Day 5 - June 20 - The view from the front seat
God is taking my family somewhere. I don't know where; I don't know how fast; I don't have directions. I don't know if my heart's desire, to see my boy fully restored, is on the itinerary. And so I struggle with an internal civil war, between what I want and my desire to be obedient to God's will.
A sister posted this verse -
"Psalm 119:37-Turn me away from wanting any other plan than Yours. Revive my heart toward You. Reassure me that Your promises are for me, for I trust and revere You."
After some discussion with Brad and others, it became clear that my thought processes about the "McDonalds" post might not have been as obvious to others as I thought they were. The ongoing discussion with my bros was about my strong desire to see my son walk again, and play his guitars and drums, and throw a ball again. I want so badly to see my son completely healed that I am almost refusing to consider being taken down any other road - the road to partial paralysis, for example; or the road to complete dependence on machines for the rest of Connor's natural life. I think it's a good thing for me to strongly desire and believe in the healing power of God. But if that strays into disobedience, then it's not a good thing any longer.
The word picture that kept coming to me was of a two-year-old, kicking and screaming against the strong arms of his father because what's happening isn't what he wanted. The child doesn't care what the parent thinks; he is getting dangerously close to blatant defiance. We've all seen the kids in supermarkets, or movie theaters, or even in our own homes, so you know what I'm talking about. That's what my McDonald's story was about - longing to go to one place, but being asked to put my faith in God for the journey without knowing the outcome at all, and how my heart's desire was in danger of transforming into a refusal to submit to God's will.
I don't want to be frightened by my Father God. I don't want to be afraid of His leading in our lives. I also don't want to have my son be anything but completely whole.
I spoke with my brother Brad for a moment yesterday, and the first question he asked was "How's the view from the front seat?", to which I answered "I can't see over the dashboard, but the road's really bumpy." He said, "Got your seatbelt on?" Such a simple thing, yet it hints that I may be beginning to transition from shock at our circumstances to some small steps toward an acknowledgment that God actually knows what He's doing, even when I can't see it.
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Labels: status
posted by Eric Williamson @ 9:30 AM
14 Comments
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14 Comments:
Eric - I understood the McDonalds post - and I've been praying for you accordingly...
On a business trip to the Detroit area early last year I saw the following on a church's road-side sign - you know, the kind with the pithy one-liners advertising Sunday's sermon: "If Jesus is your co-pilot, you need to switch seats!" I had to both laugh and and seriously consider the wisdom of that statement...
Grace and Peace.
Lee
WHCC | Morgan Hill, CA
Hi- I am writing from New York. My niece Rachel and my sister Kim told me about your situation. I am wishing only positive things for your family. I have already said a prayer for Connor and will continue to do so. Good luck and don't be afraid to rely on other people's strength right now.
Much love and concern,
Tracey
Your strength and faith has been such an encouragement to me.
Eric,
After reading your post, a Bible verse came stongly to mind - Daniel 3:17-18
"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."
So we know the God we serve can rescue us, but the very hard, impossible to understand part is being in the furnace and knowing He is able, yet still being in the furnace. And the obedience part must be - "I will not bow down."
Dear God,
I know you are able and I pray for Connor to be completely healed, released from the furnace, Oh Lord. And I pray for this family during this most difficult road they are on. Let them know You are there.
In Jesus name I pray.
Sandi Zappa
Gilroy
Eric, Cherie, and family,
I was told of your situation from my firend, Sara Denice, of Hollister. I have been visiting your site and praying for Connor since Tuesday. I stop serveral times a day to pray for you and for him.
I have been where you are...sitting in a hospital with a critically ill child, wishing you could trade places, wondering what the Dr.'s and nurses are thinking and watching every move they make. Know that God has a plan, it may take awhile to see, but there is a plan. It took me years, but I see it now. I am lucky to have a beautiful 18 year-old daughter who plans to go to medical school to help others (God's plan).
Be patient, love each other, and pray...it's all we can do right now. Lean on those who love you and those you don't even know yet.
I will continue to watch your blog and to pray for you and your family.
Mary Casillas, Hollister, CA.
P.S. - Eric - I totally got the McDonald's story! :)
I agree Sandi...we must be in the furnace with faith standing on His promises. It is so difficult, but that is why it is so powerful.
Jesus I pray that Eric feels your presence and stands firm in his faithfulness. We stand with them in this furnace and WILL NOT bow down to any other gods....EVER
Kathleen
morgan hill
Cherie
My Cell phone number is 408-722-6339 or our house phone is 408-776-2796
All is well on the home front. Jose came by and did the lawn. We kept Tank in the house.
Our church in Gilroy Saint Mary's is saying a Novena for Connor. Seven women pray the rosary to our blessed mother for 7 days.
Love and Prayers to the family.
Kristine Haehl, Neighbor in Morgan Hill
We understood the perfect story of Mc Donalds and have been reading daily so we know how to pray for you and your family. Know many are praying and your family that has done SO much for others is loved, and will be in our thoughts. Having taught both your kids at Vine and your wife teaching our children our loving thoughts are sent to you. We admire abd respect you for your honesty and strength. Having watched a neice fight cancer in an ICU we also understand the need to "read" the staff's face. Know God is always a step ahead and will give you the answers and strength you need. We lift your entire family to God and send many hugs to you all.
Tim Myers + Family
Morgan Hill
Your blog reminded me of John Lennon's song:
The long and winding road that leads to your door,
Will never disappear,
I've seen that road before It always leads me here,
leads me to your door.
The wild and windy night the rain washed away,
Has left a pool of tears crying for the day.
Why leave me standing here, let me know the way
Many times I've been alone and many times I've cried
Anyway you'll never know the many ways I've tried, but
Still they lead me back to the long and winding road
You left me standing here a long, long time ago
Don't leave me waiting here, lead me to you door
Eric-
I also totally got the McDonald's story.
We continue to pray for you all and Connor. The song "Praise You In This Storm" plays in my mind and my thoughts go to you. I am so inspired by your faith and willingness to submit to the Lord's will during this "storm". I want to encourage you to continue to be strong and cling to Him.
Psalm 121:1-2 says:
I life my eyes to the hill-
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
WOW! the MAKER of heaven and earth is our help! To me that is amazing.
Vikki (and the rest of the Davis clan)
WHCC, Morgan Hill
Even when we trust and know who is driving, it's scary when we can't see over the dashboard.
All I can say, is that I continously pray for you and Cherie's continuing comfort, that He is driving.
God gave you every one of the emotions you're feeling, and He gave them to you to express yourself to Him in relationship - which is our greatest priveledge. The enemy would have you distracted with thoughts of 'I shouldn't do this', but the truth is you should!! Your honest expression is an act of worship to Him who will bring you through - IMHO, anyway...
dearest Connor,
We as a family are all praying fervently for you, for healing, strenghth.peace, light, comfort,release, and even joy, but mostly an awesome amazing sense of God's holy and powerful presense. That He would be more real to you than anyone or anything. That he would meet you there in that place where no one else can be and that He would fill you up with His perfect provision.We love you and you are loved by so many and brought before the Father day and night all over the world, isn't it amazing. Love, Paul and Pam
Dear Eric and Cherie,
Sorry that we haven't written sooner, it seems to almost make this whole thing more real by writing but sense that you are encouraged to here from those who are standing in the gap for you and yours, so please forgive us for but know that we have been consumed with thoughts and prayers and are so thankful for the honesty in sharing your very private thoughts and struggles, our hearts are breaking for the anguish that you feel and then are lifted to the higher place when faith breaks through. Unfortunately, there is no shortcut through the process of the refining of our faith but I am confident that He who began a good work in you will complete it and you will come forth as gold. We love you and are here to serve in any way we can. Paul and Pam Delgadillo
The Lord led me to Psalms 119:28 a few weeks back when things were "bad" for me.
My soul is weary with sorrow, strengthen me according to your words. Amen to this! I hope that you are strengthened by His words.
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