Day 23 - July 8 - Fear

Night. Connor lies in his bed as we come in to see him before we go to sleep. He is visibly panting with his mouth, although no air can move in or out. As we begin speaking to him, he makes it clear that he doesn't want us to interrupt him. It is also clear that he is on the verge of panic as he tries, but fails, to breathe on his own. Of course, the ventilator and trach prevent him from taking a breath, but that doesn't mean much when you're trying to breathe. We try to calm him, and succeed to some extent - but he remains fearful. We speak words of encouragement and exhortation, and we pray and sing together, but nighttime brings fear to my son.

In this, he is just like me. Cherié struggles against anxiety in the mornings, while Connor and I fight depression in the evening. Through this all, Joélle maintains a pretty even keel - it is apparent much of the time that our kids are more able to deal with this than we are. I think the times Joélle is hit the hardest are the moments when she feels like she misses her brother, even when they're singing together at the bed. You catch a glint of falling tears as she sings with him, and you feel her pain and grief. So I have a special request -

I would like any of you who would like to help in some way to consider this - we need some special prayer warriors who will help us by providing specific prayer at specific times: for Cherié, that she would be able to overcome her anxiety in the morning hours from 0500 to 0800 Pacific Daylight Time; for Connor and I, that we would be able to overcome our depression and fear in the evening hours from 6 to 9 PM PDT; and for Joélle, that Christ would be filling the void she is feeling in her heart because of her brother (not so much of a timeframe on this one, but rather more of an "all the time" request). What I'm hoping is that you might consider lifting us up for these specific things during these specific times - for example, you might commit to pray specifically against Cherié's anxiety during the morning hours. Does that make sense?

You don't have to tell us you've decided to do this. You don't need to do anything but commit before God to take one or more of these needs and lift them up daily for us. We are really wrestling in these areas, and we need your help.

It is so encouraging to have your support from just about every time zone on the planet. The massive number of people who are caring for us in prayer is overwhelming. The fact that there are warriors on the other side of the planet praying at their desks during the day while we sleep through the night is incredibly comforting. So even if you're in another time zone or country, you are actively supporting Connor, Cherié, Joélle and I when you're on your knees. Please consider stepping up to this task for us if you feel led to do so.

In addition, we have a general prayer request as well. Tomorrow (Wednesday 7/9) in the late morning or early afternoon, the folks from Valley Medical Center are coming to evaluate the boy. While the RTs think he's ready to transfer, and the nurses going off duty for the week all came to say goodbye to us because they think we're not going to be here next week, I have a lot of fear that the Valley people are going to decide they can't help him. Please be praying for a positive outcome for the evaluation, and that I would not throw away my confidence.

Thank you for your faithfulness.