Day 46 - July 31 - A slow news day

Well, I got to the end of the day before posting anything, primarily because there isn't much to post. Connor had a kind of mediocre day - some good moments, but wrestling a bit against depression. In that sense, my own day was similar to his, and so we stumbled through our day without any significant victories, nor any significant defeats.

One good note was that the boy was able to spend 25 minutes on the speaking valve today, up from five minutes the first try and 10 minutes yesterday. The physical therapist says that he is very advanced with his swallowing ability, which puts him ahead of that game, and they hope to fit a permanent voice valve in his trach in the next few days. Connor is pleased with that.

He also had some good moments with his sister and a good friend who dropped by unannounced just at the right time to lift his spirits, so that was a blessing. Additionally, God reminded us of His gracious provision with some surprising gifts from both people we know and people we don't - may God bless you all for your generosity and obedient willingness to be His hands and feet to us!

I want to add another prayer request to the list. In addition to, and secondary behind our requests for Connor's healing and provision, we are in need of a lawyer or paralegal who can help us with our insurance nightmare, with sorting out our options and paperwork, and in helping represent us to our insurance company to ensure Connor's care is maintained as long as he needs it. They would preferably be located somewhere around the Morgan Hill area, and I am hoping and praying for a follower of Christ with integrity. All lawyer jokes aside, I just want someone who will understand our particular needs and viewpoint. If anyone can give personal reference to someone like that, would you please contact me through the Contact page?

Finally, I wanted to tell you another "hey, look how wise my daughter is" story -

Tonight, the family was invited to dinner at a local home, and we were able to spend a couple of hours sitting around a real dining room table and enjoying a delicious meal and some much-needed relaxation. Unfortunately, two hours away from the hospital began to gnaw at me, and by the end of our time there I was neck deep in a battle to maintain my faith and hope against my fear and anxiety. Joélle (bless her heart!) saw me and asked "What's wrong, Poppa?" "I'm just thinking of the boy". "You shouldn't worry", she says. "It's already taken care of." I told her that I felt like I was barely keeping my head above water, and felt like I was always about to drown. She responded with "You don't need to worry like that - remember that God's already answered your prayers! You should be praising Him for His answers to your prayers!"

You know, she was right. When I got in the car to get back to the hospital, I popped in some praise songs and sang along, and by the time I got back to the boy, I was able to uplift him as well as a few of the folks we ran into in the halls. It was so good to focus not on the boy and our seemingly unending troubles, but rather on the glory of our Lord.

Well, I'm turning cross-eyed typing this, so I'd better get some sleep. I'll leave you with six final words -

God is good. All the time.

Day 46 - July 31 - You want me to do WHAT?

I wanted to tell you about something from my past that's been rattling around my brain for a few days, and which some texts from my friend and pastor yesterday cemented as something I needed to post. Roll back about 15 years to an early January morning at the Pinnacles National Monument. After weeks of study, practice and training on technique, method, and phraseology, and after an hour and a half hike 1200 feet up the side of a mountain, two good friends and I were standing at the base of a rock feature called Bynum's Spire - 45 feet of rock with near vertical sides. One of my friends was a long-time rock climber, and he was ready to take me and my other friend up our first real rock climb.

I took my first look at this rock I was supposed to climb, and my first thought was "that's not climbable". Turns out, it is, and is actually a pretty easy climb, now that I've got numerous harder climbs under my belt. But at that moment, I didn't think anyone could climb it, much less me. But, we roped up, and in a matter of 45 minutes or so, the three of us were standing on the top of a 45-foot-tall spire, with a top about five feet across. Yes, it was significantly cool! Only one problem - now it was time to go down!

To get down, we had to rappell. The way you do that is, you anchor the rope to the rock, put the rope through a rappell device attached to your climbing harness, grab the rope in the correct method, and lean back to let the rope take the strain. That was really easy to do when the rope was tied to a doorknob in my living room, and I was standing on level ground. But when you are standing on a pointy rock with a rope anchored in front of your feet, and nothing behind you but 45 feet of empty air between you and the very hard ground, leaning backwards is not exactly intuitive. In fact, it was just about the most difficult thing I'd faced to that point in my life. You want me to do WHAT? Lean back? Yeah, I know we talked about this before, but still! It doesn't help that rope, which is about six tenths of an inch thick, somehow magically gets skinnier the higher up in the air you are!

So, here I am - trying to stand upright on a nearly vertical rock wall instead of leaning backwards onto the rope. The only problem with my reasoning was that you can't stand on a nearly vertical rock wall. What I knew in my head (from studying the books) was that if I leaned back, my body, the rope, and the rock wall would all make a nice, stable triangle, and I would be very secure in that position. If I tried to stand upright, though, my feet would inevitably slide out from under me and I would bang myself against the rock, dangling at the end of the rope like a hooked fish (and just as elegantly, I might add). Fortunately, I had someone who had done this before with me, and he ably talked me into doing what the book told me I had to do in order to rappell safely - lean back and trust the rope. Yes, it looked microscopic. Yes, I was a loooooong way from the ground. Yes, if it didn't work I was dead. But I still had to lean back and trust the rope.

I learned a number of good lessons that day, and I'm sure you've picked up on the amazing number of parallels between rock climbing and following Christ. One of my most significant lessons from that day, I think, is the fact that studying the Book and applying it are two very different matters, and it doesn't really begin to sink in until you've gotten to do it.

Since I'm sitting in Fresno typing this, it's pretty obvious that I finally got rappelling right and made it down. I was so pumped full of adrenaline, we immediately headed to over to other rocks to do it again, and I've gotten pretty good at rappelling over the years. But every single time I rappell, I still have to work past that mental hurdle again about doing something so counter-intuitive as to lean away into open space and trust the rope, because even after all these years, it doesn't fit with what my mind says I should do.

This is what I do in Fresno each day - work past all the things everybody (including my own mind) thinks I should do and lean back onto the Rope that is Christ. Sometime it's hard to believe He can hold our weight; sometime I'm so focused on the potential fall that I forget I'm tied to the Rock; and sometime I don't want to go down - I'd rather just stop rappelling forever and stay right where I'm at. But that won't get me to where I'm going - I'm called to trust that the Rope will hold me, that It will not fail, and that I will be delivered safely to the ground below once I reach the end of the rappell.

But it's hard to relax and lean back when the adrenaline keeps pumping so hard!

I'm still waiting to hear about the boy this morning - Cherié and Joélle are with him now. I'm taking the "no phone calls in the middle of the night" to mean he rested well enough. I'll post more once we know it.

Thank you for your continued prayers and words of encouragement. You lift us up with all your faithful support!

Day 46 - July 31 - Lost in the Mail?

An anonymous poster commented that a video had been sent to ConnorWatch, but we haven't received one. Please resend - we'd hate to miss it.

For those of you who are creating movies for Connor:

1) Keep them short (1-2 minutes) and small (320x240 is fine, we aren't going to the big screen) with clear and clean audio,

b) Send them in any format (we will convert them here, though .mov is great because we have to convert to .3gp for a phone, and .flv for the web),

third) Email them to movies (at) connorwatch (dot) org. If you don't hear from us shortly, email us directly at admin (at) connorwatch (dot) org, and make sure we checked our mail.

Thanks,

Brad
Michigan

Day 45 - July 30 - Happy for pain!

Connor has slept through the night without issue, a true blessing as he started the evening distressed, exhausted, and with the problems of a new bed looming before him. When they took him off the roto-bed the first time, he was nauseous for days as he tried to re-acclimatize to an unmoving surface, sort of like sailors stagger a bit when they return to the land after months at sea - their minds have adapted to the ever-moving surface of the ocean, so when they get back on dry land they have difficulty walking on a surface that doesn't move. Connor is experiencing something like this, and so while it's desirable to be back on the regular bed, it presents it's own set of challenges.

Additionally, now begins the hard work of therapy for Connor's voice valve, and (hopefully soon) they will begin therapy to make sure he can swallow on his own. Our nurse calls this the "tough love" stage, where we are going to encourage/force Connor to do things he may not want to do in order to gain a greater benefit. Hmmm, that sounds a bit familiar...

OK, I typed that this morning, and had a completely different post to go with from here. But I have to tell you about what happened this afternoon...

First, we set the mood...

Connor hasn't had any pain medication since 0500 this morning. This afternoon, the RT was doing some cough therapy with Connor, which involved shoving forcefully on his chest. Shortly thereafter, our nurse had to change his IV out; so she took out the old one, then started a new one - only she couldn't get it started. While she was working on it, Connor began to complain of pain in his chest! First Cherié, and then our nurse started poking and prodding, and Connor kept telling them it hurt "right there", a spot on his lower left ribcage. Finally, our nurse told Connor to close his eyes, and open them when she pushed the spot where it hurt. Connor pinpointed the identical spot four times out of four - with his eyes closed!

But wait, there's more...

The RT came in and put in Connor's speaking valve, which is a lot of effort for the boy. Still, it was good to hear his voice again - but then he began to get distressed - the nurses were still trying to get his IV in, and the RT was working with the respirator, when Connor began to contort his face and say that the air was stinging his chest and hurting him - badly, to judge from the look on his face. Our nurse couldn't get him any pain medication without an IV, so he went quite a while without any meds - and the longer he went, the more he hurt. He began complaining that his legs were hurting, like they were being stabbed, and that other parts of his body were doing the same thing. Our nurse asked him if it was like the feeling you get when you come in from the cold and your fingers hurt, and Connor said it was like that, or like when your foot is asleep and starts burning and stinging as the feeling returns!

Finally, our nurse was able to get the IV in place and give him a dose of medication, and almost immediately the pain went away. It was a bit strange, celebrating the fact that our son was in pain, but the fact that two nurses, an RT and a doctor were busily documenting all of this after we left the room is worth a celebration or two. Praise be to God for this step!

Cherié and I prayed this morning for encouraging signs today. Thanks, Lord. Pain is feeling, and is more than Connor has had for 45 days. We earnestly believe that this is the foretaste of greater things to come.

God is good - all the time.

Day 44 - July 29 - Two answers to prayer

Today, in the midst of my paperwork nightmare, we received two more answers to prayer. First, while I was chasing insurance stuff on the phone at the RV, I got a text message that Connor was on a speaking valve! A few moments later, the phone rang (I put the insurance lady on hold!) - it was Cherié's phone. As soon as I said "hello', I heard something I haven't heard since June 26th - my son's voice.

He said "Hi Dad".

>Cue the weeping.

He couldn't hear me over the cellphone and through the headrest of the bed, so we didn't get to talk much. Also, the speaking valve is apparently quite tiring, and because of the way the thing works, he will get to stay on it progressively longer as he gets more used to it. So the first time was only for 5-10 minutes, but it's one of those steps we keep talking about around here.

Fast forward a couple of hours. We had just finished moving Connor up on the roto-bed (he slides down the bed as it rotates, until his feet are coming off the end of the bed - then the nurses come in and scootch him back up), when the doctors strolled by. They popped their heads in to announce that it's now time for Connor to get of that rotating bed again! We just came downstairs after we got kicked out so they could change beds!

So, two answers to prayer today. We continue to continue, with the help of some very good nurses, some very good families, some very good friends, many very good prayer warriors, and (most of all) a very good God.

God is good - all the time.

Day 44 - July 29 - Almost over the edge

A couple of days ago, someone posted Isaiah 43:18-19 in one of the threads:

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up, do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert & streams in the wasteland."

Yesterday in the morning, I almost lost it when I suddenly came face to face with our insurance nightmare. I don't really know how to explain the convoluted mess that insurance, medi-Cal, Social Security disability, and everything else in this place has become. I knew it was bad, but I had no idea how impossible it is to sort any sense out of the process, and how it often seems to have been deliberately set up that way to avoid actually paying for anything. It reminds me of Mr. Incredible's day job in the movie!

So as I went off the deep end in the lobby, with people scattering in all directions to avoid the fallout, a couple of dear friends stepped up to help us begin to sort things out, and I settled into a state of quiet desperation as I pondered the chaos of our future; unable to formulate a rational thought; unable even to recognize the abysmal level of faith I was demonstrating.

> Cue Tod.

My brother Tod suddenly sweeps into the waiting room with his wife and daughter in tow. His girl, Vanessa, has been transferred over to the "normal" hospital as she improves, and they don't have to come to "our" part anymore, but here he is. We greet them, and he says "you know why I'm here?" No. "I'm here because as I was walking into the lobby on my way to see Vanessa, the Holy Spirit gave me a verse, and told me I had to come and tell you this was for you!" OK, let's here it. "I'm supposed to tell you this verse - Mark 11:23-24:

'I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.'"

He hadn't even gone up to see his girl yet, but came straight to find me. And all I could muster was a "thanks". He goes "No, no, no, you don't GET it! This verse is for YOU!" and he recites it again. Now the scene is surreal - Tod is animated and excited, almost shouting this at us in joy. Cherié (the smarter half of our marriage) breaks into tears as she recognizes what's being said. My mom and brother, both strong believers but steeped in the same, shall we say "more conservative" denominations of the church as I, are sitting there with that "well, what do we make of this?" look on their faces that I'm sure I have, and the unsaved folks around us are looking at us like we've all grown third arms. If I was any less shell-shocked from the morning, I'd have laughed out loud because it the setting was so bizarre!

We all talked about this for a few minutes, as I started to recognize just what he was saying to me. So of course, being the idiot I am, I immediately come up with about 15 objections to why this can't be a true thing - if it were, why are so many believers still sick/hurt/handicapped/dying etc.? Why don't they just believe and get better? And Tod tells me how he has often received exactly what he believed for, even when he needed more, and how the Holy Spirit has often convicted him of not believing for what he would have received.

(A quick aside here - I know how awfully simplistic this all sounds - just believe that you have already received it, and it's yours! If you think that, however, I respectfully suggest that you try it sometime!)

Anyway, by the time Tod has answered my original objections, I've thought up another one for him (that's me, the skeptic. I'm in a hospital - does anyone make anti-skepticism medication?) - I grew up in the part of the church that quietly shuffles the whole healing thing under the carpet and tries not to think about it, so my worldview struggles with the idea that, today, faith can bring healing - despite the clear evidence of scripture.

So i describe that to him, and you know what Tod said?

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up, do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert & streams in the wasteland."

Only he says it in that fiery, thundering, great-big-black-man-filled-with-the-Holy-Spirit voice - I wish I could get a recording of him while he's on a roll, because the typed word just doesn't do it justice. It was awesome, especially as I realized he was quoting the verse I had read that morning on the blog. I about fell out of my chair, looked at Cherié and said "that was on the blog this morning!". Tod sat back in his chair and said "you see, there's your confirmation. This is for you" and crossed his arms. Job complete.

Tod told me that he had quit praying for his daughter after about the third day. Why? Because he had done told God what he wanted - 100% restoration. And he quoted back to God His own words - that He is "able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine", quoted the Mark passage above, and said "OK. You got it." He has spent the ensuing days praying for the people praying for Vanessa, not praying for her, because "it's done". He KNOWS it's done. He's just waiting to see it.

Do I have faith like that? I'd better, because I'm going for it. Pray for us.

DAY 44 - JULY 29 - Vaya Con Dios!

Well, my time in California has come to a close. I was so hoping to be here to see a miracle... an amazing act of God. I've thought all along how cool it would be to be here when Connor "picks up his mat and walks." It hasn't happened yet.

It's been an amazing week. In many ways I feel like a kid again... I've been walking this week holding Eric's hand with one of mine and holding onto God's hand with the other. And occasionally they'd both lift me and swing me and I'd get to fly along for the ride. It's been amazing!

We've had laughter, tears, joy, sorrow, love, grief, etc., etc. But now the time has come for me to fly back home to my six kids and my beautiful wife in Virginia.

So I've been scratching my brain trying to come up with something brilliant to say to my brother and his family. Something that would stick with them, that would help carry them, that would lift them when they are down and would encourage them to press on. And for whatever reason, the only thing that comes to me are three little Spanish words, so here they are...

Eric... Vaya con Dios!

Go with God! You've done this most of your life, but the last 43 days have been the hardest. I love you... I grieve with you... My heart aches with yours... I will rejoice with you throughout this journey...

Vaya con Dios, Hombre!

Vaya con Dios!

Kent
Catching the 6AM Flight to Dulles via Denver

Day 43 - July 28 - T-Shirts Are Available!

After the last few posts, it almost seems irreverent to tell you that the ConnorWatch T-shirts are available, but so many have been asking and having worked out the last few details, I thought I'd tell you on the blog since it may be a day or two until the web page is up.

Designed and made available by Cera Singley, sister of Cody, friend of Connor, pictured here behind Cody putting the serious hurt on a cup o' java, the T-shirts can be purchased through Eternal Treasures in Morgan Hill. You can stop by if you are in the area, (say hi to Fran for me), or you can order them over the phone or by mail. Cost is $20 plus shipping. All proceeds over the cost of the shirts will go to Connor and the Williamson family.

Fran and Eternal Treasures are graciously processing all of these orders at no cost to the Williamsons or ConnorWatch, but don't let that slow you down. Fran said "bring 'em on" when I said the orders might come fast and furious. "That's a problem we can deal with!", she claimed, as she shared the amazing story of how God arranged people and places to make sure she was the one that got to volunteer to sell T-shirts! (You'll have to ask her when you're in the store!)


So stop by Eternal Treasures at 433 Vineyard Town Center Way in Morgan Hill, or call them with your order and credit card at 408-779-7008. Their mailing address is:

Eternal Treasures
433 Vineyard Town Center Way
Morgan Hill, CA 95037

Hours: Monday - Saturday 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. Closed Sunday.

You can also check out their website at www.e-ternaltreasures.com though you cannot order shirts on the web - yet.


We also have wristbands coming this week so keep an eye out!

Brad
Michigan

Day 43 - July 28 - Watching God at Work

What does God do when he works? What does it look like? How long does it take for him to get his job done?

We typically see the end results of the work God does and we don't normally get to see him going about the business of actually doing the work. And yet at the same time we as followers of Christ believe that he is actively working through each of us in the lives of others, so in that sense we are privileged to see the work being done.

I'm reminded of my growing up with a Dad who loved to... tinker (for lack of a better word). I remember watching him work when I was barely old enough to lift a hammer. He would set me up in a corner of the workshop with a piece of wood and a dozen nails. He would often start the nails in the board and then hand me the hammer. I would go about the work he had for me, while he took care of the real job that needed his attention.

Between nails I would look up at him to see what my Dad was doing. Sometimes it was obvious what he was working on. Other times it was a complete and total mystery. Sometimes I'd forget about my nails and just watch. Other times the work looked boring or too hard and I would wander back to my nails.

I've been here for a week and today is my last day. I've been here watching what God is up to and there have been times when it makes sense to me and I forget about the hammer in my hand. There have also been plenty of times when his work is a complete and total mystery that I just don't understand.

There have been setbacks and there have been victories over the last week with Connor. From my corner of the workshop it all looks strange and mysterious. I don't know what God is working on... I don't have a clue. I don't know what he's building here, but I see him at work. And for now I'm just gonna have to trust him that he knows what he's doing.

Kent

Watching God's Mysterious Work in Fresno

Day 42 - July 27 - Battle Lost

We lost a battle today.

This morning, I posted Hebrews 13:15; in our devotions, we talked about having joy in the midst of trial; and Cherié and I talked about trying to praise God in the furnace. We then went off to church, where we were considerably blessed by the music and the Word.

Since then, I spiraled downward. We had gotten word yesterday that two of the boys who were here when we arrived had been moved to lower-level care facilities and were responding well, which was really good news. Today, Vanessa's family came by, rejoicing as they had gotten word that she was being moved out of the trauma unit to a regular hospital room. We rejoiced with them all, but a part of me was exceedingly envious - why do they get the good news, while we sit here and wait? Why are the other people we pray with blessed with God's gracious answers to prayer, but our own prayers go unanswered? Talk about an ungracious wretch - the degree to which my world revolves around me is nauseating at times. Of course, it's easy to see now, but I didn't even think it at the time. Pathetic.

This all happened immediately prior to my "How long?" post, which should come as no surprise. As I sat pondering, and basically feeling sorry for us, Cherié queried me on what was wrong. My standard response, "nothing", didn't fool her for a second, and I got angrier as she pried into my sulkiness. It ended when I stalked out of the building after she pointed out that our whole day of fasting had been defeated by us giving up our joy and confidence. She followed me out into the parking lot, where we argued for a few minutes before I could acknowledge that she was right, and that I had tossed away any benefit we might have seen today when I threw away my joy.

During our conversation, she said something along the lines of "we lost this battle today because we let the enemy roll us over". Depression and envy got their hooks in my back and rode me all the way down, and I dragged all of us down with me. When she confronted me with it, it was apparent. I ended up confessing my failure to the Lord, and now we're trying to recover and move on.

It seems I don't know how to stay joyful. Apparently, I have a congenital defect that causes me to trip over my own feet every time I'm faced with a trial. But Cherié and I vowed together to remember that God remains our only hope, and to remember that He has faithfully provided for our needs for the last 42 days. Lord, I absolutely love the wife you gave me. Make me worthy of her.

I don't know what God wanted to accomplish during this day of fasting for so many here on ConnorWatch. I wish I had responded better to the challenges of my day, knowing how many of you were sacrificing to support us. I do know that He wants me to learn this lesson and praise Him in the furnace, staying joyful and being available for His use. I'm trying.

Now for the update on the boy - we found out that (contrary to what I had posted this morning) he didn't really get to sleep much at all last night. So, at the nurse's request, he has been resting hard all day. I had the chance to visit with him for a bit, but for the most part we've been letting him sleep. This is good for him, but makes for some pretty uninteresting blogs. He did rest well all day, and had a small burst of energy this evening, when Cherié, Granny and he laughed and visited for two hours before he went back to sleep. Some praises for today - no fever today; his lungs are doing well enough that they're going to only X-ray them on Mondays and Thursdays instead of daily, a sign that they are improving; and they have decided to minimize (as much as possible) the interruptions during the night so he can rest better.

Pray for his diaphragm, that it would begin to take over the load for the respirator. Continue to pray that his lungs would be protected from re-infection. As the possibility arises that we might get the boy back on a regular bed, this becomes more of a concern - the pleasure of getting out of the roto-bed is tempered by the fear of relapses, so I am praying for his protection from any more infections.

Thanks, y'all. I love you guys.

Day 42 - July 27 - How long?

Psalm 13

The first four verses are my new life verses, effective 42 days ago.

1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?

2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

I am still having a hard time with verses 5 and 6.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.

6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

Please pray for us.

Day 42 - July 27 - Celebrating the 'F' Word

Yes, I know that's an odd title for an entry on this blog, but please hang with me as I explain.

The first use of the 'F' word is a non-traditional one... FASTING. A special thanks goes out to all of those who have set this day aside to fast on behalf of Connor and his current situation. For those that may not know, fasting is the deliberate act of refraining from something (food, TV, Xbox, desert, music, conjugal visits, etc., etc.) with the purpose of spending time praying (in this case lifting the requests Eric outlined earlier up to God). It's not too late for you to join those who have already committed to do this... today, tomorrow, any day you'd like.

Now let's move on to the more traditional use of the 'F' word, or as Ralphie in A Christmas Story calls it "the mother of all curse words."

Last night I had the opportunity to celebrate with Leon. As I was leaving Connor's room I poked my head into the waiting room to see who might be there. Sitting in his usual chair in the corner was Leon. Do you remember Tod? The mighty believer whose daughter Vanessa was in a coma after a car accident? Well Leon is Vanassa's man.

Now Vanessa arrived here shortly after Connor and not too long after she got here the doctors were talking about pulling the plug on her. Boy, is the family glad they didn't. Earlier this week she woke up and each day she's been getting a little better. Leon was so excited when he told me about her progress and he reported with joy that "she even used the 'F' word a few times!" Leon and I laughed and talked about God answering our prayers to bring Vanessa through this. It was beautiful.

When Vanessa first awoke they asked what her name was and she told them "Vanessa" and then they asked "do you know where you are?" She looked around and replied, "in a hotel?" 

Well, it's kinda like a hotel...

Then yesterday Leon told me that she was frustrated with the bindings that were holding her legs in place on the bed (that was part of the reason for the expletives). She asked, "Have I been arrested?"

The other good news is that I just learned that they are considering moving her out of the Trauma section and into the "normal" part of the hospital... if there is such a thing.

In ConnorNews... he's sleeping well right now and slept soundly last night.

Kent

Hospital Lobby

Day 42 - July 27 - Standing by

Connor spent the night sleeping, for which we are grateful. The nurse said that the boy is still tired and wanting to sleep, so that's what we're letting him do. We're going to church this morning while Granny holds the fort with Connor.

We're excited about what today holds. With so many of you fasting and praying, we're confident that God will hear our prayers and respond. Please join us today in lifting Connor up for healing and restoration.

Hebrews 13:15 - Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name.

Day 41 - July 26 - Temperature Fluctuations

Tough day. Connor slept most of it, and the moments when he was lucid were few and far between. Additionally, the temperature changes I mentioned in the previous post bear mentioning in more detail so that you can more effectively pray. Specifically, Connor seems to be having difficulty regulating his body temperature. Normally, a fever caused by an infection will gradually increase and decrease. Connor's temperature changed and fluctuated wildly over the last 24 hours or so, from a high of 103F to a low of 93F. Yes, that's nearly hypothermic, and that was after they got his temp back up a bit - before that, the nurses couldn't get a temperature reading because his temp was below the minimum reading on their thermometers.

The research I did today on this says that this is usually the case with spinal injuries at T6 and above, and makes the victim dependent on their environment to control their body temperature.

My first inclination is to get frustrated and worried about this new development. So I bring it to you for prayer, because the pile of complications seems endless.

My second inclination is to say "Praise the Lord! He's really getting set to do an even mightier miracle than I had previously imagined!"

Please be praying for him, that his temperature would regulate in defiance of the research. Please pray that he would have no fear or terror because of the medications he's on, and that he would have peace as he sleeps. Please pray for spiritual protection for him as he sleeps.

I'm trusting my Father to take care of my boy. Restore my son, Lord.

Day 41 - July 26 - One more for the list

Oops - forgot one of the most important ones...

Please pray that his temperature regulation would work correctly. He seems to be having fluctuations in his temperature that aren't explained by matching changes in his immune system. He has very high fevers followed, like this afternoon, with periods of abnormally low temps.Right now he feels like he's been in the cooler.

My God is our only hope. Thank you for your continued prayers.

Day 41 - July 26 - Prayer and Fasting in Fresno

For those of you who choose to join in, many of the folks in the ConnorWatch family are going to be fasting and praying for Connor tomorrow - Sunday, July 27. Some will fast 24 hours, some for the daylight hours, some for a meal or two, and some by doing without some thing - coffee, or solid food, or cigarettes, or something. If you want to fast and pray for the boy tomorrow, here are our specific requests for God's intervention:

1 - That God would heal Connor miraculously and for His glory, making the boy "rise up and walk".

If that is not in God's will at this time, that,

2 - That God would bring complete restoration to Connor - movement, feeling, and control of all his muscles, nerves and functions.
3 - That God would quickly restore his autonomic system to full functionality, so that his diaphragm will work to drive his lungs automatically and without conscious thought.
4 - That God would specifically protect Connor - from spiritual attack, from emotional devastation, and from physical trauma and infection. Pray specifically in this regard that he would be sealed against any further infections here in the hospital.
5 - That God would be working powerfully in Connor, drawing the boy closer to Him as He molds Connor into His image.
6 - That God would encourage and uplift Connor during this time, giving him signs of hope and encouragement to bolster the boy's faith.
7 - For the family, that God would sustain and protect Connor's earthly foundation, his family, and that this trial would draw his family closer to each other. Pray specifically that this trial would not splinter the family, and pray for our faith to be strengthened.
8 - That God would work deeply in the hearts and minds of the staff, nurses, doctors, and other patients and families who come into contact with Connor and the family, to draw them closer to Him.

Thank you to those who have chosen to fast. May you find yourself blessed above and beyond the effort you put in on Connor's behalf.

Day 41 - July 26 - Living Your Faith Where It's Needed

For those who know me (or for those who've seen Rebellion of Thought (one of the films that Brad & I produced)) you know that I am passionate about living out faith OUTSIDE the walls of the church. Why? Simply because it's outside the church building where the people are who need to see it lived out on a daily basis.

We've had a great week of living out faith where it matters... and it goes in a circle... the greater Williamson clan serving & loving others in our midst, while other followers of Christ come alongside the Williamson's to love and serve us!

Yesterday three followers of Christ (in their early 20's) came by on their way to Hume Lake (the lake where Connor broke his neck). They just dropped in to encourage us, to pray for and with us, and then to bless us by offering to buy us lunch. Now Eric is real good at politely turning down people's offers, but he caught himself in the middle of the rejecting of the gift and told them that he's learning that the gracious acceptance of a gift allows the giver to receive the blessing of giving. So as they were dialoging about this (using phrasing most of us never use in normal conversation... i.e. "the gracious acceptance of a gift"), the image of the lunch money going to "Shane & Hope" (our homeless friends) popped into my mind (I wonder where that came from!)  ;-)

So I shared the idea that their blessing us with lunch money would be a HUGE BLESSING to Shane & Hope. Everyone liked the concept and so we took these three young folks with us and we went out to find Shane & Hope and I wish you all could have been there to see this God-ordained moment of people coming in the name of Christ to bless these folks with no strings attached. Hope couldn't handle it... she turned around to cry. Shane embraced us all with sincere gratefulness.

FYI, on Thursday Hope's fifteen year old son was in surgery from 9AM until 12:30AM FRIDAY morning! That's 15 1/2 hours! They rebuilt his face and went ahead and did the surgeries on his arm and legs at the same time. Shane reported that Hope's boy was actually looking like himself again... which had to be a huge blessing to their family.

Then late last night as we were preparing to leave the hospital it was time for us to, as Eric says, "make fools of ourselves for Christ". So we all knelt around our group of chairs for our final prayer at the hospital before we left for the night. As Eric was praying, Shane walked into the lobby and saw us. He joined us in prayer on our knees and put his hands on Eric's and my shoulder. When Eric finished Shane said he had something to add... and what followed was the most honest and humble prayer I've heard in a long time... about how grateful he was for the Williamson clan and the way we've loved and taken care of him and Hope. It was a very humbling and amazing moment as we saw his faith beginning to grow.

Everyone got their chance to hug on Shane as we said our goodnights. And I'm glad to report that for the time being they have a place to rest their heads at night... it won't last forever, but at least for last night they didn't have to sleep on the grassy patch down by the train tracks.

Kent

Amazed in Fresno

Day 41 - July 26 - Memory verse?

Something Kent said last night woke up the desire to memorize scripture again in me. I don't know about you, but the last time I seriously tried to memorize verses from the Bible was when I was 12 and my mom and dad were making me do it.

OK, maybe I memorized a few while I was at Moody Bible Institute, but it makes a better story the other way! Anyway, I've toddled along ever since on the lame excuse that "it's too hard for me to memorize things". Of course, that's bogus - I can memorize phone numbers and website addresses, and every line from just about anything Monty Python ever produced. The end result of my laziness is that I am woefully deficient in scripture knowledge, while I can recite the entire "dead parrot" sketch. Pathetic.

I can dredge up the usual suspects; John 3:16, Romans 3:23, and the like, and even some of the verses more appropriate to our current condition, like Romans 8:28 and Lamentations 3:22-23. But the fact remains that I need more Bible in my head.

What did Kent say that prompted these thoughts, you ask? We were talking with Shane, and Shane marveled that we were in Day 40 of our hospital adventure. Kent responded with "well, that's because if Connor had gotten up and walked out of here on Day 37, we would never have met you guys". The conversation moved on from there, but I got to thinking about perseverance. So last night, as I lay in bed, I looked up a verse I thought I remembered about perseverance, and it struck me so hard that I decided to memorize it on the spot. I'm going to type it out just the way I can remember it, and then I'll quote the NIV to compare. Here goes, and yes, it's off the top of my head -

Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You have to persevere, so that when you have completed the task which God has given you, you may receive the promise He has given. - Hebrews 10:35-36

Now I'm going to go check it! Yipes! I'm nervous!

35 So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. 36 You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.

OK, so I still have some work to do. My friends in AWANA must be rolling their eyes about now! But I'm getting it, and I thought I'd ask - anyone else want to memorize it with me? If so, make sure you memorize the Bible verse, not my lame attempt!

Finally, I received a request to post an invitation to fast for Connor on Sunday. I appreciate that very much, and so I'm going to be posting sometime today a list of his needs if anyone feels led to join my anonymous brother/sister in fasting and praying tomorrow. I'm not asking, demanding, coercing, or in any other way trying to make anyone take part - but I love the fact that someone cares enough to do so, and wants to try to coordinate a "group" fast. So if you feel the tug of God on your heart to fast alongside, watch the blog this afternoon or evening. I will post a list of the boy's needs for us to concentrate on when I update his status.

Love you guys. Have a blessed day.

Day 40 - July 25 - Blessings

Well another day is coming to an end, and it has been a pretty good day. Connor is now resting on the red Roto-Rest bed that he actually likes...and he is doing pretty good, fever is staying controlled by Motrin, and he is resting a bit drugged tonight. His neck and head are really hurting tonight from all the movement from bed to bed. Our son is a bit of a giant, and moving him is not an easy feat by any means. So I think they did a lot of tugging and pulling trying to get him positioned in the bed, and he is feeling it tonight.

A few blessings - Remember those purple lines? Connor has been taking random breaths on his own, including one I saw today which was a full-blown breath. I asked him "did you do that?", and he didn't know what I was talking about. His diaphragm had drawn an subconscious breath, without him thinking about it! Cherié observed more of those this evening while he was sleeping. While I can't say he's now breathing on his own, he is initiating some breaths. I'll take that baby step!

Also, this afternoon Connor told me "I think I'm moving my fingers". So I looked closely, and I thought I saw a very slight movement. I wasn't sure, so I asked three nurses to come look with me. I told Connor to keep doing it, and we all stared very, very closely at his right hand. Three of the four of us thought we were seeing his index finger twitch, just a little bit! The fourth guy didn't see anything.

I don't know if I saw it, or if I just want to see it so badly. But I am praying it's the first step in regaining his mobility.

We also had a great time with some friendly faces today, some from Morgan Hill and some new friends from Fresno, and even some folks we'd never met who dropped by to pray with us. Connor was blessed with seeing the friendly faces, and so were we.

So we say goodnight tonight - Connor is resting peacefully. Thank you all for your continued prayers, and thank You, Lord, for your provision through the day.

Day 40 - July 25 - Another prayer request

We have some good news and some bad news. First, the good news. Connor is now in the red bed, the one that doesn't go upside down! So that's really good news - his morning X-ray looks good, and his lungs "look really good", according to his nurses. So we're rejoicing in his move to the less-oppressive-o-pedic.

The bad news is that he has another fever - 103+ this time. He has been getting these regularly over the last week or so. The nurses say it's not in his lungs (good!), but probably stems from the wound near his trach. They're watching it and working to lower his temp. So that's good, too. The concern on the part of the patient's father is that a) the fever is the result of an infection somewhere in his body, or b) the fever is a result of a spinal injury high enough that the victim can't regulate his/her body temperature at all. Yes, I know I think too much - I'm working on it!

So please be praying for the boy and his temperature regulation, either as a result of a random fever or because of bigger issues. Pray that the boy stays out of the rotisserie beds for good this time. And please pray that his dad wouldn't think too much.

Day 40 - July 25 - Forty Days & Forty Nights

It's been forty days since Connor arrived here in Fresno and as Eric put it, "the world stopped!" We keep hoping that the rain from this flood will let up and that the waters will subside... maybe today is the day.

But what I've learned in the brief time I've been here is that the flood never really ends... it may appear to ease up and even stop for some, but in reality it just finds a way to drown and consume others.

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."

- I Peter 5:8

Allow me to briefly update you on some of the other flood victims...

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I had lunch yesterday with some new friends, Shane & Hope (not their real names). They are here because of Hope's son. Hope is the woman Eric talked with the other day after she came off the elevator sobbing. I call her Hope because that is the word that Eric gave to her in her moment of need.

Hope's 15 year old son broke both of his arms & legs, had a hole torn in his heart and had the bones in his face crushed in an car wreck. The woman driving died (her family buried her yesterday). On Tuesday the doctors repaired the boy's heart and on Thursday they spent the entire day reconstructing his face.

Now here's where it gets even more interesting... Hope & Shane are homeless. They live on the streets. Hope told me that she will do anything to get the money they need to survive another day. They had spent the night before down by the train station where they found a place to lay down. They didn't sleep much (would you if you were homeless and your son was in the shape Hope's is in?).

Shane is a Gulf War I vet who hasn't quite been able to get life back in balance since his days as a Navy Seal doing our country's dirty work that no one likes to talk about.

Pray for Hope & Shane. Pray for us as we try and help these flood victims.

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Paul is a likable man with a graying beard that wraps his chin and gives his round, Hispanic face a sense of balance. He's been in the lobby the last week or so and has been watching our group. Yesterday he made his way over to us and asked us to pray with him for his son Michael.

Michael is a twenty-six year old father of two, who lives at home with Paul and his mother. Michael was involved in a car wreck that has left him with bleeding in the brain. He has a tube in his head to try and relieve some of the pressure, but bleeding in the brain is never a good thing.

Pray for Michael's healing and recovery. Pray for courage for Paul and his wife to continue putting one step in front of the other. Pray for Michael's children as they run around the lobby wishing their Daddy was their to play with them. And pray for the mother of Michael's children who is in a drug rehab center somewhere trying to put her life back together.

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Lastly, on Wednesday morning the lobby had a lot of Navy folks using the elevator with stressed looks on their faces. We came to learn that early that morning the wife of one of the fighter pilots was hit by a semi-truck. We were told that it was not good and that they were trying to keep her alive until family could arrive.

When I arrived at the hospital on Thursday morning there were still a number of Navy folks around, which I took as a good sign... that she had survived the night. But Thursday evening we received word that this young 19 year-old bride had died... and along with her the couples unborn baby... apparently she was just a few weeks pregnant.

Please pray for her husband. Please pray for her friends. Please pray for us as we try our best to be the hands and arms and shoulders of Christ for people to cry on.

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These are the stories from 1 day in the Trauma Center waiting room. And how many trauma units are there around the world? Multiply these stories by thousands and you'll get an idea of depth of the flood that we're in.

Kent

Clinging to THE LifeRing

Day 40 - July 25 - A few prayer answers

A picture is worth a thousand words. I had avoided posting any pictures of the Iron Maiden previously, but Connor has given me his permission to post this photo to show the reality of the bed I talk about so much. The only thing missing is the "Iron Mask" faceplate, which ratchets down onto the boy's face before they turn him face down.

Connor spent the night on his back in the roto-prone. Although he spiked a fever last evening, that was brought under control by the time we left last night. The sense we got was that, if he did well on his back overnight, and showed enough improvement in his lungs this morning, that they would move him back to the red rocking bed. I haven't gotten to the hospital yet this morning, and it's still too early for them to have the results of this morning's X-rays, so please continue to pray that Connor's lungs will be, and continue to be, clear of any infection so he can get off this bed.

Yesterday, the RTs changed Connor's respirator settings to a different mode of breathing. Cherié and Joélle told me (when they got back to the RV last night) that the machine was set at 12 respirations per minute, but he was breathing at 20! I asked if they had seen any purple. On the ventilator screen, there are squiggly yellow and green lines that move along as the machine breathes, and they turn purple when the boy does any respiration on his own. The taller the jump in the line, the more air is moving into his lungs. The machine's "breaths" are about 1.5 inches tall on the screen. We occasionally have seen small, eighth- or quarter-inch bumps in the line that turn purple, so what I was asking was whether the boy was drawing the breath, and if so, how strong they were. They excitedly told me that the purple bumps were more than an inch tall! Joélle asked Connor if he was doing that, and he said "I'm doing it on purpose"!

He stopped it shortly thereafter, and the machine settled back into the 12 respirations per minute again, but we all took that as a very encouraging sign, that Connor was able to signal muscles to pump his lungs. I do not know if the diaphragm was involved, and it still seems to be a voluntary action rather than autonomic, but it's a step in the right direction. So I praise God for that step.

Other prayers answered -

- Alan has obtained a ride down today. Thank you, all who offered!
- Spirit West Coast has agreed to refund 90% of our cost for the tickets and campsite, so I have sent the tickets back to them via FedEx. As a word of clarification, the impression I originally received from them, and which I passed on to you, was that I could expect to have 50% of our cost returned, and was told that the manager of the box office would work with us to arrange anything more than that. I didn't intend to convey that this was a heartless decision on their part - they didn't owe me anything. I knew when I bought the tickets that SWC has a no refund policy, so I went into the discussion with the knowledge that anything at all was a better refund than I was owed. But I admit I had hoped for more than I perceived I had been offered, which is why I decided to try to bless someone else with the tickets. Thankfully, and to SWC's credit, they contacted me quickly when the misunderstanding came to their attention, and we got it all straightened out. I want to specifically thank Juliane and Ginger at SWC for their efforts on our behalf, as well as their willingness to work with me in this unusual situation.

They also have passed Connor's situation and website on to their prayer chain, which is very, very appreciated!

We'll be heading over to see the boy soon. I'll make sure to post up as soon as something comes along. For now, please remember how desperately we covet your continued prayers for Connor's recovery.

Day 39 - July 24 - Help needed

A quick post to ask - if anyone is driving from Morgan Hill area to Fresno tomorrow (Friday) and could give Alan a lift, would you please let us know? He wants to come down for the weekend, and we can get him back on Sunday, but he's got no way to get here. If you could help us out, we would be very appreciative. For some reason, Joélle likes him around, and he's been moderately helpful, so.... 8-)

Seriously, he's of great help and comfort to the crew, particularly Joélle.

Let us know.

PS - My friend has a nickname for Alan (who is, of course, Joélle's boyfriend) - "that guy". 8-D

Day 39 - July 24 - Now Accepting Quicktime Movies

Okay... here's a request for you creative-types who have the ability. We've found a way to utilize technology to get your beautiful faces in front of Connor.

Here's what we want you to do... Record a brief video of yourself (less than 1 minute... please!) and email it to us at ConnorMovies (at) PaladinPictures (dot) com.

The process is that Eric will receive these videos, put them on his iPhone, take them into Connor's room and play them for him.

The photo above is a still image from the test movie that my kids (most of them) and I recorded back in Virginia for Connor. When Connor saw the test and Eric told him that people could send these in he was excited about hearing from you. So please, if you can, consider this way of brightening his day.

If you've got a Mac made in the last couple years this is SO easy to do... Just use the built in-camera and utilize the movie feature in Photo Booth.

Thanks in advance,

Kent

Hospital Lobby

Day 39 - July 24 - Not so roto?

I got to see the boy this morning around 10 o'clock, and they had him on his back after spending the afternoon and overnight in the face down position. He was in pretty good spirits, and Kent and I got to laugh and talk with him a bit before we got kicked out for more X-rays. Before we left, the nurse told us that he has responded so well overnight that they were going to test his blood gases again, and if the doctors liked what they saw, they would leave him on his back and see how he improved from there.

So, there's a possibility that Connor won't need to return to his stomach! That would indeed be an answer to prayer!

NEWS FLASH - The nurse just advised me that they are going to keep him on his back through the night! If his blood gases stay where they need to be, and his lungs continue to clear tomorrow, they'll consider putting him back on the rightside-up bed. Praise the Lord for that!

And now, a word about our family and our nicknames -

I had a couple of people recently question why I didn't call Connor by his name more. They felt it seemed a bit, well, impersonal. I tried to explain the warped way our family's collective mind works, but I think I failed miserably. So, I'll try here...

"Monkey". This is my Dad, who has been called this by his family since he was four, and his mother saw him jumping on the bed. She said "Louis Edwin, you look just like a monkey!" in front of his brothers and sisters. You can observe the results to this day!

"The Bean". This is my personal nickname for Joélle. No one else calls her this - in fact, I'm the only one that gets to use it. If you try it on her, you face her wrath, so consider yourself warned!!! It started when she was a wee tot and I used to call her "my little Joélly Bean". It just morphed over the years, and is used correctly in the third person. For example, today I would text to her "Hi, The Bean! How's things? I love you, Pops".

"The Boy". This is Connor. I've had two nicknames for him since he was four or five - "Bug Child", which is self-explanatory if you know anything about small boys, and "the boy". It's how I would ask him about his day all his life - "How's the boy today?" Connor has grown up being called "the boy" nearly as much as he's been called anything else, and when I asked him about it he looked perplexed - sort of a "what else would you call me?" kind of look. BTW, I opted to use "the boy" here on the blog because "Bug Child" didn't really ring right for this purpose!

"Fathead". This is me and my brothers, individually. Collectively, we are "Tres Hermanos de Azul". Don't ask.

"Tex". About half the people who know me call me this. I'm working on the other half, but I figure my mom is a lost cause in this regard...

Cherié doesn't get a real nickname - she's far too "Cherié" to be anything else! She is randomly called "Ree" or "Red", but I think she prefers Cherié.

That pretty much sums the whole nickname thing up. Hope it clears things up for everyone!

Day 39 - July 24 - Top Ten List

The Top 10 Reasons why being in the hospital is like going to Disneyland -

10. You spend more time waiting than anything else.
9. They have rides!
8. The older you are, the less fun it is.
7. It is a small world, after all.
6. It's easy to get lost.
5. Well, I guess you can call it "food".
4. Some of the staff makes you smile, but others are just a little bit scary.
3. One word - sanitized.
2. Way too many kids underfoot.

And the number one reason why being in the hospital is like going to Disneyland...

1. You pay a lot to get in, but you're gonna spend a lot more before you get back out!

Hope you get the same wry smile I got as we put this together. We obviously have too much time on our hands, but this is what you get when you put me and Kent in the same room. God bless you!




Disclaimer - ConnorWatch has no connection with Disneyland or any of it's affiliates. Disneyland, Tinkerbell, and the Disneyland sign are property of Walt Disney or someone connected with him, not us. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. Do not iron clothes while wearing them. Don't take candy from strangers. Don't spend it all in one place. Yes, it was Photochopped.

Day 38 - July 23 - What's going on?

Connor is back in the roto-prone bed, the one that puts him upside down. The doctors have sedated him heavily, to the point where he's asleep all the time. Because of this, Cherié, Joélle and I took the opportunity for some family time and went to see a movie. We had a great time together, but the shock of stepping back into our reality when the credits rolled was like someone dumping cold water on you. All three of us ended up a bit shell-shocked on the drive home. When we got to the RV, we sat in the truck for a bit and talked about where we were at.

We are struggling to find some balance in our lives - when do I go back to work; how should we balance being in Fresno with being in Morgan Hill: how long can we sustain this after the family goes home; etc.. But our conversation came back around to how Connor is handling all of this, and we pretty much agreed that he's dealing with this situation better than all of us. We are convinced that God is communing very closely with Connor during these days, and that He has something incredible planned for the boy in some way. We can't see what form it will take, nor the timeline, but we are sure that something mighty is coming out of this. I mean, look at all the things that are already spreading outward from that first splash into Hume Lake - faith is being increased, people are drawing closer to God or even committing themselves to Him for the first time, marriages are being strengthened, and non-believers are being drawn closer to God - and this is in the first month. God is using Connor mightily already, and we get to be here to watch it.

I've found that I wrestle most with God about all this when I focus on how it impacts me and mine. Kent mentioned the woman with whom I prayed this morning. What he didn't tell you is something he couldn't see - about five minutes before that lady came out of the elevator, I had gotten the word that the boy was going back on the bed. In that first five minutes, I had already begun digging my emotional pit to climb into, but when I heard her cries of anguish, I knew I had to go help if I could. So I went and spent about 20 minutes listening to, then praying with her and her boyfriend. The interesting thing (to me) was that, when I returned to the waiting room, I was able to consider the roto-bed without going into depression. That's me - you only need to hit me four or five times with a fencepost before I start recognizing what's right in front of my face!

So I spoke with the girls tonight about seeking out opportunities to minister, rather than just waiting for the ones that drop into our laps. Please pray for us in that regard - it's so much easier to sit and do nothing than actually try to look past our own needs.

Connor has again taken to the roto-prone bed without too much trouble. His stats are all good; his heart rate is stable, his saturation is high, and his blood pressure is solid. We'll see in the morning X-ray how he's responding to being back on his face. In the meantime, please continue to pray for his lungs to clear, that he remains sedated enough to not be tortured in the bed, that God restores the nerve function to Connor's diaphragm and other limbs and muscles, and that God would be working closely with the boy to make him more the man He wants him to be.

Thanks, y'all.

Day 38 - July 23 - Back Flips!

Well Connor is going back on the Roto-Prone bed again... saddens me, (it actually tears my heart to know he has to go through the Iron Maiden again) but he seems to be doing ok with the news. God has really given Connor an amazing strength. His lungs are looking clearer but it is just going too slow. They say they need his lungs to function better, I understand what they are saying, it just doesn't make it any easier to accept. I know it seems as if we are back to a couple weeks ago, we are, but not in all areas. Connor does seem stronger physically, and his heart has been doing well in the last few days. He is really a "slow stepper", as the Docs. say... slow and gradual. When will he ever get to be out of this place? God please hear my cry... are you even there?

Joelle is here today, and she was able to see, visit and love on her brother before he was locked away in his prison. Praise God!! I really liken the bed to a prison, and maybe that is why I have been reading about Paul in 2 Cor. so much. I really feel like Connor has been locked in chains for Christ's name sake. This whole past month has been a time where Connor is in captivity. It doesn't make it any easier for any of us, but I have an assurance that God is still in control. We have been seeing the way God is using all of this to touch so many people, it has strengthen marriages, built stronger relationships with God, and has brought others to God. We are only seeing a small glimpse of what God is doing... kind of like the pebble thrown in the water and the ripples that follow. I am trying to hold on to that. Please God, revive me so I can have strength for my son, daughter, and husband.

2 Corinthians 4:8,9 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

Therefore, I will try not to lose heart.

Always thankful for your prayers and support... We love all of you!!

A huge Connor hug,

Cherie'

Day 38 - July 23 - Welcome to Fresno!

I made it to Fresno after a loooooonnnng day of travel. Special thanks to Pete for helping me get here.

I walked out of the airport, stood on sidewalk for about a minute and a half when Eric and mom drove up to get me. Eric and I hugged on the sidewalk and then went straight to the hospital.

When you read the blog from a distance (like I did for Days 1-36) it's hard to picture what the hospital is like, so it was great to get here and see it for myself. Let me tell you, Connor is in a great facility.

But more than getting my bearings in a new space, I've wrestled with things like "what do you say to your nephew who has broken his neck?" As some of you know, I'm a wise-ass that often resorts to stupid jokes when I don't know what to say. This habit makes me double nervous about saying the wrong thing at the wrong time... an art that I seem to have perfected over the years. Add to the fact that I was running on next to zero sleep and you can imagine my state when I walked in to see Connor for the first time.

It's funny the things we worry about... and of course it was all for nought. Within minutes Eric, Connor and I were laughing, goofing off and making the most of the situation we found ourselves in. You know, as I typed that last sentence I realized that for whatever reason, that's one thing that we Williamson's are pretty good at... "making the most of the situation we find ourselves in." Anyhow it was great to see Connor. Now they are making preparations to put him back on the torture rack... the half million dollar bed that holds him face down for 3 out of every 4 hours.

One other note... this morning as we were sitting in the first floor lobby, the elevator doors opened and out walked a sobbing woman. The grief on her face was obvious. Without hesitation Eric hopped up and followed her out of the hospital. It was a chance for him to minister to her. Her grief is over her 15 year old son who was in a car accident. Both of his arms and legs have been broken along with the bones in his face. Eric was able to tell her that he knew how she felt... both parents grieving over their sons. He told her he had only one word to offer her... hope. He shared some scripture, he prayed with her, he cared for her...

That's my brother...

Kent

Here in Fresno at last

Day 38 - July 23 - Spirit West Coast

UPDATED INFORMATION -

Spirit West Coast has responded to my original query by clarifying their offer. Due to our unusual situation, they have agreed to refund 90% of my purchase price, significantly greater than the 50% I originally understood. Thanks, Ginger! For those who were considering my offer to transfer the tickets, I have returned the package to SWC and no longer have them. I'm sorry if you were considering them!

I've used this blog for prayer requests, for praises, for pleas for support, for expressions of frustration, and overall as a sort of catharsis for myself. But here's a new one - I need to bless someone else by selling something.

Spirit West Coast happens next week in Monterey, California - 7/31 - 8/2/08. My family attended the full event last year with friends, had an absolute blast, and vowed to go again this year. So I purchased the event passes and RV site in March. I remembered all this last week when the tickets etc. arrived in the mail. Stamped boldly across the bottom of the page was the ominous "No refunds, no returns".

I called SWC two days ago to see if something could be worked out, and the first person I spoke with already knew about Connor! It was very neat to be able to discuss my problem with someone who had already heard and was already praying for us. After some discussion with the powers that be, however, I was told that the best that could be done for us was that we could send our tickets etc. back, and they would refund something like 50% of the cost.

Cherié and I discussed it and decided that, rather than just sending the stuff back for half the cost, we would rather offer them to someone at the 50% price. I know it's really short notice, and not many people will be able to take advantage of this. But, if you can use five full-event passes and a 40-foot RV space in the Upper Pink campground next week, please contact me through the contact page.

Here's what I've got -

Five (5) full-event passes
One (1) RV site that can accommodate up to a 40-foot RV

Total cost was $656.25. I can send it back this Friday and get something like half of that back, or $328.12 (and a ha'penny, if we still had such things!). If someone wants all of this stuff (I hesitate to try and break up the package at this late date) for $325, it's yours - just contact me through the Contact page of the website with a phone number and we'll get it FedEx'd to you ASAP.

Click here to see the SWC website and find out who's playing etc....

Someone picking this up from us would let us recover the same amount of money as if I just turned the tickets back in, and it would let us bless someone else with an exciting, uplifting and worshipful experience as well.

If you're interested, please contact me quickly. I've got to send it all back to SWC on Friday if I don't get a response.

Sorry to twist the blog like this. This will be the only time you will ever catch me selling something here, if I can possibly avoid it!

Day 37 - July 22 - Here comes Kent!

Got the word a bit ago that Kent has made it onto the plane and will be arriving in Fresno in about an hour. I thought y'all would like to know!

Two amazing things happened this afternoon - first, a dear sister (who also happens to be a nurse in the trauma unit) sat me down today to have a heart-to-heart about her concerns for us. She told me a number of things that make a lot of sense (I'll share more about that later sometime), but her real gift was her gracious compassion for Connor and our family. She has been a true blessing this last week, and this afternoon assisted me in getting a bit more of a grasp on how we deal with where we are. Thanks, sis!

The other thing happened here when I went in to the RV park office to pay the rent. As I was telling Connor's story to the owner of the park, the manager chimed in to tell me that she had been paralyzed for two weeks after a car accident when she was young, with damage to C3/4/5. I would never have suspected from dealing with her. She is the third person we've met in this RV park who has had a spinal injury and experienced full recovery.

My talk with my nurse friend helped me see a more balanced view of MRSA than the one I got from the internet, and helped me view things in a more balanced fashion. We are trusting God to restore my son and deal with these complications. Thank you for your continued prayers!

Day 37 - July 22 - Another hurdle

This morning we arrived to be told that Connor is running another fever, and they have found psuedomonas and MRSA (usually referred to as "mersa") in his lungs. For those non-medical types like me, I've taken the liberty of looking these up -

Pseudomonas - P. aeruginosa is an opportunistic human pathogen, most commonly affecting immunocompromised patients, such as those with cystic fibrosis or AIDS. Infection can affect many different parts of the body, but infections typically target the respiratory tract (e.g. patients with CF or those on mechanical ventilation), causing bacterial pneumonia. Treatment of such infections can be difficult due to multiple antibiotic resistance.

MRSA - MRSA stands for 'methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus'. It's a strain of staph that's resistant to the broad-spectrum antibiotics commonly used to treat it. MRSA can be fatal.

Basically, they are antibiotic-resistant bacteria. The nurses tell us that these will respond to vincomyacin. I hope they're right, as some of the research I've done on the web (yeah, I know) indicates that once you get MRSA, you have to deal with it your whole life if it doesn't kill you.

While the word is that he's responding slowly regarding his pneumonia, the doctors were making noises about the upside-down bed. They want to avoid it if they can, because it will affect the evulsion wound caused by his trach tube.

It seems like all I do these days is pass on more prayer requests. Hopefully, I'll be able to forward some praises before too long...

Day 37 - July 22 - Fresno or Bust

My day started at 2:00AM Eastern (11PM Pacific) when I awoke to the wonderful sound of the alarm telling me it was time to shower and drive the 90 minutes to Dulles International.

My stand-by experience started great as I was given a seat on a 757... seat 15C... the exit row... with lots of legroom! Then we taxi'd out only to discover a mechanical issue with the plane (which I'm glad they found PRIOR to takeoff). So we headed back to the gate.

Then the scramble began... when, how, where, arghhh.... This was soon followed by the soothing voice of the woman at the counter letting us know that a new gate had been established, a new plane had been found, and hopefully (please!) I'll have that same seat with the legroom!

As of now... 9:42 arrival in Denver and then standby to Fresno which will hopefully put me in prior to midnight... 

Time to board the flight!

Kent

(somewhere... hopefully Fresno later today!)

Day 36 - July 21 - The temper tantrum is over

I need to apologize for losing control of myself so badly this afternoon. There's no excuse for turning into a child again, so now I need to clarify many of the things I said in the "Praise the Lord" post.

First, I have absolutely no idea what the spiritual status of anybody else is, including those fortunate souls I alluded to who have been recovering here at the hospital. For all I know, they may be secure in their relationship with Jesus Christ - I inappropriately used them as catch-all's for my frustration without justification or any actual thought process.

Second, nobody here at the hospital offended me with anything they said - all my emotions are poured out towards God, not any human. If you're reading this, please don't think I am upset at anyone here. I failed to recognize that blogging in such a manner can lead to misunderstandings. Please accept my apology.

Third, I need to say in public what an incredible blessing certain members of the staff here have been to us. I know I can't (and won't) mention names, but I hope and pray that you each catch a small glimpse of the gratitude Cherié, Joélle, the grammas and I feel for your ministrations and caring; not just for Connor but for all of us.

I can't, and won't, take back my perplexity regarding why bad things happen to good people, and vice versa. I've been reminded, as I prayed this evening, that in the big scheme of things there's really no such thing as "bad" or "good" people - only people who have been redeemed by Christ, or not. I don't get to understand any "why's" - I just wish I could quit asking the question in the first place.

My wife, by the way, continues to be the greatest blessing I could ever hope for. Please pray for her, that she would have the patience and perseverance to continue to deal with me as we walk this road together. She needs all the help she can get.

We love y'all. Thanks so much for all you're doing for us.

Good night.

Oh, yeah! Connor is tucked safely away for the night, sleeping soundly the last we saw. His numbers look good, and those who are watching over him are blessings to us. May God bless them for their care.

Day 36 - July 21 - Praise the Lord

Until a moment ago, this blog was titled "I don't want to play anymore". Now it's going to be another long post...

Connor has been responding well to the bed - his lungs seem to be clearing, his numbers are steady at all angles of the bed, and they've gotten the boy to be stay saturated for extended durations on both sides. When he got back on the Tilt-o-Matic, he could only tolerate 15 seconds tilted toward his left side - any longer and his heart would begin to slow and he would de-saturate, and that at lean angles as low as 15 degrees. Now, they are tipping him 30 degrees for 15 minutes on each side. So that's good.

So we go upstairs after lunch, and Connor has tears streaming down his face, which is contorted as he cries. He's listening to his worship CD, so we ask if he's crying as he sings with the music. He responds with agony in his voice - "I want to stand and tell about God. But I can't move my arms! I can't move my legs!"

After an hour and a half of prayer, discussion, and more prayer, he is settled enough to doze off. But all day, I've been hearing tales of other people in the Trauma unit who are suddenly walking, or being moved to lower intensity care, and just generally getting better. And I've heard nurses say of these people "Wow, it's a miracle". And I can't help asking why people who don't give a flying rip about the Lord get miracles while a young man who loves the Lord like Connor does is rejected. I don't understand why my son gets sacrificed and left in the cold while people who hate God prosper and rejoice in healing.

AND I CAN'T EXPLAIN ANY OF IT TO MY HURTING, GRIEVING SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I finally couldn't handle this torment anymore, and went off for a walk by myself.

First thing that happened, one of our RTs (a man who I am appreciating more and more) was walking the other way down the sidewalk. He stopped me, took one look and asked "Do you need a hug?" As a matter of fact, I do, and as he wraps his burly arms around me the first crack in the dam appears. We talked for a moment about the boy, and he asked if there was anything he could do. You already did it, my friend - when you showed that even staff of the hospital can actually care. Thank you for that.

So I kept walking, and decided that I could dump my grief and frustration on my big brother. Called his office - no joy. Called his cellfone - direct to voicemail. Winner for Brad, not so much for me. So, I gave up, and started to put the headset away when I remembered that I have an iPod built into my phone. Maybe some music...

So I walk over to a picnic table and sit down, listening to something appropriate for my depressed spirit...

"I was sure by now, that You would have reached down and washed our tears away, stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say 'Amen', and it's still raining."

Yep, that's about right.

"My strength is almost gone. How can I carry on, if I can't find You?"

Well, that just about sums it up for me.

So I sat there, thinking about how I should go blog what a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day it was. But as I sit there singing to the music out in the park, I am listening to the song's words, which say that I "praise the God who gives and takes away". I can't help thinking that I'm supposed to praise God even in this extremity.

I don't know how.

My heart is torn.

My lifeblood is pouring out.






Praise the Lord who gives and takes away.

Amen.

Day 36 - July 21 - Another Prayer Need

This morning, Granny P. awoke with really sore ears and throat. We don't really know if it might be allergies, or if it's a cold or something, but the effect is the same - Granny won't be in to see the boy for a while in order to protect him.

That in itself isn't a crisis - she actually had made that decision before she even mentioned it to us. The problem is two-fold - first, we NEED her! She helps take such a load off of us and we've really come to rely on her, so doing without, even for a bit, seems more difficult than it probably really is. Second, she is staying in the RV with us, and we have concerns about contracting something ourselves.

Fortunately, we have two things going for us already - Gramma W. is here, so she's going to get the opportunity to help more! Woohoo! Also, we are already in MGTC (that's "massive germ transmission control", for you acronym-challenged folks!) mode already, in order to prevent us from accidentally making Connor's recovery more difficult, so we're a step ahead of that game.

Please pray that this isn't something transmissible, and that it will pass quickly. Also, please pray for all of our continued health, particularly for the boy. He's having a hard enough time fighting off pneumonia - he certainly doesn't need one of us to drop something else on him. Finally, please pray that Granny would know how much we love and need her, and that she would recover quickly so she can get back in to see Connor as soon as possible.

Day 35 - July 20 - One body in one accord

Today while my mom sat watchman, I was able to go sing praises to God at Eastside Church of Clovis with my husband and mother-in-law. What a blessing to be able to raise my voice and sing to God. As I sang, I just felt God speak to me and say, "In one accord, Cherie', one body, in one accord." I thought, yes Lord, thank you for this church and these people, but as plainly as I felt Him speaking to me, He said, "This world, one body, praying in one accord." I sang all the louder, lifting my voice to God with tears of Joy. I have been longing so to raise my voice and sing, and today I did just that.

Connor had a better day health and heart wise today. He really scared me yesterday as I watched his heart stop. I was speaking to him, and he was laughing, and then it happened; his oxygen levels plummeted, and his heart stopped beating. I spoke to him, "Connor, come back son, you are doing great, breathe".... I tried to hide the panic in my voice, but tears overwhelmed me. God please help me! A gentle, yet strong arm came around me and held me tight, speaking soft words of encouragement and peace to me. I got to actually feel the very thing you all have been, and are doing for all of us here - one wonderful friend stood in the room with me as this was all happening and stood strong for me when I was weak. Thank you. You know who you are, God placed you there just at the right time. I love you! Just like your prayers, she held me up when I couldn't stand.

Connor still can neither drink nor eat with the breathing apparatus in place. And if any of you know Connor, he LOVES to eat!! It was sad today as I cleaned his teeth and helped him rinse out his mouth with a nasty cleanser. He stated, "That was the first thing I have tasted since Jamba Juice." Nasty it was, but it was wet in his mouth. He is still on a feeding tube. Connor and his father and sister are longing for the day that they can share a tall lemonade together.

We left Connor this evening while he was peacefully sleeping. With Joelle back in Morgan Hill, my mother's heart misses her children. Please be in prayer for Joelle as she begins a new job, and has to be away from her brother (and her mom and dad) for the next few days. She is missed here too.

The rocker bed seems to be doing the trick for Connor as far as today is concerned. They are getting a lot out of his lungs, which is very good news to us. So as I type this, he is sleeping for the night, and I will be laying my head to rest soon myself. I just wanted to thank all of you for all of your prayers. I have been praying for all of you, that God would use all of this to help you grow closer to Him. I thank God for all of you, and ask God to richly bless you, and He will, and He does! Remember, "We are one body, praying in one accord." I know that this is truly music to God's ears.

Day 35 - July 20 - In Case You Need Another Prayer Request

FYI... THIS POST HAS BEEN UPDATED IN THE COMMENT SECTION!!!! NOW FLYING (HOPEFULLY) ON TUESDAY!

----------------------------------------------------

I'm trying to fly from DC (Dulles) to California tomorrow morning. My good friend Pete who flies the big birds across the pond has graciously given me vouchers to fly out to see Eric, Cherié, Joélle and Connor.

The only catch is that I fly standby. My early AM departure from Dulles is rapidly filling up... close to the overflow point.

So I figured I can worry about it and allow the anxiety to brim over into other areas of life... or I can come here and ask for prayer. (BTW - I'm still tempted just to spend my time worrying about it!)

Thanks in advance,

Kent

Virginia (hopefully Fresno tomorrow!)

Day 35 - July 20 - Good mood

After my post this morning, we loaded up the car and headed off to church. We were lifted and blessed there, then came back to the hospital to see the boy and relieve Granny from her self-imposed vigil in Connor's room. When we got there, our nurse stopped us on the way in to tell us what a great mood Connor had been in all morning. We watched her interact with the boy, lifting his spirits and encouraging him. She had even chosen and worn brightly colored clothes to cheer the boy and lift his spirits. It was fantastic to see such a professional fill her job with such genuine compassion. She was great with him! Thanks, Lord, for giving the boy such great caregivers. That is certainly an answer to prayer.

Connor had a great night, with no incidents with his heart whatsoever. His lungs seem to be responding to the bed, and the RT has seen steady improvement in the state of his lungs and blood gases. He rested well and awoke cheery and in a good mood. His numbers remain good, and the therapists are slowly lowering the O2 percentage as his lungs improve. He's currently at 60%.

He has developed one minor complication that the nurses are addressing. Because of the movement of the beds over the last few weeks, his trach has developed a tear caused by the trach tube rubbing against one side of the trach. They are taking care of it now, but it's still a complication as well as a point of introduction for infection. Please add that to my (seemingly never-ending) list of prayer requests to lift up!

Finally, an interesting blessing. I was speaking with Connor about the bed, and I told him I was sorry he had to be back on the rotisserie. His response? "This bed is more comfortable than the regular bed".

Say what? Turns out he likes being flat on his back, even on the Tilt-o-Bed, more than he likes being propped up in the regular bed.

He'd better not get used to it!

Day 35 - July 20 - Rain?

Rain? In Fresno in July?

As I sit under the awning this morning, rain is falling. Not a lot, but still, it's weird. While the Gramma's cover the hospital detail to give us a few hours before church this morning, I thought I'd share the rest of my "OK, I get it, Lord!" morning.

Remember how I've been discussing thinking about other people instead of my own troubles? Well, I got up this morning and opened the Word to 2 Corinthians 1. Go check out verses 3-11.

Then I opened a devotional book we've been reading. July 2oth's entry? "Sharing the Manna".

I shared with Cherié and Granny my perception that, in moving downstairs to the First floor waiting room, we had isolated ourselves and were only focusing on our own troubles, which in turn was bringing us down. We aren't called to despair over our problems, but to reach out to others in the midst of theirs. I've been failing to do this, averting my eyes to avoid eye contact "because I'm too tired/frustrated/exhausted/whatever to deal with his/her/their issues". What a cop-out.

Pray for the boy today, for his healing and for his continued health. And pray for us, that we would be the hands and feet of Christ to the people around us.

We love y'all. More later.

Day 34 - July 19 - What a day

Well, it's been a full day. First, Connor is back in the roto-rest bed, which is the one that rocks back and forth, but not upside down. He's a bit disheartened to be there again. I told him this isn't a step backward, but rather the next hurdle in the race. Many of the hurdles will look the same - but we'd rather not have to jump over them at all.

Second, the boy crashed twice today, both time with his heart beat dropping to zero. He recovered on his own immediately without drugs or other intervention, but again, this is something we'd rather not do at all. It seems to be the same issue he had before, with his congested lungs causing the nerve that drives the heart to become irritated.

Please continue to pray for Connor - for healing from the pneumonia; for clear lungs; for a steady heart; and, as I recognized today, a working diaphragm. I realized that I had been praying for his lungs to work, but what I was meaning was that he would have control and function in his diaphragm in order to pump his lungs. I know the Holy Spirit interprets for me, but still...

A strange thing happened to me today as well. I was talking to Brad yesterday about trying to get less focused on me and my problems, and more on the people around me. I had told Joélle that I thought I performed better when I was helping other people instead of thinking about myself, and she gave me that "Well, duh!" look, so I'd been giving that some thought. Well, tonight, I was in Connor's room alone, while Cherié ran over to the hotel room to grab a shower. Connor was asleep, and I was trying to be still and know that He is God. I even went so far as to pray that the boy would stay sleeping so that I could focus on being still and not be distracted by anything. I found I couldn't sit still, but that walking slowly back and forth in the room helped me quiet my soul to listen. What I found wasn't anything earth-shattering, but rather a sense that I should prostrate myself before the Lord. I thought "well, I can't do that, people will see me". Then I thought "Would you do it if it meant Connor would walk again?"

"Of course", thinks I, "but it doesn't mean that."

"How do you know?", I shot back smartly.

"Oh, come on - but I'll do it." Then craftily I add, "I'll just draw this curtain here so people can't see in..."

I'm too smart for that one - "Nuh uh uh! That's not what you're supposed to do."

"Well OK, I'll at least kneel." There. That's a pretty good compromise.

So I knelt by the boy's bed, in full view of anybody that wanted to look into the room. And I prayed. Emptily, as it turns out.

Now keep in mind that this is all pretty much just a conversation in my head. But finally I can't take it, and I say "Alright, I will." And I lie down on my belly, face to the floor, arms spread out wide, completely visible from the nurse's station if anybody cares to look.

I say "Here I am, Lord. What do you want from me?"

And the thought enters my head - "Obedience".

Shortly thereafter, Cherié shows up and tells me that the Gramma's are going to revolt unless I go to the hotel and take my own shower (which I guess shows how intelligent Grammas can be...). So as I ride down the elevator, I'm prompted to pray with the three weeping people in the elevator with me. I ask them if it would be OK, and they say yes - so we pray together for comfort and hope after the passing of their mother/grandmother. Then I go take my shower.

Now I come back to the hospital, and oddly enough, I have a new perspective on things. I am suddenly confident in the Lord's provision; I know that He is providing for us regardless of outcome; and I am able to encourage my wife, testify in word and carriage to the staff, and pray with and lift up some of the others in the waiting room on our way back to the tenement on wheels.

Without any doubt whatsoever, I am absolutely and categorically unable to create the mental change necessary to do those things on my own. Has someone around here been praying for a miracle? If you guys can pray an attitudinal change like that into me, would you please aim at my son's healing next?

8-)

Day 34 - July 19 - Hold on for a new update...

I'm typing one as you sit there - 1038 PDT. Hang on and I'll have it for you in a few minutes.

There are just so many of you online right now, I thought I'd give you a heads up...

Eric

Day 34 - July 19 - The Fight

It is amazing how the unthinkable becomes "normal". We've been living moment to moment for over a month, and somehow we've become "used" to this, as if someone could become used to having your world flipped over every few hours. But it's true that we adapt as best we can to our situation, so this morning came as a particularly rude shock.

Cherié and I got to Connor's room this morning as the nursing staff were preparing to turn him in his bed (he's so big, it takes two or three of them to do it), and as the RT was setting up the thumper to shake out his chest. While we watched, they got all this activity going, and as they worked Connor's saturation level and heart rate plummeted. From 83 bpm, his heart fell - 72. 68. 61. 53. Alarms began ringing. 47. 42. 26. 0, for just a second. None of the nurses seemed to be concerned, and as if to justify their confidence, his heart rate came right back up into the 60s as soon as they quit moving him. The staff was competent and professional, but my father's heart just about came unglued. Cherié takes these things with such assurance, while I - well, I feel like Roger Rabbit, wailing and trailing smoke as he runs furiously around and around in circles.

In that moment, it dawned on me that we are still fighting for Connor's life. Not just "what should we do next?" or "what facility will take the boy?", but "is he going to live to get out of this hospital?" His heart is not responding correctly. His lungs are not responding correctly. There isn't an hour that goes by when I don't ask God "Where are You? Why have You turned Your face from my family?"

I just got word that they've decided Connor needs to go back on the Tilt-o-Bed today sometime. I don't think it's too late to pray to prevent that. This is not a setback I want, need, or desire.

So I realize (again) that our son's fate hangs in a delicate balance, orchestrated by God and administered by the staff here. Please pray that God would restore my son.

Day 34 - July 19 - Stuck in a Rut

Last night Eric was telling me they feel stuck in a rut.

Connor is fighting pneumonia again. Connor is depressed... along with Eric who also wrestles with anxiety.

Connor is no longer on continual medication. He is now given meds every six hours and of course (as we saw before) Connor is a big guy and the 6 hour meds don't last a full six hours.

The good news last evening was that Connor's fever was down.

Eric did seem excited about the concept of Subacute Care and the fact that there is a facility 5 minutes from their home in Morgan Hill. Please pray that this may indeed be a good option for Connor.

For those (like me) that don't have a clue what subacute care is, I found this in material written by the American Health Care Association...

"Subacute care is comprehensive inpatient care designed for someone who has an acute illness, injury, or exacerbation of a disease process. It is goal oriented treatment rendered immediately after, or instead of, acute hospitalization to treat one or more specific active complex medical conditions or to administer one or more technically complex treatments, in the context of a person's underlying long-term conditions and overall situation.

Generally, the individual's condition is such that the care does not depend heavily on high-technology monitoring or complex diagnostic procedures. Subacute care requires the coordinated services of an interdisciplinary team including physicians, nurses, and other relevant professional disciplines, who are trained and knowledgeable to assess and manage these specific conditions and perform the necessary procedures. Subacute care is given as part of a specifically defined program, regardless of the site.

Subacute care is generally more intensive than traditional nursing facility care and less than acute care. It requires frequent (daily to weekly) recurrent patient assessment and review of the clinical course and treatment plan for a limited (several days to several months) time period, until the condition is stabilized or a predetermined treatment course is completed."

Special thanks to those who will be fasting in the near future.

Kent

Virginia

Day 33 - July 18 - Pneumoni-again

We've just gotten back to the tenement after getting the boy to sleep. His white count is about three times what it should be, although he doesn't have a fever. The RTs are working to keep his lungs clear, but his most recent chest X-rays show that Connor's lungs are blooming again. I heard one RT say that they will have to decide within about 24 hours whether to put him back on the roto-rest bed.

We really don't want that to happen to the boy again. Would you please pray diligently that he be spared another round on the Tilt-o-Beds and that the pneumonia would be gotten under control without those measures?

I also wanted to quickly mention the wonderful RT we had tonight, and the encouragement she brought to us with her compassion and prayers. God blessed us with her great smile, her willing prayers, and her desire to find out more about Connor's story. Thank you, Lord.

Exhaustion sets in. Please lift up the boy for us. We love you.

Goodnight.

Day 33 - July 18 - More needs

Connor appears to be in the throes of pneumonia again. His white count has skyrocketed, they have started him on antibiotics again, and they've placed his respirator back on the old settings at 100% O2 in order to try to catch it before they have to put him on the beds again.

Connor is dispirited by the prospect of getting back on the beds. Please pray for his deliverance from them.

Day 33 - July 18 - He has a sister?

On June 16, 2008, I stopped breathing.
This is my attempt to start again.


My Brother is in the hospital, paralyzed. If that wasn’t bad enough, his heart rate dropped to 20 bpm last night…again. The doctors say we either take him home, or put him in a long term care center. The latter means he would lay in a bed in a room by himself…for the rest of his life. The former means that he would probably die much quicker. How could we keep him healthy if the trauma center can’t?

So, naturally, I’m pushing for much, much, more. I want a word that the doctors don’t say. I don’t just want recovery -- I want rehabilitation.

Yes, yes I know that the majority of rehab centers won’t take him on a ventilator.
Yes, yes I know that the doctors and caseworkers believe there is no hope for him.
Yes, yes I know that putting him in a rehabilitation center would mean picking up our entire lives and praying that we can survive.

And yes, yes I know that my God is bigger than this.

I was never content being a toddler, I always wanted to be “a big girl.” I was one of those little girls with a bow glued with honey to her head that would do it myself [so I was a bald child…no biggy]. However, the fact that I was still a little girl always caught up with me. After I would insist on walking by myself, I would get tired and raise my hands up ready for my dad to pick me up again. “Upie, upie dadda,” I would say. When I would insist on carrying some of the groceries to the car, they would always get too heavy and I would again, pass them over to my ever-obliging father. “Hegie!” I cried.

Its funny how when I was two, I longed to be an adult.
Now that I’m an “adult,” I long to be two.

I see little brothers and sisters running around all over the place. I just point and say, “I have a Brother like that.”

It seems as though this doesn’t get easier. Maybe it never will.
But I’m lucky.
I’m nineteen and my Daddy can still carry me.
I’m nineteen and my Daddy will still carry things that are too heavy for me.

I’m nineteen and waiting, cuz my Daddy is asking me too.

Upie, Daddy, its too hegie.

Day 32 - July 17 - Resting?

Connor had a bundle of visitors yesterday, along with at least three procedures as they removed two arterial lines and changed him to a smaller trach. He is exhausted by all the activity and has been sleeping steadily since last night, and we're letting him rest. The speech pathologist hopes to work on installing a voice valve in his trach pretty soon - maybe even tomorrow. It will be great for the boy to be able to communicate with us completely. Of course, that news is tempered by the nurse explaining (again) how Connor's lungs aren't doing anything but what the respirator does, and (again) expressing her conviction that he will never do anything else because of the level of his injury.

Additionally, since he's been running a fever, they ran some cultures, and his white blood count has doubled. They've started antibiotics again, and it appears he's got pneumonia again. Please pray for him, that he can defeat this pneumonia before he has to return to the beds.

I've heard an earful this month about how great it is to "rest in the arms of Jesus", or some variation of it. Usually, it's well-meaning people trying to encourage us, but I've read of the concept in the words of notable authors like Samuel Rutherford as well. Well, all I can say about the notion is that they are either lying, or I must be doing it wrong. After a month of this torture, I have no conception of rest - I feel like I have spent every waking moment since June 16 in a perpetual struggle to maintain my sanity and the cohesiveness of my family, without respite, without relaxation, without hope.

This morning I awoke in the RV in a state of lockdown after a night of benadryl-induced half-sleep. I lay in the fetal position, unable to do anything except cry out "God help us, God help us" through my tears. After a bit, my sensible wife (along with some mental gymnastics) got me moving, and we got our day started. I limped through my morning until my daughter asked me to walk her to McDonald's to get some sweet tea. I'm astonished at how dense I am, that I don't see through her little schemes!

Now, remember when I told you how much more mature my kids are than I am? Well, we got our tea and she said we should sit and talk for a bit before we went back to the hospital. Then she asked me how I was doing, and we talked for a bit about my fears and concerns. Finally, she told me she needed to tell me something, and said "This isn't about you. It's not about Connor, it's not about us - it's about something much bigger. Connor knows about one person - one person! - who's life has been changed by what he's going through, and he says it's worth it. He doesn't even know all the impacts God is making in so many lives, but he has decided that this price is worth the gain. So try looking at something other than how all this impacts you, and try to look at what God is doing through it instead."

Well, I thought about it. I thought about how my fears and concerns really revolve around how all this impacts me, not Connor. I thought about how the things that upset me most were things that changed all the plans I had laid out for my future. And I realized that what Joélle was saying was true - I was looking at all this from the perspective of how it impacted me personally. I was really being selfish in this. What makes it even worse is how Connor is taking this - with a gracious confidence that God is using him to accomplish great things, and being able to sincerely feel that the price paid is worth the gain accomplished. It humbles me to be this boy's father, and I daily thank God for the man He has raised Connor up to be in spite of me.

So now I'm working on repenting from my selfish attitude, and trying to get on board this new train God has fired up for my family. Like my daughter (the wise one) said, God chose exactly the right person - Connor - for his role. A strong young man with confidence in his God, the will to succeed or die trying, and the endurance to run the race set before him. God has also set aside my family to achieve a specific reason, and although I don't feel up to the task, Joélle reminds me that His timing is perfect - and that it's pretty obvious that God thinks we're ready to face this challenge.

I don't know what the future holds - and that scares the tarnation out of me. I don't know what God has planned for Connor, for my family, or for me. The only true thing I know is that it will work out for good (Romans 8:28), that He is faithful (Lamentations 3:22-23), and He is faithful to complete the work He's begun (Philippians 1:4-6). Everything else is up in the air. I don't like falling. Pray for us.

Day 32 - July 17 - Fever This Morning!

This is Cherié.... This morning we arrived to find Connor on a cooling blanket, he had spiked a fever early this morning of 103*. He had a very hard, but good day yesterday....

Yesterday Connor had all of the arterial lines taken out, a new smaller trach. tube put in, (to, in time, be used for speaking) and they took him off all meds. They are now giving him Vicadin, and something for anxiety through his stomach tube. So many things were done yesterday and so many wonderful friends showed up to visit... it was a great day, but Connor is wiped out this morning. The fever and all the procedures yesterday took a lot from him. But it was a good day.

Today they said that his x-rays show some fuzziness on them... so they are checking for pneumonia again. I about fell over with fear that they would be putting him back into the torture beds again after only two days on a real bed. Please pray that he would not need to go back onto those beds...

Last night God gave me another wonderful morsel of hope....Connor complained that his legs needed to be moved to a better position. The nurse and I asked him how he knew his legs needed to be moved, to which he replied that his heels were hurting!! I wanted to jump up and down with JOY!!! Though he cannot feel me touching his heels, or any other part of his body, he can feel pain, and he can feel it being relieved by me rubbing the foot, or moving the position. I don't understand it, but I will take anything I can get!! The nurses can look cross eyed at me if they want to. I just smile, as I find these things as a sign that God hasn't forgotten us, and will allow my son to walk again, I will hold fast to HOPE!

One day at a time...

As a good friend of mine said.... "Restoration happens a little at a time." I have to remember that, and hold fast to the promise that God will never leave us or forsake us.

I want to share with you a list that I have made to remember the "little by littles". I hold on to these, and hope for the future. God, please restore my son.

In the last four days....
*Off the beds
*Off the meds.
*No pace maker needed still
*Gag reflex happening again
*Pain in his back
*Shoulder and neck movement, though slight
*Cold sensations on his legs, back, and buttocks
*Nausea
*A pinching feeling in his arm that was relieved when moved to a new position
*Pain in his heels

I can never repay or express the blessing you are to Connor, to us as a family, and to me. I know that only in Heaven will I be able to fully express the thanks, love, and debt, I have for all of you. I love you, and I need you. Please do not stop praying, for I know God hears you.

Day 31 - July 16 - More Admin

The work continues to pile up, and when I get behind, I don't want folks to think I'm ignoring them, so I'm blogging this to all of you so everybody understands why I haven't responded to their email or phone call.

During the average day, I try to handle the issues that require immediate attention first, and then try to catch up on the aging issues. Right now, I'm receiving about 40 emails an hour related to ConnorWatch. Most don't require action, but the ones that do can fill up my day pretty quick. So be patient - if you haven't heard a response, it's coming, your email has been triaged and others are taking priority.

To coordinate visits to Fresno, please email the support team via the Contact page. They will give you their phone numbers if necessary to further coordinate.

Problems with the website - access, posting, etc. email me, Brad, through the Contact page.

Coordinating fundraisers - let Kent know. He'll check with Eric, give you the go ahead, and tell you to send promotional material to me.

If you call me, please call the office phone first. If I'm not in, leave a message. If you call my cell phone, you'll find out how spotty coverage is out here in the sticks, and your message to my cell phone may not get noticed for days. Really. We hope to move into the 90's shortly.

Finally, notice the ClustrMap? Despite the odd advertising associated with the map, it is currently accumulating data each time the page loads, and will shortly be automatically updating showing where people are logging in from. Should prove exciting.

Again, thanks for your patience, your persistence, and your willingness to journey with Connor and the rest of us. May God bless each of you today as He shows us new things.

Brad
Michigan

Day 31 - July 16 - Meeting Results

Again, the meeting went just as I expected (Joélle is right - I do sound like Eeyore). The doctor and case worker have told us we need to be prepared to answer the question about whether we are going to try to provide 24 hour awake care at our house, or whether we are going to put Connor in long-term care somewhere.

How do you make that choice? It seems impossible that we could either provide or afford 24 hour care, and it seems equally impossible to even consider locking the boy into a room somewhere forever. They offer no option for rehab, because they believe it to be pointless. The best place they can offer is Valley, and all Valley will provide is training for us to care for Connor, not rehabilitation. So what decision do I make?

Cherié is wrestling with anger that his neck wasn't set immediately. Joélle is frustrated with me because she thinks I'm giving up, and to be honest, I feel like it sometimes. I can't seem to help either of them without upsetting them. The gramma's are trying to help in whatever way they can. And I'm trying to figure out how God can bring glory to Himself by locking my son inside his own head with no way out for the rest of his life.

And all the while, Connor is better than he was - but he still doesn't breathe on his own, and the doctors all say that if he had the capability, it would show up on the monitors. It isn't. It seems like he's just getting well enough to be locked inside his head for the rest of his life.

Our dilemma is that we don't want, or even know how, to plan for such things and also hold onto our hope for something else. Cherié says that it's like planning to turn right even though the warning sign says "left turn ahead". We need some help pretty quick in this department.

Day 31 - July 16 - All (mostly) Quiet on the Midwestern Front

Thanks to everyone that prayed for and continues to prayer for the rest of us Williamsons out here in Michigan and Virginia, as we deal with our own skirmishes in the spiritual battle that rages.

Beck checked in this morning, and reported that the rest of the night passed without disturbance, though he did not sleep well. This is the first encounter with the dark side of the spiritual world that Beck has had to deal with that I am aware of, and I am proud of his response under fire. He prayed, and he called for help, and it is a great reminder to each of us when we find ourselves in the same situation.

Haven't heard from 11 year old Keely at Center Lake Bible Camp in upstate Michigan, or from 18 year old Tierney in Romania, so I'm trusting that the attack was not coordinated.

Please keep the rest of the Williamson clan outside California in your prayers as well.

Thanks for letting us be part of a community where we can share these concerns.

Brad
Michigan

Day 31 - July 16 - Urgent Prayer Need

At about 1130 PDT Cherié and I have to meet with the doctors to discuss the steps necessary to move him out of ICU. While this sounds like a good idea, I am very nervous about the options. So far, the two big meetings like this one have not been very positive. I don't expect this one to be, either. The place we talked to before told us they couldn't help him at all, and that was the best place we could think of. I don't know what's in store for this meeting at all.

Please be praying for a better outcome from this meeting than the previous ones. Please pray that new options will have arisen because of Connor's progress over the last week. Please ask the Lord to go before us into the meeting and make it move precisely as He desires. Pray for our protection, and that the enemy might be thwarted. Pray for our courage and hope, and for our faith to remain strong.

Thank you - I'll report back when I can.

Day 31 - July 16 - A lot going on...

Wow, much is happening around here! We got the call from Brad while we were watching the 15th inning of the All-Stars game with Connor - as we waited for the staff to move Connor to his new bed!!! We found out last evening that they were moving him off of the rotating bed, and I haven't seen a grin that big on the boy's face in the month we've been here. Even missing the final play at the plate because of the move wasn't enough to dim that smile! What a blessing to finally get back into a normal bed (it's funny what I consider a "blessing" now, isn't it?). The three of us prayed for the Michigan boys, and every other person we considered at risk, until the staff arrived to switch to the new bed.

So Connor is firmly ensconced in a regular hospital bed, and I'm sure as soon as he wakes up he'll be propped up in it watching TV (for more than every other five minutes, too!), but what a great answer to prayer. We are now praying that God would continue to improve and sustain the boy's lung function effectively to the degree necessary to keep him safely out of any more rotating beds, ever.

Y'all saw Cherié's post with all that was going on yesterday - pretty cool, eh? I wanted to make sure everybody understands where we are so our prayers stay effective, so please forgive me while I reiterate the current condition. Connor remains paralyzed below the neck - he is beginning to feel some bodily sensations, some of which are unpleasant, but has not yet begun to move again or regain high degrees of sensation. One nurse thought she felt his leg move yesterday afternoon, and Connor told us he felt his right hand twitch as well. Additionally, he does not yet have autonomic control of his lungs. During a brief period of time yesterday without the respirator, he was able to make some significant lung action, although I can't tell you how effective or ineffective it was, as I didn't see it. But he did have some response to it, which I take as a good sign.
All in all, much to pray for, although we're hopeful and patiently (OK, maybe not so patiently) waiting for God's timing and healing. The nurse last night warned us that they would now begin lowering the boy's sedation meds with the goal of getting him off the respirator and out of ICU, which will be a difficult and frustrating process for Connor, so please continue to lift him up.

On the home front, I managed to get the RV to Fresno, and I am even now sitting in my new office (out under the awning because I can't get the wireless network inside the tenement). a HUGE "thank you" to my friends David J. and his family for the radiator and for getting the rig up to Campbell, and to Jeff S. and the crew at Tires Unlimited for the installation labor - and particularly to "the makers of WD-40 and one old Okie mechanic who doesn't know when to stop" (Jeff's words) who patiently worked on the frozen thermostat housing until he successfully removed it. The new thermostat and radiator meant that on my drive to Fresno, during the heat of the day, the RV's temperature never went above "M" in "NORMAL" during the entire trip - up the grade, and down the valley with the AC running full blast. I cannot begin to thank you guys enough.

Finally, just because I mention those two guys specifically does not mean we do not appreciate every single one of you for your contributions, your prayers, and your words of encouragement. We simply would never have the time to acknowledge the enormous outpouring of generosity toward us which the Lord is providing through you all. Yesterday afternoon, Cherié and I sat weeping and pouring out our thanks to the Lord for His daily provision to us through this all, and He is using your hands and hearts to show us that. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Today marks one month in the ICU. May God quickly grant us release from it.

Day 30 - July 15 - Spiritual Attack

I'm sitting at my desk at one o'clock in the morning, trying to catch up on ConnorWatch email and site tweaking, and my phone rings. Of course I assume it is Eric, but it is not. It is my 16 year old son Beck, calling from Summer Music Camp, at Western Michigan University in Kalamazoo, where he is studying percussion for the next two weeks.

Over the next few minutes, I realize that he is very scared as he asks for my help. Seems he and his roommate Keith got into a conversation lying in bed after lights out at 10:00, and started talking about life, and the way things are, and over the course of the next couple of hours, the conversation circled around to Beck's relationship with God, and his understanding of what the Bible says, and what that means to Beck. Now Beck is a believer on this journey with us, and Keith is not, still trying to figure things out after a pretty rocky start in life.

Now here is where it gets interesting. Around 1:00, they both get this weird feeling, and sense a malevolent presence in the room, and are suddenly startled by a loud growl. Scared to death, Beck prays out loud with Kieth, and then calls me.

For those of you that share an understanding of the spiritual battle that surrounds us, it is obvious what is going on. Beck and Kieth are under attack, which tactically makes good sense, from an evil point of view. Kieth is not claimed at this point, and is worth fighting for, and attacking Beck distracts the Williamsons from the work that is being done through Connor and ConnorWatch.

I pray with Beck on the phone, claiming deliverance for Beck and Kieth, and pray that God would provide spiritual and physical protection, as well as grant them peace to sleep this night through. I promise to get our prayer warriors into the fray on his behalf. We hang up with the assurance that he can call me anytime during the night.

I called Eric, and he and his crew are on it. Now I'm blogging out the call to those on ConnorWatch, and it is like typing in molasses. I feel active opposition to each of these keystrokes and my hands are cramping after this short post. Which means the attack is more widespread than I thought.

Lift us up in prayer, each of us that are at risk tonight. Thank you on behalf of my son and family. I'll let you know how it goes in the morning.

Brad
Michigan

Day 30 - July 15 - ConnorWatch Admin Update

Eric is on the road moving the RV, which leaves the rest of us at ConnorWatch to try to fill in the gaps and provide something of merit on the blog in the absence of his insightful and motivating vignettes as he shares his experiences with Connor.

As I'm not particularly insightful and currently sitting halfway across the country from Connor's bedside, I can only offer a little news about the ConnorWatch website.

We've added a 'Links' section, where we will be collecting relevant links regarding spinal injury, inspiration, and anything else we deem useful or interesting that is related to Connor. We also have links back to any site that has linked to ConnorWatch, as well as businesses, churches and individuals that are contributing or sponsoring ConnorWatch or the Williamsons. Be patient as we get the links updated, and let us know through the Contact page if you find something that should be linked and isn't.

What, you say you can't find the 'Links' button at the top of the page? It must be an oversight on your part, because the 'Links' button is only visible when you are logged in. I didn't do that to make it difficult, but rather to encourage you in a hopefully painless way to log in when you are viewing the site or the blog.

Why do we ask you to log in? Simply put - encouragement. When you are logged in, your user name shows up in the 'Who's Online' sidebar, which is a great encouragement to Eric and Cherié, myself, and others who are viewing the website. At any given moment, ConnorWatch viewers may number in the 60-80 range, and typically less than 10% of those are logged in. A lot of anonymous guests are missing the opportunity to encourage all those following ConnorWatch by having your user name appear in the 'Who's Online' sidebar, reminding each of us that there are very real people out there carrying the burden together.

Not sure how to login? It is simple. If you have a username and password, enter them in the two blocks in the left sidebar on the Home page under login. Check the "remember me" block if you want to have your browser remember your password for you, and click login. Whoa, that was hard! Note your user name appears in the 'Who's Online' section.

You can logout when you are done with the site, but you don't have to - your user name is automatically logged out after 30 minutes of inactivity.

Don't have a User Name and Password? Again, super easy. First, go to the Home page. Second, in the left sidebar under Login, there is a link for 'Create your account'. Click the link and supply a little information. Your username is what you will log in with, and what you will see in the 'Who's Online' in the sidebar. Use your real name and real email address. We won't disclose these to anybody without your permission, and will only use them if it is necessary to contact you regarding ConnorWatch, which we don't expect. Select a password you can remember, because you will need it the next time you log in. Click register.

Now here is the hard part. Go check your email.

Really. Look for a message from ConnorWatch - it should be there in a minute or two. If it doesn't arrive, contact admin through the Contact page. When it does arrive, follow the instructions - click on the link in the message. This confirms that you indeed signed yourself up for ConnorWatch, and not some spamming robot.

That was the hardest part. Now all you have to do is remember to sign in the next time you visit ConnorWatch or the blog, and you will add to the encouragement that every member of this community feels when they stop by for a minute to check on Connor.

We will all be grateful. And don't forget to check out the Links page.

Brad
Michigan

Day 30 - July 15 - Praise!!! From Cherie

This is Cherie, The Tech. support is at home trying to move our RV to Fresno today. I really wanted to let you all know how much I see God moving in this place. Connor is still in the bed that rocks him back and forth 24/7, but I get to see his handsome face each day, unlike the Iron Maiden. He still smiles even when he is sick to his stomach and retching from some of the machines. The good stuff is this... He is beginning to feel the sensations like pressure to use the bathroom, delicately speaking... that is. ;-) He has been retching, and coughing when they suction his trach., he is feeling cold, complaining and needing a blanket, and telling the nurse that his arm is being pinched. All these are awesome signs that his nerves are starting to come alive. Even the Respiratory Tech. has been noticing the different sensations showing up in the last couple days. Whooo hoo!!! He says this is all good stuff!! Slow and steady... God is so good!! This mom is so happy to hear that her son has to use the bathroom!!!

Day 30 - July 15 - I have a shelter

I have arrived safely in Morgan Hill, only to find a car parked on the curb behind the RV with no way to get it out of the parking space. I am trying to locate the owner to get it moved, but so far without success. So there's a small prayer request!

As I was driving this morning, I was listening to a CD aptly titled "Come Weary Saints", and I must have listened to Track 11 about 30 times. It's called "I have a shelter", and I thought it would be especially appropriate for my wife this morning. Here are the words:

I Have a Shelter

Words and Music by Steve & Vikki Cook and Bob Kauflin

I have a shelter in the storm
When troubles pour upon me
Though fears are rising like a flood
My soul can rest securely
O Jesus, I will hide in You
My place of peace and solace
No trial is deeper than Your love
That comforts all my sorrows

I have a shelter in the storm
When all my sins accuse me
Though justice charges me with guilt
Your grace will not refuse me
O Jesus, I will hide in You
Who bore my condemnation
I find my refuge in Your wounds
For there I find salvation

I have a shelter in the storm
When constant winds would break me
For in my weakness, I have learned
Your strength will not forsake me
O Jesus, I will hide in You
The One who bears my burdens
With faithful hands that cannot fail
You’ll bring me home to heaven

Click here to hear it

Cherié, I pray it blesses you this morning as it blessed me. I love you, girl.

Day 29 - July 14 - A quick last update

Well, it's 11:15 PM and I'm still not in bed, and have to get up at 0500 to drive to MoHill to get the RV. So just a very brief update -

We just left Connor sleeping tonight, after having visited with some of our motorcycle buddies for dinner. They had all ridden at least 300 miles to get here today. Three of my closest motorcycling friends, plus one brand new friend, rode in to take us to dinner. Stewart rode in from near Santa Rosa CA, while my buddy Pinkie came all the way from Eureka CA. My new friend Brett rode from San Diego, and he was joined by Ed - who flew to Houston TX to buy a new bike, and was on his way home to NorCal but came by to see us. It was a great blessing and a few hours of near-normalcy for Cherié and I - although I'm not too sure how the gramma's handled being out to dinner with a bunch of motorcyclists!

Connor had two different times today where he complained of sensations, either in his trunk or his hands. He also has frequently been telling us he is cold, and being placed under warming blankets. He has not yet regained any movement or feeling we can pinpoint. The RT continues to struggle with his lungs, as well. His numbers remain fairly constant, but without dramatic improvement. Please continue to lift up these important issues.

I will be gone until mid-afternoon tomorrow to bring the RV back. Maybe Cherié, Brad or Kent will post up while I'm gone...(hint, hint).

Thanks again for keeping us so lifted up - your support and prayer continues to overwhelm us.

Day 29 - July 14 - Clarification for the friends

Wow! What a response! So, I think I'd better clarify the limitations we have to operate under before we get inundated!

First, we're still in the Critical Care Unit in the Trauma building. This means two things - first, they will only allow two people in the room with Connor at a time. Second, we cannot plug any electronic devices into the walls, as they are afraid of overloading the circuit and making all sorts of really important equipment quit working.

What this translates into is that having large numbers of folks show up at the same time doesn't work real well if they're trying to see Connor. It also means that he can't watch DVDs or videos, because there is nothing like that in the room and they won't let us put one in. We do have a small, battery-powered CD player for music or books on CD. We're trying to figure out what he'd like to listen to, book-wise.

He really craves visual stimuli. Because of his current range of vision, our options are pretty limited (they won't let us hang things on the ceiling - what an outrage!!!). Photos that we can show to him are great, as would be anything smaller than poster size. There is some wallspace once he can sit up again, but right now that's not an option.

If you can, please try to coordinate your visits through our Support Team via the website. That will help spread out the generous response to our earlier request to make it as excellent for the boy as possible!

Thank you for your understanding, and thank you again for caring about my son. Y'all are wonderful.

Day 29 - July 14 - Friends needed

Connor is very depressed this afternoon. He was lonely, and asked for his parents. We had stepped downstairs to avoid the crowds, so the lady that came to look for us couldn't find us. When we finally came back, he was near tears because he was alone, and nobody had turned on music or the TV. So he just sat.

He asked if he could see some of his friends again, and we told him "of course". Unfortunately, they are all hours away. So I would like to ask his friends to coordinate a visit sometime soon. He can see visitors while he's in this bed, and he is desperate for contact with people he knows. If you can manage to get down here to Fresno, please consider doing so for the boy's sake. He would greatly love to see you.

Also, if you do come down, bring pictures. He doesn't have much to look at except the ceiling and a bit of the walls, so his eyes are craving some stimulation. If you've got photos you think he'd like to see, please bring 'em with you when you come.

Looking forward to seeing you,

Eric

Day 29 - July 14 - Make that 32!

First things first - Connor remains about the same today. His numbers are acceptable, but not fantastic. Also not terrible, so that's a blessing. The RT tells me that his X-ray from this morning is about the same. Connor isn't getting worse, but he also isn't improving dramatically. It's difficult to face every day with a perspective that since we haven't been run over a truck, it must be a great day - but that seems to be one of the lessons I'm learning here.

There were a couple of encouraging moments today, which I won't describe in detail. Suffice to say that I am encouraged and blessed by the number of doctors, nurses and other staff members who are following Connor's story through the blog, lifting him up in prayer, and being touched by how God is working in us and through this story.

I really appreciated the updated list of where folks are from - you have no idea how much it blesses and encourages us to see the gathered saints all over the globe. It surprised me that there were 29 states - judging from the words of support and encouragement, I'd assumed there were more. So I took a few minutes to tabulate for myself, and here's what I found -

We can add Philadelphia, Pennsylvania; Helena, Montana; and Hawaii - these I'm aware of, so we can add those three states and bring the known total to 32 states. Also, if you know of someone who is following Connor's story from any of these states, let us know:

Connecticut; Delaware; Kansas; Louisiana; Maine; Massachusetts; Nebraska; New Hampshire; New Jersey; New Mexico; North Dakota; Oklahoma; Rhode Island; South Carolina; South Dakota; Vermont; West Virginia; and Wyoming.

I apologize if I missed someone who previously posted their location - this is just an exercise to occupy my mind, so if I've left you out, I'm sorry.

Also, if you have friends or family who don't know about the boy but would be willing to follow the story and lift him up in any of these states, please forward the website over to them.

I know that God doesn't need all 50 states covered to heal my son; He doesn't really need anything. I also know that there's no real reason for me to know the true number - God knows, and that's what really matters. I just think it would really encourage the boy l if I could tell him that every state was covered.

Oh, yeah - anybody know someone in Antarctica?

Day 28 - July 13 - "Thank you"

As we spoke with Connor today, we asked him specifically if there was anything we could pass on to the many, many people who are reading this blog, praying for him and for us, and encouraging all of us.

He silently mouthed "Thank you".

Day 28 - July 13 - Eeyore vs. Tigger

Brad spoke on the phone with Joélle last evening, and observed to her that she was a lot more bubbly than her Dad. She told him that "Dad is the Eeyore of the family, and I'm the Tigger!" Brad commented to me later that she should be posting to the blog, as we could use a more "Tigger-y" viewpoint. I agreed, so now I'm in the process of convincing her to post some of her observations and views of this journey.

Until she does, however, I'll get you up to speed on the boy. I just came out of the room, where he is still on the more normal respirator setting, and his saturation numbers are all fairly good. The RT is trying to lower certain numbers, so he's performing this delicate balancing act to keep the boy stabilized while also reducing the pressures and percentages back toward normal. His X-ray this morning showed "a slight improvement" over yesterday.

The thing that got me today was when Connor kept trying to say something to me, and I couldn't quite get it. It started with "happy", but I was unsure of the rest. Finally, though, we worked it out - he was wishing me "happy belated birthday".

What do you do with a son who, while lying unmoving in a bed, apologizes because he missed your birthday? I told him he didn't need to worry about me, but about himself. He got his "angry" face and said "I don't care about me, I care about you!"

After I could speak again, I told him that he had just given me the best birthday gift a father could get from his son - the knowledge that even now, my son is more concerned for others than for himself. I told him how proud that made me of him, that I could be the father of such a man. That gave me all four of our eyes to find tissues for!

I told this to Granny, and she observed that we could take another lesson from the boy. Ain't that the truth...

Day 28 - July 13 - Gramma-tical Clarification

OK, before everybody gets confused -

"Granny" is Cherié's mom, Sherri. She also is variously called "Moppy" or "Mop" - both derivatives of "Ma P". Her last name is Patterson. "Ma P" = "Moppy", get it? 8-) Her husband DJ is usually referred to around here as "Gramps".

"Gramma" or "Gramma Ray" is my mom, Ardye. She continues to be called "Gramma Ray" after one of her now-grown grandchildren, as a child, couldn't pronounce her name and always called her "Gamma Ray". It just stuck, and is somewhat of a family joke. Her husband (my dad) Ed is called "Pop-Pop" by all of his kids and grandkids, and "Monkey" by everybody else in the vast Williamson tribe. It's a long story...

I just thought a bit of familial background might prevent some confusion in the future.

Day 27 - July 12 - Evening

Another day draws to another close. My mom has arrived safely in beautiful downtown Fresno. We visited with the boy before he went to sleep, and he was glad to see her and talked a bit before he went to sleep.

In the evening, his numbers seemed steady, if a bit lower than I'd have liked to see. His respirator is still on the new, more normal breath setting, with his O2 and pressure settings the same as before. His saturation hovers in the mid-90s, although it did drop once to 89. We're really praying that he will remain steadily in the mid to upper 90s through the night.

Additionally, we continue to pray for his lungs to begin working on their own. This one need haunts me night and day, and so I continue to plead before my Lord to grant this request.

Cherié and Granny are back in Morgan Hill tonight, prepping the RV for me to bring it down on Tuesday. Please pray for their comfort and state of mind tonight, as it is Cherié's first night away from the boy. Pray that God comforts her mother's heart while she's away from her child, and that they get safely back here tomorrow.

Joélle and I struggled a bit today, wrestling with depression and fear (again). It wasn't until early this evening that we remembered this verse, and spent a bit of time quoting it to each other:

The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:17-18

I'm going to bed. May God bless my son tonight, and bless you for your prayers.

Day 27 - July 12 - Here Comes Mom!

I drove my Mom to Dulles airport this morning where she boarded a plane for California. I got a call from her a bit ago letting me know that she arrived in San Jose and that Eric's good friend Jeff had picked her up and was driving her to Fresno (3 hours???).

Yes, I know, they have an airport in Fresno, but it's a mom thing... if you've got a mom (at least one like ours) then you probably understand. ;-)   (love you mucho, Mom!)

Anyhow, she should be arriving in Fresno before long and I'm sure it will be a good long hug with Eric & Cherié. Pray for her visit. She bought a one way ticket so she can stay as long as she needs. Also, pray for Dad back here in Virginia as he holds down the fort.

Thanks,

Kent

Virginia

Day 27 - July 12 - More Prayer Needed

Cherié just came out of Connor's room after talking to the Respiratory Therapist. It seems that while Connor's lungs sound clear and don't seem to be getting worse, apparently they aren't getting better, either. The X-rays don't show any improvement over the last few days, so the RT is changing things up a bit. They've been using the "standard" techniques that work for most folks, but don't seem to be working for Connor. Since there are other things where Connor hasn't fit - needing six or more times the Versed as most people, and responding quickly to the Roto-Prone - we're praying that this is another of those situations. Anyway, the RT wants to try some other things to see if he responds better to them than he is to the current techniques.

They also said they don't want to put him back on the Roto-Prone (neither do any of us!), but that he's not progressing sufficiently to get off the Roto-Rest (what a misnomer...). We want him off both of these mechanical-bull-beds as quickly as possible.

So, another prayer request which dovetails with the previous post. Please be praying that the Lord would clear out Connor's lungs out, removing the last of the fluid and restoring his lung function. Also, that Connor would not need to return to the upside-down bed, but would quickly move back to a regular bed instead.

We really need this. Thank you - we love you all, and covet your prayers.

Day 27 - July 12 - Specific Prayer

This morning we went up to the boy's room to find him on the thumper - a machine that pulses air into his lungs to break up congestion. If I've told that to you before, please forgive me for repeating myself. I've got a brain like a strainer lately - I pour things in, but most of it drains out the bottom before I can use it.

Anyway, we sat with him for a while, talking quietly, trying to prompt a smile or laugh. it is apparent today that Connor is combating despair. I think that when he is less sedated, the enormity of his situation overwhelms him. He handles it better than I could, but you can see it in his eyes. I don't know - maybe I project some of my own emotion into what I see, but I see a look peeking out of his eyes that I often see in the mirror.

So today, I ask that you would be praying specifically that the Lord would strengthen and encourage Connor for the road he is on. Additionally, I am asking you to battle with us for Connor's lung function and capacity. In order to wean the boy off of the ventilator, he has to have the capability to draw 500ml of air on his own. His current level of function is on the order of 50ml. We are in need of miraculous intervention of an order of magnitude in order to get him off the respirator.

The doctors are skeptical that this can occur. My God is bigger than they are.

Day 27 - July 12 - Sailor Imagery

Eric's recent sailor imagery reminded me of this photo of Brad's titled, Welcome Home, Sailor! It's a part of his collection called My Eyes which is currently on display at the Paladin studios through September here in Charlottesville, Virginia.

For those unable to see the show in person, please experience the online version of My Eyes. Brad and I have talked about possibly holding a benefit auction of the photos in this collection as a fundraiser for ConnorWatch. We'll keep you posted as details emerge.

Won't it be nice when the seas are as still as this photo and the waves are no longer breaking over the bow of the ship? That day will come... may it be!

Day 26 - July 11 - The Sailor

Ever since I wrote the last blog, I've been thinking about the final line. It sounds so spiritual, it almost makes me retch. I mean, c'mon - "make sure you keep your eye on The Sailor instead of the waves" sounds like something out of one of those cheesy inspirational movies you see on late-night TV. Yet at the same time, there's this eternal truth hidden in it that just keeps coming back to my mind.

We've had a pretty good day today. Connor is stable, his heart rate remains solid, the RT says his lungs sound good, he is still off the pacemaker, and it looks like the nerve issue with his heart during trach cleanings is clearing up - all good things. More good things outside of the CCU include the extraordinarily gracious repair of our RV, the locating of a place to park it (that even has a shade tree!), and some much-appreciated gifts that have blessed our socks off this afternoon. So we continue to sit and wait. and as I've sat and waited, I've been pondering why it's so easy to be terrified by the troughs of the waves, until you realize that your only hope is in the hands of the Master Sailor, but then as soon as you crest out onto the top of the wave, you take your eyes off Him and say "wow, what a nice view!"

So many times, I am terrified by the looming waves towering over my head. I scream out my horror, pleading to be saved from the impending disaster I, an unskilled landsman, see bearing down on me. Then, at the last moment, the ship somehow staggers out of the wind-torn trough and is momentarily poised high above the froth. At that instant, instead of pondering the skill of the captain, I look around for a moment and think "Oooh, look how pretty it is from up here!" Then suddenly the ship plunges back into the abyss, slipping downward as the next behemoth swells upward toward us.

Why is it that I am so fascinated by the movement of the waves, even when they terrify me? Why do I have so much energy to waste on observing and reacting to the wind-wracked surface, yet have no strength to notice the skill it takes to sail this sea? Why is it that the only attention I can spare from the allure of the storm is either a briefly muttered "thanks" to the sailor who is guiding the ship, or else a selfish demand to be taken somewhere else? How can I forget how much this passenger on the ship owes to the Captain who safely guides the vessel over each wave, around each rock, and (eventually) safely into harbor and up to the pier?

I owe so much to my Captain, and yet I rarely recognize or acknowledge His skill - skill at sailing, at navigation, at provisioning, and charting the route, not to mention the fact that He also built the ship. It amazes me that I can so easily identify the truth of this, while at the same time not be able to remember it more than about 15 minutes.

How do I glorify God when I can't even remember what He does for me? Why do I need to be reminded about the most amazing things He does? And why, as soon as I forget His working, am I suddenly convinced that He will not be faithful who has always proved faithful before? What would it be like if, instead of watching the storm, I watched the Sailor who knows how to sail? What would the journey be like that way? Can I even attempt to discipline myself to ignore the storm? It seems I'm too busy scrambling around the deck to be bothered to pay attention to the secure confidence He exudes.

And all the while, the Master stands securely at the helm as the storm rages on.

Day 26 - July 11 - Blessings I forgot, plus more

I forgot some when I was listing yesterday's blessings -

- two good friends stepped up and took care of our RV problems. Thank you thank you thank you!
- Connor directed me to go get some sleep (I had gotten two hours the night before, and have been averaging about four per night). I took his direction as permission, and slept through the night for the first time since this began.

And I have a couple more to add this morning. First, Connor again slept through the night without problems; his heart didn't have any significant problems, meaning they didn't have to use compressions or epinephrine or atropine on him. His heart rate is solidly in the 90s now, after having lingered anywhere from 50 to 70 over the last week or so. The pacemaker stlll sits unused outside his door. He was in pretty good spirits this morning, and he was reluctant to take the benadryl they've been giving him to rest until after he saw his sister and Granny. During the trach cleaning this morning, the senior RT was using Connor to help a new RT learn his trade (YIPES!?!). While Connor's face was a study in consternation, his heart rate never varied from 93-95. Praise the Lord for THAT answer to prayer!

Second, Cherié and Joélle first overheard, then spoke with the doctor who was most insistent about the pacemaker a few days ago. He wants to get the speech pathologist in to see about getting Connor fitted with either a new trach tube with a speaking valve, or rigging his current trach with one, and getting him talking, as he's already talking around his current trach and is able to swallow. He said that if he's doing this well a week from now, they would put a speaking valve into his trach.

When we heard this news, Cherié and I immediately came together to thank the Lord for these signs of encouragement, asking that He continue the work He's begun in the boy.

After that, Cherié sat to read her Bible, and shortly started reading aloud to me -

"2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

We're trying to learn to watch the Sailor, instead of the waves.

Day 25 - July 10 - Small blessings

My daughter, whom God has blessed with more faith and intellect than her old man, has been reminding me of a few things. I just heard my wife say "it was a great day" to my sister on the phone, and I cringed a bit - it didn't feel like a great day to me. In fact, it felt a lot like yesterday as I struggled against fear, despair and depression - the feeling that God has turned His face from me, and that He will not hear my cry. My beloved daughter saw my face and asked me what was up, and I told her that I didn't think it was a great day at all. Her reply - "compared to yesterday, it IS a great day!"

Then she proceeded to list the small blessings we've seen today - the ones I often overlook:

- Connor's heart is beating very well, even when they mess with his trach.
- Yesterday they wanted to cut him open and install a pacemaker - this evening, the external pacemaker still sits outside his room, unused.
- His spirits are improved greatly over yesterday, a direct answer to prayer. This afternoon he was joking and laughing with his sister, and even talking a bit around his trach.
- He is swallowing! I think this is due to his sister telling him "once you can swallow, even with the trach, you'll be able to drink lemonade".
- When he went down to get his CT Scan, they had to roll over four bumps in the hallway. Afterward, he complained to Cherié and Joélle that when he rolled over those things, it hurt his back around his shoulder blades.
- Tonight he was complaining vociferously that his right leg was freezing, until the nurses finally brought in a warming blanket for him.

We asked for encouraging signs. We got encouraging signs. I agonize over why we get such obvious answers to prayer in the small things while the big things go unanswered, without any obvious resolution. I wrestle with my intellect, Fear telling me that Connor's complaints must be only "phantom pains". I find my faith sorely strained. And yet the small, barely heard whisper of hope wafts through the recesses of my mind.

Day 25 - July 10 - RV Situation Under Control

First, thanks so much to everyone who responded with offers to help, loan trailers and RVs, arrange towing, repair, arrange repairs, pay for repairs, and everything else short of Fedexing the beast down to Fresno. The hard part of my job was keeping track of it all, second only to telling everyone that didn't get picked to help that the issue has been resolved.

The RV is being moved to a repair shop where the mechanical issues will be resolved today and tomorrow so that Eric can move it to Fresno on Saturday. Thank you Dave and Jeff for taking care of this. We don't yet know what the repairs will cost, and while we do have money in the ConnorWatch benefit account, we'll let you know if there is something specific you can do.

Eric is honored that so many of the ConnorWatch community would volunteer to take care of a situation that to him does not seem to be related to Connor at all. He was touched as I explained the outpouring of response, and is coming to recognize that this is something we need to be doing. So many of you are eager to help, and I'm grateful that you are willing to leap at the opportunities. You honor God and you honor Eric with your willingness to share.

So the kingdom will not be lost for the want of a nail, or a horse, or even a thermostat. Thanks for responding. I'll try to respond to each individual offer as quickly as I can, and will continue to alert you of opportunities for you to be of service.

Brad
Michigan

Day 25 - July 10 - My Kingdom for a Thermostat!

A thermostat! A thermostat! My kingdom for a thermostat! Well, it's not Shakespeare's Richard III, but the need is great.

Eric has indicated his desire to move his RV to Fresno to give the family some space, and let Cherié have some of her home, which she needs, while they are stuck in Fresno.

The Problem: The RV has a bad thermostat, which means significant gyrations and risk getting it to Fresno. It gets worse. Previous attempts to replace the thermostat were thwarted because the bolts and housing are 'frozen' to the engine, which means the force necessary to remove and replace them may break them off. If that happens, Eric has been told the engine would need to be removed in order to facilitate repairs. Not a pretty picture.

Is anybody out there in Morgan Hill in a position to offer a solution that will take care of getting the RV to Fresno? Eric will probably shoot me for recruiting someone to work on his RV, but he isn't in a position to do anything right now. Maybe you are.

I'm not sure what the answer is at the moment, but if you have any ideas, let me know through the contact page, and we'll see if there is a solution that we could make happen for them.

Brad

Day 25 - July 10 - We are not Alone

"We are not alone..." Sounds a bit like a creepy intro to some ET/Roswell/Area 51 B Movie, but I'm talking about traveling on this journey with Connor. I know I can get that 'alone' feeling, sitting in my darkened office at 1 a.m. working on the website, or blogging, or praying. I can only imagine Eric or Cherié walking an empty hospital hallway, or sharing a corner with an artificial hospital plant, or sitting in the cafeteria with the 'thousand yard' stare. This is no doubt a journey...one that we travel together, but somehow we can still feel alone.

God reminds us that we are not alone...

"... for He has said, I will never leave you or forsake you...that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do to me." Hebrews 13:5,6

I'm not a big one for numbers, but I'm easily entertained, and this morning when I looked at the web traffic to ConnorWatch, I thought it would be encouraging if I shared what I saw. These are the numbers of page views at ConnorWatch - not the number of visitors, but the number of times pages were requested from the server. You'll note, if you click on the image and look at the larger version, that yesterday traffic exceeded 30,000 page views. You do not travel alone.

He walks beside us on this journey, and I am reminded to encourage each of you that we travel together, as a body of believers, of various persuasions, that together seek to love the Lord God with all our hearts, souls, minds and strength, and to love our neighbors as ourselves. We, you, me, all of us, connected through ConnorWatch, are a community that have committed to lifting Connor and the Williamsons before God in prayer, and hold them fast in our thoughts throughout the day. Be reminded, each of you reading this, even you, Eric, Cherié, Joélle, and Connor, that you do not travel alone.

Brad
Michigan

Day 25 - July 10 - The Parable of the Peachicks

One of the many wonderful things about living out in the middle of nowhere is the assortment of birds and animals one can enjoy. Some folks out here in Virginia refer to our house as the Petting Zoo. Now I’m not certain if that remark is directed at the menagerie of wildlife we have on the property or the fact that we have 6 kids, but regardless, today I want to tell you about the Peachicks.

For those that don’t know a Peacock is the male, a Peahen is the female, and the Peachicks are their adorable little offspring that recently hatched out in the woods and spend their days following close to mama who never fails to lead them to all the good places to find food.

A few nights ago a storm blew in and it rained very hard. I was startled from my sleep by thunder in the middle of night. It was the type of storm where you’re hoping and praying that one of the hundred year old, towering oak trees doesn’t come crashing onto the house.

When I woke the next morning and came downstairs I looked outside to assess the damage. I saw the Peahen standing on the railing in front of the house. It was just her and one chick and I realized that we must of lost the other chick during the storm. Maybe it was washed away or perhaps a fox or a coon had come and stolen it in the night. Or maybe it was disease that killed it. I know there are many ways to lose a peachick, because last summer we lost eight.

Whenever I realize that we’ve lost an animal there is this initial sense of disappointment, sorrow, and loss that flashes through my body. I stood there looking at the Peahen and her only remaining chick as that feeling passed through me. The surviving peachick walked along the railing and then stepped under it’s mama’s wing and stood on her foot. And that’s when I saw something move under the other wing. Totally and completely hidden, out of view, but always there was the other peachick hiding under the shelter of the Peahen’s wing.

When the storm blows hard we know where we need to be...

“He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.” - Psalm 91:4


Kent
Virginia

P.S. Brad pointed out to me last night that Jenann has already posted TEN PAGES of answered prayer requests. Take a look at them yourself. Are there any of us that think that the future won't hold more?

Day 24 - July 9 - It's gonna get serious...

You are all waiting to hear the results of the meeting with the Valley people. You also know that the results aren't good. What you don't know is how not-good it is. I don't really know how to write this, but I'll start by relating something that happened on Sunday -

We had a number of people visiting us on Sunday afternoon, when Cherié came into the waiting room from Connor's side and said "Eric, I need you in here now". Needless to say, we ran. Turns out, Connor had suddenly asked Cherié and Joélle "Do you have your sidearms on?" It took them a bit to figure out what he was saying, but they finally got it, and verified it by asking "Did you just ask us if we had our sidearms on?" He responded "Yes. God told me you need them. It's gonna get serious." They couldn't get anything else out of him and he went back to sleep, but we prayed with and over him, asking for protection over him and the family.

Well, he was right - it's getting serious. First, we found out today that Sunday night, Connor's heart stopped while they were cleaning his trach tube, and it took chest compressions, epinephrine and atropine to get it going again. I don't really understand why we are only finding this out now, nor do I have the energy to try to find out after the meeting we had this afternoon.

During the meeting, they gave us the most hopeless prognosis I've ever heard. I don't think it's necessary to give all the details in this instance, out of concern for the boy, but as they spoke, I came to understand the meaning of the phrase "another nail in the coffin".

My brother wisely reminded me that the only thing they told us which we KNOW to be true is that they aren't moving Connor to Valley now. Also, another friend had pointed out that doctors can give diagnoses, but prognoses are only truly available from God. Then, another wise friend of Cherié's pointed out that medicos practice medicine, but healing is the province of the Great Physician.

I have been struggling to post this without sounding either full of despair (we're not) or giving the impression that we're resting comfortably in the full confidence of the grace and provision of God (we're also not). We have not thrown away the confidence of our hope, and we are struggling to accept the path God has put our feet upon. Please continue to pray - for us, for Connor, for his healing.

Day 24 - July 9 - A request for us

A practical prayer request - for a number of purposes, we are going to try to get our RV down to Fresno and move into it. To do so, we need to find an RV park to put it in. Please don't misunderstand - we have been blessed, blessed, blessed by Gary and Charlaine making their home available to us, and to the many many people who have made us such gracious offers to use or share their homes. We just need to give Cherié a bit of "home away from home", and this seems to be a good way to do it, if we can make it happen. We've located a park only 4 or 5 miles from the hospital that will accept long-term RV parking, and we intend to go look at it tomorrow. It seems a bit silly in light of all the other things going on, but we would appreciate your prayers that there would be space available, that the operator would be sympathetic to our situation, and that we would be able to get the tenement on wheels down here to Fresno without any breakdowns.

Time frame remains to be worked out, but it would be a way to give Cherié a much-needed personal space while also saving us some money in the lodging department.

So we appreciate you taking a few minutes to lift this rather mundane concern up for us. Thank you.

Day 24 - July 9 - A request from Connor

Cherié asked Connor this afternoon if he has been praying. He said "yes", and Cherié asked him "We've been telling people what to pray for on the blog, but we haven't asked you. What are your prayer requests? We'll pass them on".

Connor replied "That I can breathe".

We beg you to lift him up to be released from the respirator and able to breathe adequately for himself. Please.

Day 24 - July 9 - Struggling through the Slough of Despond

Slough: A swamp, or a situation characterized by the lack of progress or activity

Despond: Become dejected and lose confidence

John Bunyan, in "The Pilgrim's Progress", relates the despair of young Christian, left to struggle in the Slough of Despond, where he was abandoned by his fellow traveler, Pliable.

"Here, therefore, they wallowed for a time, being grievously bedaubed with the dirt; and Christian, because of the burden that was on his back, began to sink in the mire."

Eric, Cherié, and Joélle are wrestling, like Christian, in their own personal swamp of despair. They have just come from a meeting with the doctors, case worker, staff, and a representative from Valley Medical who assessed Connor's situation, and while it is possible the news could have been more discouraging, I'm not certain what that might include.

It is certainly the most negative, hopeless assessment that Eric has ever communicated to me and it is having a devastating effect on the family. Eric is crushed. Connor has not yet been told, and Eric is uncertain what and how they should communicate to him. They are taking a few minutes as a family to regroup and decide what to do next.

"...still he endeavoured to struggle to that side of the slough...next to the wicket gate...which he did, but could not get out because of the burden that was upon his back."

At the very least, Connor will not be moved from CRMC in the near future. The other details we will spare you for now, until Eric and Cherié have had some time to digest and assimilate.

In the interim, lift up Eric and the family in prayer, as they seek the faith to endure what they were not expecting.

"...a man came to him whose name was Help...said he, Give me thine hand: so he gave him his hand, and he drew him out, and set him upon sound ground, and bid him go on his way."

Eric, Cherié, and Joélle are suffering in despair. Lift them up in prayer, and be confident in a gracious God who rescues us from despair, and sets us upon sound ground, and bids us go on our way.

Brad
Michigan

Day 24 - July 9 - Connor's heart

This is Cherie', Connor's Mom.... My heart is aching right now as I watch my husband, Eric, comfort my daughter. They walk away wrapped in each other's arms. Connor's heart is really having a hard time beating properly again. The doctors are all concerned and come into Connor's room with long faces. I know God is in control, yet I pray with an aching heart, that our God will allow Connor to be strong enough to move closer to home. Maybe my ache is not just for this, but I see the fear and knowledge of what is going on with Connor's heart written upon my son's face. God please strengthen my son, please make his heart and lungs work!

Day 24 - July 9 - If it's not one thing...

For as long as I can remember, my mother has said "If it's not one thing, it's another" whenever something goes awry. We kids would tease her a bit about that - I mean, if it isn't one thing, doesn't it HAVE to be another? Now I'm getting a sense of what she meant when she said that.

This morning Cherié and I were next to Connor's bed, praying and watching him sleep, when the new day nurse came in. He started with "I haven't met you before, are you relatives?" After we had explained that we were Connor's parents, he said "Well, I've got some bad news..." Great, just how I wanted to start my morning.

We stepped out of the room, where he explained that Connor has somehow contracted one of those super antibiotic-resistant bugs in his urine, and the room is now under special controls - everyone entering the room must now put on a gown and gloves, and discard them upon leaving, after which you have to wash your hands with soap and water. The not-quite-so-bad news is that this particular bug isn't resistant to everything in the arsenal, so they are starting him on some extra-super-duper antibiotics to combat the situation. As I understand it, the concern isn't healing Connor from it, but rather that it not be spread by the people who enter the room.

We asked what impact this might have on the evaluation later today, and his response was also not exactly what we wanted to hear - "It shouldn't affect it - if it does, it would only be for a few days, like seven to ten or so". Apparently, he and I have different definitions of "a few days".

So, I offer up some more prayer requests -

- That the antibiotics would be effective and quickly clear this bug from Connor's system
- That seeing his nurses and family gowned and gloved will not demoralize the boy
- That this would have minimal, if any, impact on the evaluation with the people from Valley
- That we wouldn't have to stay here another week or more

I'm sorry to start the day out this way. As we see it, Connor's fate and condition still rest securely in God's hands - we wrestle more with frustration than fear this morning. "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Day 23 - July 8 - Fear

Night. Connor lies in his bed as we come in to see him before we go to sleep. He is visibly panting with his mouth, although no air can move in or out. As we begin speaking to him, he makes it clear that he doesn't want us to interrupt him. It is also clear that he is on the verge of panic as he tries, but fails, to breathe on his own. Of course, the ventilator and trach prevent him from taking a breath, but that doesn't mean much when you're trying to breathe. We try to calm him, and succeed to some extent - but he remains fearful. We speak words of encouragement and exhortation, and we pray and sing together, but nighttime brings fear to my son.

In this, he is just like me. Cherié struggles against anxiety in the mornings, while Connor and I fight depression in the evening. Through this all, Joélle maintains a pretty even keel - it is apparent much of the time that our kids are more able to deal with this than we are. I think the times Joélle is hit the hardest are the moments when she feels like she misses her brother, even when they're singing together at the bed. You catch a glint of falling tears as she sings with him, and you feel her pain and grief. So I have a special request -

I would like any of you who would like to help in some way to consider this - we need some special prayer warriors who will help us by providing specific prayer at specific times: for Cherié, that she would be able to overcome her anxiety in the morning hours from 0500 to 0800 Pacific Daylight Time; for Connor and I, that we would be able to overcome our depression and fear in the evening hours from 6 to 9 PM PDT; and for Joélle, that Christ would be filling the void she is feeling in her heart because of her brother (not so much of a timeframe on this one, but rather more of an "all the time" request). What I'm hoping is that you might consider lifting us up for these specific things during these specific times - for example, you might commit to pray specifically against Cherié's anxiety during the morning hours. Does that make sense?

You don't have to tell us you've decided to do this. You don't need to do anything but commit before God to take one or more of these needs and lift them up daily for us. We are really wrestling in these areas, and we need your help.

It is so encouraging to have your support from just about every time zone on the planet. The massive number of people who are caring for us in prayer is overwhelming. The fact that there are warriors on the other side of the planet praying at their desks during the day while we sleep through the night is incredibly comforting. So even if you're in another time zone or country, you are actively supporting Connor, Cherié, Joélle and I when you're on your knees. Please consider stepping up to this task for us if you feel led to do so.

In addition, we have a general prayer request as well. Tomorrow (Wednesday 7/9) in the late morning or early afternoon, the folks from Valley Medical Center are coming to evaluate the boy. While the RTs think he's ready to transfer, and the nurses going off duty for the week all came to say goodbye to us because they think we're not going to be here next week, I have a lot of fear that the Valley people are going to decide they can't help him. Please be praying for a positive outcome for the evaluation, and that I would not throw away my confidence.

Thank you for your faithfulness.

Day 23 - July 8 - Prayer List Coming Together

Things are coming together in the web world. We have the new ConnorWatch website in place and one of the huge benefits is that there can be multiple contributors. This means we can finally (as if "finally" makes sense in the short 21 days of this site's existence) bring the Prayer Request and Answered Prayer lists up to date. Of course, it doesn't happen automatically, there still has to be someone to enter and manage the requests and answers as things happen, and by now you know that means someone besides me, because yours truly is only able to juggle about 47 things at once.

In this case, we are blessed with another volunteer, who has graciously signed up to be responsible for getting prayer requests on-line, and following through when we see the answers to them.

Please give a warm ConnorWatch welcome to Jenann Nakamura, the new ConnorWatch Prayer Coordinator as we welcome her to the all-volunteer ConnorWatch team. It will be her job to communicate prayer requests and answers to you as soon as we know about them, and it will also be her job to catch up with all of the ones she has been tracking since the job overwhelmed me!

She will be starting Wednesday, so look for updates in the Prayer section Wednesday evening or so. In the meantime, keep Jenann in your prayers, as her first few days promise to be harried ones!

Brad
Michigan

Day 23 - July 8 - Shrugs

About 30 seconds after I posted the last update, Cherié and Joélle came running out of the Trauma Center, excited that he is getting moved out of the upside-down bed. They are in the process of moving him back into the rocker bed right now, so that's good news. But the best part is that while the girls were talking to the boy, he shrugged his shoulders! They asked "Did you just shrug your shoulders?", and Connor smiled and shrugged his shoulders a few more times!

That's an encouraging sign! Funny, we were asking for encouraging signs this morning - strange how that works, isn't it? 8-)

Day 23 - July 8 - Confident?

OK. this morning I was reading Hebrews. Someone had reminded me of Hebrews 11:1 - "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.". Like any good Bible college graduate, I decided that I needed to see the context that was written in. We all now what's after that verse - a description of all the mighty people of faith. I thought I'd look to see what was before it - chapters and verses weren't inserted into the texts until the Middle Ages, remember? So I cranked up Hebrews 10:32 - 11:1, and you really need to go read it. I was reminded to not throw away my confidence. Since I woke up in a pretty good condition, I thought "OK, I won't" and went on my way.

Fast forward to late morning, when I'm in Connor's room while they prepare to turn him back over again. The doctors walk in (oh, so that's what a doctor looks like!) and we started discussing Connor's case. First, they've decided to take him out of the bed! So sometime today they're going to move him back to the Roto-rest and out of the Roto-prone. Good news!

Then they started talking about how he had "arrested" last night. Say what? Apparently, every time they work with his trach tube, his heart slows almost to a standstill. It's not really a cardiac arrest, but rather a significant slowing of the heartbeat. They say this is common in spine injury victims, but the doctors were wagging their beards and grumbling about how this shouldn't be happening at this stage, as it usually clears up after two weeks or so. The nurse said "I'm told this can continue as long as six weeks or more", to which the doctors harrumphed and decided that Cardiology needed to see him to determine the need for a pacemaker. So there's a prayer request for you - that there would be no need for a pacemaker, but that his heart would be strong, beat effectively, and keep his blood pressure at the appropriate levels to sustain all of his organs.

Then the doctors started discussing Connor's level of feeling. Apparently there is nothing below the point where Connor's neck joins his trunk. They gave me that "this is so tragic" look and told me they were doing all they could for him. I assured them that I had confidence in their abilities, telling them that it wasn't in their hands anyway. They agreed, and I told him that this was OK because I was talking to the boss.

Now, I'm as susceptible to despair as anyone else, maybe more than some. This news caused me to wrestle with it some more. That's when a friend of the family showed up. We started discussing the situation, and somehow we got talking about faith and hope. You know what he said? He said "Faith is confidence in what we can't see, and hope is confident expectation. So don't lose confidence in God". I thought "Confidence? I've read something about confidence recently", so I grabbed the Bible and we began discussing how God works to encourage us through each other and through His word.

So that's where we are right now. We are praying confidently that God will continue His healing work in Connor. You need to be confident in this too. The widow woman didn't give up just because the judge said 'no', she just kept coming back and asking for justice. The guy in the parable didn't stop knocking on the door even though his neighbor wasn't getting out of bed - he kept making a spectacle of himself until the neighbor got out of bed and gave him the bread he was asking for. We confidently ask God for the bread we desire - full, complete healing of the boy, with movement, feeling, and control of all his body. We know our God can do this - we continue to ask that He will.

Day 23 - July 8 - Blog Not Working?

If you are reading this, then the blog is working.

For you.

Sort of a post-modern view of the world of blogging.

We are receiving many calls from folks who are in a bit of a panic because the blog, their sole link to Connor, is down. The good news is that it isn't down, it has just moved, and though we thought we warned everybody adequately, some folks for a variety of reasons didn't pick up on the changes. Note that the link to the website is still www.connorwatch.org. If you are using the early link of www.wmson.us/connor/index.html, you are going to the old site, which will shortly cease to exist.

The direct link to the blog is www.connorwatch.org/blog/connorwatch.html but I don't recommend that you use the direct link. First, you don't see the whole site that way, second, you can't log in and encourage Eric and Cherié, and third, if we have to rearrange things, you may get lost again.

The recommended link is www.connorwatch.org. Log in, and then go to the blog. 'Nuff said.

Now here is where I need your help. All those folk who missed the warnings that the links were changing here in the blog are lost and helpless, and can't get back to the blog easily.

What I need you to do is copy the sample email below, and paste it into a new mail message, and send it to everybody that you know that has been keeping track of Connor. It will hopefully get to all those who got abandoned in the move.

Start message
-------------------------------

Good Morning!

If you can't find the ConnorWatch blog, make sure your bookmark for the site is correct:

http://www.connorwatch.org

If you use any of the older links, they have been superceded and will not work.

If you are bookmarking the blog, and not the website, that has changed, too, though ConnorWatch recommends bookmarking the site, and not the blog.

http://www.connorwatch.org/blog/connorwatch.html

The site and the blog are both up, with many visitors.


-------------------------------
End Message

In the future, if you register with ConnorWatch on the main page, we will have your email address to notify you directly of changes to the website that interfere with accessing it, so by registering with ConnorWatch, we can minimize the possibility that this will happen again.

Update: There are parts of the blog that are not working - the archives are still 404ing on us, and we expect that to clear as the blog regenerates. Hopefully we'll have it working in a day or two.

Thanks so much for your help. Let's get everyone reconnected with Connor and ConnorWatch.

Brad
Michigan

Day 23 - July 8 - New ConnorWatch Website Registration

Some of you have noticed that the new website has a place to 'login' on the lower left corner of the home page, and are wondering what this is about.

First, in order to view the blog, and browse the website, you don't have to log in. We have tried to make this as welcome to guests as we possibly can. On the other hand, if you do register on the website by creating a free user ID and password, there are a couple of things it will do for you and us.

If you login each time you visit the website (you can check the 'remember me' box) it will list your user name as a visitor in the right column where it shows 'Who's Online'. As I'm posting this, I'm logged in as bradwmson, so you can tell I'm logged in. Now that in itself isn't worth much, but imagine how Eric and Cherié will feel seeing your name in the list of on-line visitors. It could be a bit of encouragement for them, even when we can't be there at their side.

Note: It is your 'username' that is displayed, so if the username you choose is cryptic, then we'll all get to guess who you are in the 'Who's Online' section. Just something you might want to consider.

Additionally, being logged in lets us tailor the content specifically for those who have registered, versus the general guests. Right now, were you to log in, you would see a poll on the home page asking you to tell us how you would best be notified by Connorwatch as things change with Connor. Again, we are asking so we can tailor the delivery mechanisms to best suit the friends and family that are so committed to serving Connor and the Williamsons.

Finally, it registers your email address in the ConnorWatch database. This is so we can send you direct notifications of significant events if you desire. Our commitment is to not use your email address for anything other than ConnorWatch, and to not sell, lease, lend, give away, or otherwise release your email to anyone for any purpose without your consent. I guess that qualifies as a privacy notice.

So, try it out. I think it will be helpful to you, and if it isn't, you can always unregister yourself. Don't forget to respond to the email activation notice it sends you. Once you confirm by activating your account, you can log in and join the rest of us.

If you have any questions or concerns, please let me know.

Brad
Michigan

Day 22 - July 7 - The Parable of the Whiny Dog

Three weeks ago this Blog didn't exist. In so many ways it seems like three months or longer.

First, let me say thanks to all of you who are checking for updates multiple times per day, looking for the latest news and prayer requests. And thanks to all of you who are brave enough to post a comment that is being read by who knows how many people from every corner of the globe. Your words of encouragement, verses, songs, etc. go a long way to help take care of not only Eric & Cherié & Joélle & Connor, but the extended family, too, as well as the larger online community. Thank you.

We all certainly wish that three weeks ago today when Connor ran out into the water and dove in that it wouldn't have triggered all these events, but no amount of wishing can change God's plans and purposes. So instead, here we are. Thanks for helping to tow the line with your prayers and notes.

A few minutes ago Eric told me about his day... of printing some of the blogs and taking them in to read to Connor. He read about some of the dark days and what happened on the following days. Connor asked him to read more.

Eric told me about his new role as a persistent widow... you'll have to read Luke 18:1-8 to find out what this new role looks like (and no, it doesn't involve make-up and ladies clothing).

Then I started talking about my dog Jazz. Jazz is half this and half that and a bit overweight and kinda shaped like a tick with a small pointed head and a large wedge-shaped body. She's the kind of dog whose neck is bigger than her head which makes it difficult to keep a collar on her, but we out here in Virginia love her none-the-less, except, of course, my mom who has her own opinion of Jazz that includes a vivid description of Thanksgiving Day 2007, a pie, a bowl full of stuffing, tripping over our beloved dog, a trip to the emergency room, a shattered knee cap, and about 6 months of rehab, not to mention a few choice words! But I digress.

Tonight my dog Jazz told us her own version of the parable found in Luke 11:5-13. She walked into the dining room and paid no attention to the fact that I was on the phone speaking with Eric. Instead she walked over to where I was sitting at the table and put her head on my leg. I paid her no mind.

Jazz kept her head on my knee and then she started whining. Now she knows I'm a softy and my wife continually reminds me that she doesn't whine to anyone else, but tonight I was talking to my brother, so I continued to pay no attention to her. And then guess what? Unlike the guy in the parable she turned away and walked off. Hah! I told Eric that she failed. She gave up. She didn't continue in her persistent state!

Eric and I pressed on with our conversation. About PaO2 levels, useless math, and the Roman Centurion and his servant.

Then about ten minutes later Jazz came back around with her whining. And she whined some more. And some more. And guess what! Her persistence paid off. I got up, found the bag of food and gave her some of what she was looking for the whole time!

If you're familiar with the Luke 11 passage you know how it turns out. If you pound on the door with persistence, even to the point of waking all the neighbors, that persistence will pay off.

Christ goes on to say... "Ask and you'll get; Seek and you'll find; Knock and the door will open."

So that's where we are today... asking you to keep knocking on the door of heaven with all the requests about Connor... be ever persistent... don't give up or be discouraged...

Eric and I laughed about his suggestion for the new TV show Parables with Kent. He recommended we get some Alistair Cooke-type guy to play my part. I personally think Parables with Jazz would draw higher ratings. Of course some would suggest we'd have to get a better looking dog to play the part of Jazz! Shame on them...

Kent
Virginia

Day 22 - July 7 - Health Protection

We got word today that the gentleman and his wife who have so graciously allowed us to use their home are suffering from some sort of illness - a cold or flu or something. Today is also the evening when he comes to stay at the house in town until Thursday, so he called me in concern that he was bringing some bug home with him. After some discussion, Cherié and I opted to move out of their home in order to protect Connor and us from getting sick, and to allow him to recuperate in his own home. So tonight, we're moving in to a local hotel for a few nights.

Please pray continued protection from illness for us, particularly for Connor. We are taking all the precautions we can to prevent us accidentally transmitting something to him; he can't afford to get another infection at this stage. Also, pray that the folks in whose home we have been living would recover quickly and without ill effect.

Another prayer request - the team from Valley Medical Center's rehab facility is coming down on Wednesday to evaluate Connor. It surprised everyone - us, the nurses, the doctors, and the case manager - that they would come down to see him while he is still in the bed. But they're coming, and they intend to evaluate whether they think they can help him or not. Please be praying for the right outcome of this evaluation - it is our feeling that Valley would be a good place for Connor to move to; it is well-regarded and close to our home. So we are praying that God would open up a place for Connor there, that this move would be quickly accomplished, and that it would represent the best available help for his needs.

Last word - the RT has pushed Connor's pressure back up to 24, while lowering his O2 to 35%. His PF ratio last I heard was about 317. Keep praying!

Day 22 - July 7 - Website Transition

The new website is being released, and we are in the middle of transitioning all information to the new system. We don't expect you to encounter any problems, but if you have bookmarked specific pages besides www.connorwatch.org, the bookmark may fail or take you to the old site.

You should quickly recognize the difference - the header of the old site does not extend across the page, and the header on the site does. Besides having a better color scheme, there are many new features and functions, and most important, multi-user capability so that we can have multiple contributors.

You shouldn't have to do anything - one moment the old site will be there, and the next, it will be the new site. We are still transferring features over to the new site, so a few things will be missing until it is up to speed, but for the most part, the things you need most, like the blog, are already operational.

If you find a problem where something doesn't work correctly, please contact me and let me know.

We hope you find this a better experience for keeping up with Connor.

Brad
Michigan

Day 22 - July 7 - Numbers and percentages and rehab, oh my.

Connor continues to sleep, a blessing for all of us. I had a long discussion with the respiratory therapist (RT) this morning about what the different numbers mean. We all know what's up with O2 percentages and saturation numbers, and Connor's are still 40% and high-90s this morning. We also know a bit about the pressure numbers, which define how hard they're pumping air into his lungs and how much the lungs inflate. Connor started in the mid-30s, and they have been slowly lowering it until right now it is at 22. The RT tells me that 20 is considered good, so once Connor can get there and sustain his Pf ratio (I'll get there in a minute), they can start weaning his O2 levels down toward room air (21%). The kicker is his Pf ratio.

I don't know what it stands for - I'm sure there is some impressive-sounding medical words for what it stands for, but basically it's a ratio of Connor's blood oxygen level numbers and the percentage of O2 they're feeding him. They need to see Pf ratios above 300 and with improving trends before they'll consider taking the boy out of the Iron Maiden. Yesterday Connor's Pf was 320. This morning it was 260. There's some degree of involvement from the lowering pressures, so the RT isn't particularly concerned - he says it goes up and down and the trends are what's important. Dad wants to see them going up and staying up.

I asked what somebody standing around and talking would have for a Pf ratio, and he thought somewhere around 500, while it would be much lower for an inactive or sleeping person. Connor's is not yet in a place where they're comfortable taking him out of the bed, so my prayer request for this morning is that we would pray him out of this thing as soon as possible consistent with his safety.

To give you an idea why I want him out of this device so badly, and to let you know why I haven't posted any pictures of the boy in it and also explain why Connor doesn't get to watch DVDs or look at pictures, I'll try to explain in a way that gives enough information without giving too much. First, let me say that you never, ever want to have anyone you love in one of these things if you can keep from it. I described it the other day as "sort of like 'The Man in the Iron Mask' but not as pleasant". It is a wonderful tool for doing what it is doing, and I praise God that He gave somebody the smarts to figure it out in the first place - but at the same time it is a horrendous torture device which only needs scarlet-robed Inquisitors cackling gleefully around it to complete the picture. The boy can't see anything out of it, firstly because it has only very narrow eye slits in the faceplate that bolts in place to support his head, and secondly because his eyes swell shut as soon as they turn him face down again. So he lies immobilized, face down, locked into this rocking machine, with nothing to occupy him but his thoughts. We turn music on when we can, but I find it hard to imagine a more horrifying situation. I pray continuously that the boy is sleeping under his sedation so he doesn't have to face that all day, every day.

So please pray that Connor can be removed from this thing as soon as possible because he won't need it anymore.

Another prayer request - that God would be preparing the way for Connor to get closer to home. We've been talking with his case manager today about beginning the process to transfer the boy to Valley Medical in San Jose, which is only about 25 miles from our house. They are reported to be very good at rehab for SCIs, and barring direct intervention from God they seem to be a good starting point for getting Connor back on his feet. The case manager tells us that they can't begin the transfer process until the trauma doctors clear him, and that can't happen as long as he is in the bed. We need to get him out of this thing!

Please do not give up hope for my son. God has given me a brain, and I am trying to use it to decipher the best human course of action, all the while praying that God would make it all unnecessary. Please pray that God would set my boy upright again, that He would grant us wisdom as we try to figure out what's best, and that He would open the doors as appropriate to pave the way for us to get Connor home.

And thank you for being faithful to His call and continuing your efforts in prayer for all of us. You bless us greatly.

Day 21 - July 6 - Communion when you're angry

Connor is sleeping right now. His temperature is normal, and his white blood count is back down to normal levels. Thank you, Lord, for answering these prayers. Please hear the cry of our hearts.

This afternoon, a number of friends came by (thank you all!!!), and one of them brought the elements for communion. She asked if we wanted to have communion. My first inclination was to say "no" - I didn't think I could approach it with the right spirit and intentions. Cherié had other ideas, however, so she grabbed a songbook, another friend grabbed a Bible, and an impromptu church service began. I didn't really feel up to the personal introspection involved, but I bowed my head and tried to get myself into the right frame of mind.

As our friend read, I prayed. If you want to take communion, but you have something between you and a brother, you're supposed to clear it up before you take the communion, right? Well, there's something between me and God, so I went to Him. I confessed my anger at Him for what's going on with my son. I told Him how His actions have offended me, if you can conceive of a human doing such a thing. I prayed and said that my heart wasn't right to take communion.

You know what? I was reminded that I don't really have any business questioning God's actions (surprise, surprise). I was also reminded, ever so gently, that I wasn't the only father in our conversation to have a son suffer. And I remembered that the first Son had to suffer for the two of us to even be having this conversation about the second son.

He was right. I ended up taking communion.

Day 21 - July 6 - Keep On, Keeping On!

I got off the phone with Eric a bit ago where we had one of our daily back & forth's... It goes like this...

He gives me the update and we talk about progress.

Then we talk about how progress isn't really progress at all, because even good news can become twisted into bad news.

And then we talk about buying into the lie.

And then we look for some type of silver-lining.

And then we tarnish the silver-lining until it doesn't shine at all.

And then I'll normally try to make a stupid joke or let my mouth go blah, blah, blah. It's normally an attempt to break the tension or bring things back around, but I too (like Brad) often feel as qualified for this position as one of Job's friends.

And then we realize that the pessimists in us need a good poke in the eye from the optimists in us... but sometime's the optimist just doesn't want to show up.

We often talk about the will of God. We often talk about Thy will and not my will. We often talk about trying to enjoy the morsals of hope that God gives to us daily... it's just on days like today we'd rather just brush them aside.

For as long as I can remember my siblings and I have ended our cross-country conversations with one of us saying, "Love you, man!" and the other saying, "Love you, too!", so it's nothing new for us. But I guess over the last few weeks we not only hear it, but we feel it.

After I hung up the phone I started thinking about church... about how it's not about showing up on Sunday morning with a plastic smile and a "good to see you!" But how it's about truly being there when someone needs it. To listen to someone's problems. To walk the darkened road with them. Today Eric was there for me.

You see, were brothers in flesh and blood, but we're also brothers in faith. It doesn't get much better than that!

Being the youngest of four kids I'm used to being called other names (some of which are appropriate for mixed company). Most of the time it's our Mom calling me "Eric" or "Brad" or yes, even an old dog's name, "Snap!" Tonight Eric called me "Connor".

It wasn't his first time doing this, and I'm sure it won't be his last, but it was the first time since this whole ordeal began. Eric corrected himself and we moved right along in the conversation, but tonight it hit me a little harder than normal. It hung in the air a little longer.

I know my brother hurts. I know he would do anything to have Connor back on his feet. I know he would change places with Connor in a heartbeat if God would only give him the chance. The depth of this hurt goes way beyond the core of Eric's being. It penetrates his very soul. Pray for him... and pray for us all.

Our dad has a saying that all of us Williamson kids have heard a thousand times. Whenever the road got rough or we'd stumble or fall, he'd tell us, "keep on, keeping on!" Eric could have had that tatooed on his arm! It was the "hold fast" that we grew up with.

So that's where we are right now. Pray that we'll all just keep on, keeping on!

Thanks,

Kent
Virginia

Day 21 - July 6 - Pain?

We had the opportunity to attend church for the first time since Connor's accident this morning, and it was a beneficial time of renewal for us while Granny and Uncle Dan watched the boy for us. While we were on the way to the hospital, we got a call from the watchers. Connor has begun complaining to the nurse. That in itself is a pretty noteworthy item, but we think it's significant what he's complaining about. He is telling the nurses that when they move him in a certain position, his back hurts. They have asked him if he means his neck, and he keeps telling them "no, it's my back".

We are pleased to hear this news - pain is feeling. So we are thanking God for this information, while at the same time renewing our efforts in prayer for Connor's complete restoration.

Thank you for your continued prayers. Thank you, Lord, for Your faithfulness to Your children.

Day 21 - July 6 - O, Brother...

"A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for adversity."

- Proverbs 17:17

I never have to ask "Where art thou?".

I am eternally blessed with the two best brothers (and the best sister) a man could hope for. I will not forget.

Nor will I forget that there is one that sticks closer than a brother...

Day 21 - July 6 - Wrestling in the Dark

Most often, it's during the day. Three hours difference between California and Michigan doesn't make it easier. As a result, sometimes it's during the night. It doesn't matter - he knows he can call me anytime.

Maybe it's 1:30 in the morning when the phone rings. I flounder a moment, trying to orient myself, and fumble for the phone. The caller ID tells me it's Eric. I sit up in bed, steeling myself, braced for the worst of bad news. "God, give me strength. Help me be strong", I pray silently as I push the talk button.

"Hey, bro...", as I stumble down the hall.

"Hey", he replies.

"What's up?"

He tells me. And I listen. I hear the catch in his voice, the cautious words you use when you are trying not to break down, when the very things you say might be enough to push you over the edge into tears, or worse. The anguish of a father's voice, who's hands are helpless to make things better for his son. The voice of one holding fast against an overwhelming storm, one who knows it may very well get worse, who realizes that all might very well be lost.

For a moment, I sense the anguish of God; how He must have felt, as His Son was led to the cross.

I listen. What do you say? What can you say? I fear being counted among Job's friends, whose mindless blatherings were of no comfort and no help. I can't pretend to have much to offer here, but he needs to hear a voice, and so I talk.

I talk about faith, and courage, and God, and hope, and reality, and many other things in between. We fight lies with truth. Sometimes we weep, and sometimes we laugh. Sometimes I find a metaphor in my past life in submarines, sometimes I'm reminded to quote Scripture. And as we talk, I become aware that these words are not my words, but words prepared for me to speak. God has prepared what must be said, because I certainly wouldn't have thought to say it that way, or even at all. Certainly not in a way that could make sense to a grieving father.

Together, we face the night. Together, we wrestle through issues that most folk would rather avoid. Sometimes the call is short, and sometimes we are unaware of the passage of time. Sometimes the words seem as sharp as a slap, or a bucket of ice water in the face. But as we realize the call is winding to a close, it usually ends with Eric's words.

"Thanks, bro, I needed to hear that."

"OK, we'll talk in the morning then", I reply.

"Love you."

"Love you too...hold fast."

Then the line goes dead.

I put the phone back in the cradle, and sit there in the dark. Slowly the sounds of the night return to the surface of my awareness. Trucks whining on the distant interstate. The shuffle of some nocturnal scavenger in the grass outside my window. A cricket minuet.

Somewhere in my mind or heart, God tickles something into existence.

"Who do you think those words were for? You think those words are just for Eric?

"You spoke those words to Eric, but I was talking to you."

I am humbled. God teaches me, even as He works healing in Eric. Even as we wrestle in the dark.

Day 20 - July 5 - The Moment

I know many of you are interested in knowing how this whole chain of events began. I've had the opportunity to speak with Connor's friends, one of the paramedics who responded to the initial call, the MD at the camp who stabilized Connor for travel, and the trauma surgeon who admitted him to the hospital, and I think I can paint a reasonably clear picture of most of what occurred. There are many things we won't know this side of heaven, but I'll share what I've pieced together. All names have been removed.

I also know that when you combine the words "teen-aged boy" and "diving accident" in the same sentence, you instantly get images of high rocks and shallow water. All of this would be easier to understand if that were the case...

It began with the trip to the swimming hole, or "the cove" as it's known at Hume Lake. I asked his friend to tell me who was there. The story began in typical young man fashion - "It was me, Connor, and eight girls". Yep, sounds like Connor!

Anyway, they were at the cove, and the two young men ran into the lake and dove in. The water was increasing in depth, about thigh-deep where they shallow-dove into the lake. Connor's friend came back up, looked around, and saw Connor floating face down in the water. Since the girls had been afraid to go in the cold water, everybody thought he was play-acting, but the longer he remained still, the closer the friend looked. Finally, he saw Connor's shoulders moving oddly and realized that his friend wasn't faking at all. He dove back in, swept Connor out of the water, and turned him over. Connor was pale and his lips were blue. They got him back to shore and about half out of the water, while everybody hollered for help. Connor managed to get the water out of his lungs and began breathing, while two emergency room nurses who "just happened" to be on the beach at the time began assessing and trying to stabilize him.

Connor says that he remembers being in the water, unable to move, and praying "Lord help me, let him see me, Lord help me, let him see me". He says the last thing he remembers is seeing his friend's arm sweep in front of his face, then he awoke on the beach.

As near as we can tell, Connor never struck anything with his head. He has no contusions on his face, no cuts or bruises on his face or head anywhere. His friend says there are no rocks in the water there, because it is the usual swimming area. The photo at the top of this post is the exact spot where Connor entered the water (the underwater log in the lower left of the photo drifted there four or five days after Connor's accident). It appears from the nature of his injuries that perhaps he struck the bottom (or something) with both his hands, at which point both of his shoulders dislocated. The doctors say his injury is consistent with a really, really extreme whiplash, so it's possible that as his dislocated shoulders moved backward under the force of his forward motion, the shoulder blades swept forward and forced the vertebrae out of place. That's all speculation, BTW.

Back to the story. Connor's friend ran about a mile, barefoot across gravel and sand, to the complex to get help. There "just happened" to be a squad meeting of the paramedics beginning, and they all jumped up and ran, arriving on scene in about a minute or so. The physician who was working as the camp's doctor that week "just happened" to be a trauma and ER surgeon at St. Agnes hospital in Fresno. Connor was airlifted to the hospital, two hours away by road, in seventeen minutes. I'm told he was talking with the paramedics when he was rolled into the emergency room.

It is clear in retrospect that God was planning for all this to happen in His time and according to His plan. Apart from all the "just happened"'s I've already mentioned, I "just happened" to be leaving the next morning for a week-long motorcycle trip with friends, so I had time off from work for ten days. Because of my motorcycle plans, I "just happened" to have purchased a membership with CalStar (LifeFlight) - it gave any of my family members covered helicopter transport in the event it was necessary. I "just happened" to buy that membership two weeks before the accident. Back in March, Joélle's boyfriend Alan had "just happened" to arrange to live with us over the summer to earn money for college, so he was here to help support the family during the crisis. Cherié's bands "just happened" to have no gigs scheduled for the next few weeks, so she had no obligations to undo. God had provided for us all ahead of time, laying out His plan.

I'm not too keen with the plan at this particular moment, but I am convinced that He is in control. He asks me to trust Him; He didn't ask me to like it. And yet in some odd way, I find myself at peace while I grieve; I ache and yet worship; I hope in the midst of despair.

May the peace of God guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Amen.

Day 20 - July 5 - Concerns...

I was discussing sedation options for Connor with the nurse, and she mentioned that Connor's temperature and white blood cell count are going back up a bit. I asked if that meant he was getting another infection, and she said that it was just something they were watching right now, but that these were things they really wanted stable, not going back up.

Please pray protection from infection and fever for the boy. Pray for continued progress with getting him off the respirator. Pray that he can rest effectively so his body can heal.

Day 20 - July 5 - Speaking?

We are sitting many more hours with Connor while he is face-down in the Beast, as we've found that he isn't as sedated as we all thought he was. He is receiving about six times more Versed than most people usually get, and should be gone to the world, according to the nurses. Instead, he converses with us, goofs off with the nurses, and sings along with his music (thank you, Jon Guerra and the worship team at MBI chapel!). The nurses don't really know how to deal with the fact that he isn't sedated like he should be, so he is at least partially aware while he's locked into the bed. Not the most desirable of conditions, and so we do what we can to ease that for him.

One of the things we discovered because of this is the fact that Connor has figured out how to sneak air past his trach tube in certain positions while face-down, and has begun to try to talk around it. He's actually understandable at times, and it is good for him to be able to convey his thoughts. Unfortunately, one of the first things he communicated to us is that he wants to be on his back so he can sleep. Trying to soothe him with "they'll turn you over in an hour" doesn't really cut the mustard in the comfort department, so both his and our tension levels climb. Still, we are pleased with this small change.

Another small improvement - his ventilator's pressure setting has been reduced from 30 (psi?) to 27. Once it gets down to 20 they can start weaning the ventilator. Also, Connor got to stay on his back for three or four hours straight this morning, and kept his O2 saturation at a good level. So God gives the small steps.

Please continue to pray for his lung capability and health. The morning's X-ray was slightly better than yesterday, but perhaps not as good as the Respiratory Therapist would like to see. So they are using a machine to thump his lungs to knock loose more stuff. We continue to pray for his lung health, and for God's provision to get him off the respirator.

Day 19 - July 4 - More prayer requests

Tonight we saw the boy unlike we've seen him before - hurting. Not physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Not a mood that could be lifted, but a deep, soul-aching pain. It grieved us and we were unable to assuage it completely, and it was apparent that our boy is doing his own crying out to God.

Our prayer requests for tonight -

- spiritual comfort for Connor
- rapid weaning from the roto-bed and the respirator
- transfer to a quality rehab location near home as soon as possible
- wisdom to discern that location
- clean and clear lungs
- lung function without respirator support
- full return of all feeling, movement and control
- strength for the family to carry on

Thank you for carrying us another day.

Day 19 - July 4 - Cue the Friends

Talking to Eric last night he told me that the blog has been an amazing thing. It allows thousands of people to be kept up to date with the latest information of Connor's condition. It allows for people to learn how they can pray very specifically and very quickly. It even allows for a form of online community to be born.

But at the same time it can cause us to forget the personal aspect of the situation. We feel up-to-date by reading the blog, so things like sitting in a waiting room with the family, or being their to give a hug can get forgotten.

I want to encourage those friends of Eric & Cherié and Joélle & Connor that can to please consider making the trek to Fresno to have some face time with them. I know gas is expensive, I know your time is precious, but I also know that your visit will be the manna that helps sustain them for another day.

Thanks to those that will go and thanks to those who already have.

Kent
Virginia

Day 19 - July 4 - Advance!

I went to sleep last night, confident in the provision of my Lord. I awoke this morning at 0500 in terror, thinking that all along I had been praying for Connor to be removed from the respirator, and realizing that there are two ways he could come off a respirator and that I hadn't been specific in my requests. I was assailed with the idea that there was no way Connor's lungs and nerves could keep him breathing off of the ventilator, and that I was going to be forced to choose whether to sustain Connor's life with the use of a machine or let him slowly suffocate because his lungs couldn't support him. I was tormented by the fact that Connor could not sustain his breathing more than a few days after the accident without the help of a machine, and it was easy to paint the grim picture of the future my mind was laying out for me. I began praying in earnest against this lie, but after nearly two hours of desperate prayer I was exhausted, dragging myself out of bed with these ideas and images lurking in the back of my mind.

I spent my breakfast reading from Job and Matthew, neither of which were much comfort. I identified with Peter as I read about Jesus walking on the water, and Peter being bold enough to step out onto the stormy water but then faltering and beginning to sink. I can feel the stormy water shifting beneath my feet, and hear the wind blowing in my ears, and my eyes turn away from the Lord and onto my circumstances. And Jesus speaks, almost disappointedly, "Oh, you of little faith - why do you doubt?"

Now I'm at the hospital, having seen the boy for an hour, and reading some selected excerpts from the blog to encourage his spirit and lift him up. His numbers are the same as yesterday, he's doing well, and he still feels nothing below his neck. I find myself in a waiting mode, almost content to take a breath and let down my guard. But I have a good, faithful friend who did two tours in-country in Viet Nam, and I recognize from his stories that this moment isn't R and R - it's that pause in the jungle when you realize you're surrounded by the enemy, you're miles from base, and all you've got is your squad and the ammo on your back. You can't see any enemy, there's no noise, and it's very tempting to think that you can sit down and rest. The only problem is that it's not true - the longer you stand still, the more of a stationary target you are. Moving may bring attention to you from the bad guys, but it also gives you the initiative and momentum. Sitting still means you have to react to whatever the enemy decides to throw at you - moving lets you decide what you're going to throw at the enemy.

So I say this is NOT a time of waiting. Despite the steady numbers, and the mostly stable situation, now is the time to advance boldly. Don't get me wrong - we're all exhausted. But I believe now is the time for God's prayer warriors to storm the very gates of Hell in bold proclamation of God's provision for Connor. I will not wait and respond in panic when the enemy throws another thing at me. I will not cower in fear of what may come tomorrow. Instead, I will take that step forward, knowing that there are going to be snipers, and booby-traps, and enemy waiting in ambush along the way. But I am NOT going to sit still and let the enemy bring the fight to me - I will carry it to him instead.

Lord, I claim Your protection and healing for my son. I trust that You know where we're going, even if I don't. I will follow You into the jungle, confident that I've got the best Point Man possible.

Team, advance with us in prayer...

Day 19 - July 4 - Journey with Connor via Email

Today is Independence Day, celebrating the birth of this interesting experiment we call America! We are grateful to Mssrs. Jefferson, Adams, et al., for having the courage to set the course that we have pursued for over 230 years. Most of all, we are grateful to God for the opportunity to prove our stewardship of this fragile blessing called freedom in which we have the ability to choose the God we serve.

Celebrating that spirit of independence, today we set you free of the need to come to the ConnorWatch site to participate in Connor's journey. At several places, both on the site and on the blog, you will notice the addition of a small box that allows you to subscribe to have the blog postings and comments delivered by FeedBurner directly to your email.

For those of you who have your email pushed, that means you can get your ConnorWatch connection on your iPhone or Blackberrry. For others, now your email will let you know when things are changing on ConnorWatch.

In this community of believers, it's great to be connected, and we are grateful for each of you who have chosen to journey with Connor.

Hold fast!

Brad
Michigan

Day 18 - July 3 - Cue the deer

I often imagine God watching from on high, orchestrating the events that we encounter as we move through our lives. In a way, it reminds me of the movie "Funny Farm", where Chevy Chase is trying to sell an undesirable house by staging an idyllic country scene. In one moment, as the potential buyers move to the porch, he grabs a walkie-talkie and whispers into it "Cue the deer!", at which point a local hidden in the woods releases a doe and a couple fawns, which scamper across the lawn just in time to be sighted by the buyers.

God doesn't do those things to deceive, of course, but He does move people and things through our lives to bless and encourage us. We had one of those a few minutes ago...

I had been having some thoughts today that perhaps this might be the best I could hope for. I'm getting tired, and it's easy for me to lose track of my thoughts, and I was letting my guard slip and these thoughts were sneaking through. Anyway, Cherié and I were taking some cookies (provided very generously by a local restaurant which has been providing meals for us all week) in to the nursing staff as a small sign of our appreciation, and we were waiting to be admitted to the ICU when a woman standing next to us struck up a conversation. She asked us why we were here, and we explained that our son had broken his neck. She asked at what level his injury had occurred, and we told her "C4/C5". She responded "Well, I hope this encourages you, but 10 years ago I was on life support because of a C3 injury". We went "What?" and she told her that her C2 and C3 vertebrae were fused after she broke her neck in a friend's yard. Here she was, standing in the hallway, telling us of her survival through an injury higher than Connor's. She said "I'm a living testimony to the power of healing". She also told us that her mom, while she was in the hospital, had told the doctors "My God is bigger than you are, so you just need to be quiet!" To say we were encouraged would be a significant understatement!

By the way, she never went into ICU. She was gone when we came out. I don't know her name - as a matter of fact, I can't remember anything about her except "C2/C3". I don't know anything else, but I'm convinced that God brought our lives into intersection at that moment to pass that word to us. So we will take that encouragement as another sign of God's provision for us. Praise the Lord!

Day 18 - July 3 - Manna from heaven

We awoke this morning wrestling with a lie - that somehow, if we had only made better choices when this expedition began, Connor would be in a better condition. We fought with the idea that OUR choices have put Connor where he is. While we understand that this is a lie from the pit, it can be a very seductive lie. Cherié and I wrestled with it for a bit, praying that we would understand the truth. Afterward, I quickly checked the blog to see any comments that had been made, and God used the posts this morning to whisper peace and hope into my spirit. Thank you all for your continued comments, prayers, verses, and songs - I don't have the words to explain how much they mean to us.

So - we went to Connor's bedside during his hour on his back. First the physical - the nurse told us that Connor is progressing much faster than the doctors expected! He's not quite ready to get off the bed, but they're lowering the pressure on the respirator to see how he adapts to the lower pressures. They will still be slowly lowering the O2 levels, but right now they're looking at the pressure numbers.

Now the other stuff. Connor and I talked together for about 45 minutes about what's going on. First I told him about all the people praying for him around the globe (somebody add Poland to the list!). I told him how that meant that at every moment of every day and every night, somewhere on the earth, there are saints lifting up Connor before the throne of God. Then I told him about the many, many people who are being blessed by the work God is doing through Connor - the folks through the blog; the nurses and doctors that are following his story; the Christians whose faith is being strengthened; the non-believers who are being drawn closer to Christ through this event. Connor's eyebrows kept going up and up!

Then, it got really cool. I was speaking to him from about six inches from his face, when the words that poured out of my mouth ceased to be directed by me. I don't claim that God was speaking through me, but I do believe that the Holy Spirit put the words there. Connor was locked onto what I was saying - not drowsy, not sedated, but just gripped by what God was speaking out of my mouth. I told Connor how I was absolutely convinced that God was doing a mighty work through him. I also told him about the spirit of oppression and despair that I sensed all over this hospital, and I told him that we were coming against this in Jesus' name in order to protect Connor. I told him that we had prayer warriors who were praying protection for him, and that I was praying for God to place angels around Connor's bed for his protection in this battle. Connor's eyes went up a bit at that point, so I told him what Tod had said about angels - "I don't have none of those little baby angels who shoot arrows into your butt! I've got Marine angels! My angels are ripped, they've got brush cuts, and if they weren't carrying swords they'd be carrying M16s! That's my kind of angel!" Connor grinned as I reminded him of the first words out of their mouths every single time an angel appears in the Bible - "Do not be afraid"! I told him why that is - because they're so frightening that they make you wet yourself when they show up! Connor really liked that, and I reminded him that THOSE guys were the ones that God was using for Connor's protection, not those little baby angels who shoot arrows in your butt!

I also told him that the Bible calls them "ministering spirits". To me, that means since they're warriors first, but they also minister, that makes them sort of "spiritual medics" - guys who can fight, but can also take care of their wards in the midst of the firefight. Connor really liked that image.

Then I told him the story of Elisha's servant in 2 Kings 6, where God opens the servant's eyes to see the forces gathered around. I told Connor I was praying the God would let Connor have a glimpse of his unseen help, and that maybe one night he would open his eyes to see a great big, Marine-looking guy with wings out of his back, standing there with drawn sword, who would turn around and see Connor looking at him and say "Got your back, bud. Hold fast."

I don't know why I felt compelled to tell you that story, except that it was an uplifting, encouraging time with my son, and we parted with the assurance that in the midst of this very difficult trial, God walks with us and upholds us with His strong right hand.

Day 17 - July 2 - Clarification - and praise!

After I posted that last blog, Cherie and I went in to put the boy to bed. Connor was sleeping soundly, so I took the opportunity to talk with the nurse. I asked her, since Connor had started the day at 40/100 and ended the day at 40/100, if that meant the respiratory therapists had tried to lower his O2 level further but he hadn't responded well. She told me that in fact, Connor had come so quickly down from 70% to 40% that they wanted to make sure he adjusted well before they lowered it further. I'll take that as a praise! I guess that means we get to keep praying for that 21%/100!

Another praise - my boss has graciously extended me additional time from work to deal with this situation. My most heartfelt appreciation goes to her and to my coworkers who are taking up the slack caused by my absence. Praise the Lord for such provision.

One more request before we sleep. The travel travail has begun. Our girl has gone back to our house in Morgan Hill to take care of some things. I would ask that y'all remember her safety when you pray.

We love y'all - God bless you.

Day 17 - July 2 - Still there

Connor is still in the bed. His numbers are still 40%/100. The doctors are still pleased with his progress.

I wish I had something better to report, but today seems to have been a day of waiting.

This seems to be a good time to reiterate our latest prayer requests -

- That Connor's oxygen levels would be stable so that he can be removed from the Rotisserie
- That his lungs would take over for the respirator and he could be removed from that as soon as possible
- That he would regain feeling, movement, and control of all his body - at this time he has none, but we are confident in our Lord
- That God would arrange everything so that Connor can quickly leave the ICU and be moved closer to home
- That God would be preparing the best rehab spot possible for Connor
- That God would miraculously heal and make all those preparations unnecessary!

Additionally -

- That God would lift and minister to Connor's spirit, encouraging and strengthening him in this time of trial
- That we would have clear understanding of Connor's communications until he gets his trach out
- That God would provide protection from spiritual attack, both for Connor and for our family
- That God would refresh Cherié, Joélle and I to take the next step of the journey
- That we would faithfully fulfill the roles in which God has placed me, my son and my family

Thank you for your diligent, fervent prayers. God sustains us with the thought of your web of support.

Day 17 - July 2 - What we wanted to see...

I was praying for 21% and 100. The 21 of course, is the "normal" atmospheric percentage of oxygen, the rest being nitrogen and trace gases. So I was praying for "normal" oxygen levels for the boy.

What the nurses and respiratory therapists like to see is "less than 40%". They consider that to be good.

This morning when I walked into Connor's room, he had been lying flat on his back, without the bed rocking, for more than half an hour. He was on 39% O2 and at 96% saturation!

So, another answer to prayer. The nurse said that the doctors are "extremely pleased" at Connor's progress thus far, and were discussing getting him out of the bed AND getting him off the respirator! Sounds like another answer to prayer, to me.

God remains faithful to us, even when we doubt, question, pout, scream and cry. God holds fast to us, even when we want to let go. I am reminded this morning that my Lord wants me to cling to Him in the midst of a storm that He has decreed I can handle. I sometimes have a differing opinion, but His trumps mine.

May Your will be done with my boy, Lord.

Day 16 - July 1 - ConnorWatch Donations

For those of us out here in the trenches of ConnorWatch, we don't get the range of emotions associated with seeing Connor everyday, so the little things must make do for excitement for us.

I'm excited and pleased to announce that as of midnite EDT, after having been in operation for only five days, with 27 contributors, the ConnorWatch benefit has crossed the two thousand dollar mark.

The money that you have so selflessly and generously donated will be used to take care of the expenses that Eric and Cherié and family are accumulating living away from home for the past two weeks. As soon as we make specific distributions, I'll be able to tell you what blessings your generosity has provided.

Thank you again for your continued and on-going support, in prayer, encouragement, and financially. You demonstrate collectively a care for others that the world would do well to emulate. I am grateful that I get to be a part of seeing this happen.

Brad
Michigan

Day 16 - July 1 - One more post

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said—
To you who for refuge to Jesus have fled?

“Fear not, I am with thee, oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by My gracious, omnipotent hand.

“When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
For I will be with thee thy trouble to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

“When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not harm thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

“The soul that on Jesus doth lean for repose,
I will not, I will not, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.”

Day 16 - July 1 - Oops, I forgot

In the midst of all the stuff today, I forgot to pass on this answer to prayer. The neurosurgeon told me that Connor no longer needed the cervical collar because his neck's bone structure was now as solid as ever.

Just thought y'all might like to know! Add that to the "answered prayer" list!

Day 16 - July 1 - 55/100!

Just left Connor's bedside, where his numbers were 55% O2 and 100% saturation! Praise the Lord! I've decided I'm going to pray for 21% and stable sats at 100% for tomorrow!!!

The amazing thing about this, however, is that Joélle, Cherié and I went into his room and turned on one of Connor's favorite worship CDs. He plays this CD all the time, knows all the words, and can usually be found singing the words to the songs at nearly every hour of the day. We played the CD all the way through, and the four of us sang together in worship of our Lord. Connor mouthed the words with us, and we sang and sang and sang. We wept as we sang with our son these words - "Lord, I want to yearn for You, I want to burn with passion over You, and only You". We kept weeping as we sang all the verses of "How Firm a Foundation", especially the last three verses -

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said—
To you who for refuge to Jesus have fled?

“Fear not, I am with thee, oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by My gracious, omnipotent hand.

“When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
For I will be with thee thy trouble to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

“When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not harm thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

“The soul that on Jesus doth lean for repose,
I will not, I will not, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.”

Thank you, Lord, for that half hour.

Day 16 - July 1 - Is there anyone else up there we could talk to?

Last night's numbers - 85% O2, 98% saturation. I went home and prayed that we would continue to see improvement in Connor's numbers, and I specifically prayed that we would see the numbers go down to 60% O2 while his saturation level stayed stable. I just left Connor's room and the numbers were 60% O2 and 100% saturation! Before I could say anything to the family, two others commented that they had been praying to see 60% today as well. What an answer to prayer - my God is worthy to be praised. The nurses are pleased with Connor's progress, and say that his clinical picture is improving!

Interestingly enough, the day started with a conversation between a neurosurgeon and myself. The gist of the conversation, in an oblique fashion, was that we should prepare ourselves to let Connor die. The doctor told me of the possible infections, the near-certainty that no function will ever be regained, and that we should consider that even if he manages to pull through, the odds were that he would not have a lengthy life. He reminded me that Christopher Reeve had access to every medical technique and assistance money could buy, and he only lived nine years after his accident. He wanted to make sure we used "common sense" as we made decisions about Connor's care.

I tell you these things not to frighten or panic anyone - the possibility has existed all along that God may call Connor home. I also don't tell you these things to extinguish hope - my hope is in the Lord (the maker of heaven and earth), not in a neurosurgeon. I tell you these things because you need to hear how God is moving in and around us. I told the neurosurgeon that I am confident in the provision of my God; and I continue to claim the promise implicit in this verse:

"The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much" - James 5:16.

I'm a man, and I am praying, so the verse looks like this -

"The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much".

I'm not righteous - except in light of my standing before God because of the blood of Christ. Then I am righteous, and that makes it look like this -

"The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much".

If there's anything I am about this, it's fervent -

"The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much".

Now, the "avails much" part is under God's control - I either believe it or not, and I believe it. So now I'm pretty much working on the "effective" part. This is where your support is so critical - I don't think "man" means "male"; I think it means "human". If you're a follower of Christ, you're righteous in God's eyes because of the blood of the Lamb, even if you don't feel like it all the time. You are all fervently lifting Connor and my family to the throne of God. And you are being as effective as you know how. What a promise, that our prayers can actually move the hand of God!

I am endeavoring to give you the most up-to-date information in order to make your prayers more effective. And that's why I tell you about my conversation this morning - so that we can fervently and effectively pray.

So the answer to the question posed in the title of the post is a resounding "Yes"! Praise be to God, who promises that He hears our prayers and answers us!

Day 16 - July 1 - Donate La Quinta Reward Points!

DJ and Sharri Patterson are Connor's grandparents - Cherié's mom and dad. They flew out to be with the Williamsons on day one, and have been staying at the La Quinta across the street since they arrived. As you can imagine, the hotel bill is adding up.

One way you can help is by donating any La Quinta Returns Member Rewards points you may have accumulated. One nights stay for the Pattersons is 8,000 points or 6,000 points and $15, so your unused points could quickly defray the expense of housing for DJ and Sharri.

To donate:

1. Call 1.800.642.4258, the La Quinta Returns Member Hotline (10 a.m. to 7 p.m. EDT M-F)

2. Make a reservation using your name and your points at:

La Quinta Inn Fresno Yosemite
2926 Tulare Street
Fresno, CA 93721

3. Tell the representative to put the names "DJ and Sharri Patterson" in the information section of the reservation.

4. The hotel will take care of the points transfer.

I haven't tried this, not having a La Quinta Rewards account, but am assured that it is workable. Please comment and let us know how it works for you.

Thank you for considering this practical way to encourage and support the Williamson's by taking care of their in-laws.

Many thanks to Dee Webb (Donny Patterson's partner) for the idea and initiative to figure out how to do this. She says "...many, many thanks for your prayers, concern, and generosity. They will be remembered for a lifetime!!!!"

Brad
Michigan

Day 16 - July 1 - The Half Million Dollar Bed

I spoke with Eric last evening and he told me about this $500,000 bed that Connor was getting to ride in. He said that there are only 5 in the state of California.

As he was describing it I thought of Dr. Jim Leininger, a friend of my wife's family in San Antonio. He's a guy who back in the 70's had a vision to help patients more quickly recover through the use of bed technology. What started in a small apartment with a couple of employees has grown into a renown company that helps patients around the world... Kinetic Concepts, Inc.

And sure enough... they're the makers of Connor's bed.

When I spoke with Eric he said that they had successfully removed 700ml of crud out of Connor's lungs. His right lung was still pretty full at the time, but the docs were done with the camera procedure and apparently the magic bed will be working to help clear more of the mess.

Eric was very psyched about the fact that Connor's collar had been removed. He also told me that the nurses were surprised at how well Connor has liked the bed. Some patients don't care for it, but apparently Connor has taken to it quite well. He gets to ride face down suspended in the bed for long stretches of time. Connor always has had a flair for the exciting and adventurous, so that's no surprise. Plus, I'm sure he towers over the "You Must Be Taller Than Tom Cruise, To Enjoy This Ride" sign!

Pray for Connor today that his lungs will clear up and that his saturation levels will remain high.

Thanks,

Kent
Virginia