My mom is inclined to acquiesce to your request (to steal a line from "Pirates of the Caribbean"), and has sent me as much as she can remember of how she used to make Macaroni and Cheese. I may be able to string a sentence or two together, but I just couldn't do her response justice. So I've decided to post it in its original, unadulterated glory -

Eric,

You have stirred up a hornet's nest on the web. Just remember - this was 37+ years ago, and you were a child. What you thought was "yummy" then, you might not touch today. Diets were different. The country wasn't into this "eating healthy" thing. All I remember is that I cooked the pasta in "well-salted" water (definitely a no-no now) until not mushy, but gently firm. Then I added pure unadulterated American cheese from the block (no Velveeta) along with WHOLE milk ( none of the skim, 1/2% or 1% watered-down variety). Then if I remember correctly, since we lived on the border in El Paso, I added seasonings (salt, pepper and whatever else I had close by). Today I would probably use Seasoned Salt or "season to taste". As you can tell because it looked good and tasted good, today it would be considered unhealthy. Funny we all survived!

By the way, Eric, I am the other Grandma... granny is granny P. My eighteen grandchildren would immediately remind you to never call me "granny".

Thank you, mom, for helping me get the known world off my back about Macaroni & Cheese!

Cherié and Joélle are heading back to Morgan Hill for the day - Joélle has to work this afternoon, and Cherié needed to get away from here for a little while. So right now, they should be zipping along between the vineyards on the way home. Granny (Cherié's mom!) is at the hospital with the boy, while I (after I finish this, of course) will be off to find a welder who can help me repair the broken door lock on the tenement on wheels. The inside handle broke off this morning, so we can get into the RV but we can't get back out. Maybe I should start calling it the Hotel California! I suspect this will take me an hour or two, then I'll be back with the boy. I'll be sure to post up more when there's more to tell.

Please be praying for Connor's white count today, and that he would remain protected from infection. Also, that he would focus on God and the things of Him, rather than on his situation. I'm praying that God would prick Connor's conscience to pray for others around him, and to begin to seek what God has for him in his life, and that the boy would be comforted in that.

Day 53 - August 7 - And a Prayer Request

Oops, forgot one prayer request. Connor's white blood count is back up to 12000. 10-11K is considered normal, and his has been floating between 9-10 for the last few days, but now it's climbing again. As you know, rising white blood counts are indicative of infection, so we are praying fervently that he is sealed against any illness, particularly pneumonia. Please pray that the Lord would protect his lungs and preserve the boy's hard-won ability to eat, drink and speak.

Day 53 - August 7 - Three blessings

Today has been a day when God blessed the boy so much he just had to be lifted up from his depression.

Blessing number one - A very good friend of mine, who served two tours in-country in Viet Nam with the 101st Airborne, came to visit today. This fellow (who will not tell you about this personally, but who has given permission for me to tell it) was injured in action while rescuing one of his buddies. He was injured by a satchel charge while carrying a wounded squad mate up the hill to the LZ for evac. For his actions, he received the Purple Heart and the Silver Star (I think - since he won't tell the story, he'll have to make do with my faulty memory!). Today, this friend came up to Connor's room, and told Connor he had something to give him. With Connor listening intently, my friend described how he sees Connor as a wounded warrior, down but not out, and getting ready to return to the fight. If you don't know Connor, this is language he understands, and he listened and watched intently as my friend, visibly pulling himself together, pulled something out of his pocket. He then presented Connor with the small bar representing his own Purple Heart medal, pinning it onto Connor's hospital gown before praying a blessing over my son. Overwhelmed with my own tears, I could still see the powerful impact such a gift had on the boy. He was visibly awed and impressed by such an act. Thanks, Mark. I love you.

Blessing number two - Takes a bit of background. Every Thursday night, a group of men from the Fresno Rescue Mission storm into the waiting rooms here, asking - no, shouting - if anyone there needs prayer. Of course, in the trauma unit there's always many takers, including us, and so we've struck up an acquaintance with these rough prayer warriors. Tonight, six of them came in and saw us, and came over to ask about Connor. After we had updated them and prayed with them, they offered to go into Connor's room to pray with him as well. I liked the idea, but I knew that the nurse could squash the idea since only two visitors are allowed at a time. But, God has broken down bigger walls than that, so we went up and asked, and what do you know? "Sure, come on in!" was the response. So, these six bold, tattooed men and I took the trauma unit by storm, sweeping into the boy's room to pray. It was interesting that although they acted appropriately at all times, speaking softly and respectfully to the nurses and staff, my impression of them was that they stormed into the room with power. Now, these guys learned their faith in a different place than I did - in prison, and on the streets, and in battles with drugs or alcohol, and it shows - they came to prayer with power - you could feel it in the room. We gathered around Connor, made the introductions, and prayed. All I can say is that when we were done, all of us just looked at each other with that "Wow!" look on our faces. God was awesome in the prayers of his saints this night.

Blessing number three - As Cherié and I were with the boy, talking about events of the day, a staff member popped in. He was on his way home but is a believer who has worked with Connor before. He came into the room, and in a few moments had lifted Connor, reminded him of the opportunity God has given him by blessing him with so much prayer time, encouraged all of us with scripture, confirmed a scripture I had been pondering all day (the persistent widow again), and then prayed with us with power before he took off.

All of this has left us all a bit speechless tonight. Connor, Joélle and Cherié are upstairs saying their goodnights, while Granny has slipped off to the RV. When I came downstairs, 30 minutes ago, the boy was in good spirits and looking forward to getting some rest. Please pray that he receives what he needs tonight, and that he is blessed by it.

Good night.

Oh, yeah - one last thing. My mom read all the posts about Macaroni and Cheese, and she emailed me this response...

About the recipe. Don't know that I ever had one in the first place, just threw things together. You are making it out like I'm a good cook. ... and I'll get even with you for reminding people about it again.

So I don't know if any of us will ever experience such a thing again until Glory!

Day 53 - August 7 - How Do I Leave a Comment?

Many of you have asked how you go about commenting on the Connorwatch blog. There are probably some of you too embarrassed to admit you don't know how, and are missing a big opportunity to encourage Connor and the Williamsons. Sounds like pride getting in the way, based on my own personal experience. I should know, given that God has taken special care to give me additional tutoring on that whole pride thing.

Regardless, I have undertaken the writing of a tutorial for those of you that really want to learn to comment on ConnorWatch, and I want to encourage each of you to try, if you haven't jumped in already. The tutorial can be found under the FAQ tab (Frequently Asked Questions).

If you are embarking on the comment adventure for the first time, I recommend the following:

1.  Log in to ConnorWatch. You do log in each time you visit, don't you? If not, who knows what you are missing.

2.  Go to the FAQ page and find the "How do I post a comment on ConnorWatch?" FAQ. It should be the first one.

3. Print the FAQ. How do I do that, you say?  In the upper right corner of the FAQ are three little buttons:

   Saves the FAQ or any selected article as a .pdf file.

   Prints the FAQ or any selected article using your normal print dialog box.

   Opens a window that allows you to email the FAQ or any selected article directly from your browser.

How about that - so much to learn, so little time.

4. Now that you have printed out the FAQ, walk through it one step at a time, and you should be leaving your first successful comment in no time at all.

Now you are free to comment on anything that goes up on ConnorWatch. You can jump right in with words of encouragement, prayers, Scripture, theological discussion, song lyrics, recipes for Macaroni and Cheese, just about anything you can imagine.

No longer do you have an excuse for not commenting on ConnorWatch. Well, maybe just one. 

You're afraid what others might think? Sounds a bit like pride to me, but what do I know?

Brad

Michigan

Day 53 - August 7 - Turn and see

I've mentioned over the past few days how Connor is struggling with depression. To date we have not had to resort to medication for that, thankfully. One of the things I was doing with Connor yesterday morning was what I've decided to call "turn and see". Here's the idea -

The moment in time is right after the Lord had crushed the Egyptian army in the Red Sea. The water is swirling back into place, and every Israelite in the nation is facing - which way? Back the way they had come. At that point in time, they looked back over the ground they had covered, and could see all the things God had done for them to bring them safely this far:

1. He released them from slavery (Exodus 12:30-32)
2. He gave them the wealth of Egypt (Exodus 12:35-36)
3. He gave them His very presence night and day (Exodus 13:21-22)
4. He made a way for them through the sea on dry ground (Exodus 14:21-22)
5. He delayed the Egyptian army long enough for all of Israel to cross (Exodus 14:24-25)
6. He rescued them by destroying the Egyptian army (Exodus 14:26-29)

Then they turned around to look forward, and do you know what they saw? Desert, as far as they could see. No water. No food. Somewhere around a million Israelites needed to eat and drink on the way to the Promised Land, and that's what they saw. For three days. No water, and when they did find some, it wasn't fit to drink. No wonder they grumbled.

But, in addition to what they saw, what did they know? They knew two things:

1. God is with us - see that big pillar of fire and pillar of cloud?
2. God tells us that there's a really great place we're going to get to, one of these days.

I believe God wants us to learn the lesson the Israelites had a hard time with, so I play "turn and see" with my kids, and we turn and see what the Lord has done to bring us to this place:

1. A friend big enough to manhandle Connor out of the water is in the water with him at the time of the accident.
2. Two ER nurses that know how to stabilize a neck injury are on the beach.
3. A trauma surgeon is the camp doctor that week.
4. In the 1930s, a man named Igor Sikorsky perfected a practical helicopter, 70 years later allowing a 2+ hour drive down twisty mountain roads to be shrunk to 17 minutes of flying time and get Connor to the ER during the most critical first hours.
5. God straightened the boy's vertebrae when the doctors could not (see "I guess miracles do happen!" Day 8 - June 23).
6. God miraculously healed his arteries when the doctors thought they couldn't fix it (see "Surgery Part 2" Day 9 - June 24 and "Results are in" Day 10 - June 25).
7. God answered repeated prayers to clear up pneumonia, to get him off the rotating beds, and to clear him up from the superbugs.
8. God answered prayer to give Connor a full pass on the swallowing test, something few people can do.
9. God has allowed us glimpses of hope - sweating, pain sensations, some occasional feeling in his feet, spasming reflexes.
10. God has met absolutely every one of our physical, emotional, financial and spiritual needs every single day for the last 53 days. Praise the Lord! Much thanks is due to you all for that major blessing!

Once we're done looking at what God has wrought, we turn around and face forward - and see the desert. It's dry. It's dusty. We can't see the other side, but it sure looks desolate.

But we know two things - there's a great promise awaiting us at the end of this journey.

And God is with us.

Day 53 - August 7 - General Update

My mom, in her infinite wisdom, has pointed out that once I mention something on the blog, it becomes important to follow up with it so everyone who is wondering won't do so in vain. So, in an effort to get caught back up (and keep mom off my back), here goes:

- swollen left arm. They think this was caused by his IV failing because they've put so many in for so long. They moved the IV and the swelling has reduced. This would qualify for a long-term prayer request, as they can't continue putting IVs in indefinitely, but they still need to keep fluids etc. moving. Pray that Connor's veins will stand up to the abuse they're receiving as long as necessary, and that the Lord will provide for that.

- lungs/coughs/hiccups/etc. His saturation levels remain relatively stable now that they've put him back on a different vent setting. This setting is normally used when patients are on the rotating beds, and not the regular beds, so they have concerns about whether they can use his speech valve with these settings. He hasn't had any more hiccups of which I'm aware. His lungs still remain clear, although they are always concerned with pneumonia and other infections.

- MRSA etc. He still has this, in an apparently inactive state, so the doctors refuse to release him from isolation. Some of the staff is trying to get the isolation restrictions lifted, so that's an item for prayer. it would be nice to be able to touch him without gloves again!

- how'd he do with the juice and burger? Connor swallowed everything successfully and without trouble. He is currently restricted to one sip or swallow at a time, with one or two swallows between to make sure everything has gone on down. The therapist's concern is that if his epiglottis doesn't work right, stuff can get down into his lungs, risking pneumonia again. She wants to be extra cautious - even though he passed the multiple-swallows test with flying colors, because of his trach she has no easy way of finding out if it's not working right. So she wants to take the process very easy until she's really confident that he's doing alright. She says she'll wait a few days in this mode before she re-evaluates that decision.

So that's the things I can remember. If I'm missing an update on something, let me know. Also, if you want mom's Macaroni and Cheese recipe, you'll need to make more noise. 8-)

Day 53 - August 7 - My Microwave Christianity

Impatience is a frustrating thing -

Have you ever caught yourself standing in front of a microwave, tapping your foot, and muttering "hurry up!"? I've done it a few times, particularly in front of the coffee machine at work. There's this coffee brewer that lets you stick in 50 cents, push a button, and get a relatively decent cup of brew made fresh for you in about a minute. It's convenient, but it's amazing how I take the near-instantaneous delivery of coffee for granted.

Consider the microwave - my family got our first nukebox the year after I went to college. Before that, we somehow struggled along without this wonder of culinary technology, heating our cocoa in a cookpot, making popcorn with a two-piece oil popper (we weren't allowed to have JiffyPop - too expensive), and having to wait for HOURS for mom to heat up leftovers - I don't know how we survived our formative years! I can still remember standing around the kitchen on that Christmas morning back in 1980, marveling at how quickly the Radar Range heated up our mom's famous sweet rolls (we actually refer to them as "sticky buns" here in the Williamson family, but I suspect that talking about "heating up mom's sticky buns" might have been misconstrued, particularly by my brothers... 8-D ). What a magnificent device, the microwave!

Alas, everything has a downside, right? I'll tell you what the downside of the microwave oven is, just in case you don't know - macaroni and cheese. That's right, macaroni and cheese. When we were kids, our mom would make this steaming, bubbling pot full of sticky golden cheesy goodness with crispiness on top called "Macaroni and Cheese", and yes, the capital letters are on purpose. It was a main course in those days, and I remember running in and out of the kitchen every five minutes all afternoon, trying to find out if it was ready yet. Nowadays, the stuff they euphemistically call "macaroni and cheese" (notice - no caps) comes in a box, has powdered "cheese food" and nasty yellowy-orange artificial coloring in it, and generally reminds me of a phrase used by Crocodile Dundee when he described eating an iguana - you can eat it, but it tastes like $@&*!! But wait! You can have it in a hurry! Isn't that wonderful? You can have a box of fake cheese on cardboard noodles - and you only have to wait a few minutes for it! Woohoo.

Contrast that to the wonderful goodness for which we had to wait (for what seemed like hours), and it makes me wonder if maybe - just maybe - I shouldn't be quite so pushy about seeing God work quickly with Connor. Perhaps the final product will be so magnificent that I'll never want to eat mac and cheese from a microwave again, even if I do get it in a hurry...

Fortunately for me back then, my mom knew that my impatience wasn't the deciding factor for when the dish was done - only she knew when that happened, and when it did, it was worth the waiting. Imagine if I'd actually gotten my way - what would I have received? A plate of unmelted cheese blobs lying strewn amidst the shattered rubble of crunchy elbow macaroni (an image which reminds me of many of my early Mother's Day gifts, now that I think about it). Instead, in her motherly wisdom, she knew when the right time to serve was, and the results stick in my memory to this day. So it is with my Heavenly Father, who gently reminds me that, as of right now, it's not dinnertime yet.

I'll check back with Him in a few minutes.

Day 52 - August 6 - Photos

Pictures of Connor's first Jamba Juice in two months!

I'm on my way over to Carl's Jr. for the boy - his request for his first meal was a Western Bacon Cheeseburger with fries. I guess 18-year-olds will be 18-year-olds! For anybody wishing to send gift cards or coupons to Connor, you can check the FAQ pages by clicking here to see what fast foods are around. He's very excited!

Thanks again for your prayers. I'll be forwarding more photos to Brad for posting on the Photos page, so watch for updates there soon.

Day 52 - August 6 -Jamba Juice Here We Come!!!!!

Praise be to the lifter of our heads!!! Connor passed with flying colors, no limits!! Not only can he have water, my sweet son can have food. She also said they will write an order for outside food to be allowed to be brought in as well!! Our wonderful speech and swallow therapist was even praying for Connor while she was mixing all of his barium drinks together. We are so happy!! God has provided Connor with some of the most wonderful, loving, The whole ICU crew was joyful and celebrating with Connor.

Thank you for your prayers and for continuing to lift Connor up in prayer. God answered... and He said "Yes, my son. Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear... Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them."

Isn't God faithful!! Remind me again Jenann when my hope and faith weakens. I love how you do that.

Today... me and my house will praise the Lord!!!

Love you all for your faithfulness!!

Day 52 - August 6 - Swallow Test At 2pm

Please be in prayer today, all day, for Connor. He has to be stable enough to do the swallow eval. at 2pm. Connor has to be able to sit straight up for a long period of time and this will require his lungs and heart to be stable enough to do so. Plus they will be transferring him from bed to gurney; movement is hard on his body. He is sound asleep right now but they already set him full upright for the rest of the day until his apt. They need to see if his body can take it. Connor is still paralyzed, and because of this Connor can not hold his own head up; picture an infant in a car seat. A very large infant! But I know my God is larger, and will be the lifter of his head!

Please be in prayer today for strength, that his muscles in his throat, and mouth will work properly. They are looking to see if his epiglottis is functioning fully, no leaks. They want to see if all the liquid goes down the esophagus, and that none leaks into the trach. which leads to the lungs. This would be such a wonderful lifter of Connor's spirits. He longs to be refreshed by a cool drink of water. We know God can do this for him, and we are actively praying for full function of his swallow reflex and muscle control. A fresh drink of water to restore his soul.

Amazing to think how we take so much of our normal daily functions for granted. Just a simple swallow of spit is such a huge ordeal for Connor.

Psalm 23:1-3

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside still waters, He restores my soul.

Day 51 - August 5 - Faith in the unseen

Joélle and I have arrived back in Fresno after a long day back home. Unfortunately, our long day was nothing like the one Connor and the rest of the family had. Connor had hours and hours of trouble with oxygen saturation and heart rate issues, and it took the the therapists more hours to address it so that he could rest a bit. He spent the evening exhausted and depressed. He fought to keep his ministry to the staff in the right place, but today has taken its toll on him.

One bright note at the end of the day - Connor and Granny were together as the day wound down, and they both saw one of his feet move! It appeared to be a large reflex action, the signal for which doesn't actually go to the brain, but it was movement and Connor reacted with a big grin. We also had his nurse confirm that the boy was sweating before his bath, and a rehab staff member confirmed that it is very rare to see SCI victims sweat below the level of injury. We are confident that this sign is a significant portent of things to come.

Please pray for the boy tonight, that he would safely rest; that he would be refreshed tomorrow for his swallowing evaluation; that God would minister to him and raise his spirits, encouraging him with the right words, thoughts, and people.

One last thing - we also had numerous confirmations today that many, many unbelieving people are watching this blog to see what's happening with the boy. That is really exciting to me, and brings me comfort that our situation has a purpose beyond anything I can imagine. My prayer is that the things I and others write on this website will be used as effective tools to work in the hearts of every one of the folks that read them. Something Cherié tells herself daily - "I am a child of God, and people judge my Father by the actions of His child. Good or bad, I reflect on my Father."

May God be honored by our words and our actions tomorrow, and every day.

Day 51 - August 5 - Big Brother Is Watching

Brad here...

Big brother Brad, doing what big brothers do, which includes making sure that nobody is taking advantage of my little brother, nobody is picking on him, and nobody is treating him badly (except me, but that was years ago).

I read every comment posted on this blog, because I'm the big brother. If somebody comes across as hurtful, mean, or spiteful, I'll pull the plug on that comment, and nobody will get to see it but me. If it gets out of control, I'll turn comment moderation on, and I'll review every comment before it gets posted. If somebody goes on the attack - I'll block their comments. That's what big brothers do.

But I haven't seen that. What I see is a diverse group of people in various stages on the journey that we call 'following Christ'. As J. I. Packer said in "Knowing God" years ago, we are the travelers, on a journey toward God. And I'm grateful to be a tiny part of such a noble mélange, all pointed in the same direction, exploring the road map He left us, figuring out how to best get there. Imagine a group of people seeking absolute truth in a world that proclaims none exists, and you can perhaps sense why I'm glad to be a part of it.

So we travel on. Working out our salvation with fear and trembling, as Paul said. Wrestling with God, seeking comfort in a place where we cannot find answers, but doing so together, not alone.

I have experienced no more honorable display of the calling of the body of Christ in my life, no other place that I would call church, no other place where I have seen God touching so many people.

But I haven't yet seen hurtful, mean, or spiteful.

What I have seen, and read, and prayed over, are the words of fellow travelers that Eric, Cherié, Joélle, and Connor need to hear. Some of them are hard words, but in those hard words are words of truth, and in truth, there is life. They are the words that sharpen the steel of faith in the Williamsons and those that travel with them. This is good. They are words that God has laid on your heart for Eric to hear.

Is this a place where faith and prayer should be debated? I think you would better ask if life was a place where faith and prayer should be debated.

We are journeying together. Speak as brothers and sisters, building each other up, offering a steady hand when someone stumbles, and lifting up the fallen.

We are on a journey, and the journey changes us, but we are still on the journey. Continue to journey with us, and watch God at work.

And I'll go back to doing what big brothers do...

Brad
Watching in Michigan

Day 51 - August 5 - De-saturation

Connor has been desaturating all day, and they don't really know why. They first thought it was caused by a leak around his trach, but that doesn't seem to be the case. If you haven't been on the site since he was doing this before, his blood oxygen level drops dramatically, and when it does his heart stops as well. It was originally only happening when the respiratory therapists suctioned his trach, but today it seems to be happening spontaneously. Additionally, it seems to be happening every few minutes, and his saturation levels are all over the map.

While this is disturbing news, and appears to be a backward step, I must remember that Connor is no less in God's hands today than he was yesterday, or every day since this ordeal began.

Please pray that God would settle Connor's stats and his lung and heart condition. Also, that He would see fit to move in Connor's situation and resolve this precarious balance.

God is good all the time.

Day 51 - August 5 - EEG for the seizure

Connor is on his way downstairs to get an EEG to measure his brain activity. The doctors are trying to determine, if possible, what caused the seizure he had Saturday night. Please be praying for Connor, that he would remain steadfastly trusting the Lord, and that the EEG would find that his brain is functioning normally and without problem. It's currently 1140 AM PDT, and the EEG is expected to last an hour and a half or so. If you are reading this during that timeframe, please take a moment to lift the boy up.

Your prayers continue to be deeply appreciated.

Day 51 - August 5 - Another phone post

Just a quick post this time. First, I want to say again how much I appreciate everyone's comments about faith and the will of God, and I mean everyone's. I'll mention Charlene by name, so that she (and you) understand that I am in no way offended by her, nor anybody else's, thoughts and views. God has all of us on a jouney of faith, and I can't and won't make any claim to having definitive knowledge here. I believe, from what little I am coming to know, that what my understanding of faith was vs. what it really is are two separate things. Other than that, I think God is still teaching me. I would encourage us not to become distracted by futile arguments and stay with what we do know - God is working in us and wants us to be receptive to His teaching, regardless of how that fits with what we think we know. I value all of your insight as it helps me test my own understanding against the scripture.

I haven't heard about the boy yet this morning. I found much comfort this morning from 2 Corinthians 1:3-11. Check it out.

I'll post more when I know it. Love you all!

Day 50 - August 4 - Connor Sitrep

Stealing a phrase from my big bro, I wanted to give a sitrep of what's going on with the boy today.

First, Connor is feeling better this evening, although he continues to struggle with his frustration over unanswered prayer. I know that God answers prayer three ways - "yes" "no" or "not now", but from our human perspective "not now" sure looks a lot like "is anyone there?". I have decided to take the example of Paul regarding this, and will be sharing it with Connor when I get back to Fresno - in 2 Corinthians 12:8-9, Paul talks about imploring God three times to remove the thorn in his flesh (whatever it was - it doesn't say). God finally told Paul "no", and that's when Paul quit asking. The three times isn't what's important - what I see is that Paul asked until God said "no", and that's what I'm encouraging Connor to do about his arms.

More prayer requests - for some reason, Connor's left arm has swollen to about twice its normal size. His white blood count remains normal, so it doesn't seem to be caused by infection, and the doctors are trying to figure it out. Please pray that the swelling will recede, and that the cause is transitory and has no ill effects on the boy.

Another one - on Wednesday, Connor will be taken down to the imaging lab to get a swallowing evaluation, which involve X-ray movies of him swallowing barium (yum!) so they can make sure he can do it right. Two prayer requests here - that he would succeed wildly in the evaluation, as that would cheer him immensely to be able to drink fluids again; and that he would be sustained through it. I'm told it's a grueling, multi-hour event, involving moving him on gurneys etc.. I'm sure you remember how well he takes changing beds, so please pray for his strength, well-being, overall health and stamina on Wednesday so he can pass this test with flying colors.

That brings up another thing - Wednesday will not be a good day for him to receive visitors, if anyone was planning to come down. He is usually completely wiped out after these tests, and I expect this one will be the same. Please consider that before you come down on Wednesday.

I told you I'd post his mailing address again - he absolutely adores hearing from people he knows about things they've done together, reminiscing about his friends and family. If you could take the time to write a letter to him, we would be very grateful. Cards are wonderful, but we notice he wants us to read and re-read the letters he's received, even those from folks he doesn't know. Please consider taking a moment to write him a note. Click here for his mailing address on the FAQ page. Emails to me can also be printed out - just put "letter for Connor" or something similar in the subject line so I know to print it out.

An answer to prayer - before I put out the call for legal help last week, Cherié and I prayed about it and were asking that the Lord would lead us to a Christian lawyer of integrity, who also had either read the blog or at least knew of our story. To make a long story short, I met this afternoon with a Christian brother who is a lawyer, whom I judge to be a man of his word, and whose wife has been following Connor's story for weeks! His first (email) words to me were "when I saw your request for legal help, I felt God leading me to contact you". The fact that he had been referred to me by someone else, and that I actually contacted him before he contacted me, confirmed to him that he was to boldly offer his assistance to us! Pretty cool, huh? God is good all the time!

OK, another prayer request - does this post seem very disjointed? It does to me. Anyway, both Cherié and I seem to be getting migraine-type headaches this evening. That both of us are getting them at the same time seems too coincidental to me. I would greatly appreciate help dealing with any spiritual forces this evening so we can both get the rest we need. Also, Alan heads back to Texas tomorrow, so I'm sure Joélle and he would appreciate your prayers for his safety and for their strength while they're apart.

Alright, alright - I'll quit babbling and end this thing. But I have one more thing to say - I've noticed the debate on faith and prayer in the comments on "An iPhone view", and I wanted to encourage all of us to build each other up in Christ.That's all I'm gonna say about that, to steal another phrase! I've been wrestling with a post on the intersection between my faith and God's will for a couple of weeks now, and I think it will have to stretch over multiple posts by the time I'm done. But I'm trying to understand and deal with the very thing y'all are talking about in those comments. Hopefully God will shed some light on the subject for us, but I'll keep working on it in the meantime. Look for it soon on a website near you!

We love you all. I'm going to finish up before I ramble on anymore. We pray for you guys every night, that God would be moving in your hearts and in your midst as you gather around us, and that He would multiply His blessings back to you for your gracious support of the boy and us. God bless you, and good night.

Day 50 - August 4 - An iPhone view from the aid station

I mention the phone to let you know that I'm typing on a cellfone - please excuse any typos!

A quick update from work. Depression has grabbed Connor by the throat, as he has been continually praying to have his arms back without visible results. He is now really wrestling with that, to the point where Cherie asked him if he needs chemical help to deal with it. I think his answer says a lot about his mental state - "Happy pills? I don't know." We are trying to help him in any way we can, but at some level he has to work through this himself with God. I hate that, but that doesn't make it less true. I don't want to see him reduced to relying on medication when our God promises to supply all his needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Big prayer request, there.

He is longing for home and the familiar, too. He wants to hear from people he knows and see people he loves. I'll get his mailing address posted again tonight when I can get to a computer, with more info in that regard. For now, please pray that God would be ministering to the boy in a very special way.

We continue to pray for 100% restoration - not 30%, not 60% - but 100%. Have faith with us.

Day 50 - August 4 - A New Thing

Good morning all, This is Cherie and I haven't yet headed out to the hospital this morning. I thought I better let you all know that God did grant me a good nights rest and I am ready to face a new day. Thanks for the morning and evening prayers.

Connor was in good spirits last night, we did have a small episode where he passed out due to the nurse accidently disconnecting his resparator....Heart stats were at Zero as well. I was so upset that she was unable to figure out how to reconnect it, but some other nurses rushed in to help and the problem was solved. Connor was fine afterward, but I was a bit shaken up. This made me realize just how delicate his situation really is; please pray for his diaphragm and lung function. If his sats go down, his heart follows suit.

Eric is at work this morning; feels weird not to have him here beside me, but I am doing amazingly well. I felt at ease when i was in Connor's room yesterday even with our mishaps... haa haa. I did have a bit of blubbering and crying as I read outloud letters and cards from friends to Connor and the family. By the way, he really loves to hear letters from friends. He asked me to read them all again to him. Thank you for the letters and cards, it connects him to his friends, and encourages him as he longs to be home and over this journey.

I don't know when and if I will be able to blog today, but when I get the chance, I will try and drop a note to let you know how he is doing.

Please continue to pray for his diaphragm, lungs, and heart. For full function.

God bless each of you for all of your love, prayers, and support.

Day 49 - August 3 - Off the lines

I love the HBO mini-series "Band of Brothers". If you haven't seen it, watch it. The story of men under extreme duress, forging lasting bonds in the midst of the horror of war, is made all the more powerful by the fact that the story is true. There's a recurring theme in the show, which shows up over and over as the episodes go by - a war-weary soldier is ordered back to an aid station, or is wounded and shipped off to a hospital. In the midst of his relief to get a few minutes off of the front, or as he is hauled off by medics, he sees that his squadmates are still in the heat of the battle. Seeing this, he either returns to the battle, or he begs and pleads to be allowed to return in order to share the weight of the fight with his team. He feels he is letting his buddies down by going away, even if it's just for a hot meal and more ammunition.

This is my quandary today. I am off to Morgan Hill in an hour or so, with Joélle and Alan, and in my heart of hearts I know I am abandoning my wife and mother-in-law. It doesn't matter that this is a necessary thing, or that I can still provide prayer and moral support from home - none of that matters. What matters is that I'm bailing out and leaving Cherié to fend for herself in the most difficult situation she has ever faced, while I get the relief of going home for a few days.

Connor has been tired and lethargic all day, attributed to his medications. He also had another instance where he de-saturated and his heartrate dropped dramatically. These seemingly backward steps are becoming exceedingly frustrating, so I cast that care on top of all the others I've dumped at the foot of the cross these last seven weeks, and keep on keeping on. One change of note - today Connor began sweating all over his whole body, including his hands and feet. I had read a couple weeks ago that most SCI patients are unable to sweat below their level of injury, so I took that as an encouraging sign. Right up until I read in a different publication that abnormal sweating can be a symptom of SCI as well. I quickly got confused trying to figure out who was right, and decided to just try to trust God for Connor's health and function level.

That was a plea for prayer support, in case I was too subtle!

Love y'all.

Day 48 - August 2 - Seizure Update

The neurosurgeon just came back with the CT scan results - there's nothing wrong, and there's no apparent reason for the episode. Thank you, Lord!

Connor doesn't remember the episode, nor anything after it, which is common with seizure sufferers. He said the last thing he remembers about it is about five seconds of excruciating pain in his arms and chest.

During the interlude between then and now, I've been doing some research. One of the things I discovered is that the electrical impulses of the brain need to be completely regular and stable between brain and spinal cord in order to work properly, and a seizure can result when that is somehow disrupted. A nurse I know wondered if it is possible for powerful pain signals coming through a previously unresponsive part of the spinal cord to cause such disruptions. I don't know! But what I do know is more interesting...

For the last week or so Connor has been coughing occasionally, which we have taken as a sign that his diaphragm is awakening. I mentioned this to a nurse this morning, and her response was "That's great, Connor! Now all you need to do is start hiccuping!" I didn't think much of it at the time, and the conversation moved on. But this evening, while we were waiting for the CT scan results, Cherié and I were talking about seizures and she told me that Connor had been hiccuping all day. I remembered what the nurse said, and so I looked it up. Guess what? Hiccups are involuntary contractions of - you guessed it - the diaphragm! Not only that, I also discovered that one of the causes of hiccups is stimulation of the phrenic nerve, which originates at the C3/4/5 level and enervates the diaphragm. I'm liking all this!

I believe the boy's hiccups and coughing are signs that his phrenic nerve is reactivating, and that his diaphragm will begin it's proper job in short order. I also believe that this seizure marks the turning point in this process as his body begins to regain all that's been lost for the last month and a half. We remain confident in God's provision for our son, to His glory.

God is good. All the time.

Day 48 - August 2 - Seizure

We just walked out of Connor's room after helping the staff deal with a seizure. This is the first time we've seen this in Connor, and it seemed to take everyone by surprise. The seizure lasted less than a minute, and Cherié had to pry the boy's jaws apart to prevent him from biting his tongue.

The staff is taking him for a CT scan right now to try to figure out what happened. There are many reasons for seizures, including blood flow issues, neurological reasons, blood sugar levels and I'm sure a myriad of others, so we don't know what happened yet, and may never know. We are praying specifically against strokes and clots, and praying that there would be no damage from the episode whatsoever.

Immediately afterward, Connor was able to track people around the room, respond to commands and questions, and even grinned at the RT when he said "Well, Connor, that's enough excitement for today, don't you think?" All of his functions were equal on both sides of his face, which is hopeful.

Our God is sovereign and in control - we know where our help comes from. So though we are concerned, and have new things to pray about, we don't panic at this news. In fact, Cherié just said that this is just one more test of our faith, and the amazing thing is that we all reacted well, by faith turning to the Lord in prayer, doing what we could and trusting God for the rest.

Please continue to lift the boy up - I believe this is the turning point. God is moving.

Day 48 - August 2 - The latest...

Another weekend has arrived in beautiful downtown Fresno. Just for the record, I pretty much despised Fresno when we got here - it seemed to be all-around nastiness, from my perspective, what with 115 degree temps, watching shooting victims arrive every night into the trauma ward, and adding our own situation to the mix. But it's growing on us, primarily because the people here seem to be incredibly friendly and willing to help - much more so than has been my experience in the Bay Area. It's amazing how the temperature doesn't seem to matter so much when people greet you on the sidewalk or hallway, or when your waitress at the restaurant says "I'll be praying for you and your son". 8-)

Connor has no fever this morning, a very good thing. His white count has risen from 8000 to 10000, which is still acceptable, although the increase does give the doctors something else to worry about. We pray specifically against any infection in order to prevent any relapses in his lungs, and that the Lord would strongly protect Connor's lung health.

Please pray for us as we prepare for more transitions tomorrow evening. Joélle and I will be taking Alan back to Morgan Hill, from where he will depart Tuesday morning for Texas and then back to school in Chicago. He has been a huge help here, keeping Joélle sane when she has to deal with her parents, so his help here will be missed. Joélle will be working two days in MoHill, and I will be making my first venture back to work in seven weeks on Monday and Tuesday. Please pray for me in that regard - I'm sure you can imagine the unrest I feel about all that. Also, Cherié and Granny will have to hold down the fort here by themselves for a few days, until The Bean and I can get back Tuesday night. Please be praying for our provision through this transition.

Day 47 - August 1 - Baby steps!

Another day draws to a close. It amazes me that it's August, and I'm still in Fresno. Oh, and I still think too much.

Today had some good things in it! Connor was able to stay on his speaking valve for over 20 minutes today, and was much less exhausted at the end. The physical therapist said that, if he stays healthy and on this bed, she will start swallowing therapy the first part of next week. She told him that if he can safely swallow thin liquids, she'd bring him a Jamba Juice (his favorite). He responded "OK, now I've got a goal!"

Also, today he complained to his nurse that his arm was asleep, and was tingly on the whole length of it. She manipulated it and the feeling went away. And tonight, Joélle was massaging his feet while he and I were talking, when Connor suddenly told her that he had felt her touch! She had been poking his feet with her fingertips, and she found a spot near his toes that he said he could feel. Since he could see his feet, we asked him to close his eyes and open them when we touched the spot. He nailed it five out of five times! So, we called his nurse, but then were unable to duplicate it when she came in.

Connor did run a fever for a while this morning, raising concerns of another infection. The RTs came in and took specimens from his lungs this afternoon to culture, so they are worried about infection as well. We have been praying specifically against infection for a few days, and are confident that the cultures will return clean. Please continue to pray for that result, and that Connor would remain protected against any infections whatsoever.

The boy went to sleep tonight in better spirits, and we continue to pray for rest for him - he hasn't been sleeping well lately. Neither have we, but looking back over the last 47 days, we see God's steady provision for us in every single need, every single day.

Thank you all for your faithfulness to us and to God. You honor us. Goodnight.

Day 47 - August 1 - Don't hit the wall!

You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. - Isaiah 26:3.

Thanks to you, O anonymous one, for posting that verse. I have been awake since 0400 this morning wrestling with my mind and my faith. Unable to sleep, I read the Bible and prayed, and pitted my faith in the unseen against the things I'm allowed to see. It's been a tough morning. So, seeing that verse posted up, gives me much-needed words of reminder and encouragement, as well as an opportunity for another quick blog.

When I was a wee tot, I had a little red bike with training wheels. I loved that bike, and rode it up and down the block at a furious pace (at least to me!), pedaling madly back and forth. One day, my dad decided it was time to get rid of the training wheels. Not giving me much opportunity for comment, he simply took them off and said "OK, let's go". I don't remember much about my state of mind as I got on the bike that day, but I do remember that I apparently had only one speed on that bike - as fast as I could go. So I climbed on the bike, my dad helped me balance a bit as I got going, and away I went, wobbling down the sidewalk as I left my surprised dad behind.

Down the street there were two houses that had a small rock wall between their yards. It was about a foot and a half high, and came all the way down to the sidewalk. As I careened madly down the sidewalk, my dad hollered "Don't hit the wall"! Wall? What wall? Oh, THAT wall! Of course this all happened in an instant, but as I approached the narrow spot between the wall on one side and the cactus on the other (I grew up in El Paso, Texas - we had a lot of cactus), all I could think of was to not hit the wall. So I looked at it, and looked at it, and looked at it - right up until I ran headlong into it! There was a big "BONK" sound, I fell over, my dad came running, there was a lot of wailing and gnashing of teeth, and I was never going to get on another bike ever again.

Learning to ride a bike without training wheels wasn't the only lesson I started learning that day. The other one was that your mind takes you toward what you're looking at - a valuable lesson since I ride motorcycles now, but even more so in my spiritual life. It is very, very easy to focus on the problems that face us, and very, very difficult to keep my mind stayed on God.

Maybe one of these days I'll really learn to ride that bike.