Day 72 - August 26 - End Of The Day
Well another day comes faithfully to an end. I can always count on the day ending, and that is something that I take rest in as the day presses on. I find myself longing for the day to end, and the sun to set so I can drag myself back to my little RV and collapse into my bed. I now know why Connor watches the clock longing for 9 pm, his cocktail of sleep meds arrive and the night nurse tucks him in for a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. 5 AM comes all too quickly for him... time for a bath, range of motion work, and more lung treatments. I know that sleep is precious, as I can't believe how fast my night of sleep goes by, 6 AM already?
Today was a very hard day for all of us. Connor started with lung treatments, which then led to the testing of his lungs and diaphragm work. He didn't do well at all. From the get go, he was freaked when the RT told him how hard it would be, and that he would feel as though someone was strangling him. I believe he was set up for failure from the get go! Yesterday a differant RT changed the settings and didn't make a big deal about it, Connor just rested through the whole thing while we watched on, as he just let his automatic system work. I know his diaphragm is working, we just have to get past the mental hurdle now. Next it was Physical Therapy (PT) time, where they put him into a sling and got Connor used to the feeling of being lifted into the air. Tomorrow they will actually place him into a wheelchair. This is all done with a lift which is awkward, uncomfortable, and very humbling. Following PT time, came our wonderful speech and swallow therapist. We do love her. Although with her beautiful face and smile comes hard work for Connor. He did 45 minutes today on the speech valve, and was able to call his brother-from-another-mother to wish him happy belated birthday. This pretty much wore him out. Yet it didn't end there. More lung therapy, and he was beat! In pain from the work out he asked for meds. and a few minutes of sleep.
The night ended after he ate his dinner. We all prayed together, and longed for sleep and peace. All of us seemed to watch that clock, "Is it time for bed yet?"
So here I sit, under my rented Mulberry tree, the warm breeze is blowing on me reminding me that I am still alive. I miss my daughter, and I miss my son, I miss what we used to have, but it is no more. My only hope is that one day we will get to look back and see why God allowed this journey to begin. I wish we could take the short road through the desert, I pray that He doesn't have us wander the desert for 40 years. " Please God help us to be obedient to you, and help us be able to face the Giants head on. I want to see the promised land, I don't want to die in the desert!"
Sleep calls. Thanks for the prayers.... we miss you all, and to those that I don't know except through this blog...God bless you!
Sweet Dreams,
Cherie'
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posted by Cherié Williamson @ 10:03 PM
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20 Comments:
God bless you and your family Mr. Williamson.
Cherie,
It was nice to hear from you! As a mom myself, I can only imagine what you're going through. I ache for you and your husband, and family. You will continually be in our prayers!
We'll pray for good sleep for all of you.
In Him!
Kim
Hi Friend,
So sorry you had a hard day. I was praying for Connor and hoping his test would go well. Tomorrow is another day... I'll be praying specifically that it is a new and beautiful one for each of you. Also lifting Eric up in the wee hours, as I'm also awake at that time quite often.
Love you!
I do not know what to say to you. It has all been said many, many times. Scriptures quoted, songs sent, prayers shared.
We know we have a loving, merciful GOD who loves Connor, and all of us, so much He died for us.
I do not know why this happened and I do not question the LORD.
I look at Connor's handsome face and pray, "LORD, you created this man-child in your image. Please restore him, breathe into his lungs the gift of perfect healing. Quicken his nervous system and return full motion and control of his body to him. In JESUS' name I ask - in faith believing it shall be done." Amen.
Twelve years ago it was our son. GOD heard and answered.
~SRB, Hollister
I'm praying and hoping that you all had a good rest last night, and the morning starts with the Hope that only the Holy Spirit can give. You all ARE being obedient Cherie'. You are facing life/Giants head on, and by all your honesty, you are helping the body of Christ grow. I understand, in having the thoughts.....'I'd rather have my son back than helping the body of Christ grow through this'...yup, we all would understand that, so for ever step forward/up and for ever
step back/down...remember, that there are thousands of prayers going up on your behalf. Nothing separates us from the love of God.
May you all find extra joy, peace, rest in Jesus' arms today.
To Him, who can do more than we dream or ask. May you find your strength in Him, in this very day. You are ALL GOLD! You have added to our lives by your Faithful walk with him. Good job faithful servants!!!
Cherie,
As one mama to another I sit and read your blog and all I can say is, "I'm so, so sorry." I wish that there was something that I could do, someway to make the pain go away. All I can do is pray.
I was awake off an on from 2 until I got up at 5:30 but in those awake moments I was praying for satan to be bound from Eric's mind, for you not to get sick, and for Connor to be healed.
Praying for a better day, and rest for your soul.
Charlene
Cherie, I pray for sweet dreams for you and yours as well!
What an interesting "picture" you gave us about being in the desert and wandering for 40 years. I know it feels like that is exactly where all of you are right now; and I recall the Israelites wanted to go back to their former life as well. But unlike the Israelites, you are not turning your backs on the Lord! You are praising Him and giving Him the glory for whatever He has planned for Connor.
Right now this is probably the hardest thing any of you have ever experienced; but I believe that when you are able to look back on this you will see the blessings for each of you - especially Connor.
I am so impressed by your faithfulness - I only wish I had the degree of faith that you, Eric, Connor and Joelle have. Please stay strong. Your cheerleading section is all over the world.
MT
C'ville
Dear Cherie,
I love you all so much. I know that I don't often enough post comments on the blog...it is because I don't know what to say or how best to encourage you. I don't know how to express the deep ache in my heart for all that you are going through. I wonder, considering how all of this pains me, how then you, as his mother, Eric as his father, and Joelle as his sister and best friend, can even bear it. I am so proud of you all, especially Connor, for how you are doing everything in your power to stand strong under the most enormous pressure that I can imagine. I so appreciate this blog and your willingness to share this journey, and your pain, so openly and honestly with us. Rest assured that I pray constantly for all of you; for peace, strength, faith, understanding, wisdom, healing, restoration. You are never far from my thoughts. I love you.
Your "sister,"
Tonya
Dearest Willaimson family,
You all are in my thoughts and prayers constantly. I just thought that I would let you all know that I recently placed another T-shirt order. I am expecting them today, so for all of you waiting for smalls and mediums, they will be at E-ternal Treasures on Thursday! Anyways, one of the head honchos over at Customink, where I ordered my shirts from, sent me an email. This is what it said:
"Hi Cera,
Welcome Back!! I’ve made an additional $50 donation to help with your
fund raising efforts.
We hope that Connor is doing well. CustomInk appreciates your efforts
and your business! We look forward to serving you again.
Kind Regards,
Laney Caspio
CustomInk.com"
God constantly has his hand in this and I believe that He always will have his hand in it! Hold fast you guys!
All my love,
Cera Singley
Oh, honey, I wish I could just wrap you in my arms, we hurt so bad for you.
You are the strongest woman I know, always caring for others, even in the midst of this hell. You are absolutely amazing, Connor loves you so much, and anyone who watches him with you knows that you are his strength as well. I watch you lift yourself up and put on a smile and "we can do this' attitude for him, but who is holding you up? Who is saying 'we can do this' ? As YOUR mom I want someone to do THAT for YOU! Someone needs to come alongside you and give YOU strength. And all I can do is cry, and pray.
We would take this from you in a heartbeat if we could, we feel so helpless.
Dad and I are so proud of you, words cannot express.
God let her feel YOUR arms around her, YOUR hand in hers, while she walks this desert place.
I am praying for your struggle against darkness this morning and will do so every morning. I am not often awake before 6 a.m. but God is outside of time, so I will pray knowing that He orders all things mightily.
Love in Him,
Michele
Hi Girlfriend,
I love you!
Susie
Dear Cherie,
Thank you for sharing your heart with all of us. Though I have never met you and your family, I feel the call to pray for you. From Mom to Mom, my heart breaks.
So, I wanted to paint a picture for you of our 2 redheaded boys going to school this morning. They are 8 & 10. As they are pushing, shoving, giggling and just being plain obnoxious, the older one starts helping the younger one with his memory verse for the week (due to the fact he had the same verse last year at some point) It is:
Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
The wonderful thing is that Mason, the 10 year old put it in an upbeat song. He sings it and the younger one catches on and starts marching around the house with his brother, now both singing the song with the verse. I thought of you all. I thought, "Thank you Lord, this one is for the Williamson Family."
My prayer is that someday, someday sooner than later, Conner will get up, march around, feet stomping and sing out praises to God! What is impossible with man is possible with God!
The Derendinger Family
San Jose, Ca
Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him. James 1:12
I love the picture you painted about sitting under your "rented" Mulberry tree. It made me think: Isn't it all "rented"? It's just that some things we pay for with money; our children we pay for with "pieces of our heart". In any case, we are only stewards of what the LORD has seen fit to bless us with.
In my own medical challenges with my daughter, I have thought of the scene in the bible when Joseph and Mary take Baby Jesus to the temple and are greeted by Simeon. One of the things that Simeon says to Mary is "And a sword will pierce your own soul too." (Luke 2:35) I looked at that passage differently after what I've been through with my daughter. I can't say that I know exactly what Mary went through because I don't. However,I do know what it feels like to have my soul feel "pierced" because of witnessing what my child has to go through. And I suspect you are, unfortunately becoming aware of the same thing.
Allow yourself to grieve. Yes, Connor is alive. And yes, continue to pray for the Miracle, but even if the Miracle comes today - you have already suffered loss. So allow yourself time to process what you've lost as of this moment.
On a somewhat lighter note: Even though yesterday was extremely hard on Connor, I was so impressed that they were doing so many different therapies on him in one day! I'm sure you can remember that it wasn't too long ago that all they wanted for him was to just lay there and rest. Taken in perspective, he's come a long way.
Sometimes God works quickly, sometimes He works slowly. (Quickly and slowly are "our terms" because He ALWAYS works in HIs perfect timing) But think about the miracle of Connor's birth, it took God NINE MONTHS to knit him together in your womb.
I'm so sorry you and your family are on this road. I'm honored to be included in it and to pray into it.
Lori Bonaparte
Cherie,
My heart hurts for you. We mom's have such a bond and we find ourselves hurting and feeling each others pain. We cry with you even though we are apart physically. You are so not alone even though you may feel it. Please remember today that God gives us only what we can bear and nothing more. I've had to cling to that many many times raising two boys. So often I would yell upwards and say "how much more are you going to throw my way, I can't bear it anymore"! My stories do not compare to the trial you are going through now, I know that, but pain is pain and feeling all alone and wondering when it will end is all the same. I thought I would lose it when we nearly lost Vince to a drowning and the stories go on and on from there. Anyway, dear Cherie, hang in there, cling to what you KNOW, and tell the enemy to flee on a daily basis. The enemy only has power if we give it to him.
You are loved and prayed for daily by so many people. Rest today in the arms of the One who came to save the lost, your Savior!
God Bless you Cherie,
Love,
Ginny
He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; he offers strength to the weak. Isaiah 40:29
What enemy do you face? Don't panic. God is still all-powerful, and he loves you. God brought you through before, and he will do it again.
Praying in Downey
In and out of situations, that tug-of-war at me.
All day long I struggle,for the answers that I need.
And then I come into Your presence, and all my questions become clear.
And for that sacred moment, no doubts can interfere.
In the Presence of Jehovah,
God Almighty, Prince of Peace.
Troubles vanish, hearts are mended.
In the Presence of the King.
Through His love, the Lord provideth,
A place for us to rest.
A place to find the answers, in the hour of distress.
No there's never any reason, for us to give up in despair.
Just slip away and breathe His name,
all doubts will disappear.
In the Presence of Jehovah,
God Almighty, Prince of Peace.
Troubles vanish, hearts are mended.
In the Presence of the King.
Dear Cherie,
I read your heart-rending message and wished, along with your wonderful Mom, that I could be there to help prop you up as you prop up others. Just think of this...consider us to be the Leaning Tower of Moms--we support each other as we support others...invisable support, but there nonetheless. There and powerful. I loved Tonya' message to you...sisters. I am so priviledged to know and love all of you. I continue to pray for all of you. Grannie B in Arkansas
Grannyp
Thanks for your post. We get so caught up in praying for for Eric, Cherie' Connor, and Joelle that I forget how hard this is on the Grandma's.
After we lost our son I remember my mom crying and saying almost the same thing that you said. She said, "I wish I could take this for you, but I can't." It hit me then that in some ways the grandparents suffer in an almost worse way. Not only were they suffering for the loss of their grandson, they were suffering because it hurt so bad to see their children in such pain.
I'll be adding the grandparents to my prayer list. Others reading this please add them too.
May God bless you and give you peace. I'm sure it's awful to be so far away, but what a blessing you were when you were there.
My 2nd son goes to Moody Spokane if he can do anything for you he would be happy to. His name is Kylor Schultz, and his number is 541-619-4611. don't hesitate to call. I'm serious. I'll be letting him know that I gave you his number. I think I read on one blog that you live in Spokane, If not sorry if I'm confused.
Blessings to you,
Charlene in Albany
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