Day 25 - July 10 - Small blessings
My daughter, whom God has blessed with more faith and intellect than her old man, has been reminding me of a few things. I just heard my wife say "it was a great day" to my sister on the phone, and I cringed a bit - it didn't feel like a great day to me. In fact, it felt a lot like yesterday as I struggled against fear, despair and depression - the feeling that God has turned His face from me, and that He will not hear my cry. My beloved daughter saw my face and asked me what was up, and I told her that I didn't think it was a great day at all. Her reply - "compared to yesterday, it IS a great day!"
Then she proceeded to list the small blessings we've seen today - the ones I often overlook:
- Connor's heart is beating very well, even when they mess with his trach.
- Yesterday they wanted to cut him open and install a pacemaker - this evening, the external pacemaker still sits outside his room, unused.
- His spirits are improved greatly over yesterday, a direct answer to prayer. This afternoon he was joking and laughing with his sister, and even talking a bit around his trach.
- He is swallowing! I think this is due to his sister telling him "once you can swallow, even with the trach, you'll be able to drink lemonade".
- When he went down to get his CT Scan, they had to roll over four bumps in the hallway. Afterward, he complained to Cherié and Joélle that when he rolled over those things, it hurt his back around his shoulder blades.
- Tonight he was complaining vociferously that his right leg was freezing, until the nurses finally brought in a warming blanket for him.
We asked for encouraging signs. We got encouraging signs. I agonize over why we get such obvious answers to prayer in the small things while the big things go unanswered, without any obvious resolution. I wrestle with my intellect, Fear telling me that Connor's complaints must be only "phantom pains". I find my faith sorely strained. And yet the small, barely heard whisper of hope wafts through the recesses of my mind.
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posted by Eric Williamson @ 7:30 PM
25 Comments
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25 Comments:
You Eric of all people should know that those "phanton" pains are GOD banging to come in!
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK we are here!
These little blessins are the silver lining in a cloud of anxiety and frustration. Isn't God good to lift Connor's spirits today!
I'm so thankful to God for people Like Cherie' whose glass is half full not half empty! God's timing is not our own, I've learned that a few times in my life. Let's "praise God from whom all blessings flow." Just to see the pictures of Connor smiling in the midst of his circumstances is such an encouragement to me! Keep smiling Connor it does healing wonders. JOY comes from the LORD, not from our circumstances!
Thankful for each blessing,
Krista
Lewis
P.S. A Boston Market in Fresno I contacted would like to provide a full meal that feeds 5 for your family. Please e-mail me as to how to get the details to you about this.
My e-mail is: lewisfamco@msn.com
An old hymn written in reference to Deut.33:27 says " The eternal God is your refuge, And underneath are the everlasting Arms"....'Leaning on the Everlasting Arms'...
v 3 What have I to fear, what have I to dread, leaning on the everlasting arms. I have blessed peace with my Lord so near, leaning the everlasting arms.
Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarms,
Leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.
As the Lord continues to carry you, lean into His arms, He will get you thru this.
Thankful that Joelle was able to encourage you today.
May you all have a restful night.
Eric, quit beating your-self up! Yes, you are a Christian but you are also human not to mention a father whos son is in a tramma center! You don't know how many people you have touched with your daily up-dates, your honesty, your heartache. We hurt right along with you, we share the pain and rejoice in the answered prayer as well. God understands and He'll get you through this, He'll get us all through this. Hang tight to His hand.
Jeanie
Oregon
Eric, Cherie', and Joelle: We are all here with you in prayer and want to offer any support needed. These small blessings are baby steps leading in the direction we want Connor to go. Joelle sounds like such a blessing and it is awesome she can look for these good signs along with her mother. Take each little sign God gives you and try to keep your faith strong. These are unbearable times and we are touched by your willingness to share the journey with all of us. Thank you no matter how hard that it gets, that you still update us with information.
-MH family
There's a saying that we're all familiar with: You can't see the forest for the trees.
When we go through trials of many kinds, we seem to only be able to see what is directly in front of us, rather than the big picture. Like running through a forest. You get caught up in the trees; sometimes being mesmerized by the grandeur of how tall and massive they are, sometimes getting tangled in and scratched by the branches. But you keep running and the only thing you can see is the next tree, which always seems to be directly in front of you. If you're not careful, you'll be tempted to think you keep running past the same few trees over and over again, or cease to see them at all. But if you can pull back, get above the tree line, you'll see that there's really a giant forest. And it comes complete with rocks and pitfalls, steep hills and sheer cliffs, mountain lions and bears. Dangerous stuff. But it also includes beauty: wildflowers, grassy meadows, shaded groves, cool streams, roaring waterfalls, and boundaries. Yes, boundaries. There's an end to every forest... we don't have to walk through them forever. There is rest, relief, and peace when you emerge from the trees.
Why am I waxing poetical? Trying to keep track of the prayer requests and answers to them, I've had to go back from July 1 and re-read the posts and comments. So much has happened in the past 10 days! Some bad...some really good. There have been significant challenges, some set-backs, and some pretty amazing advances forward. In light of yesterday's news, I found it very encouraging to go back and read so many posts that charted Connor's progress. The "baby steps" may seem like small things (trees), but when you put all those little things together, you come out with a much greater picture of what God is accomplishing OVERALL. This is the forest. It's huge! It can be scary and dangerous at times. But it can also be awesome and beautiful. That's the sense I got when re-reading the last 10 days of posts. The "forest" is far greater than any "tree" within it.
Praying, believing that God will deliver Connor physically...
Jenann
Hang in there. These little victories are still victories. Baby steps. God is working a miracle in HIS time. While we want to see results NOW, He has a view of the WHOLE picture, and He is working in HIS time. Stay the course.
That said, one more song to share. It's "You Are My Hope" by Skillet.
"You Are My Hope"
Times are hard
Times have changed
Don't you say
But I keep holding on to you
It's hard to keep the faith alive day to day
Leaning on the strength I've found in you
You're the hope of all the Earth
You are my hope
You are my strength
You're everything
Everything I need
You are my hope
You are my life
You are my hope
You are my hope
Far beyond what I can see or comprehend
Etching your eternity in me
Nations stream and angels sing, "Jesus reigns"
And every knee bows down
You're the hope of all the Earth
You are my hope
You are my strength
You're everything
Everything I need
You are my hope
You are my life
You are my hope
You are my hope
Carry on and I sing of how
You love and I love you now
All the times that I start to sink
You come and you rescue me
You are my hope
You are my hope
Child like faith, that is what we are told to have. "out of the mouths of Babes". I am so glad to hear you all had a good day, and that your family is doing a bit better. Baby steps! I know Joelle brought many smiles to my face as I corrected her Chemistry tests. Just have her draw one of her famous pictures and you will be blessed.
Tell Connor we will all bring him lemonde! I believe the old saying is to make lemonade when life gives us "lemons"!
Know that you are not doing and feeling what any man in your situation would be feeling. We have that God given need to protect our families from the pain of these situations. Let God be the protector right now and know we all feel blessed to be taking this journey with you. Thank you for the prayer request, and letting us know how we can help from a far. We will pray for breathing on his own, steady heart beat, and even for feeling from the shoulders down. We will all pray for peace and a bit of sleep for you all. We had a neice in ICU and know even one good nap is precious.
Thank you for your bravery and honesty. We are honored to be your prayer warriors!
Tim Myers and Family
Morgan HIll
Eric,
You're comments about God turning His face from you and not hearing your cry and about the "small, barely heard whisper of hope..." reminded me of a song that seems fitting. Here it is:
Praise You in This Storm
Casting Crowns
I was sure by now, God
You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen," and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I am with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I am with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I was contemplating today just what it is we trust God for, or what it is we trust Him to do. When all is said and done, I think we trust Him to be true to His nature, His character, and His purposes. I think we're off track if we trust Him to answer our prayers exactly as WE would like them answered. If we are truly trusting Him, I guess we must trust Him to use all that happens in life for the greatest possible good--which we can't see or know! It means that we will continue to love and trust Him even when things seem to be going in a direction we think is hard or pointless or maddening--because we KNOW that He is good, He is loving, He is merciful and He is working all things together for the ultimate best at the same time. My prayer for you is that, in these glimpses of blessings, you will find strength to keep trusting, keep leaning, keep loving the God who so dearly loves us all.
I am blessed and encouraged by all that happened today! Thanks for your honest and earnest posting!
iamjustone
Something to bless you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1bSlS6OWTs&feature=related
Donna
Tumwater
Way to go, Joelle! :-)
Eric, would that be a still, small voice doing the whispering?
Jenann, thanks!
Praising the God from Whom all blessings flow...
Lee
Eric-
Did the heated blanket on Connor's leg make it feel better? If so, why would you doubt that the pain is real rather than phantom?
C'mon, dude! I encourage you to believe the signs.
Donna
Tumwater WA
Dear Eric,
It is so hard for us humans to hold onto hope sometimes, even when it's staring us right in the face. Hope is one of God's greatest gifts to us. Hope isn't measured by it's size... it is simply and remarkably hope.
John 14:27-29 talks about peace...
"I am leaving you with a gift: peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't fragile like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid."
With many prayers,
Sally
Los Gatos, CA
Eric,
Please scroll back up and re-read the entry from Jeanie in Oregon...then do it again...then do it again
we love you man!!!! and so does God...it's OK to feel the way you do...he knows..he made you ....
with love and prayer,
JD+1
To the Williamson Family,
I have heard about your's and your son's situation through the network of believers that have joined in your battle. I wanted to offer some encouragement that I stumbled upon yesterday in reading my devotions. In re-reading the story of the crippled man and his four friends, I couldn't help but think how similar that situation is to yours. Not necessarily in terms of physical ailments, but in terms of the outpouring of faith and love that you all have shown on Connors behalf. The passage in Mark 2 says "When Jesus saw thier faith (that of the paralytics friends), he said to the paralytic, 'Son your sins are forgiven'". Because Jesus did not want to be recognized simply as a human performer of miracles, He does what only God Himself can presume to do. He forgives the man his sins, then heals him physically as well. The inference from this passage is that the faith of the friends is what Jesus says is the reason for healing the paralytic. If then, why not now. You have shown great faith in your battle for Connor, and it must continue so that you may see Christ's will fulfilled. Jesus does not will that any of this should happen, He wills that Connor will continue to do great things to glorify His name. Continue in your great Faith. You have been a blessing to many.
Eric - all I can say is - I think you and your family are going to have to rent yourselves out for crisis in the future - the 3 of you cover such a wonderful gamut of honest, raw emotion - you could encourage a rat out of a cat's mouth. I might sound like I'm joking, but I'm not - I'm totally blessed knowing that there are literally thousands of people out here - and each one of us relates more with one of you or the other. I think I'll need your cell # when crisis hits my life, because it's your raw and real struggles that hit home for me.
Thank you, brother, for being brutally honest and not pretending. And thank you Joelle and Cherie for your faith. Isn't it grand that God gave you to each other to lift each other when one was down?
For as many times as my humanness thinks He's just not quite understanding the situation, and really should listen to my wise counsel (cough, cough, gag) - the truth is that the Master Potter IS in control, no matter how much we flail and struggle against Him. He patiently waits until our fight and struggle has worn us down, until we can lay there and truly say 'Thy will be done.' - when it already is, and we just join the chorus.
His face is not turned against you. I know you know that - but I also know that my human emotions would have the exact same fear...
I don't know you very well - but at the same time, I relate entirely - I will be praying for you throughout the night tonight - all 3 of you....and of course, Connor, too...
Much, much love...
ttfn ~ maureen for the Hinds~Jackson family...
Tex, The title of this entry, "Small Blessings" is very appropriate for the tone of the ConnorWatch blog. HE is receptive to your specific prayer requests, and, in His time, working each one out. Just like Joelle said to you, God's love affects everything that we experience, and "compared to yesterday, it IS a great day!" Our challenge is to recognize it, even in what we determine is adversity.
The ultimate and mightiest fighting force is supporting Connor.
I pray that each day continues to be more evidence of small blessings, and that God's glory lifts Connor, you, Cherie and Joelle to an even higher place in His eyes.
Eric,
I appreciate your honesty and courage to ask the tough questions. Who in your place would not wrestle at times? Those things that make us human also make it impossible to understand God's ways - but we so want to!! What a gift that others can see what we miss and be an encouragment when we are in need.
I'm praying for you all today...
Sandi
Eric, grab yourself by the belt loop and give yourself a tug. God is still with you on this journey and will stay with you. He put Joelle in your path just at the right time; just when you needed to hear her firm words of affirmation that God IS IN THE HOUSE!
PRAISE GOD for FEELING; although painful...PRAISE HIM THROUGH IT ALL!
Love you,
Evalena
Hi Eric,
I remember being in intense labor when I gave birth to Carrianne. It lasted forever (15 short hrs) and I didn't think I could 'do' it any more. Gary watched the monitor so he could warn me (graciously step out of the reach of my claws) and on and on it went. In the midst of a contraction, as I cried in agony, my husband silently pointed... although the curtain was pulled shut, I could see the hand of the girl in the bed next to me. She too was going through the labor pains I was experiencing- but alone. Her hand griped the mattress and I could see the bed slightly shake, but she was silent. Tears streamed down my husbands face. Suddenly my pain didn't seem so bad. I will never forget that lesson. I was not alone- physically, I had my husband by my side. And although he really wasn't experiencing the same pain I was enduring, his presence helped me to bear it. Now, as a believer, I realize that we must go through these trials and lean on Him, and all those that He has surrounded us with, because He is being displayed in others for our sake, and their strength is sometimes all the strength we have. Maybe all you have right now is the strength of 'us', and your family, and you might feel weak and hopeless. That's ok my friend. That's why God has placed us here... not only for the prayer and support and love and physical needs, but to be strong and stand in the gap for you when you are unable. It's been said so many times before, but know you are not alone. And know that it's ok to feel... you are human! We love you. We are crying with you and praying for you and we are strong!
God IS blessing you, dear brother!
Amen!
Christine
"Yesterday is History, Tomorrow a Mystery, Today is a Gift, Thats why it's called the Present."
Words to live by.
Keeping watch on the home front.Tank and Paws send their love.
Our prayers are with you everyday.
John and Kristine - Morgan Hill
Friday, July 11, 2008
When We Doubt
"Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. . . ."
— 1 Corinthians 13:12a
Oswald Chambers said, "Doubt is not always a sign that a man is wrong. It may be a sign that he is thinking."
There is a difference between doubt and unbelief. Doubt is a matter of the mind. Unbelief is a matter of the heart. Doubt is when we cannot understand what God is doing and why He is doing it. Unbelief is when we refuse to believe God's Word and do what He tells us to do.
We must not confuse the two.
Remember the discouraged disciples on the Emmaus road? In their minds, Jesus had failed in His mission and had been crucified. Jesus joined them on that road and began to speak with them.
In the end, they said, "Didn't our hearts feel strangely warm as he talked with us on the road and explained the Scriptures to us?" (Luke 24:32).
God dealt with their doubt through His Word. And God will deal with your doubt through His Word. When you are facing doubt, that is not the time to close the Bible. That is the time to open it and let God speak to you.
Maybe you have been doubting God's ways in your life. Maybe you have been asking "why" a lot lately. Maybe His timing doesn't seem to make any sense.
The Bible says, "All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now" (1 Corinthians 13:12b).
It all will be resolved in that final day when we stand before God. God doesn't ask us to understand everything. He asks us to trust Him and follow Him.
Have Pastor Greg's devotions blessed you? Write and tell him!
Greg@harvest.org
Want to read more from Greg Laurie? Be sure to check out his weekly columns at World Net Daily. Click here to read his latest article.
Copyright ©2008 by Harvest Ministries. All Rights Reserved.
Standing in the Gap, here in Downey
It's a beautiful morning, the birds are singing praises to our Lord! "Minute by minute" I know it's difficult not to get way into the future but today has enough, His mercies are new every morning, none of us know what tomorrow may bring but Im trusting the Lord will give you whatever sttrength you need at the time you need it. When I look back at all we've been through and where we are today, it just amazes me, God is so Good!
Matthew 6:34
Don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring it's own worries. Todays trouble is enough
for today.
Psalm 32:7
For You are my hiding place;You protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory, Amen!
Thank You Lord Jesus
Way to go Cherie and Joelle!! Praising our Lord for the little things. So glad to hear there were little things happening. I hope today brings many more.
Much love, Mel
Here is a song for you....
Casting Crowns "I'll Praise You in the Storm"
Praying right along with you...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHdcyue0bSw&feature=related
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