Day 44 - July 29 - Almost over the edge

A couple of days ago, someone posted Isaiah 43:18-19 in one of the threads:

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up, do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert & streams in the wasteland."

Yesterday in the morning, I almost lost it when I suddenly came face to face with our insurance nightmare. I don't really know how to explain the convoluted mess that insurance, medi-Cal, Social Security disability, and everything else in this place has become. I knew it was bad, but I had no idea how impossible it is to sort any sense out of the process, and how it often seems to have been deliberately set up that way to avoid actually paying for anything. It reminds me of Mr. Incredible's day job in the movie!

So as I went off the deep end in the lobby, with people scattering in all directions to avoid the fallout, a couple of dear friends stepped up to help us begin to sort things out, and I settled into a state of quiet desperation as I pondered the chaos of our future; unable to formulate a rational thought; unable even to recognize the abysmal level of faith I was demonstrating.

> Cue Tod.

My brother Tod suddenly sweeps into the waiting room with his wife and daughter in tow. His girl, Vanessa, has been transferred over to the "normal" hospital as she improves, and they don't have to come to "our" part anymore, but here he is. We greet them, and he says "you know why I'm here?" No. "I'm here because as I was walking into the lobby on my way to see Vanessa, the Holy Spirit gave me a verse, and told me I had to come and tell you this was for you!" OK, let's here it. "I'm supposed to tell you this verse - Mark 11:23-24:

'I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.'"

He hadn't even gone up to see his girl yet, but came straight to find me. And all I could muster was a "thanks". He goes "No, no, no, you don't GET it! This verse is for YOU!" and he recites it again. Now the scene is surreal - Tod is animated and excited, almost shouting this at us in joy. Cherié (the smarter half of our marriage) breaks into tears as she recognizes what's being said. My mom and brother, both strong believers but steeped in the same, shall we say "more conservative" denominations of the church as I, are sitting there with that "well, what do we make of this?" look on their faces that I'm sure I have, and the unsaved folks around us are looking at us like we've all grown third arms. If I was any less shell-shocked from the morning, I'd have laughed out loud because it the setting was so bizarre!

We all talked about this for a few minutes, as I started to recognize just what he was saying to me. So of course, being the idiot I am, I immediately come up with about 15 objections to why this can't be a true thing - if it were, why are so many believers still sick/hurt/handicapped/dying etc.? Why don't they just believe and get better? And Tod tells me how he has often received exactly what he believed for, even when he needed more, and how the Holy Spirit has often convicted him of not believing for what he would have received.

(A quick aside here - I know how awfully simplistic this all sounds - just believe that you have already received it, and it's yours! If you think that, however, I respectfully suggest that you try it sometime!)

Anyway, by the time Tod has answered my original objections, I've thought up another one for him (that's me, the skeptic. I'm in a hospital - does anyone make anti-skepticism medication?) - I grew up in the part of the church that quietly shuffles the whole healing thing under the carpet and tries not to think about it, so my worldview struggles with the idea that, today, faith can bring healing - despite the clear evidence of scripture.

So i describe that to him, and you know what Tod said?

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up, do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert & streams in the wasteland."

Only he says it in that fiery, thundering, great-big-black-man-filled-with-the-Holy-Spirit voice - I wish I could get a recording of him while he's on a roll, because the typed word just doesn't do it justice. It was awesome, especially as I realized he was quoting the verse I had read that morning on the blog. I about fell out of my chair, looked at Cherié and said "that was on the blog this morning!". Tod sat back in his chair and said "you see, there's your confirmation. This is for you" and crossed his arms. Job complete.

Tod told me that he had quit praying for his daughter after about the third day. Why? Because he had done told God what he wanted - 100% restoration. And he quoted back to God His own words - that He is "able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine", quoted the Mark passage above, and said "OK. You got it." He has spent the ensuing days praying for the people praying for Vanessa, not praying for her, because "it's done". He KNOWS it's done. He's just waiting to see it.

Do I have faith like that? I'd better, because I'm going for it. Pray for us.